{"sf1_id":1172162,"sf2_id":"7ejjq4Le","title":"The Epic of Boozy Barrister","author":"charles_they","words":228,"posted_at":"2017-04-14T23:53:58.000Z","tags":["Badger","Boozy","Clean","Epic","Fanart","Poem","Poetry","RMFC","cursing","law"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/1172162-the-epic-of-boozy-barrister","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/s/7ejjq4Le","image_url":"https://cdn.sofurryfiles.com/submissions/thumbnails/43/90/4390f68d-7e3a-446c-a18b-504677eec8ed","description":"He wanted folk songs. Details may have been embellished in traditional fashion.  \n  \nDisclaimer: foul language.","content":"### The Epic of Boozy Barrister\n\nOh,\n\nBiting blogger bein' boozy,\n\nFuzzy, fussy, picky, choosy,\n\nCouple bottles in, was woozy,\n\nDesp'rit to unearth a doozy!\n\nRecords empty, feelin' bluesy,\n\nAll the shit he saw was snoozy,\n\n\"'Nother story 'bout some floozy—\n\n...wolfman with a _fuckin' uzi?\"_\n\nOh,\n\nThat blasted Boozy Barrister,\n\nTurned out to be the fairest fur!\n\nDreadful document destroyer,\n\nUtter otter board annoyer,\n\nPara-legal drink-enjoyer—\n\nPost quick fandom reconnoitre!\n\nOh,\n\nYeah, so what, he likes his liquor—\n\nMalt's his fav'rite upper-picker—\n\nMakes it so his faith don't flicker,\n\n'Fore this case, was never sicker!\n\nNot your average city-slicker,\n\nBadger'd through the thick and thicker,\n\nFuzzy-wuzzy fascist-kicker,\n\nAin't no one who sinks 'em quicker!\n\nOh,\n\nHe'll scold your sov'reign citizen,\n\nAnd throw their letters in the bin!\n\nBadger on a bitchin' bender,\n\nClearin' checks and legal tender!\n\n\"C\u0026D? Return to sender:\n\n_...Nazi pedo sex-offender?\"_\n\nOh,\n\n\"Quiet in the courtroom! Hurry!\"\n\nRoared the Judge, bitter, burry,\n\n\"Racket's deafening the jury—\n\nWhy's your phone receiving flurries?!\"\n\n\"Honor—hic—it ain't no worries!\"\n\nMumbled Boozy, vision blurry,\n\nVocals very slightly slurry,\n\n\"Twitter teems with _fuckin' furries!\"_\n\nOh,\n\nSome Fascist Furs the breakin' straws?\n\nHe knows the law just like his paws!\n\nBarry's now a Boozy Badger—\n\nDiscounts banned, so don't you cadger—\n\nBarrin' some strange force of majeure,\n\nFoes he'll kick right 'twixt the nadgers!\\*\n\n_\\*Figuratively!_\n\n* * *\n\n-Charles Michael Averin","series":{"name":"Poetry Postings","previous":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/1171524-writer-s-bloc.json","next":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/1173025-voice-heard.json"}}