{"sf1_id":1512018,"sf2_id":"qmyXBYae","title":"The Frog Legs Rag","author":"STRONG","words":2178,"posted_at":"2019-11-10T21:23:13.000Z","tags":["Comedy","Feline","Greentext","Human","M/F","Serval","silly"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/1512018-the-frog-legs-rag","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/s/qmyXBYae","image_url":"https://cdn.sofurryfiles.com/submissions/thumbnails/b7/c2/b7c2e644-39ad-4202-9927-8598f023a031","description":"Dalia the derpy Serval wants to try to cook food again!  \nthis is a sequal to \"Cooking by the book\"  \nEnjoy!","content":"\\\u003eThoughtlessly, you take a long slow drink from your beer, staring at the TV; watching some show you haven't really paid attention to.\n\n\\\u003eIt's been a long day...week...month.\n\n\\\u003eAnd you're just glad its over.\n\n\\\u003eYour work as a contractor is tough during this time of year, and as such you're more than a little stressed.\n\n\\\u003eBut as you take another long drag from your favorite beer, you're reminded it's just temporary.\n\n\\\u003eYou slowly stand and stretch, thinking about what to make for dinner.\n\n\\\u003ePepperoni mushroom pizza with homemade crust? Burgers? seafood?\n\n\\\u003eYou're left wondering for a bit; but the sound of Dalia pulling up to the house snaps you out of your thoughts.\n\n\\\u003eShe always did insist on grocery shopping, so you would have to see what she got this time around to make a dinner decision.\n\n\\\u003eYou saunter out of your front door to meet you wife.\n\n\\\u003eDalia looks as gorgeous as ever; with her slim Serval body wearing skinny jeans and a pink t-shirt; grabbing something from the backseat.\n\n\\\u003eA Something she tries to hide from you.\n\n\\\u003eEven though she wears a tight t shirt and jeans, she acts like her thin body could hide anything behind her back.\n\n\\\u003eYou grab a few things from the trunk, while staring at the thing she's hiding.\n\n\\\u003e\"What's that behind your back?\" you ask nonchalantly, grabbing a few gatorades.\n\n\\\u003e\"Uh! Nothing, just a surprise for later!\" Dalia squeaks before rushing into the house.\n\n\\\u003eShe's up to something, that's for sure.\n\n\\\u003eYou just don't know what yet.\n\n\\\u003eAs you bring in the various foodstuffs, you put together a meal plan in your head.\n\n\\\u003eDalia brought home a LOT of seafood; which is no real surprise to you.\n\n\\\u003eShe is a big cat after all.\n\n\\\u003e\"I'm making dinner tonight! sit back and relax; I know you've been stressed with work\" you hear her call out as you step through the front door, overburdened with bags of food.\n\n\\\u003eOne trip is all it should take for bringing in groceries.\n\n\\\u003eYou would die before you let that truth be eroded.\n\n\\\u003eBut your heart still sinks when you hear her cheerful chirps.\n\n\\\u003eDalia is a great cook, but...She's a bit too out there to cook.\n\n\\\u003eFor example, she tried to home brew Ale, only to not let the Yeast breathe and then the container exploded.\n\n\\\u003eOr how about the time she tried to make soft shell crabs and let loose a dozen tiny crabs in your kitchen\n\n\\\u003e\"What are you making love?\" you call out as you bring in the food.\n\n\\\u003e\"Frog legs! I got a deal at the store!\" is her answer.\n\n\\\u003eYou hurry into the kitchen to see her looking over a pot of water with the heat set to max under it; a 5 gal bucket with a sealed lid sits on the ground beside her.\n\n\\\u003e\"Uh...Frog legs? Do you even like frog legs\" you ask as Dalia rushes to you with a tight hug and kiss.\n\n\\\u003eYou know this ploy.\n\n\\\u003eShe's trying to distract you from something she knows she shouldn't have.\n\n\\\u003e\"Uh Yep! Frog legs, just go to the living room and I'll make them for us\" she says hastily; hugging you and trying to pull you to the living room.\n\n\\\u003eYou plant your feet and frown.\n\n\\\u003e\"What's in the bucket?\"\n\n\\\u003eDalia's ears fold and she looks from you to the bucket uneasily.\n\n\\\u003e\"UH...\" she grunts halfheartedly.\n\n\\\u003e\"Tell me\" you demand with a frown, staring at the bucket.\n\n\\\u003eYou swear you can hear soft ribbits from it.\n\n\\\u003e\"Nothing! Just lemme cook!\" Dalia says hastily, pushing you away from the kicthen with all her feline strength.\n\n\\\u003ewell now, you're at a standstill.\n\n\\\u003eTrust your wife or invade to see what's going on.\n\n\\\u003e10 minutes.\n\n\\\u003e\"You get ten minutes before I start investigating\" you say while holding her close.\n\n\\\u003eShe tries to squirm away, but luckily for her you let he go.\n\n\\\u003e\"Ten minutes! Got it!\"\n\n\\\u003eYou sit back down in the living room and try to focus on anything other that Dalia in the kitchen.