{"sf1_id":315751,"sf2_id":"znJPlEqe","title":"Feeling Red","author":"Alexander Crestfallen","words":2333,"posted_at":"2011-12-11T13:20:00.000Z","tags":["Coyote","Fox","Gay","M/M","Sci-Fi","Short Story"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/315751-feeling-red","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/s/znJPlEqe","image_url":"https://cdn.sofurryfiles.com/submissions/thumbnails/de/90/de90dda0-e0b1-4608-b96b-4244016314df","description":"","content":"Well, I had an idea a while back and this is what came out of it. I'm not sure if this is it, but I had fun writing it either way.\u0026nbsp;\n\nI'd also like to give RuthofPern a big 'Thank-you'\u0026nbsp;for the help he's given me.\n\n* * *\n\n\"Hey Red!\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nI fumbled my next step as the call drew my attention to the end of the hall where my colleagues were standing at the door, waving at me.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"You know that was our last performance, right?\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nLyle was the one talking.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;He was always the one that talked for the group.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;Probably because he was a wolf, and, I suppose, a natural leader.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;His cute looks, boyish charm, and natural charisma were probably the main reason people flocked to him.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;Personally, I didn't see what everyone else did, but he was popular and well-liked, so who was I to judge?\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;I normally didn't mind his antics so much, but it did irritate and annoy me on occasions.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;Calling me 'Red,' for example.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;He also had a habit of voicing his thoughts as if we all shared them.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;But then, I suppose the majority of us did, even if I often didn't agree with them.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nI did, however, still my flailing feet and regain my balance, saving some of my dignity in front of my co-workers. Although ex-co-workers now would probably be the best term. I'm talking about the word you call people you worked with for couple years and then stopped being their work-buddies because you aren't working with them anymore.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nOf course, they didn't know that. They'd learn that come Monday.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nI also knew perfectly well that tonight was our last performance and had to stop myself from snorting at Lyle's ridiculous question.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;How could I not, when it was single most talked about topic for the past few weeks?\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\n\nBut I wasn't going to tell Lyle that to his face - he wasn't someone you could easily reason with, and while he might sport some moderately stellar looks, sarcasm usually passed him by.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;Instead, I walked to the edge of the stage and sat down, looking at the congregation that was looking at me expectantly.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Yeah,\" I called back.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\"I know.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nIt was short and simple, something to get through Lyle's thick-head.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;Even he could understand a simple 'Yes.'\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"We're going out for a celebration drink, you coming along?\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Nah, I think I'll skip this one.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;Maybe I'll join you guys next time,\" I replied.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nThat was my rote response and everyone knew it.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;It was what happened after every performance: They - and by 'They' I mean Lyle - would ask if I wanted to go out for some drinks and I would decline.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;That's how things were, and tonight was no different.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;At least, not in that way.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;Not in the standard back-and-forth that usually happened after every performance.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Suit yourself!\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;Talk to ya later, Red!\"\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;Lyle said with a shrug as he turned his back to me, probably for the last time.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nAnd with that, they were gone, leaving me sitting and staring at the door through which they had disappeared.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;It was a weird feeling, realizing that I would never see any of them again.\u0026nbsp;Weird described exactly how I felt; happy, sad, confused, and a dozen of other feelings that I couldn't even begin to describe, let alone put to words.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nWithout wanting to, I noticed my eyes were slowly drifting through the concert hall and I couldn't help reminiscing over my time spent here.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;There were many memories, both good and bad, and, if everything went well, I wouldn't be here in the morning to make more or to share in any that would happen after my departure.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;It's a very somber thought, realizing that a chapter in your life is ending.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;At least I would be starting a new one. \u0026nbsp;Whether that's a good or bad thing I would have to figure out later; I still had the present to take care of.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nAnd the present was calling my attention to Tim, who sat down next to me.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Finally done, huh?\" The coyote asked me.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nIt was a perfectly Tim-like thing to say.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;Leave it to Tim to come up with something Tim-like.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;In a different life-time, he and I might have been something.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;We'd probably be a cute couple too, with him being a nice enough coyote and me being a slim fox.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;If he'd hit the gym and lift a few weights, then we might have been in business...but for now, no.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;And a no now meant a no later, since I didn't expect to come back anytime soon.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;A lifetime would be too soon, so maybe in another two lifetimes we'd be able to hit it off.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;But not today, not tonight, and not tomorrow.