{"sf1_id":1807689,"sf2_id":"yndPwXqn","title":"Perihelion","author":"UntergangDesAlasters","words":2525,"posted_at":"2022-01-14T20:41:36.000Z","tags":["Hospital","Human","Perihelion","Sexuality","afraid","beast","comfort","loneliness"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/1807689-perihelion","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/s/yndPwXqn","image_url":"https://cdn.sofurryfiles.com/submissions/thumbnails/e8/4c/e84cf8a8-f88f-4753-bb11-8acc5ca78b2f","description":"This is a poem about a young man coming to terms with his sexuality in the form of a beast. It's eight pages, lengthy for a poem, but it tells a story. So, come for a moment to relive that time when you realized who you are, how vulnerable you felt, and how you wished that there were someone there to comfort you.","content":"Perihelion\n\nBy\n\nUntergang Des Alasters\u0026nbsp;\n\n(U.D.A.)\n\nOut in the wild, there lurked a Beast\n\nIn a young man's mind without cease,\n\nWith teeth that glisten, eyes that shine,\n\nBut has no face, just smile lines.\n\nWhile thinking of his nascent lark,\n\nHe bares his teeth deep in the dark\n\nA smile at a fine repast\n\nTo have him in his arms at last.\n\nNot to eat him, just simply scare;\n\nTo truly be that Youth's nightmare;\n\nAnd shelter, friend, procreator,\n\nTo whom he'll turn at times later.\n\n“Push him to me,\" the Monster thought,\n\n“Send him to me, the little sot.\n\n“I'll hold him close and make him see\n\n“That no one cares, except for me.\n\n“Clasped in my arms, I'll sooth his tears\n\n“And solitude as I strike fears.\n\n“And his face buried in my chest,\n\n“He'll come to fell that it's his nest,\n\n“Forgetting worry will he see\n\n“That no one cares, except for me.\"\n\nPatiently, Monster sat in wait\n\nFor days, for weeks, till years of late,\n\nFor a desperate time of distress,\n\nWhen the Youth, weak, should convalesce.\n\nThen he'll come, silent, in the night,\n\nWhen he shall feign to be contrite\n\nTo hide his joy, his chance, his glee\n\nTo see his boy in so much need.\n\nAnd as it was, this came to pass,\n\nWhen the Youth was in thither cast\n\nA world of torpid loneliness,\n\nOf adolescence tenebrous;\n\nCompelled inch by inch, quietly,\n\nBut by what force was yet unseen,\n\nFelled by a blow within his chest,\n\nAs on his left his pain did crest,\n\nDrowning from an absence of air.\n\nSo dazed, he sought a doctor's care.\n\nDelayed, seen, an umbilicus\n\nEntered, that takes instead of gives,\n\nYet still somehow saves and nurtures,\n\nPenetrating his ribs' suture.\n\nNow informed that he could have died\n\nWith his heart wrapped by lungs that lied,\n\nThat he must stay for seven days,\n\nThat he must suffer through these pains.\n\nAnd so stirred the Beast from within,\n\nHis anxious ears pricked by the din.\n\nPanic, fear, and resignation\n\nPeppered down to his temptation\n\nAs he rose at dusk from the depths\n\nTo glance his mark with earnestness.\n\nBut as Beast looked, his feelings changed.\n\nWhile his heart dithered and refrained\n\nFeelings of joy, but also fear,\n\nFor, now, he felt contrite sincere.\n\nFearful that his intents have changed,\n\nFearful that his plans were harangued\n\nBy tugging whirls and pools of doubt\n\nWith trepidation to surmount\n\nHis gleeful, fiendish plans to scare,\n\nAll his wants of full-blown nightmare,\n\nFor his boy was now enlightened\n\nBy the fear that should have frightened.\n\nThus, was Beast overwhelmed and nulled\n\nBy this fear only Youth could lull\n\nWith an acceptant, morose state,\n\nComplacent, knowing of his fate.\n\nClearly, now, could the Monster see:\n\nThat none would understand but he;\n\nThat he needed help from the Youth;\n\nThat there was also converse truth.\n\nSlowly, as Beast stepped to approach\n\nQuietly, as he cleared his throat,\n\nDid he now decide to resolve\n\nHimself to face thoughts that involve\n\nDecisions, changing and severe,\n\nWhere he would plan to still endear\n\nHimself to his boy, nigh a man,\n\nAnd his other plan to disband.