# Star Zero episode 2 Author: Kazufox Tags: Bird, Captain Falcon, Comedy, Epic, F-Zero, Falcon, Fox, Human, Humor, James, Nintendo, Robots, kazufox, mccloud, old, racing, star zero #2 of Star Zero Note: Here's part 2 of the almighty Star Zero series. Also from a time and place before 2007, but here it gets good. Yes, I hate Marth...and the monkies... This time, things get MOAR fun and exciting! Whoo! ~Prologue~ ~Again Star Zero is out on another adventure and furry James is Fox Sr. and human James is Human.  Where the team will be going this time?  Well...~ \_Star Zero Strikes Again\_ ---- ~Location: Marth's bathroom~ ---- ~Marth prepares to take a shower and as he does he looks left, right, left.  He checks to see if there's a crack in the sink or tub.  He slowly turns on the shower water and water starts spraying out.  He steps into the shower looking left, right, left.  As Marth starts to relax and continue his shower until the water cuts off.  Marth starts messing with the dial to get the hot water but nothing comes out.  He looks at the showerhead closely and suddenly a burst of flames shot out setting Marth's hair on fire~ \*Marth\*: Oh \*\*\*\*\*!!  FIRE!!  FIRE!! ~Marth tries to turn on the water at the sink but only more fire shoots out.  Marth runs out into the hallway then stop, drops and rolls until the fire is out.  When the fire goes out he tries to crawl back into the bathroom only to pass out on the floor~ ---- ~Meanwhile outside~ ---- \*Kazufox\*: Hey, guys did you record it? ~Both James sit outside with a TV~ \*Fox Sr.\*: Yeah, we got it. (falls over laughing) \*Human\*: That joke was sick and cruel. (laughs anyways) \*Fox Sr.\*: Where did you get the firepower for that? ~Roy Mustang walks over~ \*Both James\*: No way! \*Roy\*: I hope that it was hot enough for him. \*Fox Sr.\*: Roy, what are you doing here? \*Kazufox\*: I can explain that.  You see, I asked my good buddy Roy here if he wanted to play a little prank on that guy that messed up his uniform by running into him and Roy said 'yes'. \*Human\*: Was it before or after we put grease on the bottom of his shoes? \*Fox Sr.\*: And put glue on the inside. \*Kazufox\*: That doesn't matter, what does matter is that we really burned Marth up, literally!  And the best part is we've got it on tape so we can post it on the internet his shame being naked on the floor!  Got those empty beer bottles? \*Human\*: \*finishes another bottle\* You really need to ask? \*Roy\*: Severs that loser right.  I just had my uniform dry-cleaned and he has the nerve to mess it up.  Well Kazufox, it's been fun.  But now I've got to be going. \*Kazufox\*: Already?  Okay. \*Roy\*: I can trust you not to tell anyone, right? \*Kazufox\*: No problem, Roy. \*Roy\*: I'm serious.  I know where you live. \*Kazufox\*: Geez, calm down.  I'm your friend, Roy. \*Roy\*: Hmph.  I forgot who I was talking to. \*Kazufox\*: Don't start getting smart with me! \*Roy\*: Heh, sure.  Well Kazufox, take care and try not to get caught. (walks off) \*Kazufox\*: Damn, I hate when he tries and act all cool and serious like that.  But I'll let it slide since we did get Marth good. \*Human\*: Now what's our plan for today? \*Kazufox\*: The same thing we try to do everyday.  Try to moon the rich! ---- ~Later in space~ ---- \*Kazufox\*: Okay, this time I've got the ship that we're going to attack.  This is a party ship full of celebrities and there are no hookers or prostitutes.  Is everyone ready? \*Fox Sr.\*: Everything's a go. \*Human\*: All set here. \*Kazufox\*: Okay!  Let's take it to them! ~The ships fly nearby the space cruiser~ \*Kazufox\*: Ready in 3...2...1...Let'em fall! ~The three moon the ship but they don't hear the voices of shocked rich people~ \*Crowd\*: Yeah, the strippers are finally here!  Yeah, shake that thing!  Woohoo!  Let's get wasted!  