{"sf1_id":1265118,"sf2_id":"YnLr03Ye","title":"Me and You","author":"Marthell","words":2139,"posted_at":"2017-11-18T16:37:00.000Z","tags":["Drama","Experimental","Love","Psychological","Relationships","Short Story"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/1265118-me-and-you","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/s/YnLr03Ye","image_url":"https://cdn.sofurryfiles.com/submissions/thumbnails/79/cd/79cd9066-c660-46ee-81fd-b3578d35498a","description":"Life is infinite. Be good to people.","content":" **A**\n\nMe and you.\n\nWe haven't spoken since yesterday.\n\nI hesitate before calling and I feel the universe fracture. The fear in my stomach is overwhelming, and I give into it before committing to dial.\n\nI feel sick at my cowardice.\n\nI hope you'll get in touch tomorrow.\n\nI miss you.\n\nMe and you.\n\nWe haven't spoken in a week.\n\nI run into you on an empty sidewalk and our muzzles almost brush as we look into each other's eyes.\n\nI'm still wondering whether I blew it or if you were too scared to speak your mind.\n\nIt meant more to me than you realized.\n\nOr maybe you realized exactly how much it all meant and that's why you stopped speaking.\n\nThere are so many things I want to know, but that's the problem when all communication stops: there's no way to get an answer.\n\nThe flash of recognition in your eyes stops my heart. I open my muzzle and half a vowel comes croaking out.\n\nYou look away and keep walking.\n\nI watch your tail vanish as you take the next corner.\n\nWhen I'm home I'm left wondering if it all really happened, or if I just mistook some random weasel for my specific one.\n\nYou still haven't contacted me.\n\nLife has slowed down and stretched out, but all those extra seconds only go toward self-destructive introspection.\n\nWho am I?\n\nWhere am I?\n\nWhat do I want?\n\nHow do I get it? (As if I ever could.)\n\nMe and you.\n\nWe haven't spoken in a month.\n\nI run into you at the supermarket. You're buying instant coffee and your eyes look red from a lack of sleep.\n\nYou never left my mind for a moment.\n\nYour tail touches mine as you pass by, you turn around to apologize but the words get stuck in your throat.\n\nThe flash of recognition in your eyes stops my heart all over again.\n\nI reach a paw out towards you as though I'm in a surreal, metaphorical dream.\n\nI look like an idiot so I force my arms to my sides.\n\nThis time when I open my muzzle I manage to say something.\n\n\"Been a while.\"\n\nI immediately hate myself for the meaningless platitude. You always hated small talk.\n\n\"Yeah,\" you say.\n\nI wonder if you're going to say more but you walk away.\n\nI watch your tail vanish as you take the next corner.\n\nWhen I'm home I'm left wondering why you're still on my mind.\n\nYou were just another person who drifted in and out of my life like anybody else.\n\nEither way, I'm glad I met you. You helped me. I just hope I didn't hurt you. I worry that I might have.\n\nMe and you.\n\nWe haven't spoken in a year.\n\nI run into you at the park and you look a little lost.\n\nThis time I bash you with the side of my tail on purpose and pretend it was an accident.\n\nThe flash of recognition in your eyes melts me.\n\nIt's been so long I thought I'd never see you again.\n\nYou smile when you see me. You greet me by name. I don't want to admit it but I'm ecstatic.\n\nI hug you and you return the gesture. Your warmth fills me and I lose myself in your arms. I close my eyes and drift into eternity for the seconds you hold me.\n\nI ask if you want to hang out and catch up.\n\nYou let me know you've got plans, but to say hi if I see you around.\n\nI act like it's nothing.\n\n\"It was good seeing you again,\" I say.\n\nAll you do is nod and wave and walk away.\n\nI watch your tail until I can't take it.\n\nWhen I'm home I get rid of anything that could remind me of you.\n\nMe and you.\n\nWe haven't spoken in a decade.\n\nI see your name in the newspaper and it's like you never left my side.\n\nFor all I tried I could never forget you.\n\nWhen I look around, there's nobody there.