{"sf1_id":1050989,"sf2_id":"P1EDY3Pn","title":"Rejecting God","author":"Sneeze","words":3041,"posted_at":"2016-07-25T02:45:00.000Z","tags":["Bad jokes","Cat","Comedy","God","Humor","Husky","Possum","coffee","conversation","dating","diety","ox","pheasant","puns"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/1050989-rejecting-god","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/s/P1EDY3Pn","image_url":"https://cdn.sofurryfiles.com/submissions/thumbnails/0b/c1/0bc1f8cf-dc8c-4517-a2ec-ef5b23cd3533","description":"Prayer is when you talk to God. When God talks to you and asks you for coffee, it's . . . a little unprecedented.\nProof I'm completely insane. Inspired by a Gary Larson bit from The Prehistory of the Far Side, I think, although taken in a different direction. I flip-flop on the humor in this one. Sometimes I think it's really funny, other times I think it's frat boy har-har humor. But the people I've shown it to like it!\nComments appreciated.\nCopyrighted to me, please don't steal.","content":"_Rejecting God_\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; It was a remarkably average day until Randall got a call from God.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; His shift at the restaurant had ended and he was relaxing at home.\u0026nbsp; The possum was tired, wondering if it was worth it to turn on his video games when his phone rang.\u0026nbsp; Randall didn't recognize the number, but that never stopped him from answering.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Hello?\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Yes, hello, this is God.\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Randall straightened up some.\u0026nbsp; He had never been prank called before.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"God?\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Yes, that's right.\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Figured you'd sound like Morgan Freeman,\" he said, relaxing.\u0026nbsp; Where was this gonna go?\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Could if I wanted.\" \u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Oh I believe you.\"\u0026nbsp; Randall said with a smirk, looking at his hand as he drummed his fingers.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Do you want me to prove it?\u0026nbsp; Prove I'm God?\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Why not,\" Randall chuckled.\u0026nbsp; Whatever avant-garde comedy routine this was, the possum was going to play along.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Why do you always think I should sound like Morgan Freeman,\" Morgan Freeman said.\u0026nbsp; The possum's eyes went wide and tickles whispered across his limbs.\u0026nbsp; \"Have you ever heard Keith David?\u0026nbsp; He was the Arbiter,\" Morgan Freeman continued.\u0026nbsp; \"I know you know who I'm talking about; you love _Halo_.\u0026nbsp; Played it so much Miranda stopped talking to you.\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Randall didn't say anything.\u0026nbsp; The knuckles on his left hand were very wide.\u0026nbsp; Had they always been this wide?\u0026nbsp; His hands were weird.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Still there?\"\u0026nbsp; His voice was normal.\u0026nbsp; It was the voice of God.\u0026nbsp;\n\nRandall nearly forgot to speak, just nodded.\u0026nbsp; \"Uh, yeah,\" he finally said.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Great, I was thinking you and I should hang out.\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Big, pink fleshy fingers with fuzzy black palms.\u0026nbsp; Thick nails, but Randall was hygienic, they were cut.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"I know you're free after work tomorrow.\u0026nbsp; Coffee?\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; He had a freckle on his middle finger.\u0026nbsp; Had that always been there?\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Hello?\u0026nbsp; How does coffee sound?\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Randall snapped out of it.\u0026nbsp; \"Um, sure?\"\u0026nbsp; Could one say 'no' to God? \u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Great!\u0026nbsp; We'll go to the Earthy Bill's near your job.\u0026nbsp; Sound good?\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Yeah.\"\u0026nbsp; He said it like he was confused.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Awesome!\u0026nbsp; See you then.\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; God hung up.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Randall flexed his fingers, watching the tendons move beneath his skin until he realized what all had just happened.\u0026nbsp; Yes, video games _were_ a good idea today.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\\*\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \\*\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \\*\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \\*\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \\*\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \\*\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Randall enjoyed his job but hated the uniform.\u0026nbsp; The collar was stiff and, outside the context of his job, awkward.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; He was meeting God in it.