{"sf1_id":1357902,"sf2_id":"Oe5MqMKe","title":"Mind","author":"The Fire Tiger","words":774,"posted_at":"2018-08-07T01:37:00.000Z","tags":["Poem","Poems","Poetry","Rant","mind","vent"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/1357902-mind","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/s/Oe5MqMKe","image_url":"https://cdn.sofurryfiles.com/submissions/thumbnails/9a/03/9a03fb69-4164-46d0-8a1c-45a437154804","description":"#3 of Experiments\n\n\"Hey, so, about... well, him. I think he wants to give up. ..why I think so? Here, have this thing I found in that book he writes in so often.\"\n\nBaseless poetry at 1AM, cool. I tried organizing some thoughts into poetry since I thought about doing that anyway.\n\nLike my stories? Consider buying me a Ko-Fi! It would help immensly: https://ko-fi.com/R6R4C91Z#","content":"What is wrong with me?\n\nThere's so much I wanna do\n\nIt is hurting me.\n\nIf it's not now, when?\n\nI have to let out these thoughts.\n\nSo, here it goes, then...\n\n* * *\n\nI'm feeling kinda empty\n\nbut now I'm okay?\n\nWhen night lurks around\n\nI refelct on today\n\nLies, though, not today\n\nMy entire fucking life\n\nI wanna say all of them\n\nbut the negatives are rife\n\nI hate my big heart sometimes\n\nbecause now I worry I'll harm someone\n\nbut I guess it's better to be sincere\n\nthan to hurt myself and run\n\nSo, it is with a heavy heart\n\nthat I announce this mass homocide\n\nand after I'm done here... well,\n\nI'll try not to commit suicide.\n\n* * *\n\nI must start with the person most closest to my heart\n\nWe talk so much and yet we barely speak at all\n\nWhen I do bring up a mindful subject I feel like your mind just falls apart\n\nAnd it just feels like, between us, there's an unnecessary wall.\n\nI understand your simple mindedness but I am lost keeping everything in a cell\n\nand I'd rather not bother others that could be with me in the same boat.\n\nSo what am I to do? Keep screaming to the void that already knows me so well?\n\nOr perhaps try and understand you for a change, you -- forgive me! -- goat.\n\nI'm not asking you to change -- I feel like you've changed enough for me, actually\n\nBut it would be really great if someone like-minded finally came along\n\nAnd even though I've yet to learn anything about socializing with others, really\n\nI'm ready to at least accept I must play that first note of that song.\n\nAlas, though... I hope it'll be very soon.\n\n...this trash heap of feelings rapidly expands like a balloon.\n\n* * *\n\nI'll always wonder who is up there.\n\nI'll sometimes stand still and look up\n\nAs if I hear their voices in the air.\n\nI just want to be made aware\n\nOf this beyond-human-being,\n\nHe who really is up there.\n\nBut so much knowledge -- beware!\n\nPerhaps they do warn us every day\n\nAs if their voice was the air.\n\n\"Enlightenment\" or \"miracles\" are rare\n\nIt kinda feels like a bunch of shit\n\nAnd I'll lose faith in whoever's up there.\n\nCan you blame them, though, for having that scare?\n\nThey're probably trying to tell us to listen,\n\nTheir voice whistling in the air.\n\nIf they come soon, hopefully I'll still be there\n\nFinally to witness their true nature. And so\n\nI'll always wonder who's up there,\n\nAs if I hear their voices in the air.\n\n* * *\n\nNow, being in the city isn't all that bad, but...\n\nAfter being closed off for too long, I found my place of being.\n\nThrough the trecherous mountains I find my true happiness,\n\nUnsure of the path before me -- the most fun I've had in ages!\n\nRelishing in all the beautiful sights that I'm seeing\n\nEventually coming back to my home, a simple hut.\n\nIn my mind, though, that seems far too unrealistic\n\nSupport that deep in the mountains is unidealistic.\n\nMust I keep that a secret from everybody I meet, though?\n\nYou probably couldn't tell, anyway, that there I would like to go.\n\nHungry for more adventure, and yet, never knowing when to stop,\n\nOh, the only things keeping me grounded are my connections.\n\nMy heart is too big to simply avoid them like infections\n\nEventually deciding I won't hurt them... And I, frustrated, drop.\n\n* * *\n\nI am not who you think I seem to be.\n\nAlthough my smile is the best it can be\n\nThe truth is that this was just a mask\n\nHiding my emotions and all of my pain.\n\nAlthough my smile is the best it can be\n\nThere are so many things I hate about me.\n\nHiding my emotions and all of my pain\n\nI simply turn away if it's too much.\n\nThere are so many things I hate about me.\n\nI do nothing to perhaps fix myself at all.\n\nI simply turn away if it's too much,\n\nNever getting anything done at all.\n\nI do nothing to perhaps fix myself at all.\n\nThe truth is that this was just a mask,\n\nNever getting anything done at all.\n\nI am not who you think I seem to be.\n\n* * *\n\nAnd so, this comes to an end.\n\nAll my feelings, my despair,\n\nI don't know how far it can bend.\n\nIt was great letting it out.\n\nIt's better than just staying silent,\n\nMy usual, self-damaging route.\n\n  \n  \n\n","series":{"name":"Vaulted","previous":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/1330821-past.json","next":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/1388511-grab.json"}}