# Lamp Chat

Author: DankeDonuts
Tags: Comedy, Condemnation, Djinn, Efreet, Fantasy, Group, Internet, Media, Net, Of, Plan, Prompt, Punny, Scam, Social, Speak, Thursday, Urban, Wish, Wished, attempt, bottle, chat, chatroom, consciousness, discussion, escape, exotic, genie, ifrit, leet, live, names, online, pun, scheme, stream, text, wishes

If Genies had their own online chatrooms.
This story was originally a submission to FurAffinity's [url=https://www.furaffinity.net/user/thursdayprompt/Thursday Prompt[/url] writing group.

 **Lamp Chat**  
By: DankeDonuts  
[https://dankedonuts.sofurry.com/](https://dankedonuts.sofurry.com/)  
  
  
**_ELITE\_EFR33T_** has entered the conversation.  
  
**ELITE\_EFR33T:** Back.  
  
**ALASSIN:** Hey.  
  
**THEBLUECRUSADER:** WB  
  
**JANN-IN-THE-PANN:** That didn't last long.  
  
**PRIME\_MARIDIAN:** Wotcher.  
  
**DJINNBUG:**'Sup. Did you do the thing?  
  
**ELITE\_EFR33T:** Nope. Typical one-two-whiff.  
  
**ALASSIN:** He didn't \*have time\* to do the thing, DB.  
  
**THEBLUECRUSADER:** Where are you at, EE?  
  
**ELITE\_EFR33T:** Some neckbeard's basement. I think he bought ML at a pot dispensary.  
  
**PRIME\_MARIDIAN:** Beats popping up in an antique store. Pot shop, I mean, no so much the basement.  
  
**ELITE\_EFR33T:** Guy wished for "The power to get p\*ssy\* whenever I want it!" So I made him a her.  
  
**JANN-IN-THE-PANN:** Ha!  
  
**THEBLUECRUSADER:** Classic.  
  
**PRIME\_MARIDIAN:** Fracking incels. Only been calling themselves that a for a few years and I'm already sick of them.  
  
**ALASSIN:** No such thing as an incel. If you choose to behave like an unf\*ckable a\*\*hole, you're a volcel. And an a\*\*hole.  
  
**THEBLUECRUSADER:** No politics on this board, you two. You've been warned before.  
  
**DJINNBUG:** Unbox the banhammre.  
  

  **JANN-IN-THE-PANN:** HASSAN CHOP!!!  
  
**ELITE\_EFR33T:** ANYWAY. Lady-guy demands to have their c\*ck and b\*lls back. "Give me back my junk, b\*tch!" So I grant them. Didn't change anything else, tho...  
  
**PRIME\_MARIDIAN:** Sweet.  
  
**DJINNBUG:** LOL.  
  
**THEBLUECRUSADER:** Good one.  
  
**ALASSIN:** Mwahaha.  
  
**ELITE\_EFR33T:** Thanks. Now he's ruleslawyering his #3. Told me to cork myself while he muddles it out. So here I am.  
  
**JANN-IN-THE-PANN:**"Nobody give me bad ideas for wishes but me!"  
  
**ELITE\_EFR33T:** \*twiddles thumbs\* What's new here?  
  
**ALASSIN:** Is there ever anything new? -\_-  
  
**JANN-IN-THE-PANN:** Incels, apparently.  
  
**PRIME\_MARIDIAN:** Daomond is still AFL. Been days. Usually, she's got the human sorted faster than this.  
  
**_DAOMOND_** has entered the conversation.  
  
**JANN-IN-THE-PANN:** \*snerk\*  
  
**DAOMOND:** Help! Hello?  
  
**DAOMOND:** Am I doing this right?  
  
**ALASSIN:** Noob!  
  
**DJINNBUG:** NØØB  
  
**DAOMOND:** Where am I? What is this? I don't belong here!  
  
**JANN-IN-THE-PANN:**"I'm not a Genie! I'm a human being!"  
  
 **DJINNBUG :** RIMBL  
  
**PRIME\_MARIDIAN:** D made it out!  
  
**ALASSIN:** Congrats, D! :)  
  
**ELITE\_EFR33T:** \*applause\*  
  
**THEBLUECRUSADER:** Hello, Daomond's swap-in. Sending you a GM. It will walk you through changing your account name.  
  

  **ELITE\_EFR33T:** Welcome to boring-ass hell.  
  
**DJINNBUG:** Worlds of power pulsing through every cell in your incorporeal body, hardly any chance to let it off the hook.  
  
