{"sf1_id":1325396,"sf2_id":"rnaAYqJn","title":"Kon's Story: Kotomi, My Only Love","author":"comidacomida","words":6304,"posted_at":"2018-04-20T17:54:27.000Z","tags":["Death","Emotion","Fox","Friendship","Human","Japan","Love","M/F","Narration","loss"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/1325396-kon-s-story-kotomi-my-only-love","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/s/rnaAYqJn","image_url":"https://cdn.sofurryfiles.com/submissions/thumbnails/63/d6/63d6d56e-8217-49f5-b3af-99656716a51f","description":"And now for something completely different!  \n  \nOkay... not ENTIRELY different, but definitely changing gears.   \n  \nAfter much consideration, much diplomacy, and many Gifts to a certain Yokai by an undisclosed commissioner, this story is ready to be told.  \n  \nI can now display in all of its glory, and in Kon's own words, background into who Kon once was, and someone who meant the world to him. Please respect Kon's privacy and the emotional significance of this story he relates-- chastising or poking fun at him will likely get you the wrath of a very emotionally charged Yokai. Please join me in celebrating his willingness to disclose such personal information.  \n  \nAnd more personal stories of Spirits may soon be on the way as Friday updates too!  \n  \nAs always, please feel free to leave comments, thoughts, and considerations.  \n  \n_And Kon love. You may leave Kon love too._  \n  \nSure... you may leave love for Kon too.","content":"\"The Gift\", Kon's Story: Kotomi\n\ncopyright comidacomida 2018\n\nThe late nineteenth century through the early twentieth century was a pretty chaotic time in   \nJapan and the shogunate, which had been strong for more than two hundred years, was weakening.\u0026nbsp;   \nThere were famines and the peasants started getting restless; government revenues fell; samurai   \nwere paid so poorly most of them had to get second jobs.\u0026nbsp; I don't know if you know much about   \nmilitary philosophy, but rule number one is \"Pay your warriors well.\".\u0026nbsp; Once the western nations   \nforced their way into the once-isolationist country of Japan and the armies turned against the   \nshogunate.\u0026nbsp; The Boshin War lasted less than two years, but it changed everything.\n\nAfter the end of the war the Emperor was given back power and his family moved to Edo, which is   \nwhere my family called home; it was renamed 'Tokyo', which is what people know it as today.\u0026nbsp;   \nEmperor Meiji, the 122nd emperor of Japan was really more of a figurehead than anything else; he   \nwas only 15 at the time.\u0026nbsp; The real power in the government came from former samurai who had put   \nthemselves into positions of leadership in the new government, and it was during that period,   \nfrom the late 19th century and into the early 20th that Japan started to Westernize.\u0026nbsp; It was   \nalso the time when spirits and spirituality in Japan began to decline.\u0026nbsp; Shinto became the   \nnational religion, but, by that point, it was as much about compliance as belief.\n\nBut the focus of my story goes back to the beginning of the Meiji Period, when there was so much   \nchaos that a Yokai like me had little trouble finding spirit energy.\u0026nbsp; I was proud of my Amethyst   \neyes, and had few qualms about taking what I wanted from whom I wanted.\u0026nbsp; Yokai were powerful and   \nhumans were right to be fearful of us.\u0026nbsp; We were given sacrifices to calm us, gifts to placate   \nus, and offerings to appeal to us for aid.\u0026nbsp; I had expected to exemplify the stuff of a Purple   \nInner Light for ages, but not even we Yokai can see the future.\n\nI don't like to dwell in the past; I prefer looking forward to the future.\u0026nbsp; Sometimes, though,   \nmoments from the past stick with me and they're harder to escape than a hunter's snare.\u0026nbsp; You   \nasked me once about the time I had Sapphire eyes and I said it wasn't important because it'd   \nnever happen again.\u0026nbsp; It's been over a hundred years and it still hurts.\u0026nbsp; Her name was Kotomi,   \nand she was the youngest daughter of a powerful Kitsune mochi-- a great family in Japan that   \npaid homage to a powerful Fox Yokai: me.\n\nWhile we Yokai don't always choose to honor our agreements, being invited into a family where we   \ncould be honored and cared for is a rare opportunity so it's not something I'd willingly pass   \nup.\u0026nbsp; When a particularly powerful family extends that honor... well... let's say that such a   \nfamily accepted me as their benefactor.\u0026nbsp; The family?\u0026nbsp; I can't say-- they are not mine anymore   \nand I am not theirs, so I can never speak their name again.\u0026nbsp; They turned their back on me and I   \ndid the same; they are dead to me now, and I to them.