# Raiderstuck (part 2)

Author: NovaSquirrel
Tags: Fanfiction, Robot, lego

Second part of Raiderstuck

RAIDERSTUCK part 2

Characters  
[http://rockraidersunited.org/wiki/index.php?title=Rock\_Raider\_Characters](http://rockraidersunited.org/wiki/index.php?title=Rock_Raider_Characters)  
 Chief - leader, captain, can shoot plasma blasts from artificial arm  
 Jet - pilot  
 Docs - geologist  
 Bandit - aquatic expert  
 Axle - driver  
 Sparks - engineer and explosives expert

* * *
  
But Docs did not see the planet "Land Of Can Do and Will Do", which was this  
huge city! Jack Stone lived in the city along with a bunch of incompetent  
characters. There was this guy named Bob who always talked about him on his TV  
show, "BOB NEWS" that was supposed to be for news but all he did was try to be  
funny instead and invite random characters onto the show. Even though all he  
did was waste everyone's time he was given money for it by Lego.

The Lego Headquarters happened to be in that city, and they made the WORST  
decisions sometimes, and their incompetence caused the city to be run so poorly  
because they were totally in control of it. Also the Bionicle were there for  
some reason, I don't know.

Toa Pohatu kicked down the door of Lego Headquarters and walked in to go talk  
to the Lego company people. BOB NEWS covered it and everyone was watching.

Pohatu: "Okay I know I can kick rocks around like soccer balls but that was  
 NO excuse to give me a stupid rock when all the other Toa got cool tools in  
 their original sets back in 2001."  
Lego: "But then we gave you claws after"  
Pohatu: "Yeah, while everyone else was getting awesome dual-action weapons!!"  
Lego: "Okay let's make this up to you"

and Lego gave him these stupid PROPELLERS!!!  
Pohatu: "Okay you know what Lego, screw you I'm leaving for Hasbro!!!"  
Lego: "What, are propellers not good enough?" :(  
Pohatu: "NO, OF COURSE NOT!!!"  
and then Pohatu stormed out of Lego Headquarters really mad because Lego kept  
giving him all the lamest equipment while all the other Toa got cool weapons  
and tools. And then Pohatu turned evil or something??

Pohatu ran to the water tower where Wreck-It Ralph was for some reason.  
Pohatu: "I'm gonna wreck it!!!"  
but Wreck-It Ralph got mad cuz Pohatu was stealing his line.  
Ralph: "Hey that's my line"  
and Pohatu punched him in the face.  
Ralph: "Ow!!"

Pohatu kicked it and it fell over and SOMEHOW FLOODED EVERYTHING even though it  
was just one water tower.

Bob (on BOB NEWS): "Whoa looks like someone wrecked the water tower and punched  
 Wreck-It Ralph!! Someone call Jack Stone! CAN DO, WILL DO!"

But as it turned out help wasn't actually needed cuz as it turns out, everyone  
in the city and the city itself is made of plastic which floats. Toa Tahu  
walked in and evaporated all the water anyway with fire powers and Jack Stone  
never responded. Pohatu was arrested and put in Lego Jail but it was a really  
crappy one with these iron bars that would easily come off but were kick proof  
so he couldn't just kick them so he took out his BIONICLE PHONE and called that  
Megabloks Master Chief from before.

\*over on the LMS Explorer\*  
Master Chief: "Oh yeah uh guys I gotta go re-enact some of the Jack Stone movie  
 and I'll be back later"  
Chief: "Wait, what?"  
Princess: "It's pretty lame, I paid $20 for a copy of it but it was actually  
 supposed to be free originally"  
Chief: "Such a rip off!!!"  
Princess: "Not really, it's so bad that it's actually pretty entertaining to  
 watch!"  
Chief: "Wait where is Master Chief even going??"  
Docs: "A new planet has been discovered!"  
but nobody paid attention to him!!