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;I still had the present to take care of, and Tim wasn't a part of it or my future.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Yup.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;How long has it been?\" I asked.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nI couldn't help but ask.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;I didn't keep track of how many days it had been since all of this had started.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;But Tim would know.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;God knows he keeps track of stuff like that.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;Nobody knows why, but he does. Some call it weird, but most pass it off as a quirk.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;If that was the worst thing about Tim, he was better off than anybody I've ever had the pleasure of meeting.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"How long?\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;Probably two, two and a half years.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;It's probably closer to probably closer to the latter, though.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nHe was rubbing his chin in thought, like he always did when thinking about something. Most likely something involving dates and numbers and figures; he always was at his best when working with those.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Took longer than you thought, didn't it?\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nAgain, another perfectly Tim-like thing to say.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;He didn't really beat around the bush much, and this was no exception.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;That's another thing I liked about the guy - that he was direct and to the point.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;It might have been sexy on another occasion and in another life, but again, not now.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Not really.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;Well, maybe just a bit.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;But I signed the contract, so there wasn't anything I could do about it.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;It wasn't that bad, anyway, just not what I was used to, or what I expected,\" I answered.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nThat was the truth at least, and Tim knew me well enough to know when I was telling it.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;He was the closest thing I had to a friend in these past two years, so the least I could do was be honest with him, even if it was only just this once.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nTim was still rubbing his chin, averting my gaze as he scooted closer to me, looking at the empty theatre.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\"So, I can't help but notice that you didn't go out with everyone else.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nOf all the things to mention, he would bring that up.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;He knew perfectly well that I never went out with the guys, and there was no doubt in my mind that he knew that I knew.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;But Tim will be Tim, and Tim will point out the obvious, for whatever reason that is.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;I suppose only Tim knows what Tim thinks, as it probably should be.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Nah, it took me two and a half years to save up the money I needed and I'm not going to spend it on strippers and booze.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;Interplanetary transportation isn't cheap you know, so I'll need every last credit I have.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nI could see him chew that over in his mind for a few seconds, digesting that information and parsing what the important parts and the not-so-important parts were before he answered me.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"About that,\" he said, giving me a long look. \"I've wired the last of your money into your account.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;You don't need to worry about that.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nGood old Tim.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;If there was anyone I could trust on this world, it was him.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;Faithful and dependable to his friends, you could count on him to come through when it counted.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;Kinda like how he came through for me just now.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;I would owe him one, if for some God-forsaken reason we ever met again.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Thanks,\" I said.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nThat's all I really had to say, but it was enough.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;I could tell by the way his lips seemed to pull upwards just a bit.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;Nothing you'd notice unless you were looking for it, or unless you knew Tim.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;I'd spent enough time with Tim to notice.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"No problem,\" he said.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;He had gone back to looking around the empty hall, no doubt thinking about what he wanted to say next.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;That was fine; I could wait for him.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nI don't know how long we sat side by side in silence.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;It wasn't uncomfortable, since we were both okay with saying nothing.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;This silence was a pleasant silence.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;It was a silence where two people could simply enjoy each other's company.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nI was the first to break that silence.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Hey, Tim?\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;Did I ever tell you that I was in the army?\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nHe turned his head at that, looking me straight in the eyes.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;I could almost see the gears turning in his head.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"No, you didn't, but everyone kinda knows, or at least guessed.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;We've all seen your dog tags.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;It's not like you made an effort to hide them or anything.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nTrue, that, but not the point I wanted to make.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Tell me, have you ever read what was on them?