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; God had not specified when after work Randall should go to Earthy Bill's; so he went immediately after his shift.\u0026nbsp; He had considered calling God back and asking, but he had no idea what he would say other than asking for more details.\u0026nbsp; Somehow that seemed petty to the possum.\u0026nbsp; He considered changing out of his uniform, maybe getting dressed up for his meeting with God, but what was the point?\u0026nbsp; God knew he hated ties.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Did God know he hated ties?\u0026nbsp; God _should_ know he hated ties.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Why, hello there!\" came the voice of God.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; He was a cat, blue-gray fur, bright green eyes.\u0026nbsp; Jacket and tie, worn loosely and comfortably.\u0026nbsp; God was business casual.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Hello,\" Randall said.\u0026nbsp; Swallowed.\u0026nbsp; \"How are you?\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Pretty good,\" God said and sat down.\u0026nbsp; \"Nice to get out sometimes, break the routine.\"\u0026nbsp; God tilted his head.\u0026nbsp; \"Routine is Godly.\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; The possum nodded.\u0026nbsp; Couldn't argue with that.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Did you wanna order something?\"\u0026nbsp; God continued, gesticulating.\u0026nbsp; \"My treat?\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Randall looked up at God's gently smiling face, but looked away.\u0026nbsp; It didn't hurt to look into the face of God; it was just rude to stare.\u0026nbsp; And he looked so . . . normal.\u0026nbsp; No brilliant halos of light, no wrinkles of omnipotent wisdom, certainly _not_ Morgan Freeman; just a cat in a tie.\u0026nbsp; Oh _Christ_, God was wearing a tie; Randall _knew_he should've worn a tie!\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"I'm okay,\" Randall squeaked.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Really, it's not a problem.\u0026nbsp; In a way of speaking, I kind of own the store.\"\u0026nbsp; God had a friendly, fatherly smile; the one flashed when telling bad jokes.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Not much of a coffee drinker.\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; God laughed.\u0026nbsp; \"Yeah, I know.\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; There was a pause in the conversation.\u0026nbsp; Randall scratched behind an ear.\u0026nbsp; God didn't seem to mind.\u0026nbsp; \"So, did you want to talk to me about something?\"\u0026nbsp; Randall asked finally.\u0026nbsp; He quickly added, \"Uh, Lord?\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Please don't be so formal,\" God said, waving a hand and craning his head back.\u0026nbsp; \"King of Kings will do just fine,\" he said with a laugh.\u0026nbsp; Randall gave a weak chuckle.\u0026nbsp; \"And I just wanted to talk.\u0026nbsp; Get to know you better.\u0026nbsp; Spend time with you.\"\u0026nbsp; God looked at Randall, all warm smiles and attention.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Randall swept one pink ear back.\u0026nbsp; \"Okay.\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; God shrugged.\u0026nbsp; \"Is that so hard to believe?\"\u0026nbsp; Before Randall could reply, God said, \"It's not like this is raising someone from the dead.\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Randall grimaced before he could stop himself.\u0026nbsp; \"It's just . . . I've never gotten a call from God before.\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"I'm picky about those I . . . give a calling to.\"\u0026nbsp; God's smile widened and he snapped his fingers, pointing to Randall.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Randall looked away, looking across the coffee shop.\u0026nbsp; More than the bad jokes, something about this was off.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Are you still thinking of leaving the restaurant,\" the cat across the table asked.\u0026nbsp; \"Finishing your degree?\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; There was no question this was God, though.\u0026nbsp; He knew about his dropping out, his job, his video games, he knew about Miranda . . .\u0026nbsp; \"I dunno,\" Randall answered.\u0026nbsp; \"I was never good at school, I'm not sure I could hack it.\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; He looked back at God but had to turn away again.\u0026nbsp; God's smile.\u0026nbsp; He never stopped smiling and yet it always seemed like it was fresh on his face.\u0026nbsp; \"I could help out with that,\" he said gently, comfortingly.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Randall's eyes narrowed.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Call it divine intervention.\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Randall had to stop himself from groaning.\u0026nbsp; \"God, are you here to talk me into going back to school?\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; God looked away but didn't stop smiling.\u0026nbsp; He fidgeted his hands and his tail switched.\u0026nbsp; \"Well . . . I will help out with that, but . . . frankly I'd just like to be more involved in your life.