{"sf1_id":491298,"sf2_id":null,"title":"Chapter Seven: Despair","author":"Claira Fox","words":1142,"posted_at":"2013-01-22T20:35:00.000Z","tags":["Cub","Depression","Fox","Suicide","Twins"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/491298-chapter-seven-despair","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/view/491298","image_url":"https://www.sofurryfiles.com/std/thumb?page=491298\u0026ext=.jpg","description":"","content":"It's been a long time coming, let's see if we can shed some light on Modest's state of being. In explanation for my absence I'll say this: \u0026nbsp;Finals and a lack of a computer are terrible things. \u0026nbsp;Peace, folks.\n\n**`~`Chapter Seven`~`**\n\nA week passed since Modest used her knife in the Crow's Nest. \u0026nbsp;The world had adopted a grey quality, a veil that prevented Modest from absorbing anything that was happening. \u0026nbsp;She had stopped doing her homework and had ceased interracting in class. \u0026nbsp;She had not added anymore stripes to her thigh, but she had considered it. \u0026nbsp;Especially today, with Marcus's news. \u0026nbsp;They had just returned from school and Naomi had come over. \u0026nbsp;She acted coldly toward Modest, which was to be expected, but spoke quite warmly to Marcus. \u0026nbsp;This also was not entirely unexpected...what was a surprise was when Marcus had responded in kind to the husky.\n\nThat familiar knife slid in its familiar place deep in Modest's chest, and then twisted. \u0026nbsp;She barely noticed when Marcus came to her and told her Naomi was going home and that he had something to tell her. \u0026nbsp;His words, much of his explanation, swam over her in a haze of unknowing, intercepted by that veil. \u0026nbsp;One statement did cut through the veil: \u0026nbsp;\"and we decided to go out; Naomi's my girlfriend now.\"\n\nHer breath caught, her eyes prickled, and she ran to her room where she sat heavily on her bed and breathed heavily, trying to catch her breath. \u0026nbsp;It was like breathing water, the air around her though cool was thick and unwieldy. \u0026nbsp;It did not want to move into or out of her lungs. \u0026nbsp;She knew she wasn't having an attack from her lung injury, but she was beginning to panic; she couldn't breathe. \u0026nbsp;She was aware Marcus would be worried and upset, but he would get over it. \u0026nbsp;She didn't have time to waste on his troubles, she was dying here.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nThat sparked the idea. \u0026nbsp;Dying. \u0026nbsp;She was thinking metaphorically, but why not? \u0026nbsp;She knew full well what medicines to take to end her life, so what's stopping her? \u0026nbsp;Her breathing regulated and her eyes stopped prickling as she calmed down. \u0026nbsp;A solution at last. \u0026nbsp;Having a plan, a goal, a solution, calmed her. \u0026nbsp;Her abused heart slowed its frantic beating and her lungs began to demand less oxygen. \u0026nbsp;Her vision, which had started to display colorful starburst patterns often associated with hyperventilation, cleared.\n\nHer mind was once again a placid lake.\n\nThe coming sunset would surely be the most beautiful of her life, but she wanted to share it with Marcus. \u0026nbsp;First though, she walked to Naomi's house and knocked on the front door. \u0026nbsp;Mr. George answered with a frown, and before he could speak Modest was talking.\n\n\"Hi Mr. George,\" she said. \u0026nbsp;\"Naomi and I had a fight last week and I wanted to apologize for my actions. \u0026nbsp;May I speak to her?\" \u0026nbsp;He stared at her for a moment, then silently stepped aside.\n\nNaomi was in her room, and looked up sharply as Modest entered.\n\n\"Please leave,\" she said tiredly. \u0026nbsp;Modest nodded.\n\n\"I will, but first....\" She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. \u0026nbsp;\"I'm sorry. \u0026nbsp;For hitting you, for yelling at you...I was angry and jealous.\" She hugged Naomi tightly, and tears were left on Naomi's cheek when Modest pulled back. \u0026nbsp;\"Please take care of my brother. I won't be able to.\" \u0026nbsp;The puzzled look on the husky's face was the last Modest saw before turning around and running out.\n\nShe enjoyed the walk home; it was a warm evening and a pleasant breeze was blowing. \u0026nbsp;Too soon though she was back home. \u0026nbsp;Sunset was at hand, so Modest sought out her brother who was doing homework.\n\n\"Marc, come watch the sunset with me?\" she asked. \u0026nbsp;He looked up from his math and raised an eyebrow. \u0026nbsp;\"Please? It's important to me.\" \u0026nbsp;He nodded and agreed and followed her out to the back yard. \u0026nbsp;They sat on the grass, Marcus cross-legged and Modest leaning on him. \u0026nbsp;They were both silent the entire time as the sun, first yellow, then gold, then orange, made its daily descent and finally slipped quietly below the horizon. \u0026nbsp;Modest thanked him quietly and went to her room when it was over. \u0026nbsp;In her adjoining bathroom there was a bottle of pills labeled Morphine. \u0026nbsp;Inside were six fifty-miligram pills that were prescribed to her for lung pain. \u0026nbsp;Normally children would not be able to get them for the pain she had, but her mother was able to convince the doctor to give it.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nModest was well aware that the two hundred fifty miligrams of morphine would kill her, and she knew it would be painless. \u0026nbsp;She took the bottle out of the medicine cabinet and shook the six pills into her paw. \u0026nbsp;How huge they looked now, in the final hour of her life. \u0026nbsp;How heavy they felt.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nShe took them to her bed and sat upon it, grabbing her bottle of water, always kept next to her bed on the bedside table. \u0026nbsp;Then, pills in left hand and bottle in right, she sat in the center of her bed. \u0026nbsp;She distantly heard the phone ring, but ignored it and began meditating. \u0026nbsp;One last meditation to reflect on her last sunset.\u0026nbsp;\n\nIt was only two minutes later that Modest's door flew open and Marcus came in looking upset.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\"Naomi called me,\" he said, his voice deceptively stable. \u0026nbsp;\"She seems to think that you won't be around anymore.\" \u0026nbsp;Modest smiled and shook her head.\n\n\"That girl has an imagination, doesn't she?\" Modest said. \u0026nbsp;Marcus crossed his arms.\n\n\"What's in your hand?\" he asked. \u0026nbsp;Modest frowned and didn't answer. \u0026nbsp;\"Show me, Modest.\" \u0026nbsp;His adamant tone and the glint of a tear in his eyes shook her resolve just enough, and she opened her paw, revealing those six white ovals.\n\nSwift as lightning, Marcus snatched them from her and stuck his now-clenched fist in his pocket, leaving Modest to blink at him until she understood what had happened, at which time her tears returned. \u0026nbsp;He was taking away her solution, robbing her of her peace!\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nMarcus let the pills sit in his pocket and grabbed his sister, pulling her to him. \u0026nbsp;She clung to him like she hadn't in six years, since she had stopped having nightmares. \u0026nbsp;He rubbed her back and held her the whole time she cried without questioning her any further. \u0026nbsp;After a time, their mother looked in on them, but didn't ask questions because she knew her son would fill her in. \u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nWhen Modest stopped crying, Marcus said one word: \u0026nbsp;\"Why?\" \u0026nbsp;Modest shook her head, expression set, and he knew she wouldn't tell him yet. \u0026nbsp;\"I'm here when you change your mind,\" he said, kissing her on the forehead.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n~`~To Be Continued~`~\n\n  \n  \n\n"}