{"sf1_id":544994,"sf2_id":"rn6EKD5m","title":"Archie and Lu","author":"KevinFoxboy","words":2501,"posted_at":"2013-05-30T22:45:00.000Z","tags":["Bull/goat","Fantasy","Fox","Religion","Satire","Series","Tiger","Wolf","tech"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/544994-archie-and-lu","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/s/rn6EKD5m","image_url":"https://cdn.sofurryfiles.com/submissions/thumbnails/2f/b8/2fb820d1-5d68-4820-bba1-2f19bb957921","description":"#1 of LordLu\n\n\"LuArch\" (c) 2009 Kevin Foxboy, all rights reserved.\nMature for religious satire; adult stuff removed.\nDifferent fox narrator...","content":" Archie \u0026 Lu - 2009-0808.2309  \n  \nI know what you're thinking. What's a guy doing breaking into  \na rich fur's guest cottage, wiggling the window screen to get in? Tell  \nyou the truth, it's because I just got here a week ago, I'm still new  \nat this, and I'm a bit rattled.  \n  \nOK, I left the keys on the dresser when I went for a swim. But  \nit's a private beach, I'm not used to the fur, and I, uh, forgot a  \nswimsuit, so I don't have pockets.  \n  \nI'm also a bit vain, looking at that sexy fox snout in the  \nmirror, the reddish-brown fur all over. And that big bushy tail!  \nI had a bit of a tail fetish back when I was human. Tail is that  \nextension of the spine, that waves around and smacks people who  \nget too close.  \n  \nI grew up human, never very good at sports, and I withdrew from  \nsociety. In school I was good in math and science, poor in history and  \nliterature. I mean, nobody CARES what the white whale symbolizes, just  \ntell me straight out, and get the frak ON with it!  \n  \nI got smacked on the head real hard, and when I woke up, there  \nwas Lu. Oops, sorry, I mean Lord Lu. He's my master now. I'm dead, you  \nsee.  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp; \\*  \n  \nI know what you're thinking. What's this got to do with rich  \nfurs and B\u0026E? Hang on, I'll get there. I'm a fox, we talk your ears  \noff; but this IS the Reader's Digest version. It actually took decades.  \n  \nOK, hospital, Lord Lu. I didn't know it then, but this was just  \na preview. A job interview, if you will. Lord Lu's got patience up the  \nwazoo.Lu  \n  \nSure. I'll help you. But what can I do? I'm just a dumb shy  \nguy. Doesn't matter, Lu can work with it. Poof! Woke up for real. I got  \ndischarged in a few days. Then I started shaking, just a twitch once in  \nawhile, but it got worse. Head shakes, walk into walls, get dizzy when  \nI exercise.  \n  \nLife went downhill fast. Sure there were high points, like  \ncomputers. They didn't tease me, didn't yell at me to keep up. College.  \nThis was back in the late 1970's, early 80's.  \n  \nBack then computers cost millions of dollars, took up entire  \nrooms. Owned by colleges for research or big companies, only ones who  \ncould afford 'em.  \n  \nJust the brain, the CPU and memory, was a big cabinet. Three  \nfeet by six feet by five feet high. Then there's the permanent storage,  \nbig magnetic tape reels ten inches in diameter. Tape drives over twice  \nas wide, also a tall cabinet.  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp; Now we got tape cartridges, a bit bigger than audio cassettes.  \nOops, don't remember them either? CD's hadn't even been dreamed of yet.  \nComputer disk storage was fourteen inch diameter platters, in sets  \neight inches high, called 'disk packs'. OK, low cabinets, but still  \nfrakkin big.  \n  \nYeah, IBM made eight inch plastic diskettes, then five inch,  \nthen three-and-a-half. I helped people with computer programs, tedious  \neven in stilted English, list of instructions to do math for payroll.  \n  \nComputers have no intelligence, they're just fast. Add up  \npayroll, they don't know to start at zero, you have to tell 'em! Some  \npeople forgot, and got wrong answers. But it's been through an expen-  \nsive machine, gotta be right!  \n  \nSure, sure. And pigs have wings.  \n  \n\\*  \n  \nI got jobs using computers, liked 'em better than people, who  \nare too vague. I was so good with machines I helped people in other  \ndepartments and leveraged my knowledge to keep communications running.  \n  \nLord Lu's really gotten shafted with monotheistic religions.  \nSee, this part of the Universe is like a split-level home with an Attic  \nand Basement. The Architect of it all, name's Archie; Lu's the builder.  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp; They got into a big fight awhile back, Lu just wanted some  \ncredit; Archie refused and shoved Lu and his Dark boys into the Base-  \nment. I said 'boys', but the Lights and Darks aren't limited to human  \nideas of 'boys' and 'girls'.  \n  \nHumans live on the Ground Floor; when they die, they go Up a  \nfew steps and mill around a while. Then they go Upstairs to the Attic  \nor Downstairs to the Basement.  \n  \nNo, Christians, it's not Heaven and Hell. Nothing so melo-  \ndramatic as Ultimate Good versus Ultimate Evil. Archie and Lu still  \ntalk to each other, debate human nature. Archie says his lofty plans  \ngot sidetracked when Lu and his Darks made humans outta dirt.  \n  \n\\*  \n  \nI know you're wondering what the heck this has to do with me  \nand B\u0026E. I was walking around the city when a delivery van screamed  \naround a corner and bam! I was looking up at Lord Lu, he was grinning  \nlike a maniac.  \n  \nArchie and Lu talk to humans in their dreams, stick stuff in  \ntheir minds. Some of it 'leaks' through to awareness, that's where  \nAncient Egyptians got the idea of gods, plural, with animal heads and  \nhuman bodies. Lights and Darks don't really have bodies as humans  \nunderstand it.  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp; Then Lord Lu came to collect, and Raised me. I'd died from  \nthe van, been looked at, got buried. He asked me about my self-image,  \nand I said I was shy with people but sure of myself with computers.  \n  \nSome self-confidence, not so good with people. OK new body;  \nCarnivore, Fox not Wolf. I guess you've twigged by now the rich fur  \nis one of Lu's higher Darks, a yummy Wolf woman. I get to help keep  \nher home compound clean.  \n  \nI still gotta get used to the fur, I'm not a limited human.  \nSee, I'm still thinking I gotta unlock the door to go in my room,  \nhence the B\u0026E. But I don't need clothing, don't need pockets anymore.  \nLights and Darks just put whatever they want to use Aside.  \n  \nI coulda just walked up to the door and Reached for the keys.  \nPoof, they'd've moved to my paws. When I get better at this, I'd just  \npaw the door, and Reach for it to unlock and open. Then just Reach it  \nopen, no paws. Look Ma!  \n  \nMabel the Wolf does it that way. Knock, knock, the door opens,  \nshe comes in to play with me. Wolves are bigger than Foxes, and I like  \nher roughness with me.  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp; \\*  \n  \nI know what you're thinking. Dark Fox, Lord Lu. You think he's  \nthe Devil, I'm a demon now. Christians, you're wrong about Lu; Muslims  \ntoo. Jews at least have the name right; Lu and Archie argue, so they're  \nopponents. Lu's the Adversary. Shaytan.  \n  \nWord got mispronounced Satan. Somewhere, people got the twisted  \nidea this is between Good and Evil, so Lu's Evil, capital E. We're not,  \nit's just the two sides of life, lofty ideals and base desires. You  \ndon't really think George Lucas just made up Light and Dark Side of  \nthe Force, do you?  \n  \nHe just overdramatised it. As I said, we're not trying to take  \nover the Galaxy and kill the good. Hey humans, here's the secret: we  \nDarks already have control.  \n  \nIt was Archie wanted men and women separate, wanting each other  \nbut pulled apart by petty bickering. Remember I said he was ticked at  \nLu and the Darks, he takes it out on you humans. It's Lu who brings you  \ntogether, gets you to want that special act. At the moment of ecstasy,  \nboth parts join like they were meant to. Two become One, join the  \nUniverse, become Knowing.  