{"sf1_id":1227700,"sf2_id":"JewV49V1","title":"Meaning \u0026 Self","author":"makyo","words":264,"posted_at":"2017-08-16T18:20:00.000Z","tags":["Experimental","Poetry"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/1227700-meaning-self","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/s/JewV49V1","image_url":"https://cdn.sofurryfiles.com/submissions/thumbnails/44/06/4406460b-2359-40d9-a595-cfd9eef1a760","description":"#7 of Poetry\n\nRandom noodling.","content":"There's some duality between sources of meaning,  \n\u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; Between the types of stories we use to back identity.  \nIt's not quite good \u0026 bad or light \u0026 dark,  \n\u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; Though I'm not yet sure just how to define it.  \n  \nDad used to punish the dogs  \n\u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; by locking then in the basement.  \nIf he was really mad,  \n\u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; he'd toss then down there by the scruff.  \n  \nMom moved me \u0026 her dogs to a new house --  \n\u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; moved us three days early during the divorce.  \nHer dog punched my ex stepdad in the crotch the night before,  \n\u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; the nut-shot to end all nut-shots, \u0026 our time there.  \n  \nFew things make me feel as deeply about life as parenthood,  \n\u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; even if it's just me caring for my dogs.  \nSome reminders of that are intense enough to be raw, painful,  \n\u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; salt in the wounds of mortality, maybe, or the ache of maternal love.  \n  \nThe meaning behind the story of me \u0026 my dogs  \n\u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; comes with a story of its own, or maybe several.  \nIt's bound up in stories to come,  \n\u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026 these stories nest infinitely deep.  \n  \nRemembering that \u0026 shaping that,  \n\u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; It's a part of making the meaning in my life.  \nThis isn't better against worse,  \n\u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; it's not mom against dad.  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp; It's not a dichotomy at all, really,  \n\u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; now that I think about it.  \nIt's something subtler, comfortably complex, a topic of its own.  \n\u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; I guess it's just meaning \u0026 self.  \n  \n\n","series":{"name":"Poetry","previous":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/1227696-there-is-too-much-fire-in-me.json","next":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/1227701-being-transgender.json"}}