{"sf1_id":280096,"sf2_id":"J1ObK0Pn","title":"Paradox","author":"Desolation35","words":261,"posted_at":"2011-08-23T21:49:00.000Z","tags":["Depression","Poetry","Sorrow"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/280096-paradox","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/s/J1ObK0Pn","image_url":"https://cdn.sofurryfiles.com/submissions/thumbnails/49/23/49236ec4-4ead-48ae-9f09-cc04096528ab","description":"","content":"This consistency of mixed feelings towards subjects and certain people conjure questions in my mind. Am I bi-polar? Do I have a split personality? I find love, but one or two weeks in I start to hate the love that I feel. If I end what I wanted to have for so long and what I consider a big part of my life, I start to yearn for it more. When and how can I make up my mind? Love is the main conduit for my \"depression\" and I know it for a fact. But it is mostly the lack of it that drives the deep and almost infinitive sorrow and angst that I feel more than I should. It is that of which I question the most; how can I make things right? How can I defeat the never ending paradox of my emotions and make it conform to what I see as normal? I just cannot evict these thoughts from my poisoned and corrupted mind. I try my hardest to cope with my own conflicts, but it is easier said than done. I just think I am better off numb than feeling anything at all. I do not know how to completely explain this feeling any more than I already have. Though, I feel as if I left this canvas half empty. As if no one person will really understand the story of my emotions even though I do not understand the story myself. I just wish I could explain this is more depth than I have already reached.\n\n  \n  \n\n"}