\n\nI had Golden eyes at that time, a mark of distinction among Yokai and, regardless of how much I   \nloved my Amethyst light, Yellow was a sign of nobility and I wore mine proudly.\u0026nbsp; The spirit   \nenergy given to me by my family made me strong.\u0026nbsp; They gave me more than I needed and all that I   \nwanted, allowing me to give back to them.\u0026nbsp; with me as their spirit the family grew even more   \npowerful; I gave them wealth, political clout, and prosperity.\u0026nbsp; The one thing the family lacked,   \nthough, was a Seer.\u0026nbsp; Despite all of their power, far too few of them had what it took to   \nactually hear me and understand what I most desired.\u0026nbsp; That ended with Kotomi.\n\nI remember when Kotomi was born.\u0026nbsp; She was little and sickly, the third daughter of the fifth   \ngeneration heir to the family's lands.\u0026nbsp; Although none thought she would live long I made sure to   \nprove them wrong; there was something special about Kotomi and I knew it from a young age.\u0026nbsp; The   \nfamily hadn't had a Seer in three generations, but Kotomi-- whenever I was in the room her eyes   \nwere always on me.\u0026nbsp; At first, all I could think about was how things would change for me; with a   \nmouth piece I'd finally be able to make my desires known.\u0026nbsp; I would be able to get whatever I   \nwanted whenever I wanted it from my humans!\u0026nbsp; As she grew, though, not only did my outlook   \nchange, but my wants did as well.\n\nI had never felt a connection with a human before and it took me years to realize what it was we   \nshared.\u0026nbsp; There was something different about Kotomi; her family said it all the time, but I don'   \nthink they could appreciate it as much as I could.\u0026nbsp; She barely ever spoke a word to anyone...   \nexcept me.\u0026nbsp; As she grew older, Kotomi was always proper and polite to the other children; she   \nsaid what she was supposed to and took part in activities as was expected of her, but her heart   \ndid not sit with her fellow mortals.\u0026nbsp; Unbeknownst to me at the time, I had become her best   \nfriend... and she, mine.\u0026nbsp; She was also the only human who ever gave me a proper name.\u0026nbsp; She   \ncalled me Haru, and she gave me more than any other member of her household: her friendship...   \nher heart... her virginity.\n\nKotomi had always been a respectful and obedient daughter but, having a Yokai for a friend also   \nmeant that she learned a little bit of disobedience.\u0026nbsp; Regardless, she never let that show until   \nthe day her father came to us.\u0026nbsp; Well, he technically came to her, but we were in the middle of a   \ngame of Go, so that meant he came to us.\u0026nbsp; Go is a board game that had originated in China but   \ncrossed the sea some thirteen centuries-or-so before Kotomi's birth and she'd taken great joy in   \nteaching it to me; I'd considered it 'our game' ever since.\u0026nbsp; Anyway, the Lord of the house made   \nhis presence known with a haughty \"Kotomi, attend your father.\"\n\nShe stood up from the game, apologizing to me with a subtle bow before shuffling over to where   \nher father waited and she offered him a far deep bow. \"I am here for you, Father.\"\n\nKotomi's father was never a man to mince words or speak indirectly.\u0026nbsp; \"I have plans to see you   \nwed by this season's end.\u0026nbsp; You may embrace me in thanks.\"\n\nI was so surprised by the sudden decision that I Pushed, knocking the game board over as I   \nstood.\u0026nbsp; \"No!\"\n\nBoth of them looked back toward me; I knew that her father only saw the fallen game but her eyes   \nwere on me; she had an unspoken question in her gaze but it was the Lord who spoke.\u0026nbsp; \"You will   \nbe learning how to be a proper wife so you may please your husband and bring honor to our home   \nand his.\"\n\nHer eyes stayed on me as she did the unthinkable: she questioned the Lord.\u0026nbsp; \"Father... if I   \nmarry then I will no longer be part of this house.\"\n\nI nodded in agreement.\u0026nbsp; \"Tell him that you cannot leave this family.\u0026nbsp; The house's Yokai does not   \nwish it.\"\n\nIt was the first time we had ever discussed her gift with the intention of sharing it.\u0026nbsp; I was   \ngreedy and wanted her all to myself but, I realized, if we said nothing then there would be no   \nconvincing the Lord of the house to abandon his foolish idea of marrying off my cherished   \nKotomi.\u0026nbsp; She was so surprised by my suggestion that she spoke to me with her father there. \"Are   \nyou sure?\"\n\nHe was so caught up in his own thoughts that he didn't realize she wasn't speaking to him.\u0026nbsp; \"It   \nis not your place to question your father, child.\u0026nbsp; Yes.\u0026nbsp; You are to be married and you should be   \nthankful to be given this opportunity to serve your family.