{"sf1_id":294280,"sf2_id":"B1Q9oEo1","title":"Alone without a mate","author":"Leon Wolfric","words":697,"posted_at":"2011-10-09T00:57:00.000Z","tags":["Depressing","Gay Relationships","Poem","Ryhmes","Sad","Suicide","Wolf","happy ending","lonely"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/294280-alone-without-a-mate","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/s/B1Q9oEo1","image_url":"https://cdn.sofurryfiles.com/submissions/thumbnails/8b/07/8b07dc74-c469-4e66-a87b-1c8345e931ae","description":"","content":"Oh God,\n\nWhy am I still alone?\n\nSitting in my broken home,\n\nHolding my head in my hands,\n\nThey are blood red,\n\nFilled with pieces of glass,\n\nCrying in despair,\n\nI want to mate and make a pair,\n\nSomeone with who to share,\n\nAll my feelings and emotions,\n\nMy mind is like a polluted ocean,\n\nAll you sick people,\n\nDumping all your trash away,\n\nWhy am I the one to pay?\n\nI could be happy,\n\nJust send someone to take the pain from me,\n\nBut life just sucks,\n\nYou are corrupt,\n\nAnd I will always be alone,\n\nUpon me no light has yet shown,\n\nAm I meant to stop the search?\n\nFound no happiness on Earth,\n\nI have been told since birth,\n\nNot to mate with the same sex,\n\nBut now my mind's in a mess,\n\nIs it really wrong?\n\nMaybe, maybe not,\n\nI'm so afraid,\n\nI don't want to be called a faggot,\n\nInside my mind,\n\nI call myself a filthy little maggot,\n\nCan't take this anymore,\n\nI wanna be reassured,\n\nNeed someone to hold me close,\n\nTell me that I'm held dear,\n\nBy at least one person,\n\nMy only lover,\n\nHim or her,\n\nIt doesn't matter,\n\nI just want a partner,\n\nEmbrace me warmly,\n\nDon't let go,\n\nI beg and plead,\n\nStill no one knows,\n\nI have this rose,\n\nBut no one shows,\n\nAny love for me,\n\nSo here I stay,\n\nAll alone,\n\nOn this rainy day,\n\nMy hands blood red,\n\nWith tears I've shed,\n\nIn a puddle at my feet,\n\nI'm losing faith,\n\nKiss me sweet,\n\nBefore I go,\n\nI want to know,\n\nDoes anyone truly care?\n\nNo one answers,\n\nLike I'm a cancer,\n\nLeeching all their time,\n\nI need a way to spend all mine,\n\nOh God,\n\nJust send someone,\n\nBefore I run,\n\nInto the arms of Death,\n\nTake one last breath,\n\nSavor the taste,\n\nMy life's a waste,\n\nBeen disposed of,\n\nThrown away,\n\nI have been kind,\n\nBut in your mind,\n\nI have done something wrong,\n\nCan't think of a happy song,\n\nI can't express,\n\nHow much I detest,\n\nThese feelings of depression,\n\nSadness beyond your comprehension,\n\nCan't you see me,\n\nStaring of and bleeding,\n\nYou've ignored my pleading,\n\nI am done,\n\nBroken and shunned,\n\nDefenses have been overrun,\n\nSo I think tonight,\n\nI really just might,\n\nTake that last step,\n\nAnd fall,fall,fall,\n\nSay my goodbyes,\n\nDon't even get a sigh,\n\nI will never cry,\n\nAgain,\n\nCommit this final sin,\n\nMy head begins to spin,\n\nAs I stand up and walk out the door,\n\nI leave a trail of red on the floor,\n\nStep outside,\n\nFeel the rain on my face,\n\nWalk along at my own slow pace,\n\nMind is calm,\n\nI've found my way,\n\nGonna kill myself and take away all my pain,\n\nNow I'm smiling in the rain,\n\nMy will has been slain,\n\nReassured,\n\nEverything's gonna be ok,\n\nTaken control again,\n\nTwisted and bent,\n\nUtterly spent,\n\nClimb to the roof,\n\nHave I gone aloof,\n\nI really don't care,\n\nSavoring the fresh night air,\n\nAs I walk towards my fate,\n\nDeath is waiting,\n\nBlack as night,\n\nI'm not afraid,\n\nOf this glorious sight,\n\nHe hold his arms out,\n\nBut I stop as someone shouts,\n\nI turn around,\n\nAnd he is there,\n\nTelling me that someone cares,\n\nI take a step,\n\nFall to my knees,\n\nDeath has grabbed me,\n\nMakes sure my lover sees,\n\nIgnores my pleas,\n\nDrags me away,\n\nBut how I want to stay,\n\nHe runs to me,\n\nCan he not see,\n\nDeath has a hold of me?\n\nHe grabs hold,\n\nTugs and pulls,\n\nTells death to flee,\n\nLove makes the rules,\n\nWhy is life so cruel?\n\nTrapped in this tug-of-war,\n\nBreathing is a chore,\n\nThen suddenly,\n\nI feel a change,\n\nMy lover has won the exchange,\n\nHe stumbles back,\n\nAs Death runs and screams,\n\nBut I don't care,\n\nIt must be a dream,\n\nEverything seems,\n\nUnreal and fantastic,\n\nMy breathing is now frantic,\n\nAs he pulls me down,\n\nTo lay on him,\n\nHe rubs my back,\n\nMuscles go slack,\n\nI laugh and cry,\n\nHe whispers in my ear,\n\nThat he is here,\n\nI lay my head on his chest,\n\nTells me that I can rest,\n\nEverything will be ok.\n\n  \n  \n\n"}