Come on over, baby so we can talk. ~Both James look at Kazufox~ \*Kazufox\*: What?  This is a celebrity vessel. (looks at ship) Oh \*\*\*\*\*!!  It's full of the crazy female celebes!  There's Pam Anderson, Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Simpson, the Olsen twins, Angelina Jolie, eww...there's Paris Hilton! \*Fox Sr.\*: What do you have against her? \*Kazufox\*: Have you ever seen that episode of South Park?  And haven't you ever wondered what happened to all those dogs? \*Human\*: You watch too much TV.  That doesn't even make sense. \*Kazufox\*: There's a ship with these celebs and also for hookers and prostitutes, you don't start talking about what makes sense or not in THIS universe.  Not really, wtf?  What is Tyra Banks doing there?  Oh my God!!  It's Brittney Spears!!!  Star Zero!  Fly as fast as you can!! ~The three fly off into hyperspace~ ---- ~Later at Andross'~ ---- ~Andross slowly walks out of his house looking left, right, left.  He heads toward his car looking around for traps.  He checks for glue in the keyhole and finds nothing.  He checks his back as he opens the door then suddenly a mountain lion jumps out and mauls the monkey~ \*Andross\*: AAAAHH!!  Get this thing off of me! \*Mountain lion\*: RRAAAAAWR!! RAAAWR!! \*Human\*: I can't believe you did that. \*Kazufox\*: It's genius!  HAHAHA!!  Of course I always did want to see that happen. \*Human\*: Where did you find that thing? \*Fox Sr.\*: (rolling over laughing) I...HAHAHAHA I found it.  HAHAHAHA!!!  At the pet store.  You won't believe the things they keep there. ---- ~Meanwhile at pet store~ ---- \*Algy\*: Help!  Anyone!  I've been here ever since Nintendo cancelled Starfox 2!!  Please! \*Girl\*: WAAAH!!  My kitty ran away and-ooooh!  A funny monkey!  Mommy I want the monkey! \*Algy\*: Thank you so much!  You have no idea what this means to me. \*Girl\*: (pets Algy) That's a good monkey.  Now you won't run away like my kitty, right? \*Algy\*: Actually, I was hoping you would let me go and- \*Girl\*: (demonic voice) You won't leave me, right!? \*Algy\*: I'll stay...\*whines\* \*Girl\*: (normal voice) Good. (drags Algy by leash) La la-la la-la! ---- ~Later at base~ ---- \*Human\*: I still can't believe you two are doing these stupid pranks. \*Kazufox\*: Listen James, you'll understand too when you have someone you really hate. \*Fox Sr.\*: It's true.  One day, James, one day.  By the way, when did Axl work here? \*Human\*: Axl?  The Maverick Hunter? \*Kazufox\*: That's not Axl, it's ROB DS.  I modified him to look like Axl since he's cool and I even gave him a pair of guns...with roses on them.  Now, guys...we've had our fun and games and mooning.  Now we have to talk about IT. ~Both James look at each other~ \*Fox Sr.\*: Well okay.  It starts off like this, when a mommy and a daddy love each other a lot and they- \*Kazufox\*: James, what are you talking about? \*Fox Sr.\*: I thought you we're asking us where babies come from. \*Kazufox\*: No.  I know they come from the stork. \*Both James\*: ... \*Kazufox\*: I'm just kidding!  I know they come from girls.  But what I'm talking about is something else. \*Both James\*: Oh!  We get it. \*Human\*: When a man and a woman fall in love and decide to take their relationship even further and both wish to make love to each other then they go into the bedroom, usually, and then- \*Kazufox\*: James!  What are you talking about!? \*Human\*: We thought you were thinking about you and Miyu going to...you know. \*Kazufox\*: (shudders) Please don't talk about it like that.  You sound like my brother. \*Both James\*: You've got a brother!?! \*Kazufox\*: So what if I do?  It's a long story and I prefer not to talk about it.  But anyways, the IT I'm talking about is OUR issue. ~Both James look at each other and slowly take a step back~ \*Kazufox\*: We need to talk about some of the stuff around the base. \*Both James\*: Oh... \*Kazufox\*: What did you guys think I was talking about? \*Human\*: Well, er... \*Fox Sr.