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp; And Archie and his Lights are just jealous.  \n  \n\\*  \n  \nOK, furries, read on. Lights and Darks combine Intellect and  \nAnimality. They're Furries, capital F. I'm a Fox, Mabel's a Wolf. And  \nFred, he's a Tiger. Betcha thought I was gonna say Dog or something.  \n  \nFred's in charge of Security at Mabel's compound. He acts real  \ntough, but he's actually a pussycat. Get him talking about the Old Days  \nin battle, he'll talk a lot. Even more than me, and I'm a Fox!  \n  \nOl' Fred was right up there on the front lines with Lord Lu.  \nMan, wish I coulda seen that, Lights and Darks duking it out, fur and  \nfeathers flying all over the place. Reaching for stuff, zaprods and  \nbangers, what you humans call lightning and thunder when you get on  \na planet.  \n  \nBetcha didn't know our Solar System's asteroid belt useta be a  \nplanet. Nice one too, Fred says. Blew the frakkin thing up, swept the  \ndebris in a circle, don't break the others.  \n  \nMade a big planet outta gas, almost its own star. Stuck rings  \naround it, actually just debris, but it sure looks pretty. Dozen moons,  \nI think; lotsa different sizes.  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp; And some as big as the blue-green third planet. Lu and Fred  \nwanted to retire there, take a break. But Archie's Lights went Aside  \nand busted up the place. And THEY're the Good Guys?  \n  \nNo rest for the weary. So now we're furrin' around on Earth,  \ntakin' it easy. Lu's looking for support furs, just home stuff, keep  \nthe seats warm.  \n  \nSo Mabel supervises the housework. Fred makes Security sensors,  \nMabel plans how to hide 'em. Me and Jenny, she's a yummy cougar, we  \nmake it work. Didja notice I think the women are yummy?  \n  \n\\*  \n  \nI know what you're thinking. Lu's guilty, he's making us think  \nabout each other instead of the Glorious Plans of the Architect. Bull,  \nArchie's just insecure, wants everyone to like him. Sing his praises.  \n  \nLu's more down-to-earth. Don't like the Fur, that's OK. But  \njust take the time to think about it. Everything humans have, it's  \njust handed to you. Archie's plan, Lu's the Fur has to carry it out.  \n  \nAnd we Darks have to hand it to you. We make the stuff, then  \njust give it away. Planet. Resources. Blue sky, sunshine. Plants,  \ntrees, breeze. Rain to keep 'em healthy. Fruit, vegs, all you want.  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp; All Lu did was say, there's more to life than a garden. You  \nhumans were the ones screwed it up, couldn't keep your greedy ape  \nhands off the goodies. Could you? Nope, too simple, too easy.  \n  \nYes, I confess, I was one of the greedy apes. Now I'm paying.  \nYoung in the fur, just a week. I got the quick Cliffs Notes History.  \nAnd my mind's still shaking from the impact. That's why I'm rattled.  \n  \nI'll hafta start pulling my own weight, real soon. 'Course,  \nas a Fox there's less weight to pull; we're kinda small and skinny.  \nComes from eatin' berries and pouncing on little snakes, lizards,  \nmice and birds. Kinda an acquired taste, fur and feathers.  \n  \nI know what you're thinking. Oh boo-hoo, Foxy. Get a real job.  \n  \n\\*  \n  \nOK, Archie's the planner, Up there in the Attic with his  \nLights. Lu's the builder, Down in the Basement with us Darks. I know  \nwhat you're thinking -- what the HECK does this have to do with humans  \non the Ground Floor, especially you that are interested in anthropo-  \nmorphic animals?  \n  \nWell, remember you got the truth all distorted. Lights and  \nDarks are grouped as Furs, Featheries, and Scalies. Dunno what part  \nof the Twenty-Three Dimensions they come from, don't care.  