{"sf1_id":524797,"sf2_id":"J1OyqK2m","title":"Raiderstuck (part 2)","author":"NovaSquirrel","words":2685,"posted_at":"2013-04-10T05:16:00.000Z","tags":["Fanfiction","Robot","lego"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/524797-raiderstuck-part-2","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/s/J1OyqK2m","image_url":"https://cdn.sofurryfiles.com/submissions/thumbnails/78/f3/78f39fff-61c4-4397-b400-444abe52e6c4","description":"Second part of Raiderstuck","content":"RAIDERSTUCK part 2\n\nCharacters  \n[http://rockraidersunited.org/wiki/index.php?title=Rock\\_Raider\\_Characters](http://rockraidersunited.org/wiki/index.php?title=Rock_Raider_Characters)  \n Chief - leader, captain, can shoot plasma blasts from artificial arm  \n Jet - pilot  \n Docs - geologist  \n Bandit - aquatic expert  \n Axle - driver  \n Sparks - engineer and explosives expert\n\n* * *\n  \nBut Docs did not see the planet \"Land Of Can Do and Will Do\", which was this  \nhuge city! Jack Stone lived in the city along with a bunch of incompetent  \ncharacters. There was this guy named Bob who always talked about him on his TV  \nshow, \"BOB NEWS\" that was supposed to be for news but all he did was try to be  \nfunny instead and invite random characters onto the show. Even though all he  \ndid was waste everyone's time he was given money for it by Lego.\n\nThe Lego Headquarters happened to be in that city, and they made the WORST  \ndecisions sometimes, and their incompetence caused the city to be run so poorly  \nbecause they were totally in control of it. Also the Bionicle were there for  \nsome reason, I don't know.\n\nToa Pohatu kicked down the door of Lego Headquarters and walked in to go talk  \nto the Lego company people. BOB NEWS covered it and everyone was watching.\n\nPohatu: \"Okay I know I can kick rocks around like soccer balls but that was  \n NO excuse to give me a stupid rock when all the other Toa got cool tools in  \n their original sets back in 2001.\"  \nLego: \"But then we gave you claws after\"  \nPohatu: \"Yeah, while everyone else was getting awesome dual-action weapons!!\"  \nLego: \"Okay let's make this up to you\"\n\nand Lego gave him these stupid PROPELLERS!!!  \nPohatu: \"Okay you know what Lego, screw you I'm leaving for Hasbro!!!\"  \nLego: \"What, are propellers not good enough?\" :(  \nPohatu: \"NO, OF COURSE NOT!!!\"  \nand then Pohatu stormed out of Lego Headquarters really mad because Lego kept  \ngiving him all the lamest equipment while all the other Toa got cool weapons  \nand tools. And then Pohatu turned evil or something??\n\nPohatu ran to the water tower where Wreck-It Ralph was for some reason.  \nPohatu: \"I'm gonna wreck it!!!\"  \nbut Wreck-It Ralph got mad cuz Pohatu was stealing his line.  \nRalph: \"Hey that's my line\"  \nand Pohatu punched him in the face.  \nRalph: \"Ow!!\"\n\nPohatu kicked it and it fell over and SOMEHOW FLOODED EVERYTHING even though it  \nwas just one water tower.\n\nBob (on BOB NEWS): \"Whoa looks like someone wrecked the water tower and punched  \n Wreck-It Ralph!! Someone call Jack Stone! CAN DO, WILL DO!\"\n\nBut as it turned out help wasn't actually needed cuz as it turns out, everyone  \nin the city and the city itself is made of plastic which floats. Toa Tahu  \nwalked in and evaporated all the water anyway with fire powers and Jack Stone  \nnever responded. Pohatu was arrested and put in Lego Jail but it was a really  \ncrappy one with these iron bars that would easily come off but were kick proof  \nso he couldn't just kick them so he took out his BIONICLE PHONE and called that  \nMegabloks Master Chief from before.\n\n\\*over on the LMS Explorer\\*  \nMaster Chief: \"Oh yeah uh guys I gotta go re-enact some of the Jack Stone movie  \n and I'll be back later\"  \nChief: \"Wait, what?\"  \nPrincess: \"It's pretty lame, I paid $20 for a copy of it but it was actually  \n supposed to be free originally\"  \nChief: \"Such a rip off!!!\"  \nPrincess: \"Not really, it's so bad that it's actually pretty entertaining to  \n watch!\"  \nChief: \"Wait where is Master Chief even going??\"  \nDocs: \"A new planet has been discovered!