\*: It's nothing.  Nothing at all. \*Kazufox\*: Okay...ROB! ~ROB DS looking like Axl without the cross scar walks in~ \*ROB DS\*: What's up? \*Kazufox\*: We need to talk about in case we have an emergency.  ROB, I installed in you a lot of weaponry like a beam saber as well as a copy chip. \*Human\*: Copy chip?  Like in X8!? \*Lumine's voice\*: In other words, we have the power to go Maverick at will... \*Kazufox\*: I thought I put that game on pause.  But don't worry, it's only the same type as Axl's but if ROB should become Maverick then I'll just detonate the bomb inside him. \*ROB DS\*: What!? \*Kazufox\*: What? \*ROB DS\*: You said a bomb.  What bomb? \*Kazufox\*: Nothing. \*ROB DS\*: You said there's a bomb inside me! \*Kazufox\*: Don't worry, I put bombs everywhere. \*Fox Sr.\*: What do you mean...everywhere? \*Kazufox\*: Well if you really want to know, the Arwing and the Wyvern just in case one of you happen to betray me or try to run off or ditch me.  I also put one inside the Dark Fox, just incase I become infected with some disease or someone hijacks it.  Heck, there's one in the base!  And this is the remote. (pulls out remote) All I have to do is push this button. \*Human\*: Listen, whatever you do.  Just don't push that button. \*Kazufox\*: Don't worry its not like I'm going to \*trips\* fall? \*Everyone\*: NOOOOOOO!!! ~The remote hits the floor and the button gets pressed~ \*ROB DS\*: Oh no!!  We're all going to die!! ~Nothing happens~ \*Fox Sr.\*: I thought that there was a bomb here. \*Human\*: Hey ROB, check Kazufox's condition. \*ROB DS\*: Sure. (scans sleeping Kazufox) Well it seems like he had a drug inside him, hold on, I'll find out which one.  I can't tell.  It doesn't register. \*Both James\*: ...? \*Kazufox\*: (wakes up) What happened? \*ROB DS\*: In short, you went nuts and thought that remote was a bomb trigger. \*Kazufox\*: Oh crap!  Please tell me there was a tape in the VCR. \*Human\*: (checks VCR) Yeah, it's here. \*Kazufox\*: Oh thank God. \*Fox Sr.\*: What is it anyways? \*Kazufox\*: How about we check it out. (plays tape) ~The tape shows the Kong family at Cranky's 100th birthday~ \*Kong family\*: Happy birthday to you.  Happy birthday to you.  Happy birthday dear- \*Cranky\*: Oh shut up!  I know how it goes.  I've heard that song a hundred times already!  When can I have some cake? \*Lanky\*: Make a wish and blow out the candles. \*Diddy\*: Hey Chunky, I think that Cranky might've lost his marbles. \*Cranky\*: I heard that!  I lose your marbles when I'm through with ya! \*DK\*: Come on, Cranky.  I've got a feeling that this birthday will go out with a bang! ~Cranky blows the candles~ \*boom\* ~The banana cake explodes everywhere~ \*Cranky\*: Goes out with a bang, eh? (beats DK with cane) When I'm through with you, you'll look like Kremling vomit! \*Kazufox\*: HAHAHA!!  You've got to admit that was good. \*Human\*: Yeah, wait.  We have cameras everywhere? \*Kazufox\*: Yep, pretty much. \*Fox Sr.\*: Hey, we've got to get going. \*Kazufox\*: Alright.  ROB, it's time to close up. \*ROB DS\*: No problem. ---- ~Next day~ ---- \*Fox Sr.\*: Hey James, where's Kazufox? \*Human\*: Beats me.  I can't believe you enjoy working with that psycho. ~Alarm goes off~ \*Kazufox\*: Star Zero!  This is an emergency meeting.  Meet me in the game room! ---- ~In game room~ ---- \*Fox Sr.\*: What's the emergency? \*Kazufox\*: (playing PS2) look at this. (hands picture) \*Human\*: It's...a picture of Miyu. \*Fox Sr.\*: In a swimsuit! \*Human\*: You're kinda young for this so...I'll hold onto this. \*Fox Sr.\*: Hey, you're married, so I'll take that. \*Human\*: What about you?  You still see your wife. \*Fox Sr.\*: Till death do us part, buddy.  Now hand it over. \*Kazufox\*: Shut it!  