{"sf1_id":2032298,"sf2_id":"4nAXr8Gm","title":"The Delay Only Made It Hit Harder","author":"Apolarbear17","words":366,"posted_at":"2023-08-02T04:06:00.000Z","tags":["Death","Emotions","Grief","Poetry","burial","letting go","trip","venting","visit"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/2032298-the-delay-only-made-it-hit-harder","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/s/4nAXr8Gm","image_url":"https://cdn.sofurryfiles.com/submissions/thumbnails/2c/46/2c468c8d-952e-479d-983a-c304b46e7dd9","description":"Wrote this a while back when after coming back from a cathartic family trip a day or so previously. Was about to let go of some seriously heavy emotions back then and channel some more heavy emotional stuff into this poem. Originally posted in December 2021.","content":"The Delay Only Made It Hit Harder\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;By: A.X. Bueno\u0026nbsp;\n\n  \n\nThere were times I didn't think I'd make it you this year\u0026nbsp;\n\nFor all the obstacles and hardships life has thrown though I still made it here\u0026nbsp;\n\nArriving here is very much bittersweet\u0026nbsp;\n\nPassing through that unlocked and open gate to the whole purpose of this...retreat\u0026nbsp;\n\nYour grave, a sight that in person I now am able to behold\u0026nbsp;\n\nThe sight and reminder that you're gone that I'll have to visit more than once\u0026nbsp;\n\nIt makes all the emotions hit so much harder, at least tenfold\u0026nbsp;\n\nThis was something I never could have prepared for on just about all fronts\u0026nbsp;\n\nI expected you to pull through as strong as you were but in the end I felt like a shocked dunce\u0026nbsp;\n\nThat feeling eventually faded as I came to the circumstances such as they were\n\nI thought I came to adapt to and accept your passing but now the emotions recur\u0026nbsp;\n\nI stare now at this house to your remains and others in your generation of our family and mourn\n\nI'm standing by with my generation of family and feel like my hearts been twice torn\u0026nbsp;\n\nI go to comfort our kin and it all finally breaks through\u0026nbsp;\n\nSomewhat expectedly though not at the precise moment I start crying\u0026nbsp;\n\nTurns out I'm still capable of tears after all and pretty much all of them are for you\u0026nbsp;\n\nI hope you know how much you meant to me even though I struggled to put it words\u0026nbsp;\n\nI learned more now how much I meant to you and I'd break down again because of all that's happened and that I've heard\n\nThis trip has provided a relief, a comfort and a closure more than I thought I'd know\n\nI will move forward to make you and others including myself proud but your memory...\n\nYour memory and the memories you helped me to have and experience are things I'll never let go\n\nI attended your service and visited so my grief can fade and eventually not stay\n\nI visited your grave to come to terms with what happened last year, to let the pain out and hopefully away\u0026nbsp;   \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n  \n  \n\n"}