\"\u0026nbsp; Randall was taken aback.\u0026nbsp; \"Personally.\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Randall's eyes went wide and his body stiffened.\u0026nbsp; His tail suddenly felt very heavy on the floor.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"God,\" he said quietly, leaning in and resting his forearms on the table, \"is this a date?\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; God chuckled and twisted his neck, leaning and matching Randall's posture.\u0026nbsp; There was a hint of blush across his ears.\u0026nbsp; His eyes were bright . . . hopeful.\u0026nbsp; \"It could be.\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; _Oh._\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; His instinct was to play dead.\u0026nbsp; Croak, fall on the floor, give a twitch and just stiffen.\u0026nbsp; It was an evolutionary response for possums everywhere!\u0026nbsp; Er, was evolution even a thing, now he had irrefutable knowledge God existed?\u0026nbsp; Did it even matter?\u0026nbsp; Randall was _literally on a date with God_.\u0026nbsp; His expression was hollow as he openly stared.\u0026nbsp; God still had that infuriating incessant smile, one finger tickling the tabletop.\u0026nbsp; The cat's tail was raised high, tip switching back and forth.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Finally, Randall shook himself from the stupor.\u0026nbsp; \"Oh, uh, wow.\"\u0026nbsp; He had to look away, but couldn't seem to rest his attention on anything as his mind spun.\u0026nbsp; People were _all over_ the coffee shop, just pick one and stare!\u0026nbsp; \"Really?\"\u0026nbsp; Randall looked at God, his head twisted to one side.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; God chuckled nervously, red spreading further up his ears.\u0026nbsp; \"Yes.\"\u0026nbsp; God inched his hand closer to the possum's where they rested.\u0026nbsp; \"Can I consider it a date?\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Randall leaned back up, taking his hands off the table and rubbing his muzzle.\u0026nbsp; \"Um . . . \"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"I mean, it doesn't have to be.\u0026nbsp; It could just be coffee for now.\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Randall coughed.\u0026nbsp; Blood was filling his own ears, making his head uncomfortably warm.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Until we know more about each other.\u0026nbsp; Baby steps.\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Listen, God, uh . . . I'm sorry but I'm not really looking for anything right now.\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; God's face faltered for just a second, but the cat caught it and kept smiling.\u0026nbsp; Weaker, but still a smile.\u0026nbsp; Randall felt bad turning the cat down, but what was he supposed to do?\u0026nbsp; _Date God?!_\u0026nbsp; He didn't even know if God existed before he got the phone call!\u0026nbsp; What did the omniscient supreme being of the universe see in Randall anyway?\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Oh.\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"I'm sorry.\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; God flexed and relaxed his fingers.\u0026nbsp; \"Are you intimidated because I'm . . . because I'm God?\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"No.\u0026nbsp; Well, I mean _yeah_, but that's not it.\u0026nbsp; I'm just not, I dunno, _looking_ right now, y'know?\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; God's smile actually wilted, leaving the cat's face for the first time since Randall had actually _seen_ him.\u0026nbsp; His voice seemed to ring through the room like an old bell as he said, \"So it's not _me_, it's _you_.\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Randall's ears were on fire.\u0026nbsp; \"I guess so . . . \"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"You don't have to be intimidated,\" God said.\u0026nbsp; He had lost control of his voice, the entire shop could hear him.\u0026nbsp; \"I mean, sure, it's incomprehensible to you, being everywhere at once across all of time, but I'm the kind of guy who _can_ leave work for work, y'know?\u0026nbsp; I know how to handle priorities!\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"No, really, it's not that -\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"I mean, I just think we have a lot in common.\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Maybe we do, but -\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"You should at least _try_,\" God shouted.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"I'm sorry, but - I just - . . . no.\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Is it because I'm a guy right now?\u0026nbsp; I can change that!\u0026nbsp; It's easy!\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"I mean -\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"It's just I know you've been watching all that gay porn, I figured I'd be good!\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Randall's eyes went wide and his jaw slack.\u0026nbsp; He flicked his eyes around the shop.\u0026nbsp; Yup, _lots_ of people looking.\u0026nbsp; Randall's head was so warm the possum was sure he had a fever.\u0026nbsp; He hid his face in one hand.