\n\n\\\u003eThe sounds of pots and pans banging together ring out as she tries to get food ready before you intervene\n\n\\\u003eWith more than a little bit of apprehension, you settle back onto the couch in your living room, trying to watch TV, but are distracted by Dalia.\n\n\\\u003eThe bucket keeps ribbiting, she keeps mumbling to herself and fishing random spices out of the cupboards.\n\n\\\u003e\"Babe?\" you call out after a few minutes; only to hear another loud clang of pots.\n\n\\\u003e\"Yes dearest?\" Dalia answers, poking her head around a corner, keeping her hands from view with a VERY fake smile.\n\n\\\u003eYou frown, and get up from your couch.\n\n\\\u003e\"Ok, what are you doing?\" you ask stepping into the kitchen.\n\n\\\u003eYou're greeted with several pots of boiling water and various knives laid out.\n\n\\\u003eDalia smiles then begins wrestling with the bucket lid.\n\n\\\u003e\"Frog legs! I got a deal for a bucket of tree frogs!\" she chirps happily as she pulls off the lid and attempts to pour said frogs into the boiling water.\n\n\\\u003eInstead, the frogs fall all around the water, and those that land in it simply jump out.\n\n\\\u003eIn an instant, your kitchen has turned into a fucking rainforest of chirping 2 inch frogs.\n\n\\\u003eSmall croaks are heard everywhere and you see Dalia fussing around, trying to shepard the frogs into the steaming pots.\n\n\\\u003eYou stand in disbelief, having seen everything unfold.\n\n\\\u003eDalia tries (and fails) to round up dozens of small frogs with her wooden spoon.\n\n\\\u003eThe frogs hop all over, into the living room and family room, trying to get away.\n\n\\\u003eYour pet cat, mouser (The head of Mousekeeping) begins to chase frogs down with worrying enthusiasm.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\\\u003e\"Honey...Help please?\" Dalia almost begs, looking at you as a few frogs cling to her clothes.\n\n\\\u003eWith an over exaggerated shrug and a frown you look at her.\n\n\\\u003e\"What do you want me to do?\" you ask, watching as your kitchen slowly gets covered in tiny green frogs.\n\n\\\u003eHonestly, these frogs are so small....did she really expect to be able to get a meal from them?\n\n\\\u003e\"Uhhh catch them?\" Dalia says like it should be obvious, scooping a small frog with her spoon and tossing it into the boiling water, only to have it immediately jump out.\n\n\\\u003eYou frown.\n\n\\\u003e\"What were these frogs for originally?\" you ask, catch a few frogs in one hand, then open up a window to toss them outside.\n\n\\\u003eA few frogs see the opportunity to escape and jump out to freedom.\n\n\\\u003eDalia doesn't look at you, avoiding your gaze as she slaps a frog out the window with her spoon.\n\n\\\u003e\"Uhhhh, Bait?\" she finally answers, her ears folded.\n\n\\\u003eYou sigh and turn off the stove, then keep tossing frogs outside.\n\n\\\u003eFigures.\n\n\\\u003e\"Order a pizza or something Love, let me and Mouser deal with this\" you say tossing another few frogs out.\n\n\\\u003eSure, they might disrupt this local population of animals, but come winter they were free meals.\n\n\\\u003eplus they might get rid of a few mosquitoes.\n\n\\\u003eMouser, happily, pounces on any tree frogs, ripping at them with his claws and teeth.\n\n\\\u003eThe lucky ones are caught by you and tossed outside.\n\n\\\u003eBut it's impossible to know how many frogs escaped further into your house.\n\n\\\u003eThere is an ever present chirping of frog song as you roam your house as Dalia calls up the local pizza joint.\n\n\\\u003eYou barely hear her voice as you shove an arm under the couch to try to grab a loose frog you saw, only to have Mouser attack your fingers behind the couch.\n\n\\\u003e\"OW! HEY! Same team Mouser!\" you yell at him, swatting limply with your hand, which is still stuck under the couch.\n\n\\\u003e\"The pizza guy will be here in 30 minutes love\" Dalia calls to you softly.\n\n\\\u003eWith your free hand you give a thumbs up while grabbing another frog loosely.\n\n\\\u003eAs you pull your arm out from under the couch, you hear Mouser attacking another unfortunate animal.\n\n\\\u003eDalia now helps in the frog hunt, using a pair of tongs to try and grab the frogs; they just keep jumping out of reach .\n\n\\\u003e\"Dalia use your paws dammit! It's easier!\" you call; only for her to drop the biggest twist of the night.\n\n\\\u003e\"Ewww no! I don't wanna touch them!\" she responds.\n\n\\\u003eYou stop, amazed at the statement you just heard.\n\n\\\u003e\"How were you going to prepare them? eat them?! or anything!?!\" you ask incredulously.\n\n\\\u003eDalia just smiles at you and grabs a frog with her tongs.