\n\n“Hello,\" the Monster said, half lit,\n\nComing over so he might sit\n\nBy his Youth, yet still taking care,\n\nAs Youth gave cool, half-blank stares,\n\nWhile Youth saw the Monster revealed,\n\nMore than eyes and teeth, now so real.\n\nIt was night and in the dim glow\n\nWas the Monster's full form now known:\n\nBestial with long and pointed teeth;\n\nYellow-eyed, golden, or between;\n\nSimian, Lupine was inured\n\nIn his features, but unsecured;\n\nMuscular, intimidating;\n\nHairy, tall, thick; enervating.\n\nBut in his face was detected\n\nA low look that was dejected.\n\nTragic, it made his features soft,\n\nAs human in inhuman crossed.\n\n“If I scare you,\" Beast said, “I'll leave.\"\n\n“No,\" Youth replied, “Please stay with me.\"\n\n“Tell me, boy: are you not afraid\n\n“Of this dark, coarse and bestial shade?\n\n“Do you truly know what I am?\n\n“Are you certain, little lamb,\n\n“That these rife talons and these teeth\n\n“Won't find home in your tender meat?\"\n\n“I have inkling what you are\n\n“And now that you have come this far\n\n“Do I discern your true nature,\n\n“Synonyms and nomenclature.\n\n“Yes, now I think I know your name.\n\n“Yes, now I think I know your claim\n\n“To me wherein no others could,\n\n“To that part not quite understood\n\n“By my loved ones or by myself,\n\n“Sustained within me in its stealth.\n\n“Though I can guess its pith and plot,\n\n“From where it comes do I know not.\"\n\nThus spoke the Youth from his bed,\n\nResting lightly, his eyes now red\n\nFrom the pain spreading in his chest,\n\nHis state, his thoughts, and all the rest.\n\nSilent, thoughtful, the Monster sat,\n\nStricken, moved, by this easy chat\n\nWith his young one, boy no more,\n\nHis heart ajar, an open door.\n\nSo reached the Monster with a sigh\n\nHis boy's hand, then to catch his eye\n\nHe leaned over, Youth's hand to press\n\nAgainst his cheek and thus confess:\n\n“Though I've menaced you ere this year,\n\n“I see that now your mind is clear.\n\n“Know angst with me is not needed,\n\n“That what I am should be heeded.\n\n“When peripheral in your life\n\n“You did not know I caused your strife.\n\n“But now by me you comprehend\n\n“What comes to pass in all young men.\n\n“I'll be your friend, your supporter,\n\n“But know that I am of distinct order:\n\n“In me, your fear and need have shaped\n\n“That which would one day satiate\n\n“Just these two things and nothing more\n\n“Your anger left alone, forlorn.\"\n\nThe Monster kissed and stroked Youth's hand,\n\nMore assured now that he began\n\nThat his young one was truly his,\n\nThat now nothing would be amiss.\n\n“To your account I must agree,\n\n“Based in lonesomeness is my need.\n\n“And fear, that too, is also there;\n\n“It has receded since you're here.\n\n“So thus out and in the open\n\n“Is honestly your part spoken.\n\n“Still, I see in you more answers.\n\n“This I have sensed in our banter:\n\n“A need in twain combined in you.\n\n“So, tell me, Beast: does this ring true?\"\n\nYouth's hand still held, the Beast smiled,\n\nYet holding back all this while\n\nThe larger part of his purpose,\n\nGently tugging at the surface.\n\n“This is true, lamb, but there are three\n\n“Purposes to be found in me.\n\n“The first, which we have just discussed:\n\n“A friend to you is what I must.\n\n“But, ah, the second and the third\n\n“Might you, my boy, find quite absurd.\"\n\nThen the Monster seemingly smirked,\n\nHis smile tilted with a quirk.\n\nCalloused hands, similar to mitts,\n\nFawned Youth's palm and then at his wrist\n\nAs the Beast gave Youth's palm a lick\n\nIn hesitance, but still made quick.\n\n“Tell, Beast, what are they? Do not Tease!\n\n“Reveal to me these secrets, please!\"\n\nInquired the Youth with concern,\n\nCuriosity lit to burn.\n\nYet he felt some trepidation\n\nWhile seeking this explanation,\n\nFor the Monster gave a smile,\n\nPointed ears implying wiles.\n\nBut neither guile no deceit\n\nCould have this Monster's heart conceived.