{"sf1_id":401797,"sf2_id":"B1Q3kMVm","title":"Jon Mahon Christmas Special","author":"NovaSquirrel","words":1285,"posted_at":"2012-07-12T19:12:00.000Z","tags":["Fart","Party","Santa","School"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/401797-jon-mahon-christmas-special","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/s/B1Q3kMVm","image_url":"https://cdn.sofurryfiles.com/submissions/thumbnails/68/02/68026f41-de17-477b-b10d-a26d6acc5a77","description":"To celebrate Christmas I went and wrote this crappy Jon-themed story.","content":"JON MAHON CHRISTMAS SPECIAL  \n--------------------------------------------------  \nHE'S MAKING A LIST  \nAND CHECKING IT 9001 times  \nGONNA FIND OUT WHO'S NAUGHTY (in bed) AND NICE  \nJON MAHON IS COMING TO TOWN  \nHe sees you when you're SHOWERING!!!! OH MY GOD  \nHe knows when you're awake  \nHE KNOWS IF YOU'VE BEEN NAUGHTY NAUGHTY NAUGHTY (in bed) OR GOOD  \nSO BE GOOD FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!!!!!!\n\nJON MAHON was impersonating santa AND DOING A BAD JOB OF IT. (he did grow a pretty epic beard for it though)  \nhe took his 9001 detentions he had gotten over the years and CROSSED OFF HIS NAME  \nand wrote OTHER PEOPLES' NAMES ON THEM. (illegal) and for the detention location  \nhe wrote in the address of some party place nobody knew about (not even him)\n\nhe was passing them out during lunch the next day with his friend SID SPACE  \nin a santa outfit and said \"crap......... LETS BE SANTA!!!!!!!!!!!\" (nobody heard)  \nso nobody knew it was him  \neven though  \non the detention  \nyou could still read the crossed out JON MAHON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  \nand the detention reasons were things jon was well known for! (farting in class)\n\nalso the date on the detentions was December 25th (nobody noticed this either maybe they're dumb I DON'T KNOW)  \neveryone was all BUMMED OUT that they couldn't attend their christmas parties (NOT NOTICING that everyone in the parties had detentions too,  \n so there wouldn't really be any party because there'd be nobody there because AUGH I don't know..............)\n\nso on december 25th everyone brought their party stuff to the detention!!!!  \nAND DROVE TO THE MYSTERIOUS PLACE LISTED ON THE DETENTIONS  \nwait a second if there's TONS OF KIDS in one place AND THEY HAVE PARTY STUFF  \nTHEN IT'S NOT A DETENTION AT ALL!!!!!!  \nTHAT WAS!??????!??????????? A PARTY INVITATION!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!  \ndarn you jon AUGH  \n........ !??????????\n\nthen, when EVERYONE was inside  \nA GIANT CALIFORNIA REDWOOD TREE CRACKED A VIOLNET SNOWSORM AND FELL AS IF HINGED  \nBLOCKING THE ENTRANCE AND SNOWING EVERYONE IN AT THE SAME TIME!!!!!!!!!!!????????!?!??!?  \nbut hey it made a nice 30,60,90 right triangle\n\nCRAP!!!!!!!!! so the people INSIDE THE PARTY PLACE  \nwere STUCK INSIDE for the time being!!!!!!!!!!!! D:\n\nso HERE I WILL ESTABLISH A PARTIAL LIST OF PEOPLE WHO WENT TO THE PARTY  \ncelebrities: Barack Obama (with his awesome t-shirt), Osama bin Laden, Vegeta, Hitler, Anne Frank, (oops) Anne Frankenstein  \nclassmates: Josh, Jared, Sid Space, Karson, DANNY, Tyler, Alex (both Nuclear and Irritable Alexes), d-love/2kdre  \nand the obligatory list of similarly named people: Billy Mays, Bill Gates, Bill Nye, Bill Cosby, Bill Gosper  \n(the first three bills make up the BILLY ALLIANCE)\n\nSO THE PEOPLE NOW HAVE TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING TO DO IN THE AWESOME PARTY HOUSE UNTIL SOMEONE HELPS............  \n(or just enjoy the party)\n\nd-love got a DISCO BALL AND SET IT UP  \nACTUALLY 99999 disco balls  \nBUT HE DIDN'T KNOW THEY HAD LASERS AND WERE EVIL  \nand was DJing and rapping and stuff  \nd-love: \"YO YO YO jon mahon YO\"  \nd-love: \"gotta eat the toast\"  \nd-love: \"'cause its christmas time OKAY?????????????????\"\n\nSO JON MAHON GOT OUT a giant candycane  \nand used it AS A SWORD  \nTO FIGHT OFF THE DISCO BALLS  \nbut wasn't getting very much progress\n\nJared: \"ME NO LIKE DISCO BALLS\"  \nand Jared left! (somehow)\n\nBUT THE DISCO BALLS WERE STILL ATTACKING  \nuntil suddenly VEGETA WAS LIKE \"KAMEHAMEHA!!\"  \nand blew up the disco balls with a huge energy blast  \nthat somehow did not damage the building or any guests\n\nSo THE BILLY ALLIANCE GROUPED TOGETHER  \nAND DECIDED TO BLOW A HOLE IN THE WALL TO GET OUT.  \nSO WERE BRAINSTORMING together until JON MAHON SUDDENLY FARTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  \nWHOSE FART BLEW everyone into \"THE NIGHT BEFORE JON MAHON\"\n\n'Twas NOT the night before JON MAHON, when all through the SCHOOL  \nNot a creature was FARTING, not even uh Jared! LOLOOLOLLOLOLOLO;  \nThe stockings were hung by the chimney with care,  \nIn hopes that JON MAHON SOON WOULD BE THERE;  \n...but then suddenly a bee flew in and it stung someone who died and then they SUED IT FOR MURDER  \nLANDING THEM BACK IN UHHHHH THE JON MAHON PARTY HOUSE  \nBECAUSE THE JUDGE FARTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!\n\nso they were back at the party house  \nand suddenly Wendy from the restaurant named Wendy's came over  \nand uh well  \nSHE worked with IRRITABLE ALEX  \nto create FROSTY THE FROSTYMAN  \nWHO WAS ALMOST THE SAME AS FROSTY THE SNOWMAN  \nEXCEPT HE ACTUALLY WAS A FROSTY AND also simultaneously product placement  \nalso he was evil and he throw snowballs at people\n\nBARACK OBAMA WAS WATCHING POKEMON IN THE CORNER  \nand turned into BROCK OBAMA (like in obamastory)  \nand d-love started DJing some rock music  \nwhich caused obama to then change into BROCKSTAR OBAMA\n\nAND SUDDENLY PLAYED SOME REALLY RAD TUNES  \nand he chased after FROSTY THE FROSTYMAN  \nbut Jon Mahon handed a super cool electric guitar to Brockstar Obama  \nwho accidentally made frosty the frostyman explode WITH DA POWER OF MUSIC!!!!!!!!!!!!1\n\nJARED WAS SOMEHOW BACK  \nand then there was rebecca whose last name was BLACK  \noops I mean there was REBECCA BLACK WHO WAS SINGING \"FRIDAY\" ENDLESSLY  \nand JACK BLACK  \nHitler: \"what does the scouter say about her annoyingness level\"  \nVegeta: \"ITS OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!!!\"\n\nand jack black who was obsessed with octagons  \ndrew an octagon  \nJack: \"WE FOUND AN OCTAGON!!!!!!!!!\"  \nBUT IT WAS A MAGIC ORANGE OCTAGON  \nAND WAS ACTUALLY A PORTAL  \nso everyone went in thinking it was a way out of the party place  \nbut it actually just led to ANOTHER MAGIC OCTAGON that was BLUE  \n!!!!!  \nexcept it was always friday  \nJared: \"ME NO LIKE FRIDAY\"  \nso they went back in   \nand it was always NOT friday  \nso rebecca black shut up finally\n\nso JACK BLACK TRIED TO SING FRIDAY (in a really heavy russian accent)  \nBUT THERE WAS A CHARACTER NAMED SLIPPERY SOAP FROM BLUES CLUES  \nWHO WAS MAKING A SLIPPERY MESS  \nbut he slipped and fell on an octagon before he could finish  \npoor jack\n\nJon Mahon did not actually have a real christmas tree  \nso he took a fake robot one  \nand put it up  \nSid Space: \"WHAT ARE WE GOING TO HAVE A FAKE CHRISTMAS!???????\"  \nJon Mahon: \"sure\"  \nSid Space: \"WHAT!\"  \nJon Mahon: \"WHATS THE MATTER DO YOU NOT LIKE YOUR FAKE CHRISTMAS!????\"  \nHitler: \"NEIN NEIN NEIN!!!!!!!!!!!\"\n\nbut the fake robot tree came with a fake robot santa  \nwho was evil  \nbut Karson kicked its butt  \nbecause he's goot at kicking robots' butts\n\nso the BILLY ALLIANCE got together with nuclear alex (who knew about radioactive stuff)  \nand josh had some uranium in his pocket.  \nand the billy alliance decided they would make a machine that harnessed the power of jon mahon's illegal nuclear farts  \nto blast a hole in the party house and get out\n\nso the BILLY ALLIANCE with the help of NUCLEAR ALEX  \nconstructed a machine and inserted josh's uranium  \nand jon mahon was given pizza  \nand then jon farted  \nand a GIGANTIC HOLE WAS BLASTED IN THE CEILING  \nit was pretty impossible to get out through it though  \nCONSIDERING IT WAS ON THE FREAKING CEILING\n\nfor some reason IRONICALLY after the hole was blasted the VIOLNET SORM disappeared and all the snow was gone  \n(also the tree REVERSE-FELL as if hinged - if that's even POSSIBLE)  \ncompletely negating any need for the hole in the first place.  \nand to make it worse the fart made it super smelly all the way from here to 125 MILES away.\n\nThe billy alliance was FINED FOR DAMAGE TO THE PARTY HOUSE because the person DID NOT KNOW ABOUT THE VIOLNET SORM  \nand thought the explosion was random and unnecessary  \nAND THAT WAS ILLEGAL.\n\nso they got out anyway  \nand nobody cared  \nLADIES AND GENTLEMAN  \nTHIS HAS BEEN A JON MAHON CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!\n\n  \n  \n\n"}