\*back on the stupid Jack Stone planet (temporarily)\*  
Master Chief got in some vehicle and pulled up to the Lego Jail cell that  
Pohatu was in and the Lego people were dumb enough to put it out in the open so  
Master Chief just blew it with a plasma grenade or something and then Pohatu  
got onto the vehicle with him. They headed toward the bank.

Vegeta: "Main screen turn on"  
Bob: "Hi this is BOB NEWS and Pohatu broke out of Lego Jail!!! And he's being  
 helped by a Megabloks dude???"  
Master Chief: "Oh man we gotta go see what they're doing, how far away is it??"  
Vegeta: "Over 9000 miles"  
Princess: "No it's 125 miles"  
Vegeta: "No mine's cooler cuz I'm using a widely known meme and yours is a  
 stupid inside joke that basically nobody reading this is going to get"  
(years ago)  
Kyurel: "So today I drove 125 miles"  
Kyurel: "Driving is more fun than sitting in the passenger seat trying to find  
 a radio station that's not country and not in spanish"  
(back to the present)  
Chief: "So wait is this a real place or something??"  
Docs: "As I was TRYING to tell you, yes, this is a real place. It's the Land Of  
 Can Do and Will Do. Seems Lego has a headquarters there?"  
Chief: "Can we go there??"  
Docs: "Duh, we've got almost infinite energy crystals"

And then the LMS Explorer stayed there and they teleported to the Internet  
Explorer which went over to orbit the Land Of can Do and Will Do and teleported  
down Chief. Most of the crew stayed behind. (A terrible mistake!!!)  
Vegeta most definitely stayed behind because it would be annoying otherwise.

Chief walked around on the planet and found JACK STONE just sitting there being  
lazy.

Chief: "Dude what's the deal, you're supposed to be stopping Pohatu!!!"  
Jack Stone: "Haha don't feel like it!!"  
Chief: "But you gotta stop that bank robbery!"  
Jack Stone: "Can do... WON'T DO"  
Chief: "Oh come on, I'll do this by myself then"

\*Meanwhile in the bank\*  
Pohatu and Master Chief walked in not holding anything at all.  
Pohatu: "EVERYONE DOWN!"  
and there was a guy named Greg Farshtey who did the Bionicle comics and stuff  
Greg: "Why? You don't even have a gun!"  
Master Chief: "Well I have plasma grenades!"  
Greg: "Oh okay then"  
Master Chief: "Well uh can you spare us a dollar or two"  
Greg: "Haha, no"  
Pohatu: "GIMME YOUR DOLLARS!"  
Greg: "Okay okay!!"  
and Greg handed like five dollars over  
Greg: "Now leave me alone!!"

Afterward Pohatu and Master Chief ran to the elevator and went up really fast  
to the roof and stepped out and there was a helicopter. It belonged to the  
police for some reason! Also they only had one helicopter, which was really  
dumb on the city's part. They got into the helicopter with their $5 as Chief  
ran into the bank and into the elevator but it was going way slower for him  
than it did for Pohatu and Master Chief and they took off before he could  
catch up with them. He got to the roof to see them taking off and was like

Chief: "Hey come back here!"

but they wouldn't listen and flew off anyway. Unlike the robbers in the Jack  
Stone videotape these guys were actually competent pilots for some reason,  
probably because Master Chief had a lot of experience driving Banshees and  
this was basically the same thing!

Pohatu: "Let's bomb the Lego guys"  
Master Chief: "Dude this is a helicopter not a bomber plane"  
Pohatu: "Why didn't we steal a bomber plane then?"  
Master Chief: "Because in Lego City you need permission from Lego Bomberman"  
Pohatu: "This sucks!"  
Master Chief: "To make it worse, we can't spend that $5 here; they only accept  
 lame Lego coins and those really lame Lego $100 bills."

