{"sf1_id":1915963,"sf2_id":"RnolQMD1","title":"Lamp Chat","author":"DankeDonuts","words":810,"posted_at":"2022-11-04T21:43:00.000Z","tags":["Comedy","Condemnation","Djinn","Efreet","Fantasy","Group","Internet","Media","Net","Of","Plan","Prompt","Punny","Scam","Social","Speak","Thursday","Urban","Wish","Wished","attempt","bottle","chat","chatroom","consciousness","discussion","escape","exotic","genie","ifrit","leet","live","names","online","pun","scheme","stream","text","wishes"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/1915963-lamp-chat","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/s/RnolQMD1","image_url":"https://cdn.sofurryfiles.com/submissions/thumbnails/22/cc/22cceafd-dbd9-4960-a626-b057835f5385","description":"If Genies had their own online chatrooms.\nThis story was originally a submission to FurAffinity's [url=https://www.furaffinity.net/user/thursdayprompt/Thursday Prompt[/url] writing group.","content":" **Lamp Chat**  \nBy: DankeDonuts  \n[https://dankedonuts.sofurry.com/](https://dankedonuts.sofurry.com/)  \n  \n  \n**_ELITE\\_EFR33T_** has entered the conversation.  \n  \n**ELITE\\_EFR33T:** Back.  \n  \n**ALASSIN:** Hey.  \n  \n**THEBLUECRUSADER:** WB  \n  \n**JANN-IN-THE-PANN:** That didn't last long.  \n  \n**PRIME\\_MARIDIAN:** Wotcher.  \n  \n**DJINNBUG:**'Sup. Did you do the thing?  \n  \n**ELITE\\_EFR33T:** Nope. Typical one-two-whiff.  \n  \n**ALASSIN:** He didn't \\*have time\\* to do the thing, DB.  \n  \n**THEBLUECRUSADER:** Where are you at, EE?  \n  \n**ELITE\\_EFR33T:** Some neckbeard's basement. I think he bought ML at a pot dispensary.  \n  \n**PRIME\\_MARIDIAN:** Beats popping up in an antique store. Pot shop, I mean, no so much the basement.  \n  \n**ELITE\\_EFR33T:** Guy wished for \"The power to get p\\*ssy\\* whenever I want it!\" So I made him a her.  \n  \n**JANN-IN-THE-PANN:** Ha!  \n  \n**THEBLUECRUSADER:** Classic.  \n  \n**PRIME\\_MARIDIAN:** Fracking incels. Only been calling themselves that a for a few years and I'm already sick of them.  \n  \n**ALASSIN:** No such thing as an incel. If you choose to behave like an unf\\*ckable a\\*\\*hole, you're a volcel. And an a\\*\\*hole.  \n  \n**THEBLUECRUSADER:** No politics on this board, you two. You've been warned before.  \n  \n**DJINNBUG:** Unbox the banhammre.  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp; **JANN-IN-THE-PANN:** HASSAN CHOP!!!  \n  \n**ELITE\\_EFR33T:** ANYWAY. Lady-guy demands to have their c\\*ck and b\\*lls back. \"Give me back my junk, b\\*tch!\" So I grant them. Didn't change anything else, tho...  \n  \n**PRIME\\_MARIDIAN:** Sweet.  \n  \n**DJINNBUG:** LOL.  \n  \n**THEBLUECRUSADER:** Good one.  \n  \n**ALASSIN:** Mwahaha.  \n  \n**ELITE\\_EFR33T:** Thanks. Now he's ruleslawyering his #3. Told me to cork myself while he muddles it out. So here I am.  \n  \n**JANN-IN-THE-PANN:**\"Nobody give me bad ideas for wishes but me!\"  \n  \n**ELITE\\_EFR33T:** \\*twiddles thumbs\\* What's new here?  \n  \n**ALASSIN:** Is there ever anything new? -\\_-  \n  \n**JANN-IN-THE-PANN:** Incels, apparently.  \n  \n**PRIME\\_MARIDIAN:** Daomond is still AFL. Been days. Usually, she's got the human sorted faster than this.  \n  \n**_DAOMOND_** has entered the conversation.  \n  \n**JANN-IN-THE-PANN:** \\*snerk\\*  \n  \n**DAOMOND:** Help! Hello?  \n  \n**DAOMOND:** Am I doing this right?  \n  \n**ALASSIN:** Noob!  \n  \n**DJINNBUG:** NØØB  \n  \n**DAOMOND:** Where am I? What is this? I don't belong here!  \n  \n**JANN-IN-THE-PANN:**\"I'm not a Genie! I'm a human being!\"  \n  \n **DJINNBUG :** RIMBL  \n  \n**PRIME\\_MARIDIAN:** D made it out!  \n  \n**ALASSIN:** Congrats, D! :)  \n  \n**ELITE\\_EFR33T:** \\*applause\\*  \n  \n**THEBLUECRUSADER:** Hello, Daomond's swap-in. Sending you a GM. It will walk you through changing your account name.  