# "Chucky" (Requiem for my mate)

Author: Cris_Fireheart
Tags: Dark, Death, Depression, Drama, Drugs, Gift, Human, Longing, Love, Mate, Music, Noir, Poetry, Real Life, Reqiuem, Sad, Tragedy, Wolf, anniversary, heroin, life, memory, non-fiction, requiem, wonder

I wrote this poem during a particularly depressing night recently. I was curled up in my bed and I couldn't stop thinking about my mate, who passed from this life before we had a chance to fully live it together. . We had each other. We had heroin. And we didn't need the world's consumerism or approval. We just needed US.   
  
He proposed to me in June 2012 shortly after my 22nd birthday by giving me this key. He promised that one day he'd replace it with a ring. Sadly, that day never came. He overdosed on October 16, 2013. I still wear this key around my neck each day. The design on it has two Cs back to back. Our initials. I still kiss it every morning.   
  
"Stay close to me..."  
  
I love you, always.

I'm stuck with a feeling; a pain that I buried,  
Real deep in my heart.   
  
I can't even sleep, 'cause the memory  
Threatens to tear me apart.   
  
I'm begging you, please, don't make me relive it;  
I've suffered enough.   
  
I need a release, so I picked up this pen  
And went and filled my cup  
  
I reach for your key on my neck and  
Remember a time I was loved.   
  
Remember the heat on my neck every  
Morning when you would wake up.   
  
That feeling of being protected from  
Everything out in the world.  
  
Our lives were better when we could just  
Face it together, and watch it unfurl.  
  
I still remember the day when you  
Whispered your promise to me.   
  
Got on your knees and looked  
Right up at me, smiling so wide  
As you held up a key.  
  
"I know how we're living, and no,  
It's not perfect, but things will get  
Better. I promise; you'll see. "  
  
"And one of these days, when we're  
Both on our feet, I promise I'll get you  
An actual ring. "  
  
I still remember that moment;  
It gets so emotional,  
I can remember I cried.   
  
Then the reality hits me,  
And I can remember  
The last time I saw you alive.   
  
Both of us went to sleep peacefully,  
But only one of us woke up  
To open our eyes.  
  
Ten years of searching for someone  
To hold me; in vain, it's just something  
That i never find.   
  
I don't think someone exists,  
Who can make me feel bliss,  
Like when it was just you and I.  
  
Now, every night, when I climb  
Into bed all alone, I curl up  
With your key and I cry.   
  
Thought about ending it all,  
Praying that you'll still be  
Waiting for me in the sky. 

  
  
Somehow, I can't do it;

  
I still hear your voice telling  
Me to calm down, in the  
Back of my mind.  
  
The strength that you gave me  
To stand and be proud,  
While everyone else was  
Still dragging me down.   
  
The way that you played your  
Guitar on the stage, and could  
Captivate anyone just with  
The sound.   
  
And now, it's too late, you  
Can't argue with fate,  
It'll fill you with hate, and  
Drive you to harm.   
  
But there's something to say  
For the price I would pay  
For that feeling of safety  
I found in your arms...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sleep well, my love. You are still my first, my last, and my only one. After you, there have been none...

--Chris (yeah... That's me. )

Source: https://sofurry.com/s/4nAZRZ31
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