I'll take that. (takes back picture) This one. (hands another) \*Fox Sr.\*: Falco and Captain Falcon? \*Kazufox\*: Yeah. \*Fox Sr.\*: What does it mean? \*Kazufox\*: (pauses game) It means that they're forming the Birds of Prey, again!  And it gets worst. \*Human\*: How so? \*Kazufox\*: They're trying to move in our territory! \*Human\*: Actually, this was Captain Falcon's first. \*Kazufox\*: That's not the point!  We've got a reputation to protect.  And that's why I called you two to this meeting. (hands flier) \*Human\*: This is an F-Zero grand prix flier. \*Kazufox\*: That's because one is coming up soon.  And if Captain Falcon wins, then we lose our publicity.  Which means we could end up out of business. \*Fox Sr.\*: But the only one qualified to enter is... \*Kazufox\*: That's right.  James McCloud.  So James, are you up to it? \*Human\*: I already lost one mercenary team and I won't lose another! \*Kazufox\*: Thanks, the race will be in one week from today and we've got a lot of training to do. \*Human\*: What do you mean? \*Kazufox\*: You'll see.  If I can graduate from Armstrong's training then you can win that race! \*Human\*: By the way, how old are you anyways? \*Kazufox\*: Umm...Win that race! ---- ~1 week later at Mute City~ ---- \*Fox Sr.\*: Wow, I can't believe we got great seats.  Uh, Kazufox.  Why are you eating that carrot? \*Kazufox\*: Carrots are good for your eyes. (forms eyepiece) \*Fox Sr.\*: Isn't it dangerous to have everyone know that you're an alter user? \*Kazufox\*: Don't worry, they think it's just a monocle. \*Patrick\*: That's a fancy eyepiece you got there. ~Kazufox lifts his pinky while eating the carrot~ \*Wolf\*: Who's got a fancy eyepiece? \*Kazufox\*: (with mustache and 'Steve' nametag) That would be-a me. \*Wolf\*: Oh...That does look cool. \*Fox Sr.\*: Where did you get that?  Is that Mario's? \*Kazufox\*: Actually, it's Luigi's.  People don't really know the difference since they don't really care.  They think that all mustaches are the same. \*Fox Sr.\*: Did you shave his face when he was sleeping? \*Kazufox\*: No...maybe.  I was going to but I found this one in Mario's stuff.  I guess we now know the REAL reason Luigi wasn't in many Mario games.  They really don't look the same without it. \*Fox Sr.\*: By the way, I heard that thing can look through clothes.  Is it true? \*Kazufox\*: Yeah, it's true.  Why? \*Fox Sr.\*: No reason.  Why is that thing turning orange? \*Kazufox\*: What do you mean? \*Fox Sr.\*: That blue eyepiece of yours is turning orange. \*Kazufox\*: I don't know why...(eyepiece glows orange) \*Fox Sr.\*: What is it? \*Kazufox\*: I don't know...I just keep seeing...women...in their underwear! \*Guys\*: WHAT!?! \*Wolf\*: So...you can see through women's clothes? (bows down) You are a god. ~The other guys bow down~ \*Kazufox\*: No, this is an accident.  Curse you carrot! (throws carrot) \*Peppy\*: Mm...carrot. (follows carrot) \*Kratos\*: A god?  I'm a god hunter!  Prepare to die, God of Perversions! \*Kazufox\*: Wait!  Oh man, just when I can't afford to blow everything up. (runs out) \*Kratos\*: Get back here! (chases) \*Kratos #2\*: It's a shame that people sometimes confuse me for him. \*Yuan\*: That's got to be a pain. \*Roy Mustang\*: At least they don't try and mooch off your fame like the other Roy I know. \*Announcer\*: Hello race fans!  Today we've got the F-Zero grand prix!  In this race, we have the best of the best, this will be a race to remember!  Now the racers.  The Golden Fox, piloted by the famous doctor, Dr. Stewart!  Next we have in the Little Wyvern, a racer representing his team, Star Zero, it's James McCloud!  And next is the famous Blue Falcon piloted by the bounty hunter Captain Falcon! \*Kazufox\*: Alright James, are you ready? (covered in blood and bandages) \*Human\*: Yeah, I've got this.  