{"sf1_id":34612,"sf2_id":"k1V9JXQn","title":"Furries: The Musical!","author":"FluffyPony","words":4702,"posted_at":"2007-10-15T19:50:00.000Z","tags":["Comedy","Dancing","Fox","Human","Kissing","Music","Public","Rhyme","Singing","Verse"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/34612-furries-the-musical","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/s/k1V9JXQn","image_url":"https://cdn.sofurryfiles.com/submissions/thumbnails/65/6b/656b84c5-3c72-4d2a-a676-31d949f95cac","description":"","content":"FURRIES!: The Musical  \n  \n  \nAct I;  \n(The scene begins with a man driving towards a city for gas, as his small cream Toyota is running on fumes alone. However, he does not realize that he is driving into the membrane of a fantasy)  \n  \n(the city can be compared to New York or Metropolis in regards to size and activity during the day) (weather is fair with a slight breeze)  \n  \nMan: Where the hell am I? \\*sighs\\* I guess there's no help for it, I'll need to see about buying gas HERE.  \n  \n(the citizens take notice of the car coming to the entrance of the city, and it's unusual driver, creating a mob in the street, and blocking his way. The man stops, flustered and shocked at the appearance of the city-dwellers)  \n  \nBear M (male): Yiffy!  \nSheep F (female):Yiffy!  \nBull: Yiffy!  \nFox M: Right here in the city!  \nHusky M: Friendly faces!  \nHippo F: Fur all places!  \nSkunk F: Lovely balls of fluff!  \n  \n(man recoils in surprise)  \n  \nUnicorn F: Furry!  \nRam: Furry!  \nDonkey M: Furry!  \nDragon F: Why you in a hurry?  \nBadger M: Can't you see.  \nOwl F: Where you be?  \nMare: Go ahead and stop!  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp; (furs begin to open his door and yank him out among the confines of the curious gathering)  \n  \n(More subdued, less intense in tone)  \nFox F: Fluffy  \nPorcupine F: Fluffy  \nRhino F: Fluffy  \n  \n(Fox F bats coy eyelashes at man)  \n  \nFox F: Don't you be so stuffy  \nSheep F: In anthro city  \nUnicorn F: We take real pity  \nDragoness F: On those who never-  \n  \n(man makes a motion as if to try to escape)  \n  \nRam M: HALT! (puts out one hand in warding gesture to stop man)  \n  \nFox F: Cutie  \n  \n(Fox F plays w/ man's tie)  \n  \nSkunk F: Cutie  \n  \n(Skunk F rubs black paw along man's chest)  \n  \nUnicorn F: Cutie  \n  \n(Unicorn F gives man surprise peck \\*kiss\\* on the cheek)  \n  \nMare: Now don't you be so snooty!  \n  \n(Mare steals man's PDA)  \n  \nFox F: You might be late  \nSkunk F: For your date  \nDragon F: But it can be redone!  \n  \n(Dragon F takes PDA from Mare, using stylus to erase man's calendar schedule)  \n  \nSheep F: Lovely  \nHusky M: Lovely  \nOwl F: Lovely  \nMouse M: You sure are starting to bug me!  \nBear M: You don't want to miss  \nMynah bird F: A chance like this  \nHorse M: So we are saying WHOA!  \n  \n(spoken by Horse M w/ palm out in a stop motion)  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp; Donkey M: Hairy  \nLion M: Hairy  \nSkunk F: Hairy  \nHusky M: Why aren't you all that merry?  \nHippo F: We invite you in  \nGiraffe F: As if you were kin  \nOx M: You still refuse?  \nSpoken by all: Well......  \n  \n(then suddenly they all grab man and usher him forth through the city streets toward city hall)  \n  \nSpoken by all: Then we insist!  \n  \n  \nAct II;  \n(scene opens with man in front of the long stairway of the anthro city congress building)  \n  \nBear M: I am a bear, a baker's son  \nFox M: And I am a fox who tricks everyone!  \n  \n(Fox M does playful back-flip)  \n  \nHorse M: I am a horse, working hard everyday  \nCat F: And I am a cat who always likes to play!  \n  \n(Cat F \\*purrs\\*)  \n  \nRam M: I am a ram who does security  \nSkunk F: And I'm a skunk, but no one mind me!  \n  \n(anthros make space for Skunk M)  \n  \nBoar M: I am a boar who goes to court right now \\*walks up long stairs\\*  \nBull: And I'm a bull, so please don't have a cow!  \n  \nGiraffe F: I am a giraffe, in need of a chiropractor  \nOx M: And I'm an ox who thanks heaven for the tractor  \n  \nTurtle M: I am a turtle, glad for the bus  \nDog F: And I am a bitch, but I don't make a fuss!  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp; Deer M: I am a stag who likes to play the blues  \nBadger M: And I'm a real badger, so I don't like to lose!  \n  \n(Badger M does trick with deck of cards)  \n  \nChicken F: I am a hen who really enjoys crochet  \n  \n(All anthros gather for conclusion)  \n  \nSpoken by all: So even if you're not a fur, we all think you're okay!  \n  \n(Mayor steps out, \\*role unspecified, can be any furry type\\*)  \n  \nMayor M/F/?:  \nStill not convinced?  \nOh, woe is you!  \n  \nSurrounded by so many friends  \nBut you are a man who still pretends  \n  \nThat this isn't the place for you?  \nHush Now! What are we to do?  \n  \nFurries are here  \n(motions to Fox F)  \nScalies are there  \n(motions to Dragon F)  \nBut you are not amused  \n(shakes head in wonder)  \n  \nI don't know why you worry  \nHere you won't be abused!  \n  \nYou really are a strange one, Sir!  \nTruly out of sorts in this city of fur  \n(sweeping gesture to incorporate entire gathered populace)  \n  \nWhy do you try to hide,  \n(Points to own chest meaningfully)  \nAll the desires you keep inside?  \n  \n\\*Sighs\\*  \nTake a step back  \n\\*sighs\\*  \nRelax and breathe  \nMaybe then we'll let you leave!  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp; (Paws crossed over chest in annoyance)  \nYou really are a strange one, dude  \n(Points at a few in the gathering)  \nWe're not asking to do anything lewd!  \n  \nWe just want your company  \n(Mayor hugs self)  \nVisit us and then you'll see!  \n  \nMan: \\*Sighs, exasperated\\*  \n  \nWhy do you humor this lonely man?  \nAnd why do you stand in my way?  \nWhy have you imprisoned me?  \nIs this how I'll end my day?  \n  \n(points meaningfully at Lion M, then Bear M)  \nLions and tigers and bears, oh my!  \nIf I'm stuck here, I guess I'll try  \n  \nRelent! Relent! Relent! I do!  \nAlright fine, I'll listen to you!  \n  \nNow get off my back!  \nWhat do you want?  \nDo you think me some human hack?  \n  \n\\*sighs, giving up\\*  \n  \nIf that's how you feel...  \n  \nYou're in the wrong place!  \nLeave me be, I cower disgraced  \n(man is somewhat depressed)  \n  \nFox M:  \nHah!  \n(tickles man)  \n\\*following verse drawn out\\*  \nI am a friendly clown  \n\\*Fox M dressed like clown w/ squirt flower and red nose cover\\*  \nA fluffy happy fox who never wears a frown  \n(motions to audience {mob})  \nSo my lads, just you wait and see  \n(points at own chest boldly)  \nYou'll never play a trick  \nOn silly, yiffy me!  \nDon't you try  \n(Wags finger)  \nDon't you even start  \nOr I'll lay a cushion down  \nThat'll make you fart!  \n(blows playful/slightly vulgar raspberry)  \nSo don't mess with the jester  \nBecause I'm even better  \nAnd don't play with the fool  \nOr the only one fooled  \n(Shoots water at man from lapel flower)  \n-is you-  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp;  \nAct III;  \n(Mayor takes man around tour of city with gathering behind. Many shops are on the way)  \n  \n(On right is a dress shop with anthro mannequins wearing skirts and Gucci handbags. Working diligently inside is a pregnant black mare)  \n  \nMare F:  \nI am a seamstress mare  \nWith a foal on the way  \n(rubs tummy meaningfully)  \nEven if I'm pregnant  \nI work merrily all day!  \n(Spins happily in place)  \nSometimes with needles in my mane  \nAnd a happy gait on shift  \n(gives playful salute)  \nI could tell you many things  \nAbout my little 'gift' (foal)  \n  \n  \nBull M:  \nI'm a bull in a china shop  \n(turns to face crowd outside store, knocking a cup off a shelf with his butt by accident)  \n\\*sighs\\*  \nAnd the one blamed, hearing something drop  \n(owner comes over, fining him for the broken merchandise)  \n(Bull M shrugs)  \nI guess today, my bulk is a curse  \n(holds up a finger)  \nBut just wait!  \n\\*laughs\\*  \nI know someone worse  \nI've got a friend who's an ass (really)  \n  \nDonkey M: Hey!  \n  \nI guess he doesn't have much class!  \n(stares at Donkey M with scolding expression)  \nBut he's the best that I got  \n\\*shrugs\\*  \nBecause he does what he ought?  \nAnd a fox that is a clown  \n(points at Fox M next to man)  \nWhen I'm angry, he calms me down  \nAnd the last, my mate's a mare  \n(points to Mare F in gathering)  \nSo I find her comely and fair  \nSo my friends, don't be blue  \nlife's too short  \n(points at man)  \neven for you!  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp;  \n(by another store, they're greeted by Ram M, who is a security guard)  \n  \nRam M:  \nI am the ram you heard about  \n(bows to gathering)  \nDrop a line and give a shout  \n(catches hoodlum walking out of store w/ merchandise)  \nSo before you think to steal  \n(takes back property, tossing it to the salesfur at the counter)  \nI'll make you a separate deal  \nThough my horns aren't sharp  \n(butts youth out into the street)  \nI'll still gut you like a carp  \nIf you steal from my store  \nThere's no excuse  \n(holds up finger)  \nUnless your poor  \nEven if I have no gun  \nI'll kick your ass  \n(motions to crowd)  \nAsk anyone  \n(gives speculative look)  \nAnd though thieving is a sin  \n(motions with arms warmly for crowd to enter)  \nI beseech all others, come on in!  \n  \nAct IV;  \n  \n(the crowd ignores the proprietors, now eager to introduce themselves to man)  \n  \nUnicorn F: \\*kisses man on cheek again\\*  \nI know you didn't expect to see  \n(bats eyelashes teasingly)  \nA mythical thing quite like me  \n(strokes furry chin)  \nI've a beard and white hair  \n(wags finger in NO motion)  \nBut not a hermit from a lair  \n(sits cute ass on ground with legs splayed out, body in L-shape, grabs rear hooves in hands and rocks cutely side to side)  \nWith a muzzle and hooves to boot  \n(gets up and rubs muzzle with mans nose)  \nBut not a horse you silly coot!  \n(rubs horn along man's right shoulder)  \nOn my head I've got a horn  \nWhy, funny human, I'm a unicorn!  \n\\*laughs\\*  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp; Mynah F: (saunters to man's side)  \nI know today's my lucky break  \n(wags hips, fan-like tail meaningfully)  \nWhen I sing you'll double take  \n(rolls shoulder saucily)  \nSo you see I'm a mynah bird  \n(pauses speculatively)  \nI guess you think that's quite absurd!  \nBecause mynahs don't really sing  \nNo, that's really a finches' thing!  \n\\*sighs defeated\\*  \nI'm right here upon the stage  \nReciting a song wrote on a page  \n(does sweeping confident gesture w/ one wing)  \nBefore you know it, I'll do real well  \nKeeping entire audience under my spell  \nSomeday soon becoming a success  \nI guess I'm glad I did my best?  \n  \nMouse M: (satirical soliloquy)  \nA mouse in the house  \nWhatever will we do?  \n(sways paw in ironic gesture)  \nMaybe he's better off living in a shoe?  \n(sweeps arms in gesture of great vastness)  \nBecause this home is too much space  \nMousie should find another place!  \n(stomps meaningfully)  \n\\*pauses speculatively\\*  \nA mouse, living in our abode?  \nWould it be proper  \nTo flush him down commode?  \n\\*shrugs, sighs\\*  \n(spoken rapidly)  \nBecause it really is a bother  \nTo have a little mousie father  \nRight here in our bachelor pad!  \n(slows down, contemplative)  \nWell, maybe it's really not that bad?  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp;  \nSkunk F:  \nI guess I know what you think  \nI'm a skunk, so you guess I stink!  \n(furs make way for her as she goes to man)  \nWhenever I go to a new place  \nFurs around give me some space  \n(points backwards at nervous crowd)  \nThey think I'm a WMD  \nCause when I go off, they cannot see!  \n(shows off pieces of paper to man and crowd)  \nA restraining order has been passed  \n\\*laughs wryly\\*  \nBy all the furs I just gassed!  \n(aims butt playfully at crowd, laughs when furs panic to get out of her range)  \nNo one is in my way  \nWhen they think I'm gonna spray  \nSo I'll tell you all quite bland  \n(next verse is a barely audible whisper in man's ear, punctuated with a nip of his ear)  \nBetter keep ketchup close at hand  \n(muses speculatively, sniffing)  \nBecause when you find that smell  \n(yells to audience, grinning)  \nBe prepared for a stinky hell!  \n  \nDragoness F (sidles up playfully to man)  \nWith dark glistening eyes  \n(winks at man)  \nAnd sharp taloned feet  \nBreath without mercy  \n(breathes playfully into man's face)  \nPower that can't be beat  \n(flexes muscled arm)  \nBig giant wings  \n(flaps her wings)  \nThat block out the sky  \nClammy scaly skin  \n(rubs man's cheek with taloned hand gently)  \n(suddenly growls loudly into man's face)  \nAnd a roar that claims you die  \n(burps loudly)  \nAppetite that won't stop  \n(rubs hips against man)  \nPassion that won't cease  \n(motions to crowd)  \nAren't you glad,  \nAll of you?  \nYou never met this beast?!  \n(motions to herself, spoken in ironic way, as many furs HAD met her and more)  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp; Lion M: (stalks up to man)  \n(whisper verse)  \nAlways whisper, always pause, never gawk  \nOur first lesson on how to stalk  \n(Goes behind man)  \nStay downwind of our pray  \n(pounces man to the ground)  \nOr we do not eat today!  \n(gets up off man)  \nShe says let them come to us  \n(man gets to his feet)  \nBut impatience makes us fuss!  \n(pounces man playfully again)  \nSo we run and chase our meal  \n(gets back up, grinning)  \nIn order that hunger, we do not feel  \n(spans crowd, looking)  \nNow here comes mother, wise and tall  \n(reaches out to help man up)  \nSaying that haste makes fools of us all  \n  \nMan:  \nWhy do I hide from the world  \n\\*shrugs\\*  \nTo deny me what I am?  \nWhy do I always worry  \nAnd think myself a sham?  \n(kicks out leg in bored gesture)  \nWhy should I show my face  \nWhen I discard my mask?  \nI really don't need anyone's help  \nThat's why I never ask!  \n  \nAct V;  \n  \n(scene opens up at a scenic anthro city park)  \nDragon F: The dancing in the street  \nFox M: By funny furry feet  \nHusky M: And everyone you meet?  \nMan OHHH?  \n  \n(Fox F, Skunk F, Unicorn F, perched on lip of expensive large fountain)  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp; Fox F: Drink to our health  \nSkunk F: Share in our wealth  \nUnicorn F: You're an odd little elf?  \nMan: NOOO!  \n  \n(bunch of M furs having a picnic on sheet)  \n  \nBear M: No dead pelts here  \nBull M: Just friends and good cheer  \nHorse M: (points at man) Are you a little queer? (meant as strange)  \nMan: WHOAAA! (taken in incorrect sense)  \n  \n(on a picnic table playing cards, poker {but not for money, just for fun)  \n  \nRhino F: Relax among us  \nBadger M: Don't make a fuss (gets pissed off at being beaten and almost swears, but Hen F holds wing over his mouth)  \nHen F: And don't cuss  \nMan: SOOO?!  \n  \n(furs begin to crowd man)  \n  \nRam M: If you don't believe  \nSheep F: In what we achieve  \nHorse M: (grunts) Then please, by all means, leave  \n  \n(all shove him towards the exit of the park)  \n  \nAll say at once: GOOO!  \n  \n  \n(Fox F follows man, wrapping herself acrobatically and seductively about him)  \n  \nFox F:  \nWho has had as good as me?  \n(rubs man's chest)  \nA playful vixen to touch, feel, and see?  \n(rubs herself on his chest)  \nEveryone wants to be the vulpines  \nEveryone wants to yiff the vulpines!  \n(thrusts herself against his thigh)  \nGet away from him, Goldilocks!  \n(wags finger angrily to no one in particular, wrapping her body protectively about man's)  \nHere comes a REAL Fox!  \n(man tries to get her off, but she hugs tighter)  \nYou can't escape, it's fate  \nInseparable when I choose a mate  \nStuck with each other like peas in a pod  \n(fastens eyes dreamily into man's)  \nUntil you accept me as a god-  \nAss! \\*supposed to sound like goddess\\*  \n(takes herself off, wagging her butt and tail in front of man)  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp; (Badger M pushes her away, putting on a visor)  \n  \nBadger M:  \nHow compulsive do you get?  \nWhen you play the odds  \nwhen you make your bets?  \nAll bets are in  \nEven if it IS a sin?  \nPlay the slots like a pro  \nCause lady lucks'...  \nthe only gal you gotta know!  \nWho needs an air-headed mate?  \nWhen you win a couple thou with a straight!  \nBlackjack is fun too  \nBut for me, it just won't do  \nPoker's my only game  \nAnd better than any dame!  \n  \nSheep F: (shoves Badger M away)  \nHow can you say that?  \nwhen you're mated to the cat!  \nThere's more to life than green and gold  \nLike snuggling with me when it's cold?  \n(hugs man with her unshaved fluffy body)  \nKeep you toasty without a peep  \nThat's why any guy likes a sheep!  \n  \nBadger M: \\*grumbles\\* Bah!  \n  \nYes, Bah! Ba-a-ah! Bleet like a sheep  \nWe eat a great heap  \nSheared for our trouble  \n(gives salute)  \nAnd marched back out on the double!  \nNobody likes wool cause it itches  \nYes, a real pain in the britches!  \nBut for all that, still kept for pets  \nTaken care of and seen by the vets  \n  \nDeer M: (holding saxophone)  \nDepressing, no?  \nAll these opinions  \nAll this pointless show?  \nThat's why we have the blues  \nThis is what you play  \nwhen worried what to do!  \n(plays brief instrumental)  \nSo very troubled  \nI see your struggle  \nPerhaps, deciding who to snuggle?  \nOr are these cares  \nSo very real  \nAs far as these choices  \nOn how you feel?  \n(finishes with jubilant conclusion on sax)  \nDon't let it bother none  \ndon't wear your strife  \nJust my advice,  \nOn this little thing called life!  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp;  \nCat F:  \nNine lives would be so fine  \n\\*purrs\\*  \nIf I hadn't lost eight of mine!  \nI am an alley cat,  \nA real smooth pussy  \nCome over, take a look  \nUnless you're a wussie  \n\\*wags black tail side to side\\*  \nFor most of my guys  \nI only bring bad luck  \nFor all the rest,  \nI'm a really great...  \n(stops before saying F-word)  \nTIME!  \nFrom walking under ladders  \nTo breaking a mirror  \nYou won't find,  \nAs bad as you got here!  \n(points to self)  \n\\*purrs\\*  \nSo, who cares  \nAbout the kitty jinx?  \nIf you really liked me,  \nWe could work out all the kinks  \n(waves hips saucily)  \nCome see my hocus pocus,  \nPut your lust in focus  \n(\\*laughs\\* slaps own ass seductively)  \nEveryone wants to hit that  \nCause...  \n(puts clawed finger in mouth cutely)  \nI Thought I saw a puddy cat!  \n(\\*laughs\\* sauntering off)  \n  \n  \nRhino F: (points back at cat)  \nShe might be nice  \nBut I'm larger than life!  \nI could learn to like you  \nMaybe become your wife?  \n\\*sighs\\*  \nBut I know the others  \nThey would make a fuss  \nanyone would tell you  \nI could bench press a bus!  \nThey think I'm domineering  \nI think I'm quite the beauty  \nOthers would disagree,  \nSaying I'm very moody!  \n\\*snorts derisively\\*  \nLittle do they know  \nI'm a girl with heart  \nSo truly sympathetic  \nMaybe even smart!  \nSo don't judge me  \nBy just muscle alone  \nSo much more to me  \nThan the bulk on my bones!  \n\\*giggles\\*  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp;  \nMare F (not pregnant one):  \nShe's pretty nice,  \nBut I'm a real prize  \nIf I weren't married  \nI'd undress you with my eyes!  \n(stares into man's face lustily)  \nWin, place or show  \nBet on my speed  \nFantastic like the wind  \nMaybe driven by my need  \nI'm the girl you like  \nNot at all a poser  \nJust really special  \nIn a race as a closer!  \nShoot from the gate  \nAround the bend  \nMaybe this time  \nI'll just pretend  \nI never married  \nI never got wed  \nJust to avoid the guilt  \nTo have you in my bed!  \n(trots off coyly)  \n  \n  \nTurtle M:  \nSlow and steady wins the race  \n(cleans glasses)  \nUnless you go at my snails' pace  \nIn other regards, haste is a curse  \nUnless, of course, you come in first  \nStill, the trouble isn't me  \nIt's the fact I cannot see  \n(takes off glasses, squints)  \nSo I can't go buy a car  \nI'd crash before I got too far  \nSo, never be quick to decide  \nBut neither should one be too slow  \nWe must all strike a balance  \nTo learn and come to know  \n  \n  \nGiraffe F:  \nBad pain strikes often  \nI've only seven bones, you know  \n(cracks neck vertebrae)  \nNot only misaligned,  \nBut also out of row  \nQuality service is a must  \nA challenging little factor  \nWhen looking through doctors  \nFor a really good chiropractor!  \nThings outta place  \nGive me a pain in the neck  \nI wish my whole throat  \nWeren't a total wreck!  \n\\*sighs, laughs, leaves\\*  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp;  \nHippo F:  \nCookies, chocolate  \nI really can't help it  \nIt's all so unhealthy  \nBut I still do need it!  \nEverything from ice cream  \nTo cake doesn't last  \nCertainly not in my home  \nSince It all goes to my ass!  \nShelf life, expiration  \nNone of it's an issue  \nNo such thing as moderation  \nWhen waiting just won't do!  \nI must embarrass you  \nThe way I stuff my face  \nClean out the buffet  \nOf every single place!  \nI'm sorry to offend  \nI really can't help it  \nI can probably eat a melon  \nThe size of my left tit!  \n  \n  \nPorcupine F:  \nAt least you can be touched  \nThey say 'don't hug her!'  \nTo all potential mates  \nHow can I find a lover?  \nSo sad I find  \nLike I'm in a bubble  \nTo be caressed  \nIs asking for trouble!  \nLove would mean more  \nIf I could enjoy  \nThe charming attentions  \nOf a furry boy!  \nAnd when I shave  \nIt's with garden sheers  \nTo get my needles down  \nFrom here to here!  \n  \n  \nAct VI;  \n  \n(man is followed along the long way back to his car by some others still eager to tell him about themselves)  \n  \nHusky M:  \nWait Mister!  \nTeach me a new trick?  \nMaybe make me beg  \nOr let me take a lick?  \n(gives man lick on face)  \nI'm not your average doggy  \nI've got anthro pedigree!  \nBy these feet and hands  \nYou can plainly see!  \nTeach a new trick  \nTo an old hound dog  \nI can fetch for you  \nAn entire fallen log!  \nOr play dead so eager  \nSo very convincing  \nI'll have you upset  \nBereaved, and wincing!  \nWhoever said  \n\"Can't teach an old dog new tricks\"  \nNever even met me  \nOr my knotted...  \n(about to say vulgar D-word)  \nCHEW TOY!  \n\\*laughs, wagging tail happily, leaves\\*  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp;  \nHorse M:  \nTo succeed  \nWork hard everyday  \nUntil the lottery,  \nThat's what they'd say  \nAll I want is to retire well  \nNot get stuck on the street  \nBetween a rock and hard place  \nWorrying how to eat  \nWill this effort come to effect  \nWill this labor bear fruit  \nIs all my time wasted  \nWhen putting on this suit?  \nBring me some success  \nI hope my rat race strife  \nHas brought some hope  \nInto my hectic life  \nBut if I failed  \nIf this were in vain  \nThen my work was foolish  \nAnd I was eager and insane  \n  \n  \nDonkey M:  \nWhy am I compared  \nTo fools, idiots, losers?  \n\"There goes another ass\"  \n\"He must be a boozer!\"  \nI might be called  \nBy a silly name  \nBut ass and donkey  \nIt's not the same!  \nWho do you insult,  \nWhen titling the fool?  \nAn ass who is the fool,  \nOr the fool following the fool?  \n  \nFox M: So true!  \n  \nI might be cr-ass  \nMaybe even ass-inine  \nBut please don't call me 'ass'  \nThat is where I draw the line!  \nRefrain in what is said  \nPlease call me inane  \nBut calling an ass, ass  \nThat's practically insane!  \nI'm tactless, boorish  \nSo very blundering  \nIdiotic and confused  \nIn my senseless wondering!  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp;  \nOx M:  \nYard work is great for me  \nThe early method choked  \nYes, it really sucks  \nHaving to be yoked!  \nBut now I got better  \nNo more neck ache  \nJust to sow crops  \nMerely for my sake!  \nI have a John Deere!  \n  \nDeer M: Hey! (offended protest)  \n  \nA nifty healing factor  \nInstead of tugging with my head  \nI bought myself a tractor!  \nChews up the grass  \nAnd sows the crop  \nBetter to watch weeds fall  \nThan see me plow and drop!  \n  \n  \nBoar M:  \nMay I tell you  \nAbout my little world?  \nA place beyond right and wrong  \nDo I now leave unfurled!  \nWhen asked to the stand  \nDo not mislead the wrong side  \nIt's only perjury  \nIf they prove that you lied!  \nAnd the evidence you see?  \nIt can all be made clear  \nThat you'd never seen it  \nUntil you saw it here!  \nGet a good lawyer,  \nWhen you find yourself in a pit  \nHe'll tell you what to do,  \nTo get yourself out, to clean off the...  \n(almost says bad S-word)  \nDIRT!  \n  \n  \nHen F:  \nBeing a chicken  \nIt's a total mess  \nSo very tired  \nOf men staring at my breasts!  \nI'm a real lady  \nNot that kind of chick  \nThat sort of treatment  \nReally makes me sick!  \nNever really been  \nTo a peep show  \nSo I'm a little flustered  \nHow was I to know?  \nA girl like me  \nBreak from her shell now and again  \nEven if I have to  \nPut up with a cocky man!  \n\\*laughs\\*  \nMaybe I egg them on  \nWith the way I dress  \nA humble lass don't mean to  \nI absolutely confess!  