# JIH Chapter 3: A Snail's Pace

Author: Dextrose Overdose
Tags: Adventure, Alien, Cave, Fantasy, Female, Fighting, Human, Isekai, Magic, Male, Sci-Fi, Snail, Sword

Jack, an unassuming holiday traveler, engages in mortal combat with a horrible beast.

Okay, it would be really nice if I could wake up, because I was definitely dreaming.&nbsp; There's no way that the horror that I was backpedaling from could be real.&nbsp; There was something like a snail following me, only it was huge!&nbsp;&nbsp;A giant, slimy gray head was stretching out toward me with its strange, floppy mouth open in an attempt to bite me.&nbsp;&nbsp;A cluster of eye stalks—too numerous to count in my terrified state—all danced around on top of its head and ran all the way down its neck like a mane.&nbsp;&nbsp;The eyes were extending and contracting with no rhyme or reason to them.&nbsp;&nbsp;Instead of a shell on its back there was a giant stalagmite that it dragged around.&nbsp;&nbsp;It moved with more speed than something carrying so much weight had any right to, and it made absolutely no sound as it did so.&nbsp;&nbsp;Unlike the salamander creature from earlier, it had no fear of my light.&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

“Y'know, my pommel kinda hurts," the sword in my hand buzzed an observation that had no bearing on my current predicament.&nbsp;&nbsp;“Did you bang me on something while I was asleep?"&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

“What?" I shouted, not able to carry on a conversation and flee simultaneously.

 

“Cause I really hate it when people do that."

 

“Zoe!&nbsp;&nbsp;What do I—?"&nbsp;&nbsp;At that instant my shoe came down on something that slipped underfoot and I fell on my ass.&nbsp;&nbsp;Sensing victory, the monster slithered forth.&nbsp;&nbsp;I did the only thing I could and shoved my luggage in front of me like a shield.&nbsp;&nbsp;The creature chomped down on it and there was a soft sound of hissing as it tore the bag away from me.&nbsp;&nbsp;The snail shook it like a puppy with a rag doll as I scrambled back through the water and regained my footing.&nbsp;&nbsp;After a few seconds, the monster realized what it was chewing on was not edible and turned back to me.

 

“What do I do?"

 

“Um, I don't know… stab it?" Zoe offered.&nbsp;&nbsp;“That works for most things."&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

I wasn't exactly keen on getting close enough to do that.&nbsp;&nbsp;Zoe may have claimed to be a sword, but her blade didn't have much reach.&nbsp;&nbsp;So I turned to run.&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

“Aw," Zoe grumbled in disappointment, “I thought we were going to fight it."&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

I splashed through the cave, running blindly in hopes of getting away.&nbsp;&nbsp;I had no clue where I was going, or if I was about to run into even worse danger, but I kept fleeing.&nbsp;&nbsp;I turned to see if I was making any progress but the monster was somehow able to keep pace with me.&nbsp;&nbsp;Before long I was starting to tire and was losing the edge that adrenaline was giving me, but the snail creature didn't appear to have any of the same issues.&nbsp;&nbsp;It was getting closer.&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

Eventually I stumbled into a deeper part of the cave where the water came up to my crotch.&nbsp;&nbsp;There was no way I could stay ahead of it anymore, but I surged forward anyway, only to find that I had reached the end of the line.&nbsp;&nbsp;I ran into a dead end.&nbsp;&nbsp;A wall of slick stone blocked my way.&nbsp;&nbsp;I turned around and pressed my back against the wall, holding the feeble sword out defensively with both hands.&nbsp;&nbsp;The snail pressed a wake of water toward me as it moved in for the kill.

 

_Keeerunch!&nbsp;_&nbsp;

 

The tall stalagmite formation on the back of the creature slammed into an overhead outcropping, bringing it to a halt.&nbsp;&nbsp;The eye stalks danced around in confusion as it attempted to move forward but found itself unable to.&nbsp;&nbsp;It stretched its head out toward me, but it fell short.&nbsp;&nbsp;Only able to reach a stretched eye to the tip of Zoe's blade.

 

Zoe giggled.&nbsp;&nbsp;“It's not very smart, is it?&nbsp;&nbsp;Can we stab it now?"&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

I tried easing my way along the wall to find some other way of escape.&nbsp;&nbsp;The creature followed, the growth on its back scraping along the overhang, but not able to get any closer to me.&nbsp;&nbsp;There was nowhere I could go and the monster didn't seem like it was going to give up and go away.&nbsp;&nbsp;I was backed into a corner with only one way to get out.&nbsp;&nbsp;I had no choice but to fight.&nbsp;&nbsp;I gripped Zoe's hilt as tightly as I could with both hands and watched for an opening.&nbsp;&nbsp;The snail's head bobbed and turned away slightly and I lunged for it, striking at the neck with the tip of the blade.&nbsp;&nbsp;An all or nothing attack.&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

It was like trying to puncture a truck tire with a wooden spoon.&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

“Whoops," Zoe uttered when her blade bounced off.

