{"sf1_id":521341,"sf2_id":null,"title":"The Kitty (NOT by Edgar Allan Poe)","author":"LeiLani","words":783,"posted_at":"2013-04-01T17:31:00.000Z","tags":["Cat","Comedy","Dark","Evil","Feline","Humor","No-Yiff","Poetry"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/521341-the-kitty-not-by-edgar-allan-poe","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/view/521341","image_url":"https://www.sofurryfiles.com/std/thumb?page=521341\u0026ext=.jpg","description":"Forgot I had this. ^^ Had read \"The Raven\" for perhaps the 100th time in my life, and one of our big fat black cats, as if on cue, strolled in and watched me for a while. This was back maybe five or six years ago. Funny, I came across it today, and I laughed like hell so...maybe so will my readers. Enjoy! ^^","content":"Once a midnight one December, afront the fires filled with ember  \nLocked in watching \"Come September\", a trashy chick-flick sort of bore  \nAs I feasted off of chicklen, bound from Sanders finger-lickin'  \nI felt the stabbin' and the stickin', of some claws that cried implore  \n\"Tis just my cat\" I gruffed and spat, and threw some meat unto the floor  \n\"He will be getting nothing more.\"  \n  \nOh that night I do recall, as seasons bid their last to Fall  \nHaving heard the night wind call, announcing winter soon in store  \nHaving finished irately rapping with telemarketers in trapping  \nMy cat did leap, his hindclaws tapping, and knocked my drink onto the floor  \n\"You blasted cat!\" I growled at that, and felt angered to the core  \n\"You will be getting nothing more!\"  \n  \nAngrily I hastened to the kitchen greatly chastened  \nGrabbed a mop beside the basin, found some cleanser for the floor  \nTo the living room returning, my thoughts seething, burning  \nAnd here I would be learning, my cat was curled up soon to snore  \nUpon the chair I'd once occupied, to watch a chick-flick bore  \n\"Hey, you cat!\" I hissed and spat, \"Get back onto the floor!\"  \nQuoth the kitty, \"Gimme more...\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;I nearly gasped, I think I cried, I could have sworn that I had died  \nI could not believe what ears relied, and set my heart to speed up more  \n\"Did you just speak?\" I croaked most meek, eyes wide, and muscles weak  \nAnd before my fear could fully leak, knelt down upon the floor  \nTo gaze more closely at this feline who'd never spoke before  \n\"Did you just say 'gimme more?'\"  \n  \nThe cat, he yawned and stretched and smiled, his attitude at once quite mild  \nAnd to my jangling nerves most riled as he looked down upon the floor  \nPointing with a single paw, to the floor and then his maw  \nMaking sure that I had sensed and saw, what he was greatly pining for  \nThat succulent, crispy spicy meat that he had had before  \nOnly this and nothing more.  \n  \nThe cat did yawn and stretch again, how long we stared I know not when  \nBut it was clear, quite clear just then, the fears in me that lie in store  \nHe would not move from off the chair, nor relieve me from his stare  \nUntil perchance I'd give him care, and feed him that which he'd adore  \n\"No...\" I whispered, terror-blind, and trembled on the floor.  \n\"I will give you nothing more!\"  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp;The cat then growled, and crossed its paws, and dug into the chair with claws  \nAnd teasing me he then did pause, and did point again to the floor  \nThen I heard the subtle rips, of cat's claws tearing from the tips  \nAnd with a smile upon his lips he roared an angry \"Gimme more!\"  \nHe dared hold hostage to my chair!, I thought with great abhor  \nBecause I'd give him nothing more?  \n  \n\"Cat!\" I leapt onto my feet and then glared down upon the seat  \n\"Nothing more for you to eat!\u0026nbsp; You'll beg and cry no more!  \nGet yourself from off my chair, where you go I will not care  \nBut your welcome's worn, so there!\u0026nbsp; Be gone, I do implore!  \nTake your butt from out my chair and back onto the floor!\"  \nQuoth the feline, \"Gimme more...\"  \n  \n\"Fiend!\" I yelled, my temper up, \"I knew I should have bought a pup  \nHow dare you come and interrupt! First you make me clean the floor  \nThen rip my chair so neatly sewn, and sit there still as marble stone  \nAnd SPEAK to me with words your own and make me sit upon this floor!  \nWe should be putting on a show; a talking cat, who'd ever know?  \nJust watch our fame and fortune grow, we'd be making such a score!  \nJust PLEASE get up from out my chair, I beg you and implore...\"  \nQuoth the kitty, \"Gimme more...\"  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp;And to this day the cat is sitting, still is sitting; and me stuck with the floor  \nAnd his yellow eyes have all the burning of a feline that is yearning  \nTo hold normality from returning and keeping watch o'er spirits soar  \nAnd his sharp teeth shine and gleam, he purrs and I want to scream  \nLike a demon in my dream, he curls up and begins to snore\n\nAnd as I write this poem, here in my home  \nThe clock beside me midnight tomes, and I can write no more  \nI'll go to sleep, to dreams so deep, and hope and pray for God implore  \nSave me from the blasted cat from once came in the door!\n\n...\n\nOh great...he just peed on the floor!\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nEND\n\n  \n  \n\n"}