{"sf1_id":2246240,"sf2_id":"qmy2qRKn","title":"The Struggle In Balancing Dually Manifesting Weights","author":"Apolarbear17","words":642,"posted_at":"2025-04-24T14:06:49.000Z","tags":["Autism awareness month","External Struggles","Frustrations","Heavy Subjects","Internal Struggles","Vent Poetry","autism"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/2246240-the-struggle-in-balancing-dually-manifesting-weights","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/s/qmy2qRKn","image_url":"https://cdn.sofurryfiles.com/submissions/thumbnails/7d/8d/7d8dd566-6ba1-4aad-927e-75334346a965","description":"So I wrote a vent poem, a fairly long one because I had things to say after hearing a specific, infamously brain wormed individual talk about autism in a way that admittedly got under my skin. It’s been a while since I wrote a poem that couldn’t fit on one page. Also it’s Autism Awareness Month! This poem is actually a couple of days old and I meant to post it sooner but got busy.   \n  \nAs proof here’s the original post on my blog site: [https://thegoodmanscorner.wordpress.com/2025/04/21/the-struggles-in-balancing-dually-manifesting-weights/](https://thegoodmanscorner.wordpress.com/2025/04/21/the-struggles-in-balancing-dually-manifesting-weights/)","content":"\u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; **The Struggles in Balancing Dually Manifesting Weights** \u0026nbsp; \n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;By: A.X. Bueno\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\n \n\nHow is it weights can exist in two places at the same time\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nOne weighing on you from the outside and the other in the mind\n\n \n\nTechnically neither is physical but you feel them both all the same\n\n \n\nFor the external one at least society can mostly be blamed\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nTelling you how dependent or independent you should be\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nAll the things you should and shouldn't be expected to do\n\n \n\nAll because of a condition they think comes not from birth but chemicals\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nAnd don't realize it can't be separated from you\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nThat if it affects your development then it's part of who you are\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nAnd while that can be burdensome People unwilling or unable to understand make it much harder by far\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nThey don't see a spectrum but instead a set of static stereotypes\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nThat will never be good enough for the typical or the \"useful\" too\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nYou spend your whole life with them trying to train you out of what they think is wrong with you\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nYour awkward mannerisms\n\n \n\nYour inability to finish school or find a job\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nThe way you can be too sensitive or overthinking or too meticulous at times\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nThey want you desperately to be a tax paying normal citizen\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nNo time to accommodate your “weirdness\n\n \n\nTo some even asking that is practically the greatest crime\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nThey need you to be more socially adept, to get with the program already\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nSo they can save even more nickels and dollars and dimes\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nBy making sure you pay taxes that they don't want going back to you\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nBy way of social programs or handouts or other things they want to make sure are through\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nBut best make sure to keep providing in the ways they don't believe you can do\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nAnd that's not even going into yet the weight that's lingering inside you\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nIt varies depending on the person but I'm sure I can list what's broadly packing on the pounds\n\n \n\nThe need to hide parts of ourselves, the sensory issues, the fixations\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nTrying to follow and when necessary match this mad world's energy\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nThe worries over misunderstandings and missed social cues\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nThe struggle to figure out where our masks end and we begin\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nThere's a lot of different external and internal weights\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nWeights that to us are seemingly eternally bound\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nAnd we'd adapt to them fine and grow strong in our ways\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nThe internal ones anyway\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nBut then from the outside there are again those desperate to make those weights shift\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nWho think they know what is bound to us better than we do\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nThey think there's a shame or a sad obstacle in who we are\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nSome still think us sad jokes to not take seriously\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nAnd others think of us as overly dependent and/or savants\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nThey don't realize we see through their misconceptions and when we can we laugh\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nWe poke fun at them and sometimes ourselves\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nIf only because this condition means too many people make jokes you miss or at your expense\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nWe laugh to lighten the many weights we carry\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nAnd it sucks that we have to laugh sometimes to just get through\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nIt'd be easier if we were left to determine our own weight limits\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nInstead of those who say they want to help us or those who want us gone\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nMake no mistake though help is vital\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nBut that requires people with patience\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nNot those who see only potential flaws and cracks\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nThose who miscalculate our weight\u0026nbsp;\n\n \n\nActing like it's existence and ours is unfortunate and wrong\n\n \n\nPersonally I long for these extra weights and pressures to be gone\u0026nbsp;  \n\u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp;"}