{"sf1_id":1173501,"sf2_id":null,"title":"Second Chances - Chapter 16","author":"Otter Miqmah","words":1435,"posted_at":"2017-04-20T05:22:00.000Z","tags":["College","Deer","Gay Relationships","Porcupine","Sad","Story Progression","Story Series","Suicide"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/1173501-second-chances-chapter-16","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/view/1173501","image_url":"https://www.sofurryfiles.com/std/thumb?page=1173501\u0026ext=.jpg","description":"#16 of Second Chances\n\nDarrick has a rough night.","content":"My mind was traveling behind me.\u0026nbsp; It felt like I was walking through a thick fog where everything was slowed down to half speed.\u0026nbsp; I could feel my heart beating in my throat.\u0026nbsp; The chilled night air sank deep into my fur through my shirt, and puffs of breath would flash into my vision as I walked along the road. \u0026nbsp;There was just enough moonlight to make out what was ahead of me.\u0026nbsp; I could hear the river churning as my hooves slid across the dirt.\u0026nbsp; A car hadn't passed by in a while, which made sense on spring break in a college town.\u0026nbsp;\n\nI could just barely make out the wooden and steel beams of the bridge ahead of me.\u0026nbsp; The breeze was colder as I passed beyond the tree line.\u0026nbsp; The moon glistened over the turbulent water below, mixing and swirling its gleam in circles near the edge.\u0026nbsp;\n\nWith a deep breath, I stepped out on to the wooden walkway.\u0026nbsp; It was an old bridge on a rarely used road leading out of town, one the city never bothered to replace.\u0026nbsp; I ran my hand along the weathered beam separating me from the edge.\u0026nbsp; My fingers would hop over the large metal bolts keeping it together.\u0026nbsp; The smell of the river was strong as the crisp wind filled my lungs.\u0026nbsp; I stopped halfway and looked down at the water. The moonlight didn't touch the solid black beneath me, but I could hear it moving and churning away.\u0026nbsp; I felt a shiver travel down my spine.\u0026nbsp; I was cold, but it wouldn't matter in a few minutes.\u0026nbsp;\n\nI gripped the solid wooden rail, and carefully climbed over, resting my hooves on a thin section of boards sticking out on the other side.\u0026nbsp; I held my body close to the railing, my grip tightening as I looked down into the black nothingness.\u0026nbsp;\n\nMy mind went through a quick checklist of things, to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything.\u0026nbsp; I turned in my paper.\u0026nbsp; I had my ID on me so they'd know who I was.\u0026nbsp; I left a note on my desk in my room, explaining everything.\u0026nbsp; I felt my grip loosen, and I closed my eyes.\u0026nbsp;\n\nThe fox flashed into my memory, and I gripped the railing again.\u0026nbsp; I didn't want him to be my last thought.\u0026nbsp; I shook my head, but I couldn't get the thought of him out.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Fuck you Jude!\u0026nbsp; Leave me alone!\" I yelled to myself, opening my eyes, and holding on tighter as the abyss stared back.\u0026nbsp; \"I just want to die in peace, why are you haunting me?\"\n\nHis smile.\u0026nbsp; His stupid smile, warmly welcoming me into his house after I stopped looking for my mom.\u0026nbsp; That stupid, ignorant, innocent smile.\u0026nbsp; How could I continue living knowing that I would never be able to get that smile out of my head, knowing that smile had caused so much pain and misery in my life?\u0026nbsp; Every time I saw it, my stomach wretched.\u0026nbsp; Even after all I had been through to forget him, he was still there.\u0026nbsp; Even after all the agony, the suffering, the anguish, my love for him would torture me for as long as I would live.\u0026nbsp; So, I needed to end it.\u0026nbsp;\n\nI needed to end the pain.\u0026nbsp; My father wouldn't understand.\u0026nbsp; Or maybe he would.\u0026nbsp; I was choosing my death he told me my mother had taken.\u0026nbsp; I was living his lie in some poetic, cosmic joke that was my life.\u0026nbsp; He wouldn't miss me; he never missed me.\u0026nbsp; And my sister had always been indifferent toward me, and I to her.\u0026nbsp; Even my own mom, who raised me for 16 years, walked out one day forever, leaving all of us without so much as a goodbye.\u0026nbsp; My roommate would be happy to have his own room.\u0026nbsp; Plus, I heard you get an automatic 4.0 GPA if your roommate offed themselves.\u0026nbsp; He'd enjoy that.\u0026nbsp; My loss would remove more burden than it would cause.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; I had no reason to keep struggling though this disaster brewing inside of me.\u0026nbsp;\n\nI closed my eyes again, focusing on the cold air around me to clear my mind.\u0026nbsp; I didn't want me last thoughts to be about those other faces either.