\n\nWith tenderness, Beast drew a breath,\n\nChecking that Youth's hand was still kept,\n\n“My little one, it should be clear\n\n“That one reason why I am here\n\n“Is to demonstrate by proxy\n\n“Something that you may fail to see:\n\n“That in the wild, there are beasts,\n\n“Those who would love your tender meat,\n\n“That many brux their teeth in wait\n\n“Hoping to take you, be your fate.\n\n“But, lo, there are some monsters few,\n\n“Who'd gladly cast their lots with you:\n\n“Sentimental, with hearts of gold,\n\n“Whose loyalty cannot be sold;\n\n“Who, tempered with experience,\n\n“Would come to you without pretense\n\n“And would remain there at your side.\n\n“As such, my model will provide\n\n“Criteria by which to judge\n\n“These beasts by their unique visage.\"\n\nYouth felt a pain in his heart,\n\nThere where those words had hit their mark.\n\nYes, perfect did this Monster seem\n\nBy which to judge these other miens.\n\nHence, the Youth felt more awakened\n\nTo concerns he had forsaken:\n\n“Must I contend with these monsters?\n\n“May I not with others saunter?\n\n“And you have still one reason kept.\n\n“Tell this other, tell me what's left.\"\n\nAt this, the Monster glanced away,\n\nFeeling out how he should assay\n\nThe Youth's question, which struck a blow,\n\nA strike that many beasts have known.\n\nSolemnly, the Beast took a breath,\n\nSighed and pressed onward, half bereft.\n\n“My young one,\" so the Beast began,\n\n“I know it's hard to understand,\n\n“But this is your clan, you will find.\n\n“Eventually, given time,\n\n“You will see it's for the better,\n\n“Better now than late or never,\n\n“Then suffer under false pretense.\n\n“Yes, with others could you commence\n\n“A frolicking for all your life,\n\n“Until you come up to that strife\n\n“Of duplicity, living near\n\n“That which one would pretend to fear;\n\n“Then fall right into despair's well\n\n“Among others, who'd never tell,\n\n“And die a broken, unfulfilled\n\n“Life created by lies you willed.\n\n“To see the moral, circle back:\n\n“Just I can give you what you lack.\n\n“With me you could have happiness,\n\n“Without, there's only emptiness.\"\n\nAt this, the Youth could merely blink,\n\nAwash with thoughts that made him shrink:\n\nWas this just all a Monster's ruse\n\nTo beguile him and confuse?\n\nYet no, this could not be the case,\n\nFor there was hurt in the Beast's face,\n\nA pain that laid back his ears\n\nFrom looking forward many years.\n\nWas there a glimpse of a future\n\nWhere his Youth's pain would be nurtured?\n\nOr down the well in darkened gloom\n\nWhere Youth's soul would be crushed too soon?\n\nDubious thoughts could not abate\n\nAs the hours waxed and grew late.\n\n“I see,\" sighed the Youth and feeling\n\nThat the Beast was almost kneeling\n\nBy his bed to get close enough,\n\nAnd saw this Beast was not so rough.\n\n“One thing still does not elude me,\"\n\nThe Youth said and eyed Beast duly,\n\n“That being what you have answered not:\n\n“The third and final piece of plot.\n\n“Tell me that which you would withhold,\n\n“Since you're so close and act so bold.\"\n\nThe Beast leaned in and licked Youth's face,\n\nThen whispered, nuzzled at cheek's base:\n\n“To say that I cannot aloud:\n\n“That is something _you_ must find out.\n\n“Nonetheless, some clues I'll give you\n\n“For you to ponder and think through:\n\n'_From figs of trees I hope to part,_\n\n_'Cast down to where you miss or catch._\n\n_'When thunder claps and gives you start,_\n\n_'Do I roar loud to make its match._\n\n_'Where others part, I always stay._\n\n_'Knowing that one day you'll leave._\n\n_'If I embrace, you'd push away_\n\n_'In summer days that come to be._\n\n_'But in my absence will they burn_\n\n_'Your silent ears and empty hands,_\n\n_'Then my ilk all their backs will turn_\n\n_'And you're left in desolate lands._\n\n_'Just know for now, you're not alone,_\n\n_'That I will ease your bereft state_\n\n_'To lift your weight of heavy stones_\n\n_'And this absence satiate._\n\n_'Only when you guess at it,_\n\n_'Will you my raison d'être glean._\n\n_'Through acceptance, clarity hits_\n\n_'And this all the truth you will deem.'