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"That doesn't matter to me, really!\u0026nbsp; I'm not gonna turn you into a pillar of salt for thinking about having sex with a -\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Please, God!\"\u0026nbsp; Randall yelled, sticking his palms out toward God.\u0026nbsp; He hadn't meant to raise his voice.\u0026nbsp; \"You're making a scene,\" he said more calmly.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"I'm not making a scene!\" the cat shrieked.\u0026nbsp; Randall winced and shrunk back.\u0026nbsp; \"I just want a reason why you won't go out with me!\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"I don't really have one.\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Then you should!\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"But I don't _want_ to.\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"_WHY?!_\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Randall looked around, desperate.\u0026nbsp; He had never been like this when flirting, had he?\u0026nbsp; He saw a large, formidable-looking ox approaching their table.\u0026nbsp; Oh thank . . . well, not God, not right now.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Are you guys alright over here?\"\u0026nbsp; the ox said.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; God gave the ox a withering stare.\u0026nbsp; It was a frightening look relative to the smile the cat had had.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"We're fine,\" God spat.\u0026nbsp; Randall nervously rubbed his chin.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Doesn't sound fine,\" the ox said.\u0026nbsp; He didn't back down from the cat's stare.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Actually I was just leaving,\" Randall said, standing.\u0026nbsp; He didn't want to bail on God, but at the same time he wasn't taking 'no' for an answer.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"You don't have to go, Randall,\" God said.\u0026nbsp; His voice was stern and he gave the possum the same stare he gave the ox.\u0026nbsp; Randall wanted to play dead again.\u0026nbsp; The ox, however, crossed his arms and set his jaw.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"He can do as he likes,\" the bovine said.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; God snapped his attention back to the ox.\u0026nbsp; Randall was certain there was literal fire in the cat's eyes.\u0026nbsp; \"And just who do you think _you_ are?\u0026nbsp; I'm here having a conversation with my friend and you wanna butt in?\u0026nbsp; Do you have _any_ idea who _I_ am?\"\u0026nbsp; God stood up, but he was several inches shorter than the ox.\u0026nbsp; Neither seemed intimidated by the other.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; The ox raised an eyebrow.\u0026nbsp; \"Should I?\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; God clenched his jaw then yelled, \"I'm _God_, Alpha and the Omega, creator of the universe, Father to _all!_\u0026nbsp; I know every little thing that goes through your _little_ head!\u0026nbsp; I have half a mind to turn you into a pheasant for your insolence!\"\u0026nbsp; Randall quickly looked around the shop.\u0026nbsp; Every single person was looking at them.\u0026nbsp; Even the hectic bustle of the line was still.\u0026nbsp; Randall covered his muzzle with one hand.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; The ox, his face set, put one hand on the cat's shoulder.\u0026nbsp; \"Sit down, _sir_.\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; God looked incensed the ox had touched him.\u0026nbsp; \"Get your hand off me.\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; The ox brought his other hand up and poked God in the chest.\u0026nbsp; \"Then _sit down_,\" another poke, \"and _calm down_.\"\u0026nbsp; Randall's eyes went wide at the audacity of this ox.\u0026nbsp; He grabbed his ears with both hands.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; The cat's face contorted with fury.\u0026nbsp; \"_BAM!_\"\u0026nbsp; He reached up and slapped the ox on the top of his head, \"_Pheasant!_\"\u0026nbsp; And the ox was now a pheasant.\u0026nbsp; The entire store gasped.\u0026nbsp; The pheasant before God was obviously the same person as the ox - tall, broad-shouldered, thick arms - but also _obviously_ a pheasant.\u0026nbsp; Instead of the grey fur he had brown plumage, instead of a muzzle he had a beak, and instead of a thin, swishy tail he had tail-_feathers_.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; The pheasant jumped back, looking at his hands, then all over himself.\u0026nbsp; \"What the - I'm a _pheasant!!_\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"I warned him!\"\u0026nbsp; God shouted, fists clenched.\u0026nbsp; \"I warned him!\"\u0026nbsp; Randall was tugging his ears down, mouth pulled into a tight grimace.\u0026nbsp; He would never be able to show his face in public again.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"He should've listened!\u0026nbsp; I'm a fair God, I don't do anything you don't _deserve_, but y'all just have to go and be a bunch of _assholes_all the time!!\"\u0026nbsp; God threw his hands in the air and stomped away.\u0026nbsp; \"_Me!!_\"\u0026nbsp; he yelled, kicking the door the open and leaving.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; It was safe to say he wouldn't expect a second date.