\"  \nbut nobody paid attention to him!!\n\n\\*back on the stupid Jack Stone planet (temporarily)\\*  \nMaster Chief got in some vehicle and pulled up to the Lego Jail cell that  \nPohatu was in and the Lego people were dumb enough to put it out in the open so  \nMaster Chief just blew it with a plasma grenade or something and then Pohatu  \ngot onto the vehicle with him. They headed toward the bank.\n\nVegeta: \"Main screen turn on\"  \nBob: \"Hi this is BOB NEWS and Pohatu broke out of Lego Jail!!! And he's being  \n helped by a Megabloks dude???\"  \nMaster Chief: \"Oh man we gotta go see what they're doing, how far away is it??\"  \nVegeta: \"Over 9000 miles\"  \nPrincess: \"No it's 125 miles\"  \nVegeta: \"No mine's cooler cuz I'm using a widely known meme and yours is a  \n stupid inside joke that basically nobody reading this is going to get\"  \n(years ago)  \nKyurel: \"So today I drove 125 miles\"  \nKyurel: \"Driving is more fun than sitting in the passenger seat trying to find  \n a radio station that's not country and not in spanish\"  \n(back to the present)  \nChief: \"So wait is this a real place or something??\"  \nDocs: \"As I was TRYING to tell you, yes, this is a real place. It's the Land Of  \n Can Do and Will Do. Seems Lego has a headquarters there?\"  \nChief: \"Can we go there??\"  \nDocs: \"Duh, we've got almost infinite energy crystals\"\n\nAnd then the LMS Explorer stayed there and they teleported to the Internet  \nExplorer which went over to orbit the Land Of can Do and Will Do and teleported  \ndown Chief. Most of the crew stayed behind. (A terrible mistake!!!)  \nVegeta most definitely stayed behind because it would be annoying otherwise.\n\nChief walked around on the planet and found JACK STONE just sitting there being  \nlazy.\n\nChief: \"Dude what's the deal, you're supposed to be stopping Pohatu!!!\"  \nJack Stone: \"Haha don't feel like it!!\"  \nChief: \"But you gotta stop that bank robbery!\"  \nJack Stone: \"Can do... WON'T DO\"  \nChief: \"Oh come on, I'll do this by myself then\"\n\n\\*Meanwhile in the bank\\*  \nPohatu and Master Chief walked in not holding anything at all.  \nPohatu: \"EVERYONE DOWN!\"  \nand there was a guy named Greg Farshtey who did the Bionicle comics and stuff  \nGreg: \"Why? You don't even have a gun!\"  \nMaster Chief: \"Well I have plasma grenades!\"  \nGreg: \"Oh okay then\"  \nMaster Chief: \"Well uh can you spare us a dollar or two\"  \nGreg: \"Haha, no\"  \nPohatu: \"GIMME YOUR DOLLARS!\"  \nGreg: \"Okay okay!!\"  \nand Greg handed like five dollars over  \nGreg: \"Now leave me alone!!\"\n\nAfterward Pohatu and Master Chief ran to the elevator and went up really fast  \nto the roof and stepped out and there was a helicopter. It belonged to the  \npolice for some reason! Also they only had one helicopter, which was really  \ndumb on the city's part. They got into the helicopter with their $5 as Chief  \nran into the bank and into the elevator but it was going way slower for him  \nthan it did for Pohatu and Master Chief and they took off before he could  \ncatch up with them. He got to the roof to see them taking off and was like\n\nChief: \"Hey come back here!\"\n\nbut they wouldn't listen and flew off anyway. Unlike the robbers in the Jack  \nStone videotape these guys were actually competent pilots for some reason,  \nprobably because Master Chief had a lot of experience driving Banshees and  \nthis was basically the same thing!\n\nPohatu: \"Let's bomb the Lego guys\"  \nMaster Chief: \"Dude this is a helicopter not a bomber plane\"  \nPohatu: \"Why didn't we steal a bomber plane then?\"  \nMaster Chief: \"Because in Lego City you need permission from Lego Bomberman\"  \nPohatu: \"This sucks!\"  \nMaster Chief: \"To make it worse, we can't spend that $5 here; they only accept  \n lame Lego coins and those really lame Lego $100 bills.\"\n\nSuddenly Chief got a call from Greg Farshtey  \nGreg: \"I need to talk to you, dude\"  \nChief: \"You're just one floor below me, you could come up here you know\"  \nGreg: \"But the elevator takes soooo long when you're a good guy\"  \nChief: \"Wouldn't it be logical for it to be the other way around?