\"\n\nI approached the two of them, reaching out so I could rest my paw on her shoulder for support.\u0026nbsp;   \n\"Tell him, Kotomi.\u0026nbsp; If he sends you off to be married then you will have to leave and I cannot   \ngo with you.\"\n\nShe reached up to grasp my fingers with hers; I gave her strength in the same way she gave it to   \nme.\u0026nbsp; \"Father... Haru does not want me to leave.\"\n\nThe Lord of the house's neutral expression dissolved like a dropped spirit belonging and was   \nreplaced by the kind of scowl you'd see on an oni mask. \"You are too old to play with imaginary   \nfriends, Kotomi.\u0026nbsp; It is time you grow up and become a wife.\"\n\nHis push-back gave her almost as much strength as my paw.\u0026nbsp; \"Father, Haru is not imaginary.\u0026nbsp; Ours   \nis a Kitsune mochi, and Haru is our Kitsuni.\"\n\nIf I thought the Lord of the house was unhappy at her objection to being married then he became   \noutright enraged when she told him what I asked her to say.\u0026nbsp; \"How dare you, insolent child?\u0026nbsp; You   \ndishonor our family by bending the stories to your foolish whims!\"\n\nI've always been one to answer anger with anger.\u0026nbsp; \"Tell him I said his father always favored his   \nbrother Eiji.\"\n\nKotomi looked at me with bewilderment on her face; I'd never spoken of ancestors to her.\u0026nbsp; The   \nLord of the house took her askance of me as an outward dismissal of him since she turned away   \nand he slapped her with the back of his hand.\u0026nbsp; \"You will not disrespect your father in this way,   \nKotomi!\"\n\nTo her credit, Kotomi didn't raise her hand to where he'd struck her but, she looked right back   \nat him and gave him my message.\u0026nbsp; \"Haru told me to tell you that grandfather always favored your   \nbrother Eiji more than you.\"\n\nIf any message would have worked on the Lord of the house then it would have been that one, and   \nit did.\u0026nbsp; He stepped back as if his daughter herself were a Yokai threatening to possess him.\u0026nbsp;   \n\"What?\u0026nbsp; How do you know about Eiji?\u0026nbsp; He died years before I had even taken your mother as my   \nwife!\u0026nbsp; Nobody in this house knows about--\"\n\nI have never been a clean fighter, and, taking advantage of the situation, I figured it was time   \nto twist the knife. \"Kotomi, tell him that he THOUGHT nobody knew, but the family's Yokai knows   \neverything.\u0026nbsp; I was there.\"\n\nShe trusted me, and did just that.\u0026nbsp; \"Father, Haru says he knows, because he was there.\"\n\nKotomi knew nothing more than I told her, so I can imagine what must have been going through her   \nmind when she saw her father go pale and quickly stumble out of the room.\u0026nbsp; I didn't tell her   \nthat her father had killed his brother because she didn't need to know that; the Lord of the   \nhouse was still her father and was still in charge so there would have been nothing to gain by   \ntarnishing her opinion of him.\u0026nbsp; Looking back, though, I wish I had.\n\nWaiting until the door closed behind her father, Kotomi looked back at me and my victory was cut   \nshort; there were tears in her eyes and I knew she was in pain.\u0026nbsp; More than any other human I had   \nmet, Kotomi was led by her heart.\u0026nbsp; She felt others' pain as surely as if she were the one   \nsuffering and, despite how gentle I had been in dismissing her father, I had still done enough   \ndamage to leave him reeling.\u0026nbsp; For what was probably the first time in my existence I felt bad   \nfor what I'd done.\u0026nbsp; Pulling her to me, I rested my muzzle against her cheek and said something   \nI'd never thought I'd say:\u0026nbsp; Gomen'nasai-- I'm sorry.\n\nAt first I'd expected her to pull away but she actually tightened her arms around me.\u0026nbsp; \"I don't   \nwant father to be angry with me, but I don't want him to separate us.\"\n\nHumans and spirits are made of different stuff, but where we overlap is in emotions; humans feel   \nthem strongly and, when they do, they are able to feel us.\u0026nbsp; The much rarer connection is when a   \nspirit feels those emotions too, and in moments like that we aren't as different as we might   \nseem.\u0026nbsp; That embrace was the first time I really TRULY ever felt a human.\u0026nbsp; Sure, I'd touched   \npeople before and I'd touched; during the Heian period alone I sired over thirty children with   \nhuman women-- but never before that moment had I really understood what it was to feel someone   \nin a way that mattered.\n\nIt was the only time in my life when I wasn't sure if it was alright to kiss the object of my   \naffection but, as my muzzle met her lips all of that uncertainty washed away; not only did she   \nmeet me half way, she returned it without any sense of inhibition.