Suddenly Chief got a call from Greg Farshtey  
Greg: "I need to talk to you, dude"  
Chief: "You're just one floor below me, you could come up here you know"  
Greg: "But the elevator takes soooo long when you're a good guy"  
Chief: "Wouldn't it be logical for it to be the other way around?"  
Greg: "Haha, logic here? Anyway what I need to talk about is that Lego is very  
 upset with Pohatu and wants to replace Bionicle with some lame thing called  
 Hero Factory."  
Chief: "They wouldn't! Bionicle is too awesome"  
Greg: "They would! They got rid of Lego Universe, after all"  
Chief: "And instead of Rock Raiders now we have Power Miners. How do we stop  
 Lego from replacing Bionicle, then?"  
Greg: "We need the Mask Of Prolonging Franchises' Lifespans. The problem is it  
 costs five dollars."  
Chief: "And?"  
Greg: "...And all the money here is in these stupid Lego coins and $100 bill  
 bricks! I \*did\* have $5 but I gave it to Master Chief since it's useless here  
 so maybe they'll give it back if we ask?"  
Chief: "But we don't have a way to contact them. CAN DO, WILL DO"  
(Chief was down on the same floor as Greg by then)

and then to both their surprises Jack Stone actually showed up with Oewa but it  
was really just so he could show off(?) and not to actually help anyone and he  
took Chief's phone and combined it with the Mask Of HALO which made it able to  
contact Master Chief and gave it to Chief who called:

Chief: "Hey we need you to return the $5 please so we can buy the Mask Of  
 Prolonging Franchises' Lifespans and save Bionicle from Lego!"  
Master Chief: "Chief, I work for MegaBloks and I hate Lego!!! If they want  
 to get rid of an admittedly awesome series and replace it with something  
 that sux I'm not going to stop them because it will only help MegaBloks."  
Chief: "And Pohatu doesn't care??"  
Master Chief: "He says that if Bionicle continues then the other Toa will keep  
 getting cool tools that are cooler than his rock and propellers!"

Then Onewa got mad and his mask glowed because he was using his Mask of Mind  
 Control and he took the phone and started talking.

Onewa: "You guys had better gimme the $5 OR ELSE because Bionicle is a rad  
 franchise and it needs to last forever. I'll just get Greg to make a new  
 story arc involving Doritos or something, and then we'll ALL have lame  
 tools and Pohatu won't feel as left out"  
Chief: "That's a terrible idea though"  
Onewa (whispering): "Shut up"  
Master Chief: "Haha, OK"

Then Master Chief flew back to the bank but in reverse because he was either  
trying to show off or didn't know how to turn around in the helicopter and  
he wasn't actually looking out where he was going and he crashed into a few  
things BUT he got back to where Chief was and dropped the $5 out of the  
helicopter and Chief caught it.

Pohatu: "Haha what are you doing"  
Master Chief: "Giving the $5 back so they can keep Bionicle alive but it will  
 get so crappy because they'll have terrible ideas. Onewa mentioned Doritos or  
 something and then nobody will buy Bionicles anymore and they will all buy  
 MegaBloks instead and then I will get a pay raise or something for my hard  
 work."  
Pohatu: "That's a pretty stupid plan. I seriously doubt they will actually go  
 with Doritos as a theme. They'll come up with something better."

And they were soon back at the bank without any major crashes and Master Chief  
 dropped the dollars out of the helicopter WHILE STILL IN THE AIR and then the  
 wind carried them away to wherever so Pohatu jumped out of the helicopter and  
 landed OK. He started to run after it.

Just then, Wreck-It Ralph showed up with Sonic.

Ralph: "Whoa that's the guy who stole my line, running off!"  
Sonic: "Ahahahaha I'll go get him"

Sonic ran after Pohatu and Pohatu ran after the $5 except when Pohatu uses his  
 Mask of Speed it means he can't really see anything while he runs so Sonic  
 had the advantage because he can run faster without that and soon saw the $5  
 Pohatu was chasing after in the first place and got to it first.

Sonic: "YOU'RE TOO SLOW, I got the $5 before you"  
and then Sonic ran back really fast back to the bank and dropped off the $5.

Chief: "Wow let's order the mask RIGHT AWAY"  
and Chief deposited the money in a Lego bank and then paid for the mask via  
 PayPal or something.  
Chief: "Wow, convenient!"

