# Furries: The Musical! Author: FluffyPony Tags: Comedy, Dancing, Fox, Human, Kissing, Music, Public, Rhyme, Singing, Verse FURRIES!: The Musical Act I; (The scene begins with a man driving towards a city for gas, as his small cream Toyota is running on fumes alone. However, he does not realize that he is driving into the membrane of a fantasy) (the city can be compared to New York or Metropolis in regards to size and activity during the day) (weather is fair with a slight breeze) Man: Where the hell am I? \*sighs\* I guess there's no help for it, I'll need to see about buying gas HERE. (the citizens take notice of the car coming to the entrance of the city, and it's unusual driver, creating a mob in the street, and blocking his way. The man stops, flustered and shocked at the appearance of the city-dwellers) Bear M (male): Yiffy! Sheep F (female):Yiffy! Bull: Yiffy! Fox M: Right here in the city! Husky M: Friendly faces! Hippo F: Fur all places! Skunk F: Lovely balls of fluff! (man recoils in surprise) Unicorn F: Furry! Ram: Furry! Donkey M: Furry! Dragon F: Why you in a hurry? Badger M: Can't you see. Owl F: Where you be? Mare: Go ahead and stop!   (furs begin to open his door and yank him out among the confines of the curious gathering) (More subdued, less intense in tone) Fox F: Fluffy Porcupine F: Fluffy Rhino F: Fluffy (Fox F bats coy eyelashes at man) Fox F: Don't you be so stuffy Sheep F: In anthro city Unicorn F: We take real pity Dragoness F: On those who never- (man makes a motion as if to try to escape) Ram M: HALT! (puts out one hand in warding gesture to stop man) Fox F: Cutie (Fox F plays w/ man's tie) Skunk F: Cutie (Skunk F rubs black paw along man's chest) Unicorn F: Cutie (Unicorn F gives man surprise peck \*kiss\* on the cheek) Mare: Now don't you be so snooty! (Mare steals man's PDA) Fox F: You might be late Skunk F: For your date Dragon F: But it can be redone! (Dragon F takes PDA from Mare, using stylus to erase man's calendar schedule) Sheep F: Lovely Husky M: Lovely Owl F: Lovely Mouse M: You sure are starting to bug me! Bear M: You don't want to miss Mynah bird F: A chance like this Horse M: So we are saying WHOA! (spoken by Horse M w/ palm out in a stop motion)   Donkey M: Hairy Lion M: Hairy Skunk F: Hairy Husky M: Why aren't you all that merry? Hippo F: We invite you in Giraffe F: As if you were kin Ox M: You still refuse? Spoken by all: Well...... (then suddenly they all grab man and usher him forth through the city streets toward city hall) Spoken by all: Then we insist! Act II; (scene opens with man in front of the long stairway of the anthro city congress building) Bear M: I am a bear, a baker's son Fox M: And I am a fox who tricks everyone! (Fox M does playful back-flip) Horse M: I am a horse, working hard everyday Cat F: And I am a cat who always likes to play! (Cat F \*purrs\*) Ram M: I am a ram who does security Skunk F: And I'm a skunk, but no one mind me! (anthros make space for Skunk M) Boar M: I am a boar who goes to court right now \*walks up long stairs\* Bull: And I'm a bull, so please don't have a cow! Giraffe F: I am a giraffe, in need of a chiropractor Ox M: And I'm an ox who thanks heaven for the tractor Turtle M: I am a turtle, glad for the bus Dog F: And I am a bitch, but I don't make a fuss!   Deer M: I am a stag who likes to play the blues Badger M: And I'm a real badger, so I don't like to lose! (Badger M does trick with deck of cards) Chicken F: I am a hen who really enjoys crochet (All anthros gather for conclusion) Spoken by all: So even if you're not a fur, we all think you're okay! (Mayor steps out, \*role unspecified, can be any furry type\*) Mayor M/F/?: Still not convinced? Oh, woe is you! Surrounded by so many friends But you are a man who still pretends That this isn't the place for you? Hush Now! What are we to do? Furries are here (motions to Fox F) Scalies are there (motions to Dragon F) But you are not amused (shakes head in wonder) I don't know why you worry Here you won't be abused! You really are a strange one, Sir! Truly out of sorts in this city of fur (sweeping gesture to incorporate entire gathered populace) Why do you try to hide, (Points to own chest meaningfully) All the desires you keep inside? \*Sighs\* Take a step back \*sighs\* Relax and breathe Maybe then we'll let you leave!   (Paws crossed over chest in annoyance) You really are a strange one, dude (Points at a few in the gathering) We're not asking to do anything lewd! We just want your company (Mayor hugs self) Visit us and then you'll see! Man: \*Sighs, exasperated\* Why do you humor this lonely man? And why do you stand in my way? Why have you imprisoned me? Is this how I'll end my day? (points meaningfully at Lion M, then Bear M) Lions and tigers and bears, oh my! If I'm stuck here, I guess I'll try Relent! Relent! Relent! I do! Alright fine, I'll listen to you! Now get off my back! What do you want? Do you think me some human hack? \*sighs, giving up\* If that's how you feel... You're in the wrong place! Leave me be, I cower disgraced (man is somewhat depressed) Fox M: Hah! (tickles man) \*following verse drawn out\* I am a friendly clown \*Fox M dressed like clown w/ squirt flower and red nose cover\* A fluffy happy fox who never wears a frown (motions to audience {mob}) So my lads, just you wait and see (points at own chest boldly) You'll never play a trick On silly, yiffy me! Don't you try (Wags finger) Don't you even start Or I'll lay a cushion down That'll make you fart! (blows playful/slightly vulgar raspberry) So don't mess with the jester Because I'm even better And don't play with the fool Or the only one fooled (Shoots water at man from lapel flower) -is you-   Act III; (Mayor takes man around tour of city with gathering behind. Many shops are on the way) (On right is a dress shop with anthro mannequins wearing skirts and Gucci handbags. Working diligently inside is a pregnant black mare) Mare F: I am a seamstress mare With a foal on the way (rubs tummy meaningfully) Even if I'm pregnant I work merrily all day! (Spins happily in place) Sometimes with needles in my mane And a happy gait on shift (gives playful salute) I could tell you many things About my little 'gift' (foal) Bull M: I'm a bull in a china shop (turns to face crowd outside store, knocking a cup off a shelf with his butt by accident) \*sighs\* And the one blamed, hearing something drop (owner comes over, fining him for the broken merchandise) (Bull M shrugs) I guess today, my bulk is a curse (holds up a finger) But just wait! \*laughs\* I know someone worse I've got a friend who's an ass (really) Donkey M: Hey! I guess he doesn't have much class! (stares at Donkey M with scolding expression) But he's the best that I got \*shrugs\* Because he does what he ought? And a fox that is a clown (points at Fox M next to man) When I'm angry, he calms me down And the last, my mate's a mare (points to Mare F in gathering) So I find her comely and fair So my friends, don't be blue life's too short (points at man) even for you!   (by another store, they're greeted by Ram M, who is a security guard) Ram M: I am the ram you heard about (bows to gathering) Drop a line and give a shout (catches hoodlum walking out of store w/ merchandise) So before you think to steal (takes back property, tossing it to the salesfur at the counter) I'll make you a separate deal Though my horns aren't sharp (butts youth out into the street) I'll still gut you like a carp If you steal from my store There's no excuse (holds up finger) Unless your poor Even if I have no gun I'll kick your ass (motions to crowd) Ask anyone (gives speculative look) And though thieving is a sin (motions with arms warmly for crowd to enter) I beseech all others, come on in! Act IV; (the crowd ignores the proprietors, now eager to introduce themselves to man) Unicorn F: \*kisses man on cheek again\* I know you didn't expect to see (bats eyelashes teasingly) A mythical thing quite like me (strokes furry chin) I've a beard and white hair (wags finger in NO motion) But not a hermit from a lair (sits cute ass on ground with legs splayed out, body in L-shape, grabs rear hooves in hands and rocks cutely side to side) With a muzzle and hooves to boot (gets up and rubs muzzle with mans nose) But not a horse you silly coot! (rubs horn along man's right shoulder) On my head I've got a horn Why, funny human, I'm a unicorn! \*laughs\*   Mynah F: (saunters to man's side) I know today's my lucky break (wags hips, fan-like tail meaningfully) When I sing you'll double take (rolls shoulder saucily) So you see I'm a mynah bird (pauses speculatively) I guess you think that's quite absurd! Because mynahs don't really sing No, that's really a finches' thing! \*sighs defeated\* I'm right here upon the stage Reciting a song wrote on a page (does sweeping confident gesture w/ one wing) Before you know it, I'll do real well Keeping entire audience under my spell Someday soon becoming a success I guess I'm glad I did my best? Mouse M: (satirical soliloquy) A mouse in the house Whatever will we do? (sways paw in ironic gesture) Maybe he's better off living in a shoe? (sweeps arms in gesture of great vastness) Because this home is too much space Mousie should find another place! (stomps meaningfully) \*pauses speculatively\* A mouse, living in our abode? Would it be proper To flush him down commode? \*shrugs, sighs\* (spoken rapidly) Because it really is a bother To have a little mousie father Right here in our bachelor pad! (slows down, contemplative) Well, maybe it's really not that bad?   