{"sf1_id":1645468,"sf2_id":"Oe5apNeM","title":"Barely Streaking By (Patrigue/LeafrunnerK Collaboration)","author":"wellifimust","words":1322,"posted_at":"2020-10-31T21:18:00.000Z","tags":["Balls","Cock","Dick","Green","Halloween","Male","Penis","Public Nudity","Robbery","Solo","Stealing","Story","dialogue","thief"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/1645468-barely-streaking-by-patrigue-leafrunnerk-collaboration","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/s/Oe5apNeM","image_url":"https://cdn.sofurryfiles.com/submissions/thumbnails/ab/35/ab35aa3e-6b9b-464a-8a9d-48710bdd856e","description":"#2 of Commissions\n\nA dapper conversation involving a hapless, nude scoundrel who recently conducted a robbery.","content":"Greetings my dear audience! I do hope you are having a wonderful Halloween. Ah, I predict the lot of you guessed this commission is not my own - you would be correct! This scroll is but a narrative I co-wrote with [Patrigue](https://patrigue.sofurry.com/) on his profile! He came to me for my expertise on 19th century dialogue, so I gave it to him, and O, was it grand! 'Twas a cornucopia of delight to work on him with this story, and I've a hunch that you'd enjoy his content too!\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nThe original story and picture are hand in hand, as well, [on Patrigue's post right here.](https://www.sofurry.com/view/1644528) Do give him a visit!\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nOn with the play!\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -\n\n**Barely Streaking By**\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"My, my good heavens?my friend?what say you to breach my domain on the eve of the Halloween spectacular?\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Ha ha! You jest! I merely stepped through the front gates?and my utmost praise for Lady Luck's blessing on your behalf, good sir!\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"A coin short of the king's ransom 'tis worth the lion's share for the masterful artwork up for auction.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Pray it was worth the expense.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Indeed it was! Ah?the memories of last auction. Though my pouch beith reduced to a peasant's knapsack, I've a cavalcade of Renaissance paintings sitting pretty next to the Spartan archaeological digs, dating back perhaps further than your second cousin's aunt, no?.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Fie, fie, you jest! Though I'm quite _astounded_of your findings! Prithee, do you speak of Ancient Greece on these purchases?\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Yes, yes, and I expect my worth to be purer than a thousand golden eggs should nothing run afoul.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Run afoul? Do you quarrel that the bidders rage to peasants if they lose?\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Nay?a folly far worse. Though I hold my hopes like a good glass of Burgundy, my glass tilts?nay, spills at my fears for a robbery.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"You speak of thieves? Sire, with all due respect, you must be mistaken! I've a sharp ear for crimes of such repugnance, and I do believe we haven't seen the worst of it since yesteryear? even if it weren't, this auction house is in the safest district of the city. Pray tell your worries of a heist!\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"...Prithee, good chum?have you heard the news of the...Emerald Moon Robbery?\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"But a sliver, good sir; I was on holiday with the missus amidst the scuffle. I've heard 'round the bend the assailants scurried the fields with over a million in bank notes.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Nay, not assailants... assailant?just one.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Egad! A single delinquent? Surely the vault would blister the hands of at least half a dozen scoundrels before even the rats would make haste with such currency.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Under an average sun, I'd jeer of this over trades of sixpence to sundown?though I am sorry, but all words speak to a solitary deviant.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"I...great God?my stars! Such tragedy! Come, we must inform the press immediately!\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Steady thy heart, good sire, for they already know; and when it beats in peace, I must inform you of the most ludicrous detail.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"O, my dear heart! No?no?I beg of you! But if you must, then say your bidding.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"The sources have told that the culprit was?naked.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Wha?without clo-... Nonsense! What _nonsense!_ What devils off your lips possess the gauntletof?of?of?of such _ignorance!_ Certainly you must be pulling my leg, old chum! ?Wha?what?why do you laugh at me, sir? You jest once more?\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"I must admit, should my heels be snug in your boots, I'd?well, I'd feel quite the same! Though I digress, the press and the townspeople both agree?sights of a green avian skipping o'er the rooftops?equipped with a mask the shade of blackberries and a strut that flared of pungent cherries?nothing left behind but a note.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"A note?oh dear. What say of it?\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Bah! Merely a pseudo-heroic tirade of the upper class, say he, robbing the clothes off the backs of the needy?a hapless attempt of a soapbox inquiry, if you'd have _my_ word.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Ah, yes?the fool doth think himself a modern-day Robin Hood.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Yes?yes?a prayer for him to take the fox's advice and wear a tunic?but nay. He calls himself 'The Emerald Moon.'\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"How utterly indecent of him...I presume you expect his bare hands around the throat of the auction, do you?\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"I feel his talons ticking by my neck when I rest my head. Though Lord Bezos and Lord Musk claim anything but, I've also heard rumors of this bandit penetrating even their own estates..\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Say it isn't so!\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Nay, as what I said?these are merely wooden whispers?though their secret words do shake me like a tree of peaches. Do keep a sharp eye, will you?.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Of course?I shan't blame you for worrying of morrow's dusk. I hope through the royal guard and all his glory, that he keep your treasures in sanctuary for such an unbridled and undressed thief.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Our minds are equal?last sundown, I went through the trouble of hiring guards.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Guards?\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Yes?yes?and O?their boots have made sigils of sanctuary on the grounds of my estate since three sundowns prior?a marking date of my heirlooms' arrival.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Three sundowns prior?\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Do you jest with your wordly repetition? My, my?you are a saucy boy! Do you bask in such obnoxious habits like hedge-creepers at an altar?\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Where?\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Pardon?\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Where on your estate, sir!?\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Out with it, boy!\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"The guards!\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Why?where I left them, of course?the front entrance, the foyer, the courtyard, the roof, the bedrooms, the kitchen, the ball room, the hallways?need I continue? Prithee, what hogwash do you speak of?\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"My apologies beith a frothing goblet, sir, but on my arrival, I saw no patrolman at the front entrance.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"What?what say you?\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"The gate and the door, sir; stripped of guards, naked as this bandit you speak of! Doth your mind escape this? Perhaps the foyer is?is?oh my?oh golly?doth my mind escape who guards the foyer?\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"No guards at the foyer?! No, that cannot be!...Do you think?\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"The Emerald Moon beith staring down on us once more!\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Make haste! Make haste! You find the nearest watchman while I ready my sword!\u0026nbsp; Nude may this charlatan be, I shall stand erect in his face?posh as I will?and I shall challenge the humongous length of his intolerance?lest we all drown in the seed of his vengeance!\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nThe two aristocrats dashed away in opposite directions. Seconds later, the sound of a relieved exhale came from behind a large potted plant.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"That was close,\" remarked the masked avian as he wiped his brow. \"Anyways, back to business.\"\n\n- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -\n  \n\nThumbnail: [Sneakthief](https://www.furaffinity.net/view/38660885)by [LeafrunnerK,](https://www.furaffinity.net/user/leafrunnerk/) character belongs to [Patrigue.](https://patrigue.sofurry.com/)\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n  \n  \n\n","series":{"name":"Commissions","previous":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/1553305-how-to-find-the-last-jiggy-18-bassybird-commission.json","next":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/1654911-one-up-bassybefuddle-collab-18.json"}}