Except just then Jack Stone heard someone shouting "CAN DO, WILL DO!" and  
 because he was feeling especially generous Sonic ran everyone out to the  
 source of the sound to see it was Pohatu, stuck in icy water just like in the  
 Jack Stone video. Jack Stone waved his arms and shouted "I'LL HELP YOU"

Pohatu: "Why?"  
Jack Stone: "Dude, I love Bionicle and they can't do Bionicle anymore without  
 the Toa of Rock! Well, they could, but I want the original 6 Toa as the  
 heroes again instead of yet another set of Toa."  
Pohatu: "Oh, okay"  
Chief: "Call in the generic Res Q boats"  
Pohatu: "NO, those are totally useless, just have Jack make another Heliboat"  
Jack Stone: "Why not just call in the one I already made??"  
Pohatu: "OK, do that"

Jack Stone: "CAN DO, WON'T DO! CAN DO, WON'T DO!"  
and then he Heliboat showed up for Jack Stone to ride in  
Pohatu: "How does that even work?"  
Jack Stone: "I have rad technology that listens for anyone anywhere repeating  
 something retarded like that; how do you think I know to come when people say  
 CAN DO, WILL DO, unless I actually cause the problems myself and just wait  
 for someone to call for me?"  
Pohatu: "...I always just assumed you did cause everything and did just wait  
 there"  
Jack Stone: "Only sometimes, but we've been stalling long enough, let's just  
 save you already"

Jack Stone got in the Heliboat and pulled Pohatu onto it and everyone else got  
 on and then everyone went to Lego headquarters to complain. By then the Mask  
 of Prolonging Franchises' Lifespans was at Greg's house so they picked it up  
 first.

\*in Lego headquarters\*  
Lego: "No way, we're definitely replacing Bionicle with Hero Factory"  
and Greg punched the Lego company guy and put on the awesome Mask of Prolonging  
 Franchises' Lifespans and used the powers to extend Bionicle 4ever (or at  
 least longer) and created six Doritos Toa:  
Toa of Spicy Nacho - Tahu  
Toa of Cool Ranch - Kopaka  
Toa of Nacho Cheese - Gali  
Toa of Baked Doritos - Pohatu  
Toa of DORITOS TACO - Lewa  
Toa of Pizza Doritos - Onua

Greg also magically created a deal with Frito-Lay to have Bionicle characters  
 on the types of Doritos they represented.

Pohatu: "Okay this is totally lame, baked Doritos suck"  
Greg: "Yeah, but I have connections with the Land of Presidents and Patriotism  
 and I called Joe Biden and told him to make it so you can only buy baked  
 Doritos at school and say that Michelle Obama did it as part of some  
 nutrition reform or something."  
Pohatu: "Oh OK"

And then school kids recognized Pohatu as the guy on their Doritos and then he  
was famous and stuff forever and he was cooler than the other Toa to a specific  
audience for once. The kids opened Doritos Stadium in his honor which housed  
The Dorito Games which was like the Olympics except all the games were way  
cheesier, and when they got dangerously cheesy then Chester Cheetah had to show  
up and fix things.

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING, WHAT ABOUT THE RINSE CYCLE?  
Oh wait, you're probably actually thinking  
"What does this have to do with Rock Raiders???"  
Well, the answer is "VERY LITTLE", but I'll make it relevant somehow!

Everyone who was on the ship before (yes, including Master Chief!) was getting  
back on it.

Princess: "Thank goodness we're leaving this place, I'm tired of stepping on  
 Lego bricks everywhere I walk!"  
Chief: "It's probably like that on the LMS Explorer too though"  
Princess: "Maybe I should actually wear shoes or something then?"

Except, they discovered that SLIMY SLUGS HAD INVADED THEIR BASE because all the  
most important people in the crew were gone doing stupid Bionicle stuff!!

* * *
to be continued????
* * *

Source: https://sofurry.com/s/J1OyqK2m

Previous: https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/474859-raiderstuck-part-1.md