Skunk F: I guess I know what you think I'm a skunk, so you guess I stink! (furs make way for her as she goes to man) Whenever I go to a new place Furs around give me some space (points backwards at nervous crowd) They think I'm a WMD Cause when I go off, they cannot see! (shows off pieces of paper to man and crowd) A restraining order has been passed \*laughs wryly\* By all the furs I just gassed! (aims butt playfully at crowd, laughs when furs panic to get out of her range) No one is in my way When they think I'm gonna spray So I'll tell you all quite bland (next verse is a barely audible whisper in man's ear, punctuated with a nip of his ear) Better keep ketchup close at hand (muses speculatively, sniffing) Because when you find that smell (yells to audience, grinning) Be prepared for a stinky hell! Dragoness F (sidles up playfully to man) With dark glistening eyes (winks at man) And sharp taloned feet Breath without mercy (breathes playfully into man's face) Power that can't be beat (flexes muscled arm) Big giant wings (flaps her wings) That block out the sky Clammy scaly skin (rubs man's cheek with taloned hand gently) (suddenly growls loudly into man's face) And a roar that claims you die (burps loudly) Appetite that won't stop (rubs hips against man) Passion that won't cease (motions to crowd) Aren't you glad, All of you? You never met this beast?! (motions to herself, spoken in ironic way, as many furs HAD met her and more)   Lion M: (stalks up to man) (whisper verse) Always whisper, always pause, never gawk Our first lesson on how to stalk (Goes behind man) Stay downwind of our pray (pounces man to the ground) Or we do not eat today! (gets up off man) She says let them come to us (man gets to his feet) But impatience makes us fuss! (pounces man playfully again) So we run and chase our meal (gets back up, grinning) In order that hunger, we do not feel (spans crowd, looking) Now here comes mother, wise and tall (reaches out to help man up) Saying that haste makes fools of us all Man: Why do I hide from the world \*shrugs\* To deny me what I am? Why do I always worry And think myself a sham? (kicks out leg in bored gesture) Why should I show my face When I discard my mask? I really don't need anyone's help That's why I never ask! Act V; (scene opens up at a scenic anthro city park) Dragon F: The dancing in the street Fox M: By funny furry feet Husky M: And everyone you meet? Man OHHH? (Fox F, Skunk F, Unicorn F, perched on lip of expensive large fountain)   Fox F: Drink to our health Skunk F: Share in our wealth Unicorn F: You're an odd little elf? Man: NOOO! (bunch of M furs having a picnic on sheet) Bear M: No dead pelts here Bull M: Just friends and good cheer Horse M: (points at man) Are you a little queer? (meant as strange) Man: WHOAAA! (taken in incorrect sense) (on a picnic table playing cards, poker {but not for money, just for fun) Rhino F: Relax among us Badger M: Don't make a fuss (gets pissed off at being beaten and almost swears, but Hen F holds wing over his mouth) Hen F: And don't cuss Man: SOOO?! (furs begin to crowd man) Ram M: If you don't believe Sheep F: In what we achieve Horse M: (grunts) Then please, by all means, leave (all shove him towards the exit of the park) All say at once: GOOO! (Fox F follows man, wrapping herself acrobatically and seductively about him) Fox F: Who has had as good as me? (rubs man's chest) A playful vixen to touch, feel, and see? (rubs herself on his chest) Everyone wants to be the vulpines Everyone wants to yiff the vulpines! (thrusts herself against his thigh) Get away from him, Goldilocks! (wags finger angrily to no one in particular, wrapping her body protectively about man's) Here comes a REAL Fox! (man tries to get her off, but she hugs tighter) You can't escape, it's fate Inseparable when I choose a mate Stuck with each other like peas in a pod (fastens eyes dreamily into man's) Until you accept me as a god- Ass! \*supposed to sound like goddess\* (takes herself off, wagging her butt and tail in front of man)   (Badger M pushes her away, putting on a visor) Badger M: How compulsive do you get? When you play the odds when you make your bets? All bets are in Even if it IS a sin? Play the slots like a pro Cause lady lucks'... the only gal you gotta know! Who needs an air-headed mate? When you win a couple thou with a straight! Blackjack is fun too But for me, it just won't do Poker's my only game And better than any dame! Sheep F: (shoves Badger M away) How can you say that? when you're mated to the cat! There's more to life than green and gold Like snuggling with me when it's cold? (hugs man with her unshaved fluffy body) Keep you toasty without a peep That's why any guy likes a sheep! Badger M: \*grumbles\* Bah! Yes, Bah! Ba-a-ah! Bleet like a sheep We eat a great heap Sheared for our trouble (gives salute) And marched back out on the double! Nobody likes wool cause it itches Yes, a real pain in the britches! But for all that, still kept for pets Taken care of and seen by the vets Deer M: (holding saxophone) Depressing, no? All these opinions All this pointless show? That's why we have the blues This is what you play when worried what to do! (plays brief instrumental) So very troubled I see your struggle Perhaps, deciding who to snuggle? Or are these cares So very real As far as these choices On how you feel? (finishes with jubilant conclusion on sax) Don't let it bother none don't wear your strife Just my advice, On this little thing called life!   