\"  \nGreg: \"Haha, logic here? Anyway what I need to talk about is that Lego is very  \n upset with Pohatu and wants to replace Bionicle with some lame thing called  \n Hero Factory.\"  \nChief: \"They wouldn't! Bionicle is too awesome\"  \nGreg: \"They would! They got rid of Lego Universe, after all\"  \nChief: \"And instead of Rock Raiders now we have Power Miners. How do we stop  \n Lego from replacing Bionicle, then?\"  \nGreg: \"We need the Mask Of Prolonging Franchises' Lifespans. The problem is it  \n costs five dollars.\"  \nChief: \"And?\"  \nGreg: \"...And all the money here is in these stupid Lego coins and $100 bill  \n bricks! I \\*did\\* have $5 but I gave it to Master Chief since it's useless here  \n so maybe they'll give it back if we ask?\"  \nChief: \"But we don't have a way to contact them. CAN DO, WILL DO\"  \n(Chief was down on the same floor as Greg by then)\n\nand then to both their surprises Jack Stone actually showed up with Oewa but it  \nwas really just so he could show off(?) and not to actually help anyone and he  \ntook Chief's phone and combined it with the Mask Of HALO which made it able to  \ncontact Master Chief and gave it to Chief who called:\n\nChief: \"Hey we need you to return the $5 please so we can buy the Mask Of  \n Prolonging Franchises' Lifespans and save Bionicle from Lego!\"  \nMaster Chief: \"Chief, I work for MegaBloks and I hate Lego!!! If they want  \n to get rid of an admittedly awesome series and replace it with something  \n that sux I'm not going to stop them because it will only help MegaBloks.\"  \nChief: \"And Pohatu doesn't care??\"  \nMaster Chief: \"He says that if Bionicle continues then the other Toa will keep  \n getting cool tools that are cooler than his rock and propellers!\"\n\nThen Onewa got mad and his mask glowed because he was using his Mask of Mind  \n Control and he took the phone and started talking.\n\nOnewa: \"You guys had better gimme the $5 OR ELSE because Bionicle is a rad  \n franchise and it needs to last forever. I'll just get Greg to make a new  \n story arc involving Doritos or something, and then we'll ALL have lame  \n tools and Pohatu won't feel as left out\"  \nChief: \"That's a terrible idea though\"  \nOnewa (whispering): \"Shut up\"  \nMaster Chief: \"Haha, OK\"\n\nThen Master Chief flew back to the bank but in reverse because he was either  \ntrying to show off or didn't know how to turn around in the helicopter and  \nhe wasn't actually looking out where he was going and he crashed into a few  \nthings BUT he got back to where Chief was and dropped the $5 out of the  \nhelicopter and Chief caught it.\n\nPohatu: \"Haha what are you doing\"  \nMaster Chief: \"Giving the $5 back so they can keep Bionicle alive but it will  \n get so crappy because they'll have terrible ideas. Onewa mentioned Doritos or  \n something and then nobody will buy Bionicles anymore and they will all buy  \n MegaBloks instead and then I will get a pay raise or something for my hard  \n work.\"  \nPohatu: \"That's a pretty stupid plan. I seriously doubt they will actually go  \n with Doritos as a theme. They'll come up with something better.\"\n\nAnd they were soon back at the bank without any major crashes and Master Chief  \n dropped the dollars out of the helicopter WHILE STILL IN THE AIR and then the  \n wind carried them away to wherever so Pohatu jumped out of the helicopter and  \n landed OK. He started to run after it.\n\nJust then, Wreck-It Ralph showed up with Sonic.\n\nRalph: \"Whoa that's the guy who stole my line, running off!\"  \nSonic: \"Ahahahaha I'll go get him\"\n\nSonic ran after Pohatu and Pohatu ran after the $5 except when Pohatu uses his  \n Mask of Speed it means he can't really see anything while he runs so Sonic  \n had the advantage because he can run faster without that and soon saw the $5  \n Pohatu was chasing after in the first place and got to it first.\n\nSonic: \"YOU'RE TOO SLOW, I got the $5 before you\"  \nand then Sonic ran back really fast back to the bank and dropped off the $5.