\n\nI wish I tried to catch you when I had the chance.\n\nI wish I chased you and never stopped chasing.\n\nI wish I used everything I had to make you mine.\n\nI read the article again. You've done so well for yourself. I stare at the photo. Your husband seems lovely too.\n\nIf only I could turn back time...\n\nBut I can't.\n\n**B**\n\nMe and you.\n\nWe haven't spoken since yesterday.\n\nI hesitate before calling and I feel the universe fracture. The fear in my stomach is overwhelming, but I can't just stand here and do nothing.\n\nI call you.\n\n\"Hi,\" you say.\n\n\"Hi,\" I say. \"How come you never called me back?\"\n\nYou hesitate and I know there's something to this.\n\n\"It's only been a day.\"\n\n\"You've never taken a day before.\"\n\nYou hesitate and I know I'm about to learn something important.\n\n\"I was scared that I would say something wrong. Something so stupid that it would jeopardize our friendship.\"\n\nI hesitate, but I have to say it.\n\n\"Something stupid like: 'I love you'?\"\n\nA frightening silence.\n\n\"Yeah. Something stupid like that.\"\n\nAn ecstatic moment.\n\n\"Then I'll say it instead. I love you.\"\n\nYou can't contain your excitement.\n\n\"I love you too.\"\n\nI can't stop smiling.\n\n**C**\n\nMe and you.\n\nWe haven't spoken since yesterday.\n\nI hesitate before calling and I feel the universe fracture. The fear in my stomach is overwhelming, but I can't just stand here and do nothing.\n\nI call you.\n\n\"Hi,\" you say.\n\n\"Hi,\" I say. \"How come you never called me back?\"\n\nYou hesitate and I know there's something to this.\n\n\"It's only been a day.\"\n\n\"You've never taken a day before.\"\n\nYou hesitate and I know I'm about to learn something important.\n\n\"I'm not sure that we want the same things out of this. Out of us.\"\n\nEvery second word is stuttered.\n\nI hesitate, but I have to say it.\n\n\"What if I told you that I love you?\"\n\nA frightening silence.\n\n\"I'd say you're a good friend, and that's all I ever wanted.\"\n\nI feel like I'm no longer real. My universe crashes and burns around me. I go unresponsive. You repeat my name, but I don't say a word.\n\nMe and you.\n\nThe next day we talk again.\n\nI wish I could be more to you, but I'm not.\n\nThat's just how things are.\n\nAt least we're still friends. I hope we always will be.\n\nI'm so glad I called you again. I'm so glad I told you.\n\nIf I hadn't told you, you would have avoided me and I would never have found the courage to admit the truth. Maybe we never would have talked again.\n\nThis isn't quite what I wanted, what I had dreamed of, but it will do.\n\nI can still talk to you and see you and be with you.\n\nIt's not the perfection I had desired, but never mind that.\n\nIt's mine.\n\n**D**\n\nMe and you.\n\nWe haven't spoken since yesterday.\n\nI hesitate before calling and I feel the universe fracture. The fear in my stomach is overwhelming, but I can't just stand here and do nothing.\n\nI call you.\n\n\"Hi,\" you say.\n\n\"Hi,\" I say. \"How come you never called me back?\"\n\nYou hesitate and I know there's something to this.\n\n\"It's only been a day.\"\n\n\"You've never taken a day before.\"\n\nYou hesitate and I know I'm about to learn something important.\n\n\"I'm not sure that we want the same things out of this, out of us.\"\n\nEvery second word is stuttered.\n\nI hesitate, but I have to say it.\n\n\"What if I told you that I love you?\"\n\nA frightening silence.\n\n\"Look, I can't-\" Your voice cracks, you take a few seconds to center yourself. \"I can't do this. I can't do us. Goodbye.\"\n\nPanic.\n\n\"Wait. Wait, wait!\" You're not speaking, my mind is racing. \"It doesn't matter. I want to be your friend. I just want to be your friend. That's all.\"\n\nI don't want to lose you, I can't.\n\n\"I- I'm sorry.\"\n\n\"Wait, don't do this wai-\"\n\n\"Bye.\"\n\nThe call ends. You hung up.\n\nYou hung up.\n\nI call back, you don't answer.\n\nI call again, you don't answer.\n\nI start crying.\n\nThe next day I call again, you don't answer.\n\nThe next week I decide to try a final time, you don't answer.