What happened to you? \*Kazufox\*: I don't want to talk about it... \*Capt. Falcon\*: Well, well, it's the losers.  Here to show me your moves? \*Human\*: Just because I came in second in one time we raced doesn't make me a loser. \*Falco\*: Sorry but there's no prize for second place for you or your second rate team. \*Kazufox\*: Hey, Falco. (eye twitches) Remember the last time you pissed me off? \*Falco\*: \*gulp\* Well, we've gotta get going anyways. \*Capt. Falcon\*: Later losers. \*Fox Sr.\*: Show offs.  Just remember to trust your instincts. \*Kazufox\*: Next attack will be Falco... \*Peppy\*: Hmm...now where's that carrot? .....What was I looking for again? \*Announcer\*: Racers, start your engines!  3...2...1...GO!! ~The drivers take off and race with little action in the first lap~ \*Human thinking\*: Alright, gotta remember my training. ---- ~Flashback to: Train to race~ ---- \*Kazufox\*: No!  You've got to control your machine when on the curve. \*Human\*: Okay, I've got it. \*Human\*: Are you sure he should be training with the game instead of the real thing? \*Kazufox\*: Trust me, it works. \*Human\*: But there aren't any recover areas. \*Kazufox\*: I know, that's why we're training my way instead of just regularly playing.  James just remember to let it go. ---- ~Back to race~ ---- \*Human\*: Well that was pointless...Guess I've gotta just trust my instincts. \*Announcer\*: This race has reached the second lap with Captain Falcon using his boost to reach first.  And the Wild Boar is about to make its move and ooh, it got crushed by the Black Bull.  The Astro Robin is trying to pass up the Night Thunder but no good. \*Jack Levin\*: Out of the way you old geezer! \*Silver Neelsen\*: Who are you calling an old geezer! \*Announcer\*: Holy crap!  The Night Thunder just did a kamikaze on the Astro Robin! \*Jack Levin\*: Way to go old man, now we both lost. \*Peppy\*: Who are you callin old, punk!? \*Jack Levin\*: No, not you! \*Announcer\*: It seems that some senile hare and Neelson teamed up to beat up Jack Levin and they're showing no mercy. ---- ~26 laps later~ ---- \*Announcer\*: I don't know about you but these racers must be getting tired.  This has been a brutal race and only ten racers remain! \*Samurai Goroh\*: You're mine Falcon! \*Announcer\*: The Blue Falcon uses its brakes and the Fire Stingray crashes into the wall taking itself out of the race.  However, it seems that the Little Wyvern is still in last, oh wait.  It just passed the Twin Noritta and the Green Panther! \*Panther\*: Boo! ~Kazufox jumps Panther and mugs him~ \*Announcer\*: The race is heading towards the final lap, if the anyone is going to make a move now is their last chance! \*Fox Sr.'s voice\*: Trust your instincts. \*Kazufox's voice\*: Just let it go. \*Wolf's voice\*: When the time comes, don't hesitate just act. \*Kazufox's voice\*: Hey, how come you're here? \*Wolf's voice\*: Because I can. \*Fox Sr.'s voice\*: But you don't even know who this James is. \*Wolf's voice\*: Oh...wrong head. \*Human\*: I think I just let go of my brain a bit too soon. \*Kazufox's voice\*: I didn't mean your sanity, moron. ~The human James uses the boosters like crazy to speed up and catch up to Falcon~ \*Announcer\*: Wow!  It seems the Little Wyvern has a lot of power still in it!  But can it make it in time?  It passed up the Iron Tiger, Red Gazelle, and Blood Hawk, even the Black Bull!  Now all that's left is the Blue Falcon!  What's this?  Some unknown ship is tailing the Wyvern!  And it's shooting at it! \*Human\*: Oh no! \*Falco\*: Too late.  Game over, pal! \*Fox Sr.\*: Didn't anyone teach you that cheaters never win? \*Announcer\*: This looks like the end, wait!  There's another ship!  It's taking out the first one!  The Wyvern seems to have some damage, will it affect the outcome of this race?  