Cat F: Nine lives would be so fine \*purrs\* If I hadn't lost eight of mine! I am an alley cat, A real smooth pussy Come over, take a look Unless you're a wussie \*wags black tail side to side\* For most of my guys I only bring bad luck For all the rest, I'm a really great... (stops before saying F-word) TIME! From walking under ladders To breaking a mirror You won't find, As bad as you got here! (points to self) \*purrs\* So, who cares About the kitty jinx? If you really liked me, We could work out all the kinks (waves hips saucily) Come see my hocus pocus, Put your lust in focus (\*laughs\* slaps own ass seductively) Everyone wants to hit that Cause... (puts clawed finger in mouth cutely) I Thought I saw a puddy cat! (\*laughs\* sauntering off) Rhino F: (points back at cat) She might be nice But I'm larger than life! I could learn to like you Maybe become your wife? \*sighs\* But I know the others They would make a fuss anyone would tell you I could bench press a bus! They think I'm domineering I think I'm quite the beauty Others would disagree, Saying I'm very moody! \*snorts derisively\* Little do they know I'm a girl with heart So truly sympathetic Maybe even smart! So don't judge me By just muscle alone So much more to me Than the bulk on my bones! \*giggles\*   Mare F (not pregnant one): She's pretty nice, But I'm a real prize If I weren't married I'd undress you with my eyes! (stares into man's face lustily) Win, place or show Bet on my speed Fantastic like the wind Maybe driven by my need I'm the girl you like Not at all a poser Just really special In a race as a closer! Shoot from the gate Around the bend Maybe this time I'll just pretend I never married I never got wed Just to avoid the guilt To have you in my bed! (trots off coyly) Turtle M: Slow and steady wins the race (cleans glasses) Unless you go at my snails' pace In other regards, haste is a curse Unless, of course, you come in first Still, the trouble isn't me It's the fact I cannot see (takes off glasses, squints) So I can't go buy a car I'd crash before I got too far So, never be quick to decide But neither should one be too slow We must all strike a balance To learn and come to know Giraffe F: Bad pain strikes often I've only seven bones, you know (cracks neck vertebrae) Not only misaligned, But also out of row Quality service is a must A challenging little factor When looking through doctors For a really good chiropractor! Things outta place Give me a pain in the neck I wish my whole throat Weren't a total wreck! \*sighs, laughs, leaves\*   Hippo F: Cookies, chocolate I really can't help it It's all so unhealthy But I still do need it! Everything from ice cream To cake doesn't last Certainly not in my home Since It all goes to my ass! Shelf life, expiration None of it's an issue No such thing as moderation When waiting just won't do! I must embarrass you The way I stuff my face Clean out the buffet Of every single place! I'm sorry to offend I really can't help it I can probably eat a melon The size of my left tit! Porcupine F: At least you can be touched They say 'don't hug her!' To all potential mates How can I find a lover? So sad I find Like I'm in a bubble To be caressed Is asking for trouble! Love would mean more If I could enjoy The charming attentions Of a furry boy! And when I shave It's with garden sheers To get my needles down From here to here! Act VI; (man is followed along the long way back to his car by some others still eager to tell him about themselves) Husky M: Wait Mister! Teach me a new trick? Maybe make me beg Or let me take a lick? (gives man lick on face) I'm not your average doggy I've got anthro pedigree! By these feet and hands You can plainly see! Teach a new trick To an old hound dog I can fetch for you An entire fallen log! Or play dead so eager So very convincing I'll have you upset Bereaved, and wincing! Whoever said "Can't teach an old dog new tricks" Never even met me Or my knotted... (about to say vulgar D-word) CHEW TOY! \*laughs, wagging tail happily, leaves\*   Horse M: To succeed Work hard everyday Until the lottery, That's what they'd say All I want is to retire well Not get stuck on the street Between a rock and hard place Worrying how to eat Will this effort come to effect Will this labor bear fruit Is all my time wasted When putting on this suit? Bring me some success I hope my rat race strife Has brought some hope Into my hectic life But if I failed If this were in vain Then my work was foolish And I was eager and insane Donkey M: Why am I compared To fools, idiots, losers? "There goes another ass" "He must be a boozer!" I might be called By a silly name But ass and donkey It's not the same! Who do you insult, When titling the fool? An ass who is the fool, Or the fool following the fool? Fox M: So true! I might be cr-ass Maybe even ass-inine But please don't call me 'ass' That is where I draw the line! Refrain in what is said Please call me inane But calling an ass, ass That's practically insane! I'm tactless, boorish So very blundering Idiotic and confused In my senseless wondering!   