\u0026nbsp; I don't know how long I held   \nher in my arms but when our lips finally parted she whispered a single word:\u0026nbsp; my name.\u0026nbsp;   \n\"Haru...\"\n\nI've never heard so much in two syllables, and her voice carried with it far more unspoken than   \nsaid.\u0026nbsp; Even thinking about it now sends a shiver up my spine in the most amazing way, like, if I   \ntried hard enough, I could almost feel it strongly enough to create my own spirit energy.\u0026nbsp; That   \nmay not mean much to a human, but there's no claim more unbelievable than that... and the way   \nKotomi made me feel was THAT amazing.\u0026nbsp; I followed up my apology with another thing I never   \nthought I'd be able to say honestly.\u0026nbsp; \"I love you, Kotomi.\"\n\nShe stared up into my eyes even as I stared down into hers and I watched a smile brighten her   \nface like the sun lights the sky at dawn.\u0026nbsp; She reached up and brushed my mane away from my face.   \n\u0026nbsp;\"Haru... your eyes... they're--\"\n\nMy heart broke in that moment; only once she brought it to my attention did I realize just how   \nmuch damage I must have done pitting her against her father.\u0026nbsp; I had injured the family I had   \nbeen sworn to protect; I wasn't a Guardian anymore; I was a threat.\u0026nbsp; I closed them, unwilling to   \nlet her see me like that. \"Red... I--\"\n\nHer hand felt warm against my cheek. \"The most beautiful blue I've ever seen...\"\n\nThe statement caught me completely by surprise, and so did her follow-up kiss.\u0026nbsp; I had heard   \nstories of Spirits with Sapphire eyes-- Spirits who had forsaken everything it meant to be a   \nSpirit.\u0026nbsp; They stepped away from humanity as a whole, choosing one and only one human with whom   \nthey would make a connection that, as the stories told, gave them everything they needed to be   \nwhole.\u0026nbsp; I had never believed it, of course, but as I felt her body press up against mine and her   \nsoft, supple lips caress my muzzle I needed no further proof; I wanted no other human.\u0026nbsp; I needed   \nno other human.\u0026nbsp; Kotomi was my everything.\n\nMy breath came out quickly when our lips parted, almost as if I'd run from one side of town to   \nthe other without stopping.\u0026nbsp; Still, somehow, I managed to speak.\u0026nbsp; \"Say you'll be mine, Kotomi...   \nsay it, and I am yours.\"\n\nShe smiled, a gleam of something that had always been there in her eyes suddenly that much more   \nnoticeable, and she threw herself against me again, laughing as she did so before declaring   \n\"Forever, Haru... forever.\"\n\nThere was no doubt in my mind what she was offering and, even if there was, the moment I felt   \nher fingers around my back carefully undoing my obi, even the smallest lingering sense of   \nuncertainty left me.\u0026nbsp; She was willing to give me more of herself than she ever had; she was   \ngoing to give me everything.\u0026nbsp; For the first time in my long existence I actually hesitated.\u0026nbsp;   \n\"Kotomi, you don't have to--\"\n\nShe silenced me with a kiss and, as my sash fell away she spoke, our lips still touching.\u0026nbsp; \"That   \nis why it is my Gift to you.\"\n\nWith my kimono open, I let her take in as much of me as she desired with her eyes.\u0026nbsp; I have never   \nbeen a bashful spirit but I had gone to great lengths to remain suitable in her presence her   \nentire life; such modesty ended that night.\u0026nbsp; I watched with rapt attention as she smiled, the   \nexpression one of mixed joy and anticipating along with a little embarrassment as she stepped   \nback and reached behind herself to loosen her own sash.\u0026nbsp; A moment later she exhaled, and then   \nshrugged; her robe fell to the floor, leaving her completely naked and me completely enraptured   \nat the sight of her.\n\nKotomi stepped closer again, one hand reaching out for my paw, and the other for my shoulder.\u0026nbsp;   \nHave you ever held something light and delicate and worried that you might break it?\u0026nbsp; That was   \nhow it felt when our fingers entwined-- like Kotomi was a feather, or a snowflake, or a dew   \ncovered spider web. She was beautiful, and she was shivering.\u0026nbsp; I pulled her close gently, head   \nswimming when I felt her bare flesh against my fur.\u0026nbsp; Her right hand remained entwined with my   \nleft paw, but her left caressed my thigh, and then delved inward to explore my more intimate   \nparts; I did not resist, and closed my eyes in pure joy, trilling out my pleasure as her fingers   \nworked their way through my groin fur.\n\nShe spoke softly, giving my paw a squeeze as she cupped my sac, making my fur stand on end with   \nher touch. \"I... do not know what to do, Haru...