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp;  \nBear M:  \nIt is really fun  \nWhat I do most everyday  \nFrom cooking up pies  \nTo baking a soufflé!  \nYou have to be careful  \nWhen putting in the yeast  \nIf you add too little  \nIt won't rise in the least!  \nBut I am still learning  \nThis tasty little trade  \nYou might think my stuff is good  \nBut see what my dad has made!  \n\\*laughs\\*  \nBuying quality ingredients  \nIt's an absolute must  \nThe one thing that distracts me  \n(Fox F comes by, Bear M stares at her in awe, pointing)  \nIs her Perky bust!  \n  \n  \nOwl F:  \n(all verse marked with - mark are loudly drawn out to give strong impression of scorn)  \nYou must look at me  \nsay, 'is she a snowy?'  \nA barnyard owl  \nHmmm, 'a little too showy'?  \n-'But all the same, I'D give a howl!'  \nMy eyes look weird  \nA little too big  \nBut I see well  \nBetter than you, pig  \n-Excellent, not just swell!  \nYou stare at me  \nBut I can stare back  \nWith these big eyes  \nAnd my huge rack  \n-If only you'd realize!  \nAnd my neck  \nIt twists all funny  \nSee you upside-down  \nA tasty bunny  \n-Or a stupid clown!  \n  \n  \nElephant F:  \nI'm a big girl  \nHandles herself well  \nMore junk in the trunk  \nThan I could even tell!  \nJolly big lady  \nAn African queen  \nA startling beauty  \nTaking up the whole screen!  \nA big wrinkly butt  \n(wags butt at man playfully)  \nBut not from the shower  \nLook at this muscle  \n(does muscle pose)  \nI leave you in awe of my power!  \nOpposites attract  \nI wish that were true  \nI'm so lonely  \nWhat's a girl to do?!  \n(blows trumpet)  \nMore melancholy  \nThan the lowest dog  \nSo very forgetful  \nMy head's in a fog!  \nIf you were with me  \nYou won't regret  \nI would treat you kindly  \nAs my favorite pet!  \n\\*laughs\\*  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp; Act VII;  \n(Finale; furries are forever)  \n(man is back at car w/ furries gathered to say goodbye {car has been gassed up while he was away})  \n  \nMayor:  \nI hope you had  \nA great time here  \nLeave so soon  \nLike Alice from the mirror?  \nBut just before  \nYou flee for good  \nOne more song,  \nKnock on wood!  \n  \nAll say at once (except man): (all verses sung loudly)  \nFurries are forever!  \nYou tried your best to stop us!  \nBut here we are to stay!  \nDespite all your fuss!  \nFurries are eternal!  \nWe're not just a trend!  \nYou can' make us go away!  \nEven if we're pretend!  \nFurries are undying!  \nMaybe a little weird!  \nBut you'd be strange too!,  \nWearing a full body beard!  \nFurries are perpetual!  \nWe're the cutest that you seen!  \nNever ever vindictive!,  \nJudgmental, cruel, or mean!  \nFurries are timeless!  \nWe'll outlive you all!  \nBesides, without us!,  \nLife would be too dull!  \nFurries are endless!  \nDon't knock us till you try!  \nPutting on a fur suit!  \nMight make you one o' the guys!  \nFurries are interminable!  \nWe've been here for all time!  \nTake a look at the minotaur!  \nBefore yiffing a cow was a crime!  \nFurries are ceaseless!  \nWe got a big fan base!  \nBecause most horny guys!  \n(all point at Fox F)  \nWant her tits in their face!  \n\\*laughs\\*  \nSo...  \nFurries are forever!  \nBecause we can't be refused!  \nAnd can't be put away!  \nAfter we've been loosed!  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp; Furries are everlasting!  \nWe wish a fond farewell!  \nBack to your own world!  \nUntil we meet again-  \n(spoken quickly)  \nDude, you're getting us on your Dell! (computer)  \n\\*laughs\\*  \n(man drives away, visibly confused)  \n(man, all furs come out to bow to audience)  \n  \n  \n\n"}