 

It shot a painful jolt up my arm as my wrist twisted and thumb jammed into Zoe's crossguard.&nbsp;&nbsp;The monster appeared to wince, but otherwise barely registered the injury.&nbsp;&nbsp;Its head twisted and the mouth clamped down on my thigh with a hiss. I could feel the pressure of its powerful maw, but the thick winter coat wrapped around my waist took most of the damage.&nbsp;&nbsp;There was a sizzle of polyester and nylon smoldering from the creature's caustic saliva.&nbsp;&nbsp;I shouted in panic as it dragged me away from the protection of the outcropping.&nbsp;&nbsp;I tried to jam Zoe into the head again but that had even less effect than the first try.&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

I'm going to die!&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

I started swinging the pathetically dull weapon wildly, each successive strike as useless as the last.&nbsp;&nbsp;The snail's thick hide absorbed it all, and even the eyes were shockingly tough.&nbsp;&nbsp;I did manage to slice one off, but the creature didn't appear to notice the injury.&nbsp;&nbsp;Having so many of them, I guess it wouldn't.&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

That was it.&nbsp;&nbsp;There was nothing else I could do.&nbsp;&nbsp;I guess I had a good run.

 

No… No!&nbsp;&nbsp;I had a terrible run!&nbsp;&nbsp;I haven't done a damn thing I planned in my life!&nbsp;&nbsp;I'm still a virgin for Christ's sake!&nbsp;&nbsp;This sucks!

 

Just at that moment when I was forced to accept my fate, the creature let go.&nbsp;&nbsp;I pinwheeled my arms to try and keep my balance but failed, splashing back into the water.&nbsp;&nbsp;I got back up quickly, swinging Zoe blindly as I retreated.&nbsp;&nbsp;I coughed up the foul reek I had nearly swallowed and wiped a hand across my face to clear my vision.

 

The creature in front of me shook its head irritably.&nbsp;&nbsp;Drool fell from its mouth and splattered about as it coughed out a lump of smoking polyester stuffing.&nbsp;&nbsp;It spit an acidic loogie on the floor and turned to slide away.&nbsp;&nbsp;Upon finding a high and dry spot it settled in and withdrew its entire body under the stalagmite, camouflaging it perfectly.

 

“I guess you don't taste good," Zoe observed.&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

I glanced down at my thigh.&nbsp;&nbsp;There was a huge hole in my sopping wet jacket that went all the way through the pant leg underneath, but the creature's bite had been shy of my flesh.&nbsp;&nbsp;The skin was bruised like the biggest hickey ever, but no other injury was apparent.&nbsp;&nbsp;At any rate, the pain managed to get through to me that all of this was real.&nbsp;&nbsp;Somehow, no matter how surreal everything was, this was really happening.&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

I noticed something moving in the water with me.&nbsp;&nbsp;When I turned the light I saw that the eye I had cut off the creature was swimming around me like a tadpole.&nbsp;&nbsp;It even appeared to have grown tiny legs.&nbsp;&nbsp;Upon seeing that I desperately wanted to get out of the water, even if it meant I had to walk past the snail-agmite.&nbsp;&nbsp;I eased my way past the monster while holding out Zoe, who could only cursory be called a weapon.&nbsp;&nbsp;The creature had no further interest in me and let me go unmolested.&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

Once I felt I was safely away I held up the sword in front of me and shook her angrily.&nbsp;&nbsp;“Why didn't you tell me you were so dull?"

 

“I'm sorry, Master Jake!" Zoe cried apologetically.&nbsp;&nbsp;“I forgot my last master mostly used me to split wood!"&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

“I almost got killed!" I hissed as loud as I dared in the echoie cave.&nbsp;&nbsp;I flexed my twisted wrist and thumb, thankfully I couldn't sense any major damage.&nbsp;&nbsp;“And it's Jack, not Jake!"&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

“Jack!&nbsp;&nbsp;Right!&nbsp;&nbsp;I'm sorry, Master Jack!" she corrected herself.&nbsp;&nbsp;“It's just I can't sharpen myself and nobody has bothered to do it for me in forever!"

 

“Alright, well, maybe you care to explain to me why I'm here?" I asked with irritation.&nbsp;&nbsp;“Or where on Earth here is?"

 

“I don't know that!" the sword vibrated anxiously.&nbsp;&nbsp;“I just met you and I don't know what an “Earth" is.&nbsp;&nbsp;I don't even know why I'm here.&nbsp;&nbsp;I'm sorry I'm such a bubblehilt, but I just don't know."&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

“You're lying to me!&nbsp;&nbsp;You can't be this stupid."

 

“I am— hey!" she huffed angrily.&nbsp;&nbsp;“I'm just trying to help.&nbsp;&nbsp;That's no reason to call me a liar!"

 

“That demon woman gave you to me, and I refuse to believe that you don't know why."

 

“But… I don't!" she whined.&nbsp;&nbsp;“I don't know anything about a demon woman.&nbsp;&nbsp;When I'm in my sheath I go to sleep.&nbsp;&nbsp;I can't see or hear anything."

 

“This sheath here?" I asked, putting my hand on the scabbard stuck in my waistband.

 

“Yeah.&nbsp;&nbsp;Wait! Don't—!"&nbsp;&nbsp;She was cut off as I slammed her blade in.&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

At that moment the phone strapped to my head buzzed before playing its shutdown tone.&nbsp;&nbsp;The flashlight flicked off and left me in darkness.&nbsp;&nbsp;

 

Knowing what was in the cave with me, I couldn't help but piss myself again.&nbsp;&nbsp;

Source: https://sofurry.com/s/rm8QXpWn
Part of the series Jack's Incidental Holiday
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