\"\n\nI wrapped an arm around the small of her back and held her to me, breasts pressed into my chest   \nas I brushed my nose against her earlobe and spoke softly. \"I will do everything, my Kotomi...   \nyou need only tell me when to start, and if I should stop.\"\n\nA shiver went through her as well and she buried her face against the fur of my neck.\u0026nbsp; \"Do not   \nstop, Haru... ever.\"\n\nDespite my sudden reservations at something I wanted so very badly that soft quivering of her   \nbody against mine made me want it all the more.\u0026nbsp; Regardless, I wasn't willing to go any further   \nwithout boundaries, and providing her the warning.\u0026nbsp; She was, after all, a virgin.\u0026nbsp; \"It... may   \nhurt, at first, beloved... if I hurt you--\"\n\nShe pulled back, her soft face shining like the moon as her eyes sparkled up at me.\u0026nbsp; \"You will   \nnot hurt me, Haru... I trust you.\"\n\nI let her draw away, taking the opportunity to calm myself down and collect my thoughts.\u0026nbsp; Very   \nfew humans had ever found a reason to trust a Yokai and fewer tried, but not Kotomi; she was   \nmine, and I was hers.\u0026nbsp; I didn't want to risk that trust, and so I was honest-- as honest as I   \nhad ever been.\n\nTaking her other hand in my other paw I spoke softly but directly.\u0026nbsp; \"Kotomi, I am going to-- to   \nbe inside you.\u0026nbsp; You have not done this before.\u0026nbsp; I will be as gentle as I can, but... but it may   \nhurt, and you may bleed.\u0026nbsp; I do not want you to fear this, or to worry, but I also want you to   \nknow before we begin.\"\n\nAs straight forward and calmly as I'd tried to explain it I saw a hint of surprise and alarm in   \nher face.\u0026nbsp; To her credit, she hid it well and I wasn't sure whether that made me feel better or   \nworse.\u0026nbsp; Her fingers gripped my paws more tightly, and slowly led me to her sleeping mat.\u0026nbsp; \"I   \ntrust you, Haru... and I want this.\u0026nbsp; Please.\"\n\nAlthough I didn't resist her lead I, nevertheless, spoke my mind.\u0026nbsp; \"As do I, my Kotomi... more   \nthan it is safe to... more than anything.\u0026nbsp; That is why I am worried I may hurt you.\"\n\nShe turned back in my direction, slowly lowering herself onto the cloth mat and taking me with   \nher.\u0026nbsp; Her suggestion was far easier said than done.\u0026nbsp; \"Then do not hurt me.\"\n\nI didn't want her to sense my reservations, not when she was already so worried, so I simply   \nnodded, and let her take me to the floor with her.\u0026nbsp; As she laid back, however, I came to rest on   \nmy forepaws, disengaging them from her hands as I leaned forward to kiss her belly button.\u0026nbsp; From   \nthere, I licked her abdomen, nuzzling my way lower.\u0026nbsp; The sound of her breath catching in her   \nthroat as my nose worked its way lower still was one of the sexiest things I have heard in my   \ncenturies and, even now I can hear it in my mind and it gives me the shivers.\n\nKotomi was exquisite in all ways-- the lurid little squeak that escaped her lips when my tongue   \nlapped at her entrance; the heavy breath flowing out of her as I delved deeper; the taste of her   \nas she responded to my ministrations; the feel of her hands gripping my ears, fingers wriggling   \nagainst my fur as she began to squirm; the scent of her, not just from the source but all over   \nthe fur of my muzzle.\u0026nbsp; The sounds of her, the feel of her, the sight of her, the smell... the   \ntaste-- A-a! Tottemo yokatta!\n\nBy the time I pulled back, licking my lips I was so hard it was almost painful.\u0026nbsp; I'd had sex   \nwith many humans over the centuries-- men or women, it didn't matter... but Kotomi was the first   \nand only time I did so because there was something between us-- something more than simple lust.   \n\u0026nbsp;I moved my body upward until I was hovering over her, one paw resting against her sleeping mat   \non either side of her face.\u0026nbsp; I gazed down at Kotomi and she gazed up at me; I saw her smile--   \nand she nodded.\n\nI propped myself up on one arm as I sought out her hand with my other paw. \"If you are in any   \npain, just squeeze.\"\n\nMy Kotomi took hold of my paw but, rather than address my concern, she said something else. \"Ai   \nshiteru.\"\n\nI had told her I had loved her, but when she whispered those words back to me I knew for certain   \nthat I was not just deluding myself: we had something, and it was something I hadn't realized   \nhow desperately I wanted-- or needed.\u0026nbsp; There was no more hesitation and no more waiting.\u0026nbsp; She   \nwas a virgin, but the time I spent easier her into it made a difference; her juices and my   \nsaliva made it easier to enter her.\u0026nbsp; She gasped, mouth and eyes opening wide as her breath   \nstopped; she gripped my paw tightly and I smelled blood.