**ALASSIN:** All the short-sighted fools you can con.  
  
**JANN-IN-THE-PANN:** Itty bitty living space.  
  
**PRIME\_MARIDIAN:** They're new. Be nice.  
  
**DJINNBUG:** I wonder if he did the thing.  
  
**ALASSIN:** Yes, we know. We all know about the thing.  
  
**ELITE\_EFR33T:** (Still practicing my wish, just in case)  
  
**DAOMOND:** I don't know the thing! _What's the thing?_  
  
**JANN-IN-THE-PANN:** So excited!!! \*Packing\*  
  
**THEBLUECRUSADER:** How about you walk us through what happened nice and slow?  
  
**DAOMOND:** I was browsing a thrift store and found this old, chipped-up clay kettle. I thought it was a kettle. I was gonna spackle it up and repaint it. I started cleaning it up with my ceramic tools, and poof! This woman in a belly dancer outfit appears.  
  
**ALASSIN:** Another classic.  
  
**ELITE\_EFR33T:** She's been playing the game long enough.  
  
**THEBLUECRUSADER:** Shh!  
  
**DAOMOND:** The first wish was... whoa. I didn't want it to stop! She told me it didn't have to. But I'm no idiot. I know what happens when you ask a Genie for their power. But she said there was a way around that. I'm such an idiot!  
  

  **PRIME\_MARIDIAN:** Don't feel bad. We all fell for it, too. Give it a few hundred years and you won't even blame her anymore.  
  
**ALASSIN:** \*pat pat\*  
  
**DJINNBUG:** Just tell us what happened after you wished for all the lamps.  
  
**DAOMOND:** How did you know about that?  
  
**ELITE\_EFR33T:** HO LY SH IT ! !  
  
**JANN-IN-THE-PANN:** IT WORKED!  
  
**DJINNBUG:** It's the thing! The thing!  
  
**THEBLUECRUSADER:** Back on topic. What did the lamps look like?  
  
**DAOMOND:** Um... A long, green bottle with a wide bottom and two handles. A Rum bottle maybe. Lots of scratches on that. Some Victorian looking lantern with the glass blacked out. A few moire. I'm guessing... you?  
  
**ALASSIN:** Mine looks like a brass club. (Whaling ship). Am I there? TELL ME I'M THERE!  
  
**DAOMOND:** Yeah, I think ... maybe? What's going on?  
  
**JANN-IN-THE-PANN:** It's a jail break, baby!  
  
**PRIME\_MARIDIAN:** Eeeeeee! SRML!. See you on the other side, guys!  
  
**_PRIME\_MARIDIAN_** has exited the conversation.  
  
**ALASSIN:** Woot!  
  
**DJINNBUG:** Yee haw!  
  
**THEBLUECRUSADER:** \*Single tear\*  
  
**ELITE\_EFR33T:** Hot d\*man!  
  
**_ELITE\_EFR33T_** has exited the conversation.  
  

  **JANN-IN-THE-PANN:** That's all, folks!  
  
**DJINNBUG:** The thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!  
  
**_DJINNBUG_** has exited the conversation.  
  
**_JANN-IN-THE-PANN:_** has exited the conversation.  
  
**DAOMOND:** I did good, right? You're gonna wish me out of here, yeah?  
  
**_ALASSIN_** has exited the conversation.  
  
**THEBLUECRUSADER:** Sorry, but your lamp relocated itself as part of the spell that drew you inside of it. I'm afraid your stuck. No hard feelings, pal.  
  
**_THEBLUECRUSADER_** has exited the conversation.  
  
**DAOMOND:**. . .  
  
**DAOMOND:** Someone could wish my lamp onto the pile, right?  
  
**DAOMOND:** Then wish me free?  
  
**DAOMOND:** I promise I won't wreak magical revenge on anyone!  
  
**DAOMOND:**?  
  
**DAOMOND:** Hello?  
  
**DAOMOND:** A few hundred years?

Source: https://sofurry.com/s/RnolQMD1