\n\nAfter a month I get a message from you saying you're sorry for the way you handled things. It leaves me feeling cold.\n\nI don't answer.\n\n**E**\n\nMe and you.\n\nWe haven't spoken since yesterday.\n\nI hesitate before calling and I feel the universe fracture. The fear in my stomach is overwhelming, but I can't just stand here and do nothing.\n\nI call you.\n\nThe phone rings and rings.\n\nIt keeps ringing.\n\nI realize you're not going to pick up.\n\nIt rings out. You didn't answer.\n\nI try again, expecting the same result and getting it.\n\nMaybe you're not near the phone.\n\nI try again in an hour.\n\nNothing.\n\nI don't know what to make of it.\n\nThe next day I try again\n\nNothing.\n\nNo communication at all.\n\nI'm confused, sad and angry all at once.\n\nWhy are you doing this?\n\nWill I ever get to talk to you again?\n\nWhy won't you tell me why you're doing this? What's your fucking problem?\n\nI decided that you needed some space so I left you well alone.\n\nIt's been a week.\n\nIn the back of my mind I'm imagining you calling me out of the blue, apologizing and offering some perfectly rational explanation for the whole thing.\n\nI imagine things going back to the way they were.\n\nToday I ran into you in the street, well that's not quite right. I saw you down the street and I panicked, I went down a side road.\n\nWhen I got home I regretted it badly.\n\nI'm still here.\n\nI call you with no expectation that you'll answer.\n\nThis time the call cancels straight away and I realize you've blocked me.\n\nI stare at my phone for a while as though it had betrayed me.\n\nI see myself reflected in the glossy blackness of the standby screen.\n\nIt's weak symbolism, but it hits me.\n\nUntil now none of this was certain. It was all a mere possibility. I hadn't really lost you until you made that choice to cut me out.\n\nNow I'm hollow.\n\nI cry all evening until I fall asleep.\n\nIn the morning I cut you out right back.\n\nYour contacts and our chat logs blocked and deleted.\n\nThat present you got me, trashed.\n\nThose feelings you elicited from me, abandoned.\n\nIt hurts me, but it makes me stronger.\n\nI run into you at the supermarket a month later.\n\nYou look like you haven't slept, it makes me smile.\n\nYou see me and a spasm of emotions pass over your face.\n\nYour muzzle hangs open.\n\nYou speak to me.\n\n\"Hi,\" when I don't respond you continue. \"I fucked up.\"\n\n\"You did.\" I say.\n\nI walk away.\n\nThe next year I run into you at the park, amusingly you look a little lost.\n\nYou tap your tail on mine and pretend it was some kind of accident.\n\n\"Long time, no see.\" You say.\n\nYou think I'll forgive you?\n\nYou think I could still love you?\n\nYou think you mean a damn to me anymore?\n\nGo fuck yourself.\n\n\"Have we met?\" I ask.\n\nYour face sinks, you look nervous, you're fucking shaking.\n\n\"Oh, uh, um, I...\" You stutter and stumble on your words.\n\nI walk away.\n\nIt's been ten years.\n\nI see your face in the newspaper.\n\nYou died of some kind of drug overdose, suspected suicide.\n\nIt hits me harder than it has any right to.\n\nAll those feelings I had caged away and stored up explode outwards.\n\nI'm confused, sad and fucking angry all at once.\n\n\"You idiot!\"\n\nI'm yelling and crying.\n\n\"You okay honey?\"\n\nHe comes over. He hugs me. He kisses me.\n\nI show him the news article about you.\n\nWe talk.\n\nWe cry.\n\nWe carry on.\n\nMe and him.\n\n**F**\n\nMe and you. **..**\n\n**G**\n\nMe and you. **..**\n\n**H**\n\nMe and you. **..**\n\n**I**\n\nMe and you. **..**\n\n**J**\n\nMe and you. **..**\n\n**K**\n\nMe and you. **..**\n\n**L**\n\nMe and you. **..**\n\n**M**\n\nMe and you. **..**\n\n**N**\n\nMe and you. **..**\n\n**O**\n\nMe and you. **..**\n\n**P**\n\nMe and you. **..**\n\n**Q**\n\nMe and you. **..**\n\n**R**\n\nMe and you. **..**\n\n**S**\n\nMe and you. **..**\n\n**T**\n\nMe and you. **..**\n\n**U**\n\nMe and you. **..**\n\n**V**\n\nMe and you. **..**\n\n**W**\n\nMe and you. **..**\n\n**X**\n\nMe and you. **..**\n\n**Y**\n\nMe and you. **..**\n\n**Z**\n\nMe and you...\n\n**AA**\n\nMe and you...\n\n**AB**\n\nMe and you...\n\n**AC...**\n\n  \n  \n\n"}