\n\nIn that moment I immediately questioned my decision but, a second later, her grip slackened and   \nher body relaxed just enough that she closed her eyes, breath escaping through her lips.\u0026nbsp; I saw   \ntears in the corners of her eyes, but her expression turned into a faint smile, and she   \nwhispered the words \"Is... that it?\"\n\nI smiled back down at her and touched my nose to hers.\u0026nbsp; \"The worst of it, I believe.\u0026nbsp; Are... you   \nalright?\"\n\nHer response almost seemed contrived, but I realized that she wasn't capable of such   \nmisdirection. \"With you?\u0026nbsp; Always.\"\n\nOur lips met again and I simply held her.\u0026nbsp; Perhaps it sounds strange to be in the middle of sex and   \nstopping to kiss, but it was something I realized I would do every chance I got, no matter what.\u0026nbsp; As   \nmy muzzle pulled back from her mouth I asked permission with a single expression and she smiled,   \nproviding it with a nod, and the word all spirits needed to truly be free to do as they would.\u0026nbsp; \"Yes.\"\u0026nbsp;\n\nI willingly accepted.\n\nI am by no means exceptionally well endowed.\u0026nbsp; I mean, I'm not tiny, or small, or even the lower side   \nof average, but it's not a monster either-- unless you count the knot, which isn't something most   \nhumans have any experience handling.\u0026nbsp; What I mean to say is that I was able to be careful with my   \nbeloved Kotomi without having to be so gentle that it was a distraction.\u0026nbsp; I was mindful of her, but I   \nwas able to enjoy myself-- I was able to enjoy her.\u0026nbsp;\n\nThere is something about joining with a human in such a way that no other experience could possibly   \noffer-- to be so in tune with a mortal that they could just as easily be as solid as a spirit to me.\u0026nbsp; I   \ndon't mind saying that I miss it.\u0026nbsp; She was my one true love, and I was blessed in that she loved me   \nback.\u0026nbsp; What began as me guiding her in the art of lovemaking transitioned once she found her way   \nand, as our time together progressed she was soon meeting me half-way; her hands explored my   \nbody and she moved in time with me, contributing to the experience for the both of us.\n\nSadly, such bliss could not last forever.\u0026nbsp; For spirits, the art of joining physically with a human in a   \nsexual way creates an incredible high for us as we directly absorb all of the spirit energy a human   \ncreates at such a time.\u0026nbsp; The experience is euphoric for us throughout in the way that an orgasm is for   \na human at the end.\u0026nbsp; For us, I'll just gloat a little, we get the double enjoyment of the happy ending   \nbecause our human partners release an even larger pulse of spirit energy and, well, there's the   \nphysical enjoyment spirits get out of it too.\u0026nbsp;\n\nWith Kotomi, though, there was more to it; for that split second, as she and I reached the end of our   \njourneys in unison, for a singular moment, it almost felt like I had a soul too-- like I was able to   \nexperience what it meant to a human in the way they did.\u0026nbsp; It was beautiful, and it was amazing, and   \nit was something I will cherish for my entire existence.\u0026nbsp; Coming down off that sensation was one of   \nthe hardest things to do and I tried to grab onto it and hold it close; in the end, the most I could   \naccomplish was to do that physically with my beloved Kotomi-- and apologize to her regarding the   \naforementioned knot.\u0026nbsp; For better or for worse, at the very least, it meant that neither of us were   \ngoing anywhere for a time.\n\nEven after we'd separated we were inseparable.\u0026nbsp; Kotomi, at her father's orders had been confined   \nto her room, but we didn't care; we had each other.\u0026nbsp; Although things had changed greatly between   \nus they still remained the same.\u0026nbsp; We spent every day together, basking in one another's company   \nand thriving in our new-found love.\u0026nbsp; She touched me as often as I touched her and, though I did   \nnot sleep, when she slept I was with her, watching her as she dreamed, silently thanking   \nwhatever Kami had blessed us with such great fortune as I reveled in what it meant to be so   \nclose to my beloved.\n\nKotomi and I spent the time as we always had but, she also took up a new hobby: she carved a   \nsmall white wood statuette-- a Netskue.\u0026nbsp; It was a little fox with its tail wrapped around to   \ncover its forepaws.\u0026nbsp; She had made a Totem, and had dedicated it to me so that we would always be   \ntogether, even if the needs of the family called me away from her.\u0026nbsp; I was overjoyed, and readily   \naccepted the gift, telling her I would find a way to repay her a thousand fold for her kindness   \nand her love.\u0026nbsp; She had no doubt that I would, and told me that I was already off to a wonderful   \nstart.