\n\nChief: \"Wow let's order the mask RIGHT AWAY\"  \nand Chief deposited the money in a Lego bank and then paid for the mask via  \n PayPal or something.  \nChief: \"Wow, convenient!\"\n\nExcept just then Jack Stone heard someone shouting \"CAN DO, WILL DO!\" and  \n because he was feeling especially generous Sonic ran everyone out to the  \n source of the sound to see it was Pohatu, stuck in icy water just like in the  \n Jack Stone video. Jack Stone waved his arms and shouted \"I'LL HELP YOU\"\n\nPohatu: \"Why?\"  \nJack Stone: \"Dude, I love Bionicle and they can't do Bionicle anymore without  \n the Toa of Rock! Well, they could, but I want the original 6 Toa as the  \n heroes again instead of yet another set of Toa.\"  \nPohatu: \"Oh, okay\"  \nChief: \"Call in the generic Res Q boats\"  \nPohatu: \"NO, those are totally useless, just have Jack make another Heliboat\"  \nJack Stone: \"Why not just call in the one I already made??\"  \nPohatu: \"OK, do that\"\n\nJack Stone: \"CAN DO, WON'T DO! CAN DO, WON'T DO!\"  \nand then he Heliboat showed up for Jack Stone to ride in  \nPohatu: \"How does that even work?\"  \nJack Stone: \"I have rad technology that listens for anyone anywhere repeating  \n something retarded like that; how do you think I know to come when people say  \n CAN DO, WILL DO, unless I actually cause the problems myself and just wait  \n for someone to call for me?\"  \nPohatu: \"...I always just assumed you did cause everything and did just wait  \n there\"  \nJack Stone: \"Only sometimes, but we've been stalling long enough, let's just  \n save you already\"\n\nJack Stone got in the Heliboat and pulled Pohatu onto it and everyone else got  \n on and then everyone went to Lego headquarters to complain. By then the Mask  \n of Prolonging Franchises' Lifespans was at Greg's house so they picked it up  \n first.\n\n\\*in Lego headquarters\\*  \nLego: \"No way, we're definitely replacing Bionicle with Hero Factory\"  \nand Greg punched the Lego company guy and put on the awesome Mask of Prolonging  \n Franchises' Lifespans and used the powers to extend Bionicle 4ever (or at  \n least longer) and created six Doritos Toa:  \nToa of Spicy Nacho - Tahu  \nToa of Cool Ranch - Kopaka  \nToa of Nacho Cheese - Gali  \nToa of Baked Doritos - Pohatu  \nToa of DORITOS TACO - Lewa  \nToa of Pizza Doritos - Onua\n\nGreg also magically created a deal with Frito-Lay to have Bionicle characters  \n on the types of Doritos they represented.\n\nPohatu: \"Okay this is totally lame, baked Doritos suck\"  \nGreg: \"Yeah, but I have connections with the Land of Presidents and Patriotism  \n and I called Joe Biden and told him to make it so you can only buy baked  \n Doritos at school and say that Michelle Obama did it as part of some  \n nutrition reform or something.\"  \nPohatu: \"Oh OK\"\n\nAnd then school kids recognized Pohatu as the guy on their Doritos and then he  \nwas famous and stuff forever and he was cooler than the other Toa to a specific  \naudience for once. The kids opened Doritos Stadium in his honor which housed  \nThe Dorito Games which was like the Olympics except all the games were way  \ncheesier, and when they got dangerously cheesy then Chester Cheetah had to show  \nup and fix things.\n\nI KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING, WHAT ABOUT THE RINSE CYCLE?  \nOh wait, you're probably actually thinking  \n\"What does this have to do with Rock Raiders???\"  \nWell, the answer is \"VERY LITTLE\", but I'll make it relevant somehow!\n\nEveryone who was on the ship before (yes, including Master Chief!) was getting  \nback on it.\n\nPrincess: \"Thank goodness we're leaving this place, I'm tired of stepping on  \n Lego bricks everywhere I walk!\"  \nChief: \"It's probably like that on the LMS Explorer too though\"  \nPrincess: \"Maybe I should actually wear shoes or something then?\"\n\nExcept, they discovered that SLIMY SLUGS HAD INVADED THEIR BASE because all the  \nmost important people in the crew were gone doing stupid Bionicle stuff!!\n\n* * *\nto be continued????\n* * *\n  \n  \n\n","previous":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/474859-raiderstuck-part-1.json"}