{"sf1_id":1722853,"sf2_id":"pnGaqjey","title":"(something bitter)","author":"Rob MacWolf","words":1023,"posted_at":"2021-05-28T06:47:00.000Z","tags":["CYOA","Fanfiction","Gay","Leo/Chase","M/M","Otter","Wolf","chase","echo","fanfic","leo"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/1722853-something-bitter","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/s/pnGaqjey","image_url":"https://cdn.sofurryfiles.com/submissions/thumbnails/8a/71/8a715b02-1607-48cb-b29c-d7020ffdb99a","description":"#6 of El Primero de los Misterios Dolorosos\n\nI NEED A BREATH - https://www.sofurry.com/view/1722862","content":"[SOMETHING BITTER]  \n  \n\nChase: You sure?\n\nLeo: Yeah. Clean all the sugar outta my mouth.\n\nHe gives me a look, like he's not sure this is a good idea, but he pours. I was expecting it to be black, but it's bright blue-green, like river water, in spring, up in the mountains.\n\nChase: Just saying, Leo. This stuff's an acquired taste.\n\nLeo: Think I can't handle it?\n\nI grin. He doesn't.\n\nChase: Just don't say I didn't warn you.\n\nI struggle not to wince at the taste. It's like hot rubber and rotting leaves and licorice and peroxide.\n\nWhy would anyone want to acquire a taste for THIS?\n\nWait, this is my room? Why here?\n\nAlone.\n\nWhy?\n\nNow I do wince, but it's not cause I can still taste the god-awful drink. Cause I moved and felt how beat-up I am. I'm bruised all over. There are scratches--no, not just scratches, I'm bleeding--on my face and back.\n\nThe window over my computer is broken.\n\nOh.\n\nOh no.\n\nThe memories rise around me like a flood.\n\nThe dreams. The blank stares. Terrified people looking past you at something you can't see.\n\nThe accusations.\n\nThe gunfire.\n\nThis is the night after... I still don't know what it was. The real bad shit. Whatever happened. Whole town went crazy. Even us. People died.\n\nWe almost died.\n\nAnd they all escaped. Barely. Except for one.\n\nHe left. and you didn't.\n\nChrist.\n\nWhy didn't I leave with him?\n\nBecause you can't stand the thought of a life on his terms, not yours.\n\nYou never could.\n\nYou knew he hated Echo.\n\nYou expected him to come back here for you?\n\nLeo: Dammit, if he really loves me he can compromise!\n\nSo if you really loved him why couldn't you compromise?\n\nYou could have left for him. Followed him. You don't seriously think he'd end up somewhere people wouldn't have cars?\u0026nbsp;\n\nThere'd be work for a decent mechanic.\n\nAssuming you are one.\n\nLeo: What about Mama!? Pops?! The family business?!\n\nThat matters more than he does?\n\nThe rest of their kids moved away already. And they were just fine!\n\nSo let's go down the list...\n\nExpecting the lifelong arachnophobe to move back to the valley full of tarantulas.\n\nExpecting your boyfriend to live with daily homophobic insults.\n\nExpecting him to give up his career to do nothing but keep house for you in the middle of nowhere, where there's never anything to do.\n\nExpecting the otter to live in the desert.\n\nTHOSE are all more reasonable than telling your PARENTS you're gonna MOVE AWAY?\n\nYou sure you actually loved him?\n\nLeo: I fucking love him more than ANYONE!\n\nSays you.\n\nYou're controlling.\n\nAnd not on purpose, it just doesn't occur to you that people might, that HE might, possibly want to do something other than what you want him to do!\n\nNot that that makes it better.\n\nNo wonder he gave up trying to get through to you.\n\nYou're jealous.\n\nYou don't trust him. You never trusted him.\n\nYou got suspicious because someone else tried to save his life!\n\nYou got suspicious because he, a gay man, was hanging out with a GIRL!\n\nWho you were also hanging out with!\n\nYou're possessive.\n\nYou acted like you owned him.\n\nYou said yourself, this was the last time the whole group would be together, the last chance he was gonna have to see them, and yet you tried to keep him all to yourself.\n\nEven when things were at their best, you would tell him what to do all the time.\n\nWhere not to go.\n\nWho not to talk to.\n\nYou freaked out because he wasn't wearing the bracelet.\n\nWhy didn't you tie the bracelets together, if you wanted him handcuffed to you at all times!\n\nLeo: It's not like that!\n\nYou've got anger problems.\n\nYou beat up Flynn just for raising his voice. And yeah, Flynn's an asshole.\n\nBut you're dangerous.\n\nThe first time you kissed Chase, you still had dried blood on your knuckles.\n\nLook at the holes you've punched in the wall. You can't even deal with losing at a video game.\n\nHow long would it have been before you hit him?\n\nLeo: I'd never!\n\nYou would.\n\nLeo: I would NEVER hurt him!\n\nThat's what they all say before they do.\n\nLeo: Shut up!\n\nAnd after you did, you'd try to stop him leaving. Because you'd still be jealous, possessive, controlling...\n\nLeo: SHUT UP!\n\nYou're not denying it.\n\nLeo: I SAID SHUT UP!\n\nI realize I'm shouting.\n\nEven replaying this night in memory I don't realize I've been speaking aloud to an empty house till I'm shouting.\n\nI really am just as unstable as everyone else in this goddamn town.\n\nHe was right to leave this place.\n\nHe was right to leave me.\n\nHe's better off without you.\n\nDo I have to relive this?\n\nHe can do so much better than you.\n\nWhat's the fucking point of this?!\n\nLeo: But I loved him...\n\nAnd he would have been better off if you never had.\n\nLeo: I protected him!\n\nDid you?\n\nDidn't I?\n\nNo. I didn't. I failed so hard. He coulda died so many times tonight and most of them I wasn't there and even the ones I was there, I couldn't do anything.\n\nAnd it doesn't fucking matter if I failed, cause protecting him or not he's gone. Having him was the only thing that mattered and I never will again.\n\nI stumble toward the bed. I don't make it. I curl up on the floor. I pull a blanket down around myself. I pretend it still smells like him. It doesn't.\n\nAfter a while, I notice I'm howling and sobbing at the same time.\n\nIt's a pretty familiar sound.\n\nI can still hear it, even when I'm back in the bar.\n\nAnd the fucking worst part is? I get what he meant. About this being an acquired taste.\n\nI suspect I'm most of the way toward acquiring it.\n\nBecause hating myself for this feels good. Berating myself feels good. Hurting feels good.\n\nHowling over it feels good.\n\nIt makes it feel like it mattered.\n\n[I NEED A BREATH]\n\n  \n  \n\n","series":{"name":"El Primero de los Misterios Dolorosos","previous":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/1722848-something-hot.json","next":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/1722862-i-need-a-breath.json"}}