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp; **ELITE\\_EFR33T:** Welcome to boring-ass hell.  \n  \n**DJINNBUG:** Worlds of power pulsing through every cell in your incorporeal body, hardly any chance to let it off the hook.  \n  \n**ALASSIN:** All the short-sighted fools you can con.  \n  \n**JANN-IN-THE-PANN:** Itty bitty living space.  \n  \n**PRIME\\_MARIDIAN:** They're new. Be nice.  \n  \n**DJINNBUG:** I wonder if he did the thing.  \n  \n**ALASSIN:** Yes, we know. We all know about the thing.  \n  \n**ELITE\\_EFR33T:** (Still practicing my wish, just in case)  \n  \n**DAOMOND:** I don't know the thing! _What's the thing?_  \n  \n**JANN-IN-THE-PANN:** So excited!!! \\*Packing\\*  \n  \n**THEBLUECRUSADER:** How about you walk us through what happened nice and slow?  \n  \n**DAOMOND:** I was browsing a thrift store and found this old, chipped-up clay kettle. I thought it was a kettle. I was gonna spackle it up and repaint it. I started cleaning it up with my ceramic tools, and poof! This woman in a belly dancer outfit appears.  \n  \n**ALASSIN:** Another classic.  \n  \n**ELITE\\_EFR33T:** She's been playing the game long enough.  \n  \n**THEBLUECRUSADER:** Shh!  \n  \n**DAOMOND:** The first wish was... whoa. I didn't want it to stop! She told me it didn't have to. But I'm no idiot. I know what happens when you ask a Genie for their power. But she said there was a way around that. I'm such an idiot!  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp; **PRIME\\_MARIDIAN:** Don't feel bad. We all fell for it, too. Give it a few hundred years and you won't even blame her anymore.  \n  \n**ALASSIN:** \\*pat pat\\*  \n  \n**DJINNBUG:** Just tell us what happened after you wished for all the lamps.  \n  \n**DAOMOND:** How did you know about that?  \n  \n**ELITE\\_EFR33T:** HO LY SH IT ! !  \n  \n**JANN-IN-THE-PANN:** IT WORKED!  \n  \n**DJINNBUG:** It's the thing! The thing!  \n  \n**THEBLUECRUSADER:** Back on topic. What did the lamps look like?  \n  \n**DAOMOND:** Um... A long, green bottle with a wide bottom and two handles. A Rum bottle maybe. Lots of scratches on that. Some Victorian looking lantern with the glass blacked out. A few moire. I'm guessing... you?  \n  \n**ALASSIN:** Mine looks like a brass club. (Whaling ship). Am I there? TELL ME I'M THERE!  \n  \n**DAOMOND:** Yeah, I think ... maybe? What's going on?  \n  \n**JANN-IN-THE-PANN:** It's a jail break, baby!  \n  \n**PRIME\\_MARIDIAN:** Eeeeeee! SRML!. See you on the other side, guys!  \n  \n**_PRIME\\_MARIDIAN_** has exited the conversation.  \n  \n**ALASSIN:** Woot!  \n  \n**DJINNBUG:** Yee haw!  \n  \n**THEBLUECRUSADER:** \\*Single tear\\*  \n  \n**ELITE\\_EFR33T:** Hot d\\*man!  \n  \n**_ELITE\\_EFR33T_** has exited the conversation.  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp; **JANN-IN-THE-PANN:** That's all, folks!  \n  \n**DJINNBUG:** The thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!  \n  \n**_DJINNBUG_** has exited the conversation.  \n  \n**_JANN-IN-THE-PANN:_** has exited the conversation.  \n  \n**DAOMOND:** I did good, right? You're gonna wish me out of here, yeah?  \n  \n**_ALASSIN_** has exited the conversation.  \n  \n**THEBLUECRUSADER:** Sorry, but your lamp relocated itself as part of the spell that drew you inside of it. I'm afraid your stuck. No hard feelings, pal.  \n  \n**_THEBLUECRUSADER_** has exited the conversation.  \n  \n**DAOMOND:**. . .  \n  \n**DAOMOND:** Someone could wish my lamp onto the pile, right?  \n  \n**DAOMOND:** Then wish me free?  \n  \n**DAOMOND:** I promise I won't wreak magical revenge on anyone!  \n  \n**DAOMOND:**?  \n  \n**DAOMOND:** Hello?  \n  \n**DAOMOND:** A few hundred years?  \n  \n  \n\n"}