{"sf1_id":1177598,"sf2_id":"bebzvyde","title":"Nostalgia's Chrome 45","author":"Djynnerate","words":1412,"posted_at":"2017-05-04T01:24:00.000Z","tags":["Blood","Mental blocks","Poetry","Ramblings","Suicide","deep","nostalgia","spiritual"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/1177598-nostalgia-s-chrome-45","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/s/bebzvyde","image_url":"https://cdn.sofurryfiles.com/submissions/thumbnails/34/ab/34aba62b-872e-420f-866b-13f8a5186a13","description":"#1 of poetry\n\nBeen doing poetry for a long time, I never really had anywhere to share it on other platforms\nThis is a section from a really long transcript I've been consistently writing for a while now\nHonestly idk what any of it means, to me the whole \"symbolic\" thing is complete bull\nSometimes it just feels good to pour out","content":"You open your eyes for the first time\n\nYou're here\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\n\nYou're ready\n\nYou love it\n\nThey tell you to stand and you do for a moment\n\nBut you fall down\n\nThey laugh. And so do you.\n\nThe girl in the corner smiles at you and you smile back\n\nThey tell you that you're strong\n\nThat you made it\n\nThat they didn't see that coming\n\nYou didn't either for sure\n\n...\n\nTomorrow comes and you feel 50 years older\n\nYou can't get out of bed\n\nYou can't hear anything\n\nWife's on the phone, tears, you won't speak\n\nDid you die in your sleep\n\nYou can't hear\n\nYou can't speak\n\nYou can't blink\n\nYou can't think\n\nWhat the hell did they do to you\n\nAnd who was that girl in the corner\n\n...\n\nNo. That was a while back.\n\nA long time ago, to be exact.\n\nIt's a new you, but not in a good way.\n\nYou told yourself you'd see it through, but you didn't\n\nYou left it behind and your friends...\n\nThey're gone\n\nMama and papa passed away years ago\n\nYou're an only child\n\nYou hate yourself all of a sudden\n\nNostalgia, your old friend leaves you.\n\nAnd the world starts to see you in a filter you didn't want to be seen through\n\nConvicted, but what did you do?\n\nAnd why you?\n\nGod, why?\n\nSo you sell yourself, what the hell else is there to do\n\nThey want blood, you give them it\n\nIt's your new name\n\nYou're all new\n\nYou just want what happened **YESTERDAY**\n\nBut that girl in the corner took it away\n\nBut that's ok\n\nYou didn't want it anyway...\n\nYour eyes open\n\nYou want to get paid\n\nIt's all for nothing and you see the chrome plated\n\nYou reach for it\n\nThey're all elated, fixated, looking at the piece of metal that gave you hell\n\nYou stare down the barrel\n\nThey want blood and you're entertaining, maiming.\n\nFuck that, they want to see you hanging.\n\nYou look for a face in the crowd you thought you saw but they're gone.\n\nAll of them, even the ones that were laughing at you.\n\nStage, stands, auditorium, world, it's all been poured out and you're that last droplet that clung on\n\nIt's all quiet... and you wonder where you went wrong.\n\nNostalgia comes back. \"Let's get out of here,\" she says.\n\nYou spin but there's no movement in your legs, your head, even your eyes can't fuckin move.\n\nThe lights go out, and Nostalgia's gone.\n\nYour mind starts playing tricks on you.\n\nShe's gone\n\nFor the last time.\n\nShe's done with your shit\n\nShe shuts the door, and you're dead.\n\nYou try to scream but your throat won't move either\n\nYou're getting higher, the ropes getting tighter\n\nAre they ropes or your own guts\n\nIt gets quicker and the frequency gets...\n\nHigher\n\nIt gets blacker\n\nYou really don't want to die here\n\nYou remember your friends before your own damn blood\n\nYou just want to go home\n\nYou should have just died then and not now\n\nAt least you had that last view of your wife on the phone, tears\n\nYou'd rather see a pretty face than a familiar one\n\nThis isn't a damn fairy tail\n\nIt's hell\n\nLife is hell\n\nOh well. Nothing you can do about it\n\nNo use in complaining\n\nAccept it while you still have a chance\n\nDon't let your sun set on complaint, don't die like a-\n\nNo, that's over too, and you didn't have time\n\nBut you didn't have to wait\n\n...