{"sf1_id":2155196,"sf2_id":"V1Yr2V2e","title":"What Keeps The Edge On","author":"Apolarbear17","words":771,"posted_at":"2024-07-18T19:05:46.000Z","tags":["Conflict Avoidance","Hate","Heavy Subjects","Incident","Masking","Surroundings","Vent Poetry","aggression","caution","existence","labels","train","venting"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/2155196-what-keeps-the-edge-on","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/s/V1Yr2V2e","image_url":"https://cdn.sofurryfiles.com/submissions/thumbnails/24/2a/242a17db-5b9e-4f09-a6b6-6c08779653cc","description":"Wrote this poem a while back to vent about an incident on the train that stuck with me for over a week. It’s a subway related poem, another one but also is about more than just that. Originally posted in February 2023.","content":"What Keeps The Edge On\n\n \n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;By: A.X. Bueno\n\n \n\n \n\nIt doesn’t come around too often but there’s always an occurrence once a while\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nA moment that reminds you why you stay on edge and they don’t understand why\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nToday that happened with some aggressive guy on the train\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nReminding you of a somewhat familiar pattern as you felt his disdain\n\n \n\nDisdain for you choosing to simply be there standing around\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nSure you were standing in front of him while he was sitting in the train seat\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nBut you got on first and were just trying to be chill\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nTaking in your surroundings and trying to mind your own business as you wait around\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nJust wanting to get to work with no issues as the train gets moving on it’s way\n\n \n\nBut then this jerk of a guy decides to try and get a rise out of you too early in the morning\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nAnd you act surprised because you thought that you were blending in fine\n\n \n\nJust standing around, no distractions, being lost in your own thoughts and mind\n\n \n\nBut this jerk decides that he doesn’t like you being in his space\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nThough you were only standing there cause you didn’t want the seat he had to clean\n\n \n\nAnd were doing your best to avoid looking him in the face\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nFor people seem to misinterpret the expression or view of your eyes\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nIt’s something you used to deal with more when you were younger\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nBut still happens from time to time\n\n \n\nLike now when this guy interprets your very presence there like some kind of crime\n\n \n\nSo he hurls insults and surface level labels to your face\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nAll for having the nerve to stand and exist next to him in this crowded public space\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nHe heatedly goes after your appearance and the way that you are to try and get you mad\n\n \n\nYou try to make it clear you were just trying to mind your own business and not do anything wrong\n\n \n\nHe still doesn’t care and just continues to shout and want you gone\n\n \n\nWhen he escalates by saying he doesn’t want to get violent while still sitting down\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nYou decide to move on your accord to not cause a subway style scene\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nAnd this guy, even after you moved away continues to talk about you\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nTo whoever he’s talking to through headphones and screen\n\n \n\nBut not before having the audacity to shout “thank you” more than once\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nViewing you as nothing more than a pale nuisance and dunce\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nYou move again to get further away and get your own headphones on\n\n \n\nA few stops later the jerk walks off the train and is finally gone\n\n \n\nYou still have more than a few stops to go\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nBefore you can get to work and try to shake off this whole incident\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nBut there’s something nagging at the back of your mind that you know won’t let this be\n\n \n\nA couple of specific incidents like this that happened in the not distant past\n\n \n\nTwo happened on the sidewalk almost one after the other\n\n \n\nWhen you were again going about your own business but were accosted by others\n\n \n\nThey made similar remarks but both were cowards who didn’t stick around to face you\n\n \n\nThat last one happened on the train but he didn’t stay either just said his piece and left\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nStill they went out of their ways to make you feel bad about yourself then run away\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nAnd now you’ve let this random aggravator spoil your day\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nAny normal person probably wouldn’t have bothered by this but you\n\n \n\nYou’ve always felt abnormal, out of place wherever you are and maybe they see\n\n \n\nEven if you try to stay out of trouble with quietness and a mask of normalcy\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nStill you can’t help wonder if maybe that mask and your awareness are slipping\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nDespite others telling you that that was more on them than you\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nAll you can think about is this unfortunate pattern with not much you can do\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nExcept curse who you are making you stick out sometimes like a sore thumb\n\n \n\nThe worst part is no one around did anything or seemed even phased by what was going on back on the train\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nYou’ve come to expect as much though\n\n \n\nYou’re not expecting people to come to your aid when it’s inconvenient or truly try to understand\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nAll you can do is try to move on, mask up and as inconspicuous as you can\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nBecause when there’s people around who seemingly hate you and what they perceive you to be\n\n \n\nYou have to be considerably more careful about any slippage of sincerity\u0026nbsp;"}