\n\n\\\u003e\"I would figure it out!\" she answers with a feline smile.\n\n\\\u003eYou sigh and keep tossing frogs outside.\n\n\\\u003eThis is probably a lost cause judging by how many are still in the living room.\n\n\\\u003e\"Dalia how many frogs were in that bucket?\" you ask as you attempt to grab one of the slippery amphibians\n\n\\\u003eShe is about to bring her tongs to her chin when she realizes she used it to grab the frogs, stopping herself then using her free paw to scratch her chin.\n\n\\\u003e\"Uhhhh... 400 count?\" she answers with an apologetic smile.\n\n\\\u003eYou sigh, and rub your face in annoyance.\n\n\\\u003eYour night of beer, cheap stupid TV shows and a good dinner ruined.\n\n\\\u003eWell maybe not ruined, But who wants a night of relaxation full of frog song?\n\n\\\u003e\"How on earth were we supposed to eat 400 frog legs?\" you ask, tossing another frog outside only to see her shrug\n\n\\\u003e\"We would've had leftovers!\" she retorts, clicking the tongs at you.\n\n\\\u003eYou simply shake your head, and continue round up the annoying intruders.\n\n\\\u003eBefore long the doorbell rings, making you leave the couch with all of its cushions tossed aside.\n\n\\\u003eYou look through the screen door at an anthro fox in a bright red \"Pepperoni Jones\" uniform stands pensively, holding 2 pizza boxes and a 2 liter of Dr.Pepper™.\n\n\\\u003e\"Hey! Sorry for the late call\" you say as you pull open the screen door.\n\n\\\u003eThe foxes eyes shoot around you; making you look around as well.\n\n\\\u003eall along the door frame were dozens of tiny frogs trying to escape; many take the opportunity to hop outside to freedom.\n\n\\\u003e\"Wh-what's with the frogs dude?\" the fox asks, eyes locked only a particularly dense section of them.\n\n\\\u003e\"Just don't ask man\" you respond offering the guy a 10 on top of what you owe him.\n\n\\\u003eHe takes the cash and backs away slowly, never making eye contact with you, instead watching the army of frogs.\n\n\\\u003eYou take the pizzas inside and a lot of frogs are hopping around the house as you set the boxes and drink down in the kitchen.\n\n\\\u003eOpening them reveals your pizzas; one is a standard pepperoni pizza, because classics can't go wrong.\n\n\\\u003eThe other is pepperoni and anchovies.\n\n\\\u003eYou opt to leave the back door open for the night, which will hopefully lure any wayward frogs outside.\n\n\\\u003eMouser, for all his murderous faults, is still chasing scores of frogs out of the house.\n\n\\\u003eDalia meanwhile, carefully grabs Frogs with her tongs, avoiding direct contact with the frogs to toss them outside.\n\n\\\u003eYou sigh begin to help clear your house of any tiny amphibians.\n\n\\\u003eluckily, most of the tiny stupid animals got the idea of avoiding you and Mouser.\n\n\\\u003eScores of frogs hop out of the house as the two of you shepard the tiny amphibians outside.\n\n\\\u003eDalia, now holding a flyswatter, is wapping any frogs that want to come inside.\n\n\\\u003eYou give up and head back to the kitchen.\n\n\\\u003e\"Leave them love, we can't catch them all\" you say with a pained smile as you grab a slice of pizza.\n\n\\\u003eDalia's ears flick quickly and her tail darts side to side was she watches some frogs hop out of your house to safety.\n\n\\\u003eIt might be nicer inside, but having a fuzzy murderer lurking made it just not worth it.\n\n\\\u003eYou settle on your couch and take a bite of the pizza, ignoring the frogs and ignoring mousers delighted chirps.\n\n\\\u003eDalia settles next to you and frowns, looking around your living room.\n\n\\\u003e\"uhh...what about the-\"\n\n\\\u003eYou cut her off, wiping your mouth with your shirt sleeve.\n\n\\\u003e\"We'll get them later, plus I think Mouser can scare most of them outside\" you say as a group of frogs avoid Mouser and hop out the backdoor.\n\n\\\u003eDalia chirps happily, then gets up, grabs 2 plates and grabs 2 slices of each pizza.\n\n\\\u003eShe does a silly twirl, then does her best \"walking down the catwalk' walk to you,\u0026nbsp;\n\n\\\u003e\"Uhhhh Dinner is served! I made it myself!\" she says as she sets the plates down on the coffee table a trying grin on her muzzle.\n\n\\\u003eClose enough.\n\n\\\u003eYou turn up the TV volume to drown out the chirps, grab another slice and settle into the couch.\n\n\\\u003eDalia snuggles up to you, purring loudly, and eats her pizza happily.\n\n\\\u003eMan, this was NOT how you thought your evening would go.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\\\u003eBut you have food, a living wife, and for the foreseeable future, lots of entertainment for your pet.\n\n\\\u003eAt least the night got interesting."}