\n\nBut hold on, they're outside, banging on your walls and windows\n\nThe one way mirror\n\nThey can't see you, they don't know who you are, they just want your head on a plate\n\nCalm down, you say, it isn't too late\n\nBut the infant's setting in the east today and you got a bit of light left\n\nEven if it is backwards\n\nYou look down and you're a beast\n\nYou're in a cage, on a leash\n\nIt wasn't a mirror, the bars, the people\n\nYou're a damn animal\n\n\"This is the human male,\" big man says. \"And he's almost extinct. Just a day or two left on this one's span.\"\n\n\"He's the last of his kind, don't you know. The worlds about to be a helluva lot better off\"\n\nThey still want blood\n\nAnd you just don't get it.\n\nAre you, sitting there, ugly, bloody, something you didn't know you are...\n\nAre you the only normal one left?\n\nWhere did these people come from, I thought the whole fuckin world got poured out?\n\nWhat happened to the empty stage?\n\nThe ropes?\n\nMy wife?\n\nThe obstetric unit?\n\nYou start remembering one thing and it leads to another.\n\nNostalgia's back.\n\nSepia coats her, and you, and everything around you\n\nYou refuse her this time but she takes your hand anyways\n\nA field of wheat. You remember a simpler time\n\nThat was a past life, though. Nostalgia won't let you go back that far\n\nBut the zoo is gone\n\nYou're normal again\n\nIt's over, again, and you wonder when it'll end\n\nWhen the trails and trials will end\n\nAnd what happened to your blood and your friends cause you can't remember for the fuckin world\n\nWhen'll God come again\n\nYou whine and complain, you feel like a kid\n\nShe tells you to shut your eyes (and mouth) and feel\n\nFeel again\n\nYou wake up again, you're back where you started\n\nThey ask you to stand, you do, you fall\n\nThey laugh\n\nYou...\n\nYou don't.\n\nLashing out you push them, you don't understand the bright lights\n\nYou want to go back to where you were\n\nYou've lived this sick life you don't want it again\n\nYou scream and they flatline, they've never heard anything like that\n\nThey never heard flaw\n\nThey never heard human\n\nThey never heard of where you came from\n\nThey never heard hate\n\nOr lust\n\nOr pain\n\nOr tears\n\nThey heard perfect and you start crying because you know that's what you wanted all along, to be them\n\nYou killed your idols, you fucking idiot\n\nI wanted to be perfect\n\nYou don't understand the bangs and the screams, the chrome plates and their fire\n\nSmell of gunpowder and now it's on you\n\nThey flatline too\n\nYou leave the room and no one's there to stop you\n\nIt was the only one lit, the lights are all out and you walk through the halls\n\nYou say \"GOD, I'VE HAD ENOUGH.\"\n\nCan you just go ahead and set the world on fire?\n\nYou're standing there in that hallway, blood on the window casting shadows on the walls\n\nIt's the only light left here, you realize, the world just poured out again\n\nAnd Nostalgia comes out again\n\nYou want to run\n\nYou want to do something\n\nYou know this is the root of all evil, isn't it\n\nBecause she died a long time ago\n\nAnd you killed her, didn't you?\n\nAnd you start to feel the ropes around your neck\n\nYour wrists\n\nPunishment's here, this is what you deserve\n\nThis is what you want\n\nThe chrome resounds and it hurts and burns\n\nDid Nostalgia shoot me or did I off myself\n\n...\n\nThe music stops playing\n\nThere's a bit of red coming out and one side of your face is wet, facedown in that puddle\n\nLast light just went out and you can see Nostalgia, she's dead too\n\nYou aint shocked\n\nYou didn't die in your sleep, this was it all along\n\nYou could always move\n\nAlways talk to the man behind the glass\n\nBut you have no desire\n\nThe chrome, it's facing you, the barrel smoking\n\nNo.\n\nYou're hoping they're all joking, you start tearing up but it has no use\n\nYou're tearing up but you've been dead for fucking hours so you're dry\n\nDays\n\nYears\n\nEverything gets uglier and you wonder if the world is empty\n\nAnd then they come back\n\nYour family\n\nYour friends\n\nEveryone time and fate said you couldn't have\n\nThe tears come and they tell you to stand up\n\nYou fall\n\nThey laugh, and you do too\n\nNostalgia isn't there\n\nYour worst enemy\n\nYour first love\n\nLife is over, and you can't say you liked it\n\nBut the floodgates are open and the end of time\n\nIt's here.\n\n...\n\nYou put down the pen\n\nAnd tell yourself \"I'm never doing that again\"\n\nSmile and they say \"Art\" and \"Poetry\"\n\nGood job\n\nBut in your head it's a different story\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n  \n  \n\n"}