This is the final lap, the Wyvern has just passed the Falcon on the turn!  It looks like the Wyvern will win!  Uh oh, there's a problem with the Wyvern, it's spinning out of control and the Blue Falcon is gaining! \*Capt. Falcon\*: This race is mine! (suddenly stalls slowing down) \*Human\*: I...don't...think so! \*Announcer\*: The Wyvern has just hit the Falcon and is on fire!  But it wins!  The Little Wyvern wins! \*boom\* \*Announcer\*: And the Little Wyvern is destroyed but the pilot survived.  That was an amazing finish!  The winner is James McCloud!! ---- ~After awards ceremony and quick interview~ ---- \*Capt. Falcon\*: So, you won.  That ship was the problem though.  That's why I lost. \*Kazufox\*: Funny you should mention that.  Look at who I found. (drags a beaten unconscious Falco) I think this is yours. \*Capt. Falcon\*: Well, you see...No, I don't. ~The reporters start questioning Falcon and then the Galaxy Police take him and Falco into custody~ \*Human\*: Thanks guys. \*Kazufox\*: No problem. \*Fox Sr.\*: Yeah, we're a team. \*Human\*: Yeah.  Now if you'll excuse me, I have to see my wife. \*Kazufox\*: When should we tell him that he has to use the prize money to get a new ship? \*Fox Sr.\*: Later, let's let him enjoy himself.  By the way, what happened at the end? \*Kazufox\*: Huh?  Oh, that.  Well, before Kratos cut my chest open, I ran down finding the Blue Falcon, so I rewired some stuff. \*Fox Sr.\*: So...we also che- \*Kazufox\*: It's all fair if the main party involved is NOT involved, James won fairly.  Besides, you'd really trust those guys to race fairly? \*Fox Sr.\*: Guess you've got a point there. ---- ~Later that day in space~ ---- \*Kazufox\*: Come on, cheer up!  That race really got good publicity for us. \*Human\*: Yeah, I guess.  But ALL my prize money!?  It took everything except the trophy. \*Fox Sr.\*: And bragging rights.  Just don't be like Falcon. \*Kazufox\*: Yeah, otherwise you'll be in jail. \*Human\*: I'm surprised we're not in jail... \*Kazufox\*: That's life.  Now then, you guys ready? \*Fox Sr.\*: Yeah! \*Human\*: Okay... ~The three ships fly next to another ship~ \*Kazufox\*: 3...2...1...GO! ~The three moon the ship~ \*???\*: Is that any way to greet a girl? ~Kazufox pulls his pants up and see the ship next to them was Katt's~ \*Kazufox\*: Uh, James... ~Both James look over and see Katt~ \*Both James\*: Uh... \*Katt\*: Well, since you guys are here.  Would you like to keep me company?  I'll give you each a kiss. \*Fox Sr.\*: Okay! ~Kazufox shoots at the Arwing~ \*Fox Sr.\*: I mean no. ~Without a word they fly off into hyperspace~ \*Katt\*: Don't worry, I know where to find you... ---- ~Later at base~ ---- \*ROB DS\*: How did it go? ~Sees the dazed trio~ \*ROB DS\*: I'll just lock up. \*Kazufox\*: That was...well, I'll see you guys later.  I'm giving the day off tomorrow... \*Both James\*: Okay... \*Kazufox\*: Star Zero...oh forget it.  I'm way too disturbed. \*The End\* \*Greg\*: Well...yeah.  Katt is scary and cheaters never win, well in the long run...or get caught.  I was wondering where those pills were.  And remember, pranks are fun until you get caught and arrested.  Because it'll be a pain in the ass getting out! (:D) ---- ~Nintendo characters are copyright to Nintendo.~ ~Kratos is copyright to owner of God of War series (not Tales of Symphonia).~ ~Kratos #2 and Yuan are copyright to owner of Tales of Symphonia.~ ~Roy Mustang is copyright to Funimation.~ ~Patrick is copyright to Nickelodeon.~ ~Celebrities are copyright to themselves.~ ~The little girl is copyright to Hell.~ ~ROB DS, Greg and Kazufox are copyright to Kazufox.~ Source: https://sofurry.com/s/dePpy4qe Part of the series Star Zero Previous: https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/272297-star-zero-episode-1.md Next: https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/1808371-star-zero-episode-3.md