# Conversational Catch-Up

Author: Apolarbear17
Tags: Difficulty, Poetry, anxiousness, conversation, venting

A poem I wrote a while ago about my anxiousness surrounding conversations that I find myself coming back to now and again for how perpetual a problem it is and how that still bothers me. Originally posted February 2021

&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;Conversational Catch-up

&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; By: A.X. Bueno&nbsp;

  

I sit and try to absorb the contents of a word filled screen&nbsp;

Sigh This shouldn't be so difficult, it should be simple and at this point routine&nbsp;

And yet here I am questioning myself and overthinking the lines between&nbsp;

Typing and retyping my response as I wonder whether my words are clear&nbsp;

Then I also wonder whether my message actually &nbsp;sounds good and sincere

Of course as I wonder this there's a distinct ping and another message appears&nbsp;

Leading me to re-contemplate and adapt what I'm saying all over again&nbsp;

With a bit of time I write out what I want to say and then&nbsp;

It's just a matter of hitting send&nbsp;

Occasionally for one reason or another I can forget even this stupidly simple task&nbsp;

Whether it's because I got too distracted or simply wanted to give someone else the chance to talk first

Sometimes I just don't want to say the wrong thing and risk slipping up in the virtual masque

When I'm not too preoccupied or simply overwhelmed I usually try to respond to those unanswered messages in one big burst&nbsp;

Despite my slowness and often hindering apprehension&nbsp;

Good conversation is actually something for which I thirst

Most of the time I just need a few minutes to think of the right thing to say and to ignore is never my intention&nbsp;

It can just be hard to keep up with the conversation sometimes&nbsp;

Even though I'm always pretty happy when I do, well most of the time

It's just hard to gauge a lot of the time if what I've said is good enough

I'm always worried especially when it gets too quiet that I've said too little or maybe too much

It's tough to know when you don't usually have any indication unless you straight up ask&nbsp;

I just worry there's times people see what I say as nothing but fluff&nbsp;

Of course all these thoughts and concerns carry over away from the screen too&nbsp;

Whenever I'm thinking of what to say next in the conversation this is all in my mind to stew

I guess it can't be helped too much&nbsp;

Spending too much time playing catch up can vary from a bizarre blessing to an annoying curse

But it all comes together better in the end, for the most part&nbsp;

Besides I can say from experience that silence and loneliness are so much worse

Source: https://sofurry.com/s/r17Bxojn