{"sf1_id":1861484,"sf2_id":"r17Bxojn","title":"Conversational Catch-Up","author":"Apolarbear17","words":451,"posted_at":"2022-06-07T17:24:00.000Z","tags":["Difficulty","Poetry","anxiousness","conversation","venting"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/1861484-conversational-catch-up","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/s/r17Bxojn","image_url":"https://cdn.sofurryfiles.com/submissions/thumbnails/a7/5f/a75fc960-ce3a-4bde-8338-4c520345e9bc","description":"A poem I wrote a while ago about my anxiousness surrounding conversations that I find myself coming back to now and again for how perpetual a problem it is and how that still bothers me. Originally posted February 2021","content":"\u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp;Conversational Catch-up\n\n\u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; By: A.X. Bueno\u0026nbsp;\n\n  \n\nI sit and try to absorb the contents of a word filled screen\u0026nbsp;\n\nSigh This shouldn't be so difficult, it should be simple and at this point routine\u0026nbsp;\n\nAnd yet here I am questioning myself and overthinking the lines between\u0026nbsp;\n\nTyping and retyping my response as I wonder whether my words are clear\u0026nbsp;\n\nThen I also wonder whether my message actually \u0026nbsp;sounds good and sincere\n\nOf course as I wonder this there's a distinct ping and another message appears\u0026nbsp;\n\nLeading me to re-contemplate and adapt what I'm saying all over again\u0026nbsp;\n\nWith a bit of time I write out what I want to say and then\u0026nbsp;\n\nIt's just a matter of hitting send\u0026nbsp;\n\nOccasionally for one reason or another I can forget even this stupidly simple task\u0026nbsp;\n\nWhether it's because I got too distracted or simply wanted to give someone else the chance to talk first\n\nSometimes I just don't want to say the wrong thing and risk slipping up in the virtual masque\n\nWhen I'm not too preoccupied or simply overwhelmed I usually try to respond to those unanswered messages in one big burst\u0026nbsp;\n\nDespite my slowness and often hindering apprehension\u0026nbsp;\n\nGood conversation is actually something for which I thirst\n\nMost of the time I just need a few minutes to think of the right thing to say and to ignore is never my intention\u0026nbsp;\n\nIt can just be hard to keep up with the conversation sometimes\u0026nbsp;\n\nEven though I'm always pretty happy when I do, well most of the time\n\nIt's just hard to gauge a lot of the time if what I've said is good enough\n\nI'm always worried especially when it gets too quiet that I've said too little or maybe too much\n\nIt's tough to know when you don't usually have any indication unless you straight up ask\u0026nbsp;\n\nI just worry there's times people see what I say as nothing but fluff\u0026nbsp;\n\nOf course all these thoughts and concerns carry over away from the screen too\u0026nbsp;\n\nWhenever I'm thinking of what to say next in the conversation this is all in my mind to stew\n\nI guess it can't be helped too much\u0026nbsp;\n\nSpending too much time playing catch up can vary from a bizarre blessing to an annoying curse\n\nBut it all comes together better in the end, for the most part\u0026nbsp;\n\nBesides I can say from experience that silence and loneliness are so much worse\n\n  \n\n  \n  \n\n"}