\n\nShe became my whole world and I willingly ignored everything outside of her room in favor of   \nmaking her my all.\u0026nbsp; Kotomi, in turn, never faltered and never swayed in her attention, giving   \nall of it and all of herself to me.\u0026nbsp; Our happiness only increased one day as she sat on her   \npadded stool and held her mirror up so she could watch as I brushed her hair.\u0026nbsp; It was in that   \nmoment that I saw my reflection for the first time.\n\nSpirits cannot see our own reflections in mirrors and, in fact, we do not have reflections   \nbecause we do not exist as humans do.\u0026nbsp; Yet, there are rare times in which we become material   \nenough to do so, and I had no doubt in my mind what it meant.\u0026nbsp; Kneeling down beside my beloved   \nKotomi, I reached out a paw and gripped the hand she used to hold the mirror, rotating it until   \nboth of our faces appeared in the glass, and that was when I told her.\u0026nbsp; \"Kotomi, my soul... we   \nwill have a child.\"\n\nHer happiness mirrored my own, and we embraced.\u0026nbsp; The rest of the world could be damned for all I   \nI cared: everything I never knew I wanted was there in my arms.\u0026nbsp; Oh, I'd had offspring, that   \nmuch I knew, but I never cared for them or the women who had born them-- Kotomi was different.\u0026nbsp;   \nShe was my beloved.\u0026nbsp; She was my heart.\u0026nbsp; She was, as I had called her, my soul.\u0026nbsp; As happy as we   \nwere at that moment, however, it would not last.\u0026nbsp; No-- I was taught so very clearly that the   \nmore a Yokai had, the more they had to lose... and I lost it all.\n\nIt was two days after we discovered that Kotomi would bear my child when her father returned and   \nhe brought with him two holy men.\u0026nbsp; His words were direct and to the point.\u0026nbsp; \"She is possessed.\u0026nbsp;   \nDo not listen to anything she says.\u0026nbsp; Drive out the Yokai.\"\n\nOh, I could go into details about what they did to my Kotomi, but just thinking about it hurts   \nenough.\u0026nbsp; For nearly twenty hours they subjected her to such horrors designed to push a   \npossessing spirit from a mortal's body-- some of them even worked, or so I'd heard, but the main   \ndifference between those cases and what they did to my dearest was plain: she was not possessed.   \n\u0026nbsp;There was no spirit to cast out... there was just Kotomi.\u0026nbsp; I stood there the whole time, unable   \nto do anything because, despite all of the power given to me by the family, I could not act   \nagainst them, and I could\u0026nbsp; not risk drawing energy off of my beloved lest it cause her that much   \nmore pain... so I did nothing.\u0026nbsp;\n\nI continued to do nothing but offer her what consolation I could, and promises that the pain   \nwould end and I would be there to comfort her and care for her.\u0026nbsp; I told her how the two of us   \ncould escape-- we would run away.\u0026nbsp; Even though she would leave her family behind I would be with   \nher.\u0026nbsp; We would start a new family.\u0026nbsp; We would make our own way in the world and I would every   \nlast bit of my power to give her and our child the life that they both deserved.\u0026nbsp; They were   \nlies, and I knew them even as I said them, but I was helpless to offer anything but hope.\u0026nbsp;\n\nI wouldn't be able to provide for her if I turned from her family.\u0026nbsp; I wouldn't be able to   \ncomfort her and support her in her times of need.\u0026nbsp; Despite how much a Spirit might want to be   \neverything a human needed, we can't-- that is not what we do.\u0026nbsp; But Yokai... we lie.\u0026nbsp; We are good   \nat lying... so good that I was almost able to believe them myself-- I certainly wanted to.\u0026nbsp; She   \nsmiled through it all, of course, when she wasn't screaming, or coughing, or crying.\u0026nbsp; Throughout   \nit all, her eyes always returned to me and, I think, in some small way, it helped her make it as   \nlong as she did... up until the final cleansing.\n\nThe priests, so ardent in their desire to banish a spirit from Kotomi, were so active that they   \nhad to take turns administering treatment.\u0026nbsp; When one exhausted himself the second would step in,   \nbut there was no rest for my Soul-- she was forced to weather everything.\u0026nbsp; In the end, the final   \nattempt to free her of spirit possession was to hang her over smoldering pine branches upside   \ndown.\u0026nbsp; The folklore said that either the possessing spirit would flee the body, or else the   \npossessed would suffocate, and their soul would be free of the possession.\n\nI shouted; I screamed; I cried.\u0026nbsp; I was so distraught I couldn't concentrate enough to Push, or Pull, or   \nTear.