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp; Archie and Lu each have their teams, each team has all kinds  \nof Anthros, that's what they call themselves. Guys and gals, all  \nspecies. See, the animals you humans know are just meat puppets, made  \nby us Furs, so they look like us. We're not imaginative with shapes.  \n  \nI've been Upstairs a few times, seen their parties. Buncha  \nstuck-up wusses, clinkin' wineglasses an' talkin' all fancy-like.  \nBor-ing, capital B.  \n  \nLu's got his party on, never lost his groove. Beer's cold,  \nplenty of it, bottle's good enough. C'mon over sometime, you know  \nyou wanna.  \n  \nLike I said, you humans messed up the planet. Archie's pissed,  \nsays Lu got the plans wrong. Lu doesn't mind, real laid-back, but it's  \nhis backyard you're foulin' up.  \n  \nHere's where Mabel, Fred, Jenny and me come in. You're think-  \ning, FINALLY! We keep out of it mosly, it's your planet, do what you  \nwant. But we pop into the meat puppets from time to time.  \n  \nJust to stir things up a bit. Just when you think you've killed  \noff a whole species, and Archie's got you all depressed, we go and make  \nanother, bake it a while, stick it in the ground.  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp; You guys get all elated, diggin' in the dirt. You found a  \nfossil, big whoop. Trilobite, coelacanth, quagga, odd tiger. Thyla-  \ncine, nice marsupial pouch. Ed Dragon got bored a little back, made  \nsome ... dinosaurs, I think he calls 'em. Who makes up these names?  \n  \nI'm a new Fox, gotta learn the ropes, so I get to follow around  \nwhile Mabel stirs you up. See, there's a group of us Darks, nothin'  \nexciting to do but talk to ya', tell the Croats that the Serbs are  \npicking on them, watch the fireworks.  \n  \nMabel works in Afghanistan. Nice mountains, lovely poppies.  \nStirred up some religous kooks, told 'em they've got a lock on  \nmorality. Hoo-boy, that's a real knee-slapper!  \n  \nPeople, humans, furries. The cosmic joke's on you!  \n  \n\\*  \n  \nSo now Ol' Foxy has his cabin on Mabel's land. Keep the grounds  \nclean while she's stirring up the Middle East. Not the only Fox on the  \nteam, there's this lovely vixen a few doors down. Gonna work on her  \ntoo.  \n  \nSee, Jenny the yummy cougar's the one put Lu onto me. She saw  \nhow shy I was, wanted a little kitty action, talked to Fred. He's big,  \nand she was a bit intimidated. Personal friend of Lu and all.  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp; But they got the kitty fur flyin', so to speak, and Jenny said  \nshe wanted some help in the IT Department. I know you got bored with  \nall that computer stuff earlier.  \n  \nI know some obscure 1970's and 80's programming languages.  \nEver hear of RPG II? Nope, not Role Playing Game, it's Report Program  \nGenerator. How 'bout BASIC, FORTRAN, COBOL, Pascal? Used in science  \nand business, before Bill Gates made Microsoft, before Linus Torvalds  \nmade Linux.  \n  \nLu's Darks use the old stuff sometimes. You had to really  \nknow what you were doing, tell a computer all the dinky details.  \nNow you just use Object Methods. But y'know what? The new stuff  \ngets errors in even when you think it's working, just from using  \nit a while.  \n  \nTakes up more room in the CPU, sloppy way to do things. Don't  \ncare? OK, long as the app seems to work, get to the Internet and zap  \nphotos to your friends. And your Friends.  \n  \nBut business can't stand sloppy, can't run lean that way. Sure  \nthey stumble on for decades, just on momentum. But y'know what? Tell  \nthat to Enron, Worldcom, those finance boys.  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp; I know what you're thinking. All that economy stuff's the  \nfault of greedhead CEO's wanted the company to pay for their mansion  \nrenovations.  \n  \nHeh, heh. Guess who gave 'em the ideas?  \n  \n  \n\n","series":{"name":"LordLu","next":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/556408-lu-and-techfurs.json"}}