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Randall, fingers still tugging his ears down and lips still pulled back from his teeth, looked to the pheasant.\u0026nbsp; The pheasant looked at him, utterly bewildered.\u0026nbsp; \"I'm a _pheasant_.\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Randall just whimpered.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\\*\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \\*\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \\*\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \\*\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \\*\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \\*\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Randall went into work the next day.\u0026nbsp; Sure he had been humiliated, but really it wasn't that bad.\u0026nbsp; People got rejected and rejected others all the time.\u0026nbsp; Life went on.\u0026nbsp; The Earth continued to turn.\u0026nbsp; Sometimes romantic comedies got written.\u0026nbsp; It was normal.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Except this was _God_ he had rejected.\u0026nbsp; The thought kept Randall wide-awake and wide-eyed half the night.\u0026nbsp; At any point the cat could burst in and smash him with a rock so heavy even _he_ couldn't lift it.\u0026nbsp; Eventually Randall decided there was nothing he could do, God was everywhere, and he was probably going to be killed in some frightfully embarrassing manner very soon.\u0026nbsp; Why _not_ go to work?\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; He was putting an order into the computer when the hostess came up to him.\u0026nbsp; \"Randall,\" she said, \"this _really_ cute husky up front says she wants to talk to you.\"\u0026nbsp; The possum's eyes went wide.\u0026nbsp; _It was God_, he just _knew_it!\u0026nbsp; \"She also says she knows you're here, you're not sick, you aren't busy, and you _do_ have the time to talk to her; so I shouldn't believe any excuse you try to give me.\"\u0026nbsp; Yup, definitely God.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Randall twisted his tail on the ground with a grimace.\u0026nbsp; \"I guess I'll be right up,\" he whispered.\u0026nbsp; Maybe God would make it quick; a fast, Old Testament _zap_ and that would be that.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Randall went to the front, steeling his nerves, hoping someone would tell his parents gently, and was stunned when he saw God.\u0026nbsp; The hostess wasn't kidding, she was _gorgeous_.\u0026nbsp; She also seemed nervous, wringing her hands and listing side-to-side; certainly not the collected cat from yesterday.\u0026nbsp; \"Hey,\" God said with a meek wave of the hand.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Hi,\" Randall said, surprised God didn't seem angry.\u0026nbsp; \"You look . . . nice.\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; God looked down at herself and then back to Randall.\u0026nbsp; \"Well, after yesterday I didn't think you'd want to see the cat again,\" God chuckled.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Randall grinned.\u0026nbsp; God tapped her fingers together.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Listen, I wanted to apologize.\u0026nbsp; For yesterday.\u0026nbsp; I was just really hopeful, and it's been a while, and I don't take rejection well, but that isn't an excuse.\u0026nbsp; I shouldn't have made such a ruckus, and I'm sorry I embarrassed you.\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Randall blinked.\u0026nbsp; Sorry?\u0026nbsp; Apologize?\u0026nbsp; God was asking forgiveness?\u0026nbsp; Randall felt more relieved than he had ever felt in his life.\u0026nbsp; He _wasn't_going to be killed by a stampede of rabid beat poets!\u0026nbsp; _Probably!_\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Well . . . thank you,\" the possum said.\u0026nbsp; \"Apology accepted.\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; God smiled.\u0026nbsp; It was far less disconcerting now.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"You should probably turn that ox back into an ox, though.\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Oh,\" God waved a hand, \"already done, he'll be fine.\u0026nbsp; Just a little . . . divine experience for him.\"\u0026nbsp; God waggled her fingers; Randall forced a grin.\u0026nbsp; \"I also got you this,\" God said, pulling a card envelope from her pocket.\u0026nbsp; \"Amazon gift card.\u0026nbsp; To make up for, y'know, being an _epic ass_, and yelling out about . . . things . . . \"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Randall held a hand up, \"Oh, no, you don't have to.\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Please, I insist.\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Randall took the card, unsure how to feel, when the husky added, \"Consider it a gift from God.\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Randall's eyes fluttered closed in a cringe.\u0026nbsp; \"God, you know nobody _likes_ puns, right?\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Yes, yes I do.\"\u0026nbsp; God smiled widely, looking every bit the 'pun dog' meme.\u0026nbsp; Randall knew then being a husky was all part of God's plan.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\n\n  \n  \n\n"}