Ox M: Yard work is great for me The early method choked Yes, it really sucks Having to be yoked! But now I got better No more neck ache Just to sow crops Merely for my sake! I have a John Deere! Deer M: Hey! (offended protest) A nifty healing factor Instead of tugging with my head I bought myself a tractor! Chews up the grass And sows the crop Better to watch weeds fall Than see me plow and drop! Boar M: May I tell you About my little world? A place beyond right and wrong Do I now leave unfurled! When asked to the stand Do not mislead the wrong side It's only perjury If they prove that you lied! And the evidence you see? It can all be made clear That you'd never seen it Until you saw it here! Get a good lawyer, When you find yourself in a pit He'll tell you what to do, To get yourself out, to clean off the... (almost says bad S-word) DIRT! Hen F: Being a chicken It's a total mess So very tired Of men staring at my breasts! I'm a real lady Not that kind of chick That sort of treatment Really makes me sick! Never really been To a peep show So I'm a little flustered How was I to know? A girl like me Break from her shell now and again Even if I have to Put up with a cocky man! \*laughs\* Maybe I egg them on With the way I dress A humble lass don't mean to I absolutely confess!   Bear M: It is really fun What I do most everyday From cooking up pies To baking a soufflĂ©! You have to be careful When putting in the yeast If you add too little It won't rise in the least! But I am still learning This tasty little trade You might think my stuff is good But see what my dad has made! \*laughs\* Buying quality ingredients It's an absolute must The one thing that distracts me (Fox F comes by, Bear M stares at her in awe, pointing) Is her Perky bust! Owl F: (all verse marked with - mark are loudly drawn out to give strong impression of scorn) You must look at me say, 'is she a snowy?' A barnyard owl Hmmm, 'a little too showy'? -'But all the same, I'D give a howl!' My eyes look weird A little too big But I see well Better than you, pig -Excellent, not just swell! You stare at me But I can stare back With these big eyes And my huge rack -If only you'd realize! And my neck It twists all funny See you upside-down A tasty bunny -Or a stupid clown! Elephant F: I'm a big girl Handles herself well More junk in the trunk Than I could even tell! Jolly big lady An African queen A startling beauty Taking up the whole screen! A big wrinkly butt (wags butt at man playfully) But not from the shower Look at this muscle (does muscle pose) I leave you in awe of my power! Opposites attract I wish that were true I'm so lonely What's a girl to do?! (blows trumpet) More melancholy Than the lowest dog So very forgetful My head's in a fog! If you were with me You won't regret I would treat you kindly As my favorite pet! \*laughs\*   Act VII; (Finale; furries are forever) (man is back at car w/ furries gathered to say goodbye {car has been gassed up while he was away}) Mayor: I hope you had A great time here Leave so soon Like Alice from the mirror? But just before You flee for good One more song, Knock on wood! All say at once (except man): (all verses sung loudly) Furries are forever! You tried your best to stop us! But here we are to stay! Despite all your fuss! Furries are eternal! We're not just a trend! You can' make us go away! Even if we're pretend! Furries are undying! Maybe a little weird! But you'd be strange too!, Wearing a full body beard! Furries are perpetual! We're the cutest that you seen! Never ever vindictive!, Judgmental, cruel, or mean! Furries are timeless! We'll outlive you all! Besides, without us!, Life would be too dull! Furries are endless! Don't knock us till you try! Putting on a fur suit! Might make you one o' the guys! Furries are interminable! We've been here for all time! Take a look at the minotaur! Before yiffing a cow was a crime! Furries are ceaseless! We got a big fan base! Because most horny guys! (all point at Fox F) Want her tits in their face! \*laughs\* So... Furries are forever! Because we can't be refused! And can't be put away! After we've been loosed!   Furries are everlasting! We wish a fond farewell! Back to your own world! Until we meet again- (spoken quickly) Dude, you're getting us on your Dell! (computer) \*laughs\* (man drives away, visibly confused) (man, all furs come out to bow to audience) Source: https://sofurry.com/s/k1V9JXQn