\u0026nbsp; I raged around the room, trying in vain to think of something I could to do end the torture   \nthat her father was inflicting on her.\u0026nbsp; I wanted to help, but I couldn't do anything to harm the   \nfamily I was sworn to protect.\u0026nbsp; I had to protect Kotomi, but how could I protect her from her own   \nfather?\u0026nbsp; The priest!\u0026nbsp; I realized I could hurt the priest, but, again, despite my power I was only one   \nspirit, and, despite how horrific and barbaric the rituals were, there was some amount of truth in   \nthem, and I could do nothing to affect the monster.\u0026nbsp; At that time, I was pulled from the chaos of my   \nmind by Kotomi's pain.\n\nSo entwined were we that I could count her heartbeats as they sped up.\u0026nbsp; She began struggling,   \ncoughing as her eyes watered.\u0026nbsp; Kotomi had long since lost the ability to make any sound.\u0026nbsp; I   \nstill remember her hanging upside down in that thick column of smoke... but... no-- there's no   \nsense saying anything more.\u0026nbsp; When she finally stopped struggling it was not because a spirit had   \nleft her body, rather, it was her soul.\u0026nbsp; Something died that day within me, as surely as our   \nchild had within her.\u0026nbsp; Only as her body went slack did I watch her fox Netskue fall down to join   \nthe rest of the smoldering wood in the pit beneath her.\n\nMy life felt as though it had ended and, truthfully, my time as a Guardian Spirit certainly did.   \n\u0026nbsp;I had feared that forsaking the family for my connection to only one daughter would mean that I   \nwould lose my entire connection, but it had not.\u0026nbsp; I had worried that speaking ill of Kotomi's father   \nand embarrassing him in front of her had cost me my hard-won Amber Inner Light, but it did not.\u0026nbsp;   \nWhen my eyes had turned Sapphire I had first thought that they had gone red but, no, they did not   \ndo that until my beloved Kotomi was needlessly put to death by her petty father... that was the   \nmoment when I realized just how horrible Humans really were; it was then that I swore revenge.\n\nEvery drop of spirit energy the family had given me, to that point, had gone back into making   \nthem powerful, wealthy, successful, and strong.\u0026nbsp; I was a powerful Guardian Spirit for that   \nfamily but, as I stood there, seething in rage, vowing that I would not let the lord of the home   \nget away with yet another murder-- a murder of MY Kotomi, all of that power-- all of that energy   \nand that force was suddenly used in a different manner.\u0026nbsp; I turned my fury on the family and,   \nhaving spent so long as the family's Spirit Guardian, I knew how to hurt them.\u0026nbsp;\n\nI became their enemy and, without a Spirit Guardian, that Kitsune mochi crumbled.\u0026nbsp; Pushing them   \nto ruin wasn't enough for me, and I continued to hammer away at them over the course of the next   \ntwo decades, until they were ground so far into the dirt that they would never recover.\u0026nbsp; To this   \nday they suffer the effects of Kotomi's father's decision, and you will find them nowhere in   \nJapan, nowhere on this earth, and nowhere in the history books.\u0026nbsp; I gained my power from their   \nhardships, their lamentations and their pain.\u0026nbsp; Once they were all destroyed, I realized that I   \nwould willing and readily to pass into nothingness.\u0026nbsp;\n\nI would have no reason to exist, a Guardian Spirit whose Golden Inner Light had turned Ruby.\u0026nbsp; My   \nwhole purpose was to destroy those who had taken my Kotomi from me and, once that was done, I   \nwalked the world, waiting for the rest of my energy to fade into nothing.\u0026nbsp; Certainly, I found   \nsmall little snippets of power, just enough to keep me going.\u0026nbsp; I tried several times to resist   \nbut hunger does strange things to Spirits.\u0026nbsp; I continued hating humans, enjoying every chance I   \ncould get to feast on their suffering.\u0026nbsp;\n\nFor decades my opinion of humankind remained unchanged and I wished them nothing but the worst  \n\u0026nbsp;in life and existence.\u0026nbsp; One day, however, in a strange, random-act of kindness from a teenage   \nmortal, I began to wonder if perhaps this new human... this 'Daniel', might be able to prove me   \nwrong.\u0026nbsp; Realizing that there would be no great loss in trying, I forestalled punishing him and   \nwillingly opened myself up to seeing where it would go.\u0026nbsp; Of course, that didn't mean I wouldn't at   \nleast test him... I AM a Yokai, after all... it's what I do.","series":{"name":"The Gift","previous":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/1324792-the-gift-edward-s-storyline-ch-2-part-1.json","next":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/1326277-the-gift-richard-s-fa-storyline-ch-2-part-2.json"}}