{"sf1_id":573471,"sf2_id":"lmX4V4ym","title":"The Ego Poem","author":"Care A Lot","words":660,"posted_at":"2013-08-07T17:56:00.000Z","tags":["No-Yiff","Other","Poetry"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/573471-the-ego-poem","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/s/lmX4V4ym","image_url":"https://cdn.sofurryfiles.com/submissions/thumbnails/48/74/4874853b-fa97-4c8f-8d27-d9913359b02d","description":"Dude,as of late, I have been tormented from my Dad's criticizing me of being \"all about me\". Ok, so I am \"all about me\" here. Yet, I am not altogether happy, and I acknowledge that, in front of others, others who, I believe, care. To SweetBlackPaws, to Jason, this is dedicated. Thank you, Great Universe, for loving me through all of my shit.","content":"I have an obsession with myself.\n\nUnhealthy?\u0026nbsp; Sure, but who's counting.\u0026nbsp;\n\nNot me.\u0026nbsp;\n\nWhat can I put in my body?\n\nWhy do I feel people I don't even know are staring at me?\n\nI have an obsession with myself.\n\nI stay in my room, and bed, most of the time.\n\nI am starting to see the feeling of meaninglessness of my job, because nobody is really happy anymore, nobody.\u0026nbsp; Nobody.\u0026nbsp;\n\nExcept me.\n\nHa.\n\nHa.\n\nI have an obsession with myself.\n\nI like things just so.\n\nIf things are not just so, I flip out inside my mind, and then chaos is added on more chaos.\u0026nbsp;\n\nThere is something weird, and wrong here.\n\nI have an obsession with myself.\n\nI like drugs, and alcohol.\n\nI do, oh yes, I do.\n\nFour Loko, Coricidin, Robitussin, gobble, gobble, chug, chug, it's all good, yum, yum, I need this, I need this to enhance my life, man.\u0026nbsp;\n\nI've tried to talk baby talk.\n\nI've tried to become more of a \"let down my cool\" thing, break down my abused emotional wall.\u0026nbsp;\n\nWhat does it matter?\u0026nbsp; Most of the people I wait on at my store are still numb assholes who desire nothing more than what they want, which is beef, and meat, and dairy.\u0026nbsp; I run, and get it for them, perfect.\u0026nbsp; I, for the most part, do it with a smile, and a \"How do you do?\"\u0026nbsp; All the while, I am thinking that I would rather be writing, or stripping, or anything, anything _fun_.\u0026nbsp; Anything not to deal with the nimrods of society.\n\nI want to be Miss Kitty.\n\nYeah, Great Mouse Detective stripper mouse.\n\nI need to be her, have to be her, have to be saved from my Western Christian background, and Western Christian redemption.\u0026nbsp;\n\nI want to be beautiful.\u0026nbsp; I do not feel I am beautiful.\u0026nbsp;\n\nI have an obsession with myself.\n\nYes, I do.\n\nI thought a lot of my customers were assholes last night, too.\n\nYes, I did.\n\nI try to be careful, though, to plan everything out according to what makes sense.\u0026nbsp;\n\nOf course, what makes sense is just what makes sense to me.\u0026nbsp; Or, is it?\u0026nbsp; I don't know anymore.\u0026nbsp; I don't know about a lot of stuff.\u0026nbsp; I can guarantee one thing, that my life is pretty unmanageable.\u0026nbsp; Somehow, through the grace of God, I go on, and that's that.\u0026nbsp;\n\nLife is strange, odd, too.\u0026nbsp; Yes, I am a little drunk right now, but I would not even say drunk, because my ass was drunk last night, and how.\u0026nbsp; Today, I do not think I even have to say it, but I am speaking of the heart, and laying my true, nasty self down, so that others may not repeat the same shit.\n\nI breathe, and I look around my stepfather's office.\u0026nbsp; I wonder if I will remember even posting this fifteen minutes from now.\u0026nbsp; I am just glad that I had the will to write this today, to spill my guts when the demons of mine wanted me to stay silent, and whimper, and die.\u0026nbsp;\n\nI will not die.\u0026nbsp; I may be high as a fucking kite sometime today, but I will not die.\u0026nbsp; No, I will continue to write, because the heart can never be _high_.\u0026nbsp;\n\n_The heart is always high_.\u0026nbsp; And although I hate to admit it, there is a God somewhere, or a force that people call God.\u0026nbsp; There is _something_.\u0026nbsp; I just wish I had been innocent enough to choose God on my team with complete free will.\n\nI have an obsession with myself.\n\nI reach out a paw to you, and you, and you.\n\nYes, I do, for I try to make myself care,\n\nbut I am number one, or at least that is what my \"lego my Ego\" heart says.\n\nI am number one.\n\nI have an obsession with myself.\n\nI am number one.\n\nI have an obsession with myself.\n\nAre you?\n\nDo you?\n\nThank you.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n  \n  \n\n"}