\u0026nbsp; I just wanted to go peacefully with a clear mind.\u0026nbsp;\n\nThe rough wooden texture under my fingers slid away, and I felt myself balancing on the thin strip of board under me.\u0026nbsp; The river's roar echoed in my ear.\u0026nbsp; I breathed in filling my lungs with the fresh, cool air, and breathed out, knowing it would be my last.\n\nThis was it.\u0026nbsp; I leaned forward.\n\n\"Ehh, don't do it.\"\n\nI scrambled to grip onto the railing as my eyes shot open.\u0026nbsp; My arms slammed hard into the wood and I turned my head to a scruffy looking porcupine looking out at the water.\u0026nbsp; \"What the fuck!\" I yelled, trying to regain my balance.\u0026nbsp; He seemed unphased.\n\n\"They say tha' most jumpers regret it halfway down.\"\u0026nbsp; He just looked out onto the water.\u0026nbsp; \"And, tha's a pretty bad time to change yer mind.\u0026nbsp; Ya see, right below us is about ten feet of sticky mud.\u0026nbsp; Ya'd plummet down, get stuck and stay there forever.\u0026nbsp; Well, until yer body bloats up enough for ya to pop up like a bobber.\u0026nbsp; Assuming yer not stuck on somethin' else like a tire or a bike or somethin'.\"\n\nI just stared at the porcupine, not sure how to respond.\n\n\"Plus, ya'd make life a pretty crappy hell for those who'd haveta try and fish ya out.\u0026nbsp; Would ya liketa dive down there for a stranger?\"\u0026nbsp; He looked down briefly before tilting his head to me.\u0026nbsp; \"What'ya runnin' from?\"\n\n\"Nothing,\" I said, looking down at the dark water.\u0026nbsp; \"Maybe everything.\u0026nbsp; I don't know.\"\n\n\"Seems like a pretty big jump for a 'I dun know'.\"\n\n\"It's complicated.\"\n\n\"I got time.\"\n\n\"You wouldn't understand.\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Ehh.\u0026nbsp; Ya'd be surprised at wha I understand.\"\n\n\"Well.... it's personal.\"\n\n\"Are ya just gonna keep givin' me chicken shit excuses, or are ya gonna tell the only person ya got in the world right now?\"\n\nI looked down at the water.\u0026nbsp; I could still do it.\u0026nbsp; It'd just not be quite the same moment as I had in my head with a strange, vagrant porcupine gruffly trying to talk me off the ledge.\n\n\"I'm gay.\"\n\n\"Yeah?\u0026nbsp; And?\"\n\nI looked up at him.\u0026nbsp; \"That's it.\"\n\nHe looked at me.\u0026nbsp; His beady little eyes stared back.\u0026nbsp; \"Yeah.\u0026nbsp; Tha's it.\u0026nbsp; Exactly.\"\n\n\"See, I told you you wouldn't understand.\"\u0026nbsp; I turned back to the churning water in front of me.\u0026nbsp; \"Now, please leave me alone so I can die in peace.\"\n\n\"One of my sons is gay.\"\n\nI looked back at him.\n\n\"He was a lot like ya,\" the porcupine continued.\u0026nbsp; \"He thought the whole world was over.\u0026nbsp; Thought no one could love him cuz he wa' different.\u0026nbsp; Went and wrote out a whole letter to me and his ma, explainin' how he couldn't live with himself and how sorry he was for being wrong.\u0026nbsp; I walked in on him putting a noose 'round his neck in the basement.\"\n\n\"I'm sorry to hear that.\"\n\n\"Ya know where he is now?\"\n\nI shook my head.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Happy an' married to the love o' his life.\u0026nbsp; They just adopted a lil' kid.\u0026nbsp; I'm a gran'pa now.\"\n\nI looked out at the river.\u0026nbsp; My grip tightened around the railing.\u0026nbsp; \"Congratulations.\"\n\n\"What's his name?\"\n\n\"What?\u0026nbsp; Your son's name?\"\n\n\"No.\u0026nbsp; Tha name o' the love o' yer life.\"\n\n\"Oh... Jude.\"\n\n\"An' where is he?\"\n\n\"I don't know.\"\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Well, ya better find him.\"\n\n\"I tried.\"\n\n\"Wha' do ya think he'd think of ya hanging off a bridge right now?\"\n\nMy stomach tied in a knot.\u0026nbsp; \"I don't know if he even remembers me.\"\n\n\"Ya jus said he was the love o' yer life.\"\n\n\"That was a long time ago.\u0026nbsp; He's probably moved on by now.\"\n\n\"Are ya willin' to take the risk?\"\n\nThe porcupine looked me dead in the eye.\u0026nbsp; I shook my head.\u0026nbsp; He held out a paw, and helped me over the railing.\u0026nbsp; I shivered and looked over the edge again.\n\n\"Yer not gonna be happy 'til ya let the love in.\u0026nbsp; Don't destroy it all just fer a silly thing like bein' different.\u0026nbsp; Ya got love out there, waiting.\"\n\nI felt my eyes begin to water up, and I wrapped my arms around the porcupine.\u0026nbsp; He was warm and I felt a quill stab my palm through his jacket, but I hugged tighter, and I felt the tears roll down my cheeks.\u0026nbsp; \"Thank you,\" I whispered.\n\n\"Ya welcome.\"\n\n  \n  \n\n","previous":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/1173280-second-chances-chapter-15.json","next":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/1196510-second-chances-chapter-17.json"}