{"sf1_id":1649599,"sf2_id":"YnLqB4Z1","title":"Recovery","author":"Velisren","words":491,"posted_at":"2020-11-12T08:48:00.000Z","tags":["Poem","Poetry"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/1649599-recovery","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/s/YnLqB4Z1","image_url":"https://cdn.sofurryfiles.com/submissions/thumbnails/21/ea/21ea1d53-5918-4fb6-8004-98a241043004","description":"#4 of Poetry\n\nA sort of vent poem I wrote when I wasn't feeling too great. It has a lot of things I kinda just needed to tell myself in the moment.","content":"They say it'll be easy\n\nOr hard, I forget which one.\n\nBut one thing they didn't tell me\n\nIs that the pain has just begun.\n\nSure, the self loathing was rough,\n\nAnd the sleepless nights were lonely\n\nThe voices in my head were tough,\n\nAnd my mind was breaking slowly.\n\nI'd spend days hating myself\u0026nbsp;\n\nBut continue to keep up the facade:\n\n\"I'm fine, how about yourself?\n\nIf you need anything, give me a nod.\"\n\nBut now I have the strength to be better,\n\nOr at least the mindset to realize I had it.\n\nBut the addiction has had a long time to fester,\n\nIt won't stop just 'cause I want to quit.\n\nI once heard a strange phrase:\n\n\"If you take the addiction from the addict,\n\n\u0026nbsp;they'll miraculously enter a clean phase,\n\nWhere they don't feel as derelict.\n\nBut once the addiction becomes available,\u0026nbsp;\n\nThey'll drop back into their pit.\u0026nbsp;\n\nRecovery is only obtainable,\n\nWhen you can hold it and still not take it.\"\n\nIt means that if you want things to change,\n\nYou can't hide from your struggles.\n\nYou need to get to a point where you can manage\n\nTo fight back against your troubles.\n\nNow, this doesn't sound easy,\n\nAnd trust me, it's not,\n\nBut if the mental battles make you queasy,\n\nIt's not the only problem you've got.\n\nThe biggest hit will be the void,\n\nThis complete lack of emotion\n\nLeaving you feeling empty and devoid\n\nOf everything except a notion.\n\nA notion that your addiction could possibly\n\nHelp fill this hole in your chest,\n\nThat you won't feel so empty,\u0026nbsp;\n\nOr be as depressed.\n\nBut now you're back where you started,\n\nMaybe feeling even worse than before.\n\nYou sit there broken hearted,\n\nSaying you can't take it anymore.\n\nBut you can, and you did, don't you see?\n\nAll that progress you made isn't invalid.\n\nIf it was just a day, let it be.\n\nYou need to stop being so pallid.\n\nProgress is progress, no matter how small\n\nYou still took an entire step forward.\n\nAnd if I seem to recall\n\nThat's what you wanted, to move onward.\n\nYou'll have to fight your own thoughts\n\nBecause you are your own worst enemy\n\nYou know all your desires and wants\n\nAnd how to rationalize things mentally.\n\nRecovery is a process\n\nA lot of trial and error.\n\nIt may cause a lot of stress,\n\nBut you don't have to be the only bearer.\n\nYou can rely on others, but not forever,\n\nThere are times you will be alone.\n\nAnd its then you will need to be clever,\n\nAnd show yourself that you have grown.\n\nIt's going to be painful\n\nIn more ways than one\n\nBut in time you will learn to be grateful\n\nOf all the things you have done.\n\nBecause then you can share your story\n\nOf how the chains didn't hold you back,\n\nTo inspire someone of your recovery\n\nFrom when your world was cast in black.\n\n  \n  \n\n","series":{"name":"Poetry","previous":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/1635710-defining-moment.json"}}