{"sf1_id":549794,"sf2_id":"5nz6Pb6n","title":"Sessility Gruffloafer Scoffrouse, the Conjurer Cat","author":"Gareth Gryphonclaw","words":167,"posted_at":"2013-06-11T19:20:00.000Z","tags":["Cat","Clean","Feline","Humor","Magic","Poem","Satire","Short"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/549794-sessility-gruffloafer-scoffrouse-the-conjurer-cat","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/s/5nz6Pb6n","image_url":"https://cdn.sofurryfiles.com/submissions/thumbnails/9d/dc/9ddcc820-affa-4fab-b927-5d790e5969ff","description":"The Cats musical is getting performed near where I live, and a friend of mine who plays pencil-and-paper RPGS told me about her witch hunter Cat girl, so I got to thinking of why aren't there more fat, lazy magic Cats? The type who demand everyone feed and pet them, who use magic to do it?\nOkay, I know I'm propogating a negative stereotype, and I don't mean to offend anyone, but really it's a satire on the musical and what Andrew Lloyd Webber did with T. S. Eliot's poetry.","content":"I used to be an alley cat, who'd run and hide and cower,\n\nUntil I learned to read, and came upon a magic power.\n\nOn my literary journey, and the studying therein,\n\nThe philosophers revealed to me, the school of thought of sin!\n\nOf its wrath and greed and lustfulness, of its pride and gluttony,\n\nBut I settled on the sin of sloth: the perfect sin for me.\n\nThe least physical of conjurers, I'm Sessility G. Scoffrouse!\n\nI conserve the most momentum my philosophy allows.\n\nWhile you hardy folk are hard at work, or going for a swim,\n\nOr climbing, running, jumping, or becoming lean and trim,\n\nOr attempt to bulge with muscles, or ashamed of any fat,\n\nI'll be napping in a sunny spot; I'm just that kind of cat.\n\nWhile labour can be helpful, I maintain, for me, it's not,\n\nAnd if you try to make me budge, I'll kill you on the spot.\n\n\"That's it. That's all the poem you're getting out of me!\"\n\n  \n  \n  \n\n"}