\"_\n\nUpon completion of that phrase,\n\nThe Beast drew back at Youth to gaze,\n\nOnly to find that his words hurt\n\nThe part of Youth that was his dearth.\n\nYouth's mouth turned down, his eyes just slits\n\nAs he shivered; his hands were fists.\n\nFrom his lashes did a tear fade,\n\nHarbinger of a small cascade.\n\nNearing the boarder of his sleep,\n\nWith stress, his wake he could not keep.\n\n“What is it? Where?\" the Youth murmured,\n\n“I cannot find where it's interred.\n\n“Is it something that I have lost\n\n“That will not see me or accost?\n\n“From this thing did I make distance?\n\n“Or try to near with persistence?\n\n“It tears into me, bit by bit,\n\n“Digging deeper an awful pit.\n\n“And without it, I feel so cold,\n\n“For I have something precious sold,\n\n“Or, just perhaps, it was denied.\n\n“Regardless, all of my strength flies!\n\n“Exhausted, I'm empty, feeling\n\n“Gravity take hold and reeling\n\n“Me back to earth and further still\n\n“Into a well that I would fill,\n\n“Then sink back in waters tepid,\n\n“Drowning deep beneath the rapid\n\n“Cascade of dreams, but still breathing,\n\n“Crying out and nearly screaming\n\n“For what it is I have no more\n\n“That missing part an open sore!\n\n“Beast, do you know what you have struck?\n\n“Was this your guile or just luck?\n\n“Tell me now that I'm all in tears\n\n“Have you waited for all these years\n\n“To boil up my scar to snatch?\n\n“To cause me pain was this plot hatched?\"\n\nThough in soft whispers was this said,\n\nCould Beast discern Youth's hurt and dread.\n\nPerhaps Youth felt Beast's prior mind,\n\nHis insidious, cruel design?\n\nOr, possibly, could it be fright\n\nFrom all that Beast revealed tonight?\n\nMaybe a mixture of the twain.\n\nBut why did Beast demure, abstain\n\nFrom ripping Youth up with his claws\n\nAnd stuff those morsels in his maw?\n\nYouth felt the Beast hitch a breath,\n\nThen felt the tenderest caress.\n\n“Little one, don't be mistaken,\"\n\nWhispered the Beast, his voice shaken,\n\n“I've come to help you understand\n\n“The path you may walk while a man.\n\n“Do you not see I'm here to help?\n\n“I'd never hurt you, little whelp.\n\n“Can you not feel my affection\n\n“Growing, starting with our session?\n\n“You must know one fact to be true:\n\n“That I love and grow fond of you.\n\n“I think that from our first moments,\n\n“Since I've glanced your inner torment,\n\n“That you and I are more than one,\n\n“That all we do's together done.\n\n“So, know that you I'd never shirk,\n\n“Not for all others here on Earth!\n\n“And I'll help fill your deepest void,\n\n“To comfort you, my little boy.\n\n“With me could you always abscond.\n\n“I'm at your service, precious bond.\"\n\nSo, beast must have one to protect,\n\nTo love or become derelict;\n\nTo provide Youth his assurance,\n\nWhich he would with all _obduracy._\n\nAs his youth began to fret,\n\nAlmost caught in sleep's lurking net,\n\nTears signaled the yearning he felt\n\nFor his Beast's solace and his help.\n\nAt last, Beast wrapped Youth in his arms,\n\nVowed and swore to prevent all harms\n\nAs Youth quietly wrapped him in his.\n\nTogether in their auspices,\n\nYouth nodded against the Beast's chest.\n\nWhile Beast bent down his nose to rest\n\nOn Youth's head, calm, to steal his scent,\n\nHoped their repose would never end.\n\n“So, you promise you'll never leave?\"\n\nYouth sighed, treading, almost asleep.\n\n“Never,\" purred back the beast, entrapped.\n\nAs if Youth's chain his neck enwrapped.\n\nThence the thought began to settle\n\nThat solitude would Beast nettle;\n\nThat Beast needed youth fervently,\n\nMaybe much more than his boy's need.\n\nHence this night was said and done,\n\nBeast would to Youth near nightly come.\n\nBut so one is left to ponder,\n\nLeft in thought and left in wonder:\n\nDid Youth endure a Beast to tame,\n\nOr Beast reach out and catch his game?","series":{"name":"Writings","previous":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/1807677-modes-of-expression.json","next":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/1812482-envy.json"}}