\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nA simple enough question.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;Tim didn't even take time to think before he spoke.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\"Not really, but I'm guessing it says your name, right?\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nI couldn't help but smile at that.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;It was a good guess, and as reasonable as any you could make.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;I couldn't really blame him for assuming what he did, since there wasn't anything to say otherwise.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Not quite.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;It doesn't say 'Sasha Reed' on them.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nThe look on his face that brought on was confusion.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;I could see a question forming on his lips, but I silenced him by raising a paw.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"It says 'Nathan Cole'.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nI could see him about to interrupt me, but, again, I silenced him with my paw.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;I did, after all, want to tell him my story - if only a sliver of it - and I'd be damned if he stopped me from doing so.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Nathan was my boyfriend.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;We were supposed to be married after our tour of duty was over.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;If everything would have gone according to plan, I'd have been married for a bit over a year now, I think.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;We exchanged tags to remind us of our promise to get married.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nI wiped at my eyes and was surprised to find my paws coming back wet.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;I had promised myself that I wouldn't cry.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;Guess that's one promise I didn't keep.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"What happened?\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nI felt a pair of arms encircling me and holding me tight as Tim hugged me.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;I wasn't expecting it, but it was nice and comforting so I went along with it.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Pirates.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;They blew up our ship as we entered orbit here.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;We were just supposed to stop long enough to get some more supplies and stretch our legs before we went back to Sector eight, but then everything went south.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;I was doing maintenance on the escape pods when we were attacked, so I got away fine. Can't say the same about the rest of the crew, or Nathan.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nI'm ashamed to say it, but I was openly crying at this point.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;It was only by some blessing that my voice didn't crack when I spoke.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;It was a small miracle, and one I was thankful for.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nTim just held me while I silently cried on his shoulder for what was probably longer than I had a right to, but he didn't object.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;He just held onto my quivering, spasm-wracked body and softly petted my fur and cooed soothing words into my ears.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nAfter my tears and my sobs had subsided, after a while of just holding me, he sighed and looked at me once again, but not in the same way he normally did.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;He was actually looking at me; not just a glance, but he was taking in my person, as if seeing me for the first time and, probably, the last.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;I couldn't help but notice that his eyes looked a bit sad.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Why didn't you try the embassy?\" He asked.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nI snorted at that.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;What a stupid question.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"You know as well as I do that there's no embassy to Sector eight here.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;And you can bet your paycheck that the army doesn't give a damn.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nTim didn't speak for a bit after that.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;He simply held my gaze for a long time.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;Or at least it felt long.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;It was probably only thirty seconds at most.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"You're really going,\" he said.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nIt wasn't so much a question, more of a statement.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;I think he knew that as well as I did.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Yeah.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;I've stayed here longer than I should have anyway,\" I replied.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nI wasn't prepared for the paw that he offered me.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;I'm sure I must have had a look of surprise splayed across my muzzle since he smiled a bit at my expression. \"It was nice working with you, Red.\u0026nbsp;Hope everything goes well in your future.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nI honestly couldn't help but smile at Tim.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;He honestly cared, and that's more than I can say for most of the people I've had the pleasure of meeting in my life.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Thanks, Tim.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;Give the guys a good ribbing for me, would ya?\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;It'll help keep them in line since I'm not here to show them how to dance properly,\" I said as I shook his paw.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;I really did mean it, too.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;Tim was one of the few people I genuinely liked as a friend.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;I'd miss him the most.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"So, I guess I should probably go.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;I still need to pack a few things and I don't want to miss my ride,\" I said as I jumped down from the stage and turned to look up at Tim.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Yeah, I guess you should probably do that.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;Interplanetary transportation\u0026nbsp;_is_\u0026nbsp;expensive, you know.\"\n\n  \n  \n\n"}