{"sf1_id":580599,"sf2_id":"dmWD3YQn","title":"The Breaking of the Mask","author":"Zidenz","words":945,"posted_at":"2013-08-24T01:39:00.000Z","tags":["Depression","German Shepherd","Lessons","No-Yiff","Suicide","loneliness","sadness"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/580599-the-breaking-of-the-mask","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/s/dmWD3YQn","image_url":"https://cdn.sofurryfiles.com/submissions/thumbnails/a1/17/a11708f5-6252-482f-90d4-7a9b5f284ba2","description":"This story is one that I have been working on, on and off, for some time. Perhaps one day I'll rework it to be something lighthearted and fun, but today is not that day. Today is a day for a lesson in life. I hope that you are able to take as much meaning from this as I was. Thanks for reading-Zidenz","content":"\u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;At any school you look at, there are cliques and groups that divide the students.\u0026nbsp;Some may be more difficult to distinguish than others, but they are always there.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;This system of groups allows for people with similar likes and abilities to come together into a companionship.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;Kyle, on the other hand, never quite fit into any one of these cliques.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;He is a decently muscled german shepherd with a decently fluffy tail and decently soft fur.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;He is decent at swimming for the school swim team and decent at running on the cross country and track teams.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;He is a decent student in class with decent grades.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;There is little to nothing that sets him apart from anyone else other than perhaps just how\u0026nbsp;_decent_\u0026nbsp;he is at everything.\u0026nbsp;Jokingly, he calls himself a Renaissance fur.\u0026nbsp;The downside to this extreme rounding of his personality is that it caused him to never quite fit into any of the groups he was a part of.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;On the swim team, he could hold a conversation with the major swimmers.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;Then, they would make a reference to something that he had missed because he had been participating in one of his other many hobbies and instantly, he was cut off.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;The same thing happened on the cross country team and the track team.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;He even hung out with the other average kids, but they all had that one thing that set them apart from everyone else.\u0026nbsp;Throughout my years, he's seriously debated cutting something out but he never could.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;He just couldn't end that part of his life to fully pursue another.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;Thus, he lived in a more or less constant state of solitude.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;Unable to create lasting relationships with anyone in his immediate vicinity, he eventually started to turn to the internet.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;He figured that there had to be at least someone who could care enough to think about him.\u0026nbsp;This worked at staving off depression for a bit, but it was only a temporary fix.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;By now, nearly three years after this search started, the effects are all but gone.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;It's now the start of his junior year of high school and he's more depressed than ever.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;He's learned something though in the last few years.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;You can't look depressed or else you get called out on it.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;This ends up with awkward conversations and empty promises that all lead to more pain on his part.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;He had learned to create a mask of content disinterest that covered the true loneliness that he felt every day.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;Anyway though, it is now the first day on his junior year.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;The day is the same that it has been for the last two years, a syllabus in every class and boredom as each teacher reads over it in a droning monotone.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;It passes quickly though as he zones out through the repetitive lectures.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;Lunch passes in the same haze that it usually does, with him finding and sitting with the largest group of \"friends\" that he can find.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;Finally though, the school day winds to a close and it is time to go to cross country practice.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;He almost smirks on his way out the door.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;Almost.\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;All summer, he had thought that this might be a new year.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;New friends.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;New life.\u0026nbsp;That was not so.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;Again, he had been forced to the shadows.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;Again, he would never be able to connect.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;Again, he would be nothing more than a side-note. All summer he had planned.\u0026nbsp;If things don't look better, then it would finally be time to make a name for himself.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;Of course it wouldn't seem deliberate, a mere accident that had left the poor child maimed...or gone.\u0026nbsp;You see, the park where he ran had a particular trail, one that was bordered on one side by a steep fall over sharp shale into a jagged creek-bed below. The path was rugged, and the guard-rail had rotted away years ago.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;It wouldn't be hard for someone's foot to just catch on a rock and for them to go on tumbling on over the edge.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;Sure there would be witnesses there, to claim to his accidental \"fall\".\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;But none of them would know.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;Down he would slide, slicing up his back on the jagged rock before being tossed to a freefall down into the chilling water below.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;Down I slid, slicing my own flesh on the jagged rocks before being tossed into the chilling water.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;I had misjudged the depth.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;The chill was startling, but even more so was the chilling loss of connection.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;I knew that my legs had fallen into the water, but I couldn't feel them.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;I could feel the cold water rushing past my submerged hands, but from my feet: nothing.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;The sensation of the freezing water soaking into my fur was numbing, until halfway down my back, just above my tail.\u0026nbsp;From there down, there was nothing.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;I was able to crane my neck ever so slightly down, to observe my handiwork.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;A horrible decision.\u0026nbsp;My legs both lay twisted, barely submerged in the water that couldn't be more than 4 inches deep.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;I couldn't understand the loss of connection though, until I looked further down.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;My back had come down on a large submerged rock, and while part of it had stopped, the rest had continued just a bit further.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;As it dawned on me what had happened, my eyes were opened.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;My solitude, my decision, my life.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;I had been given a gift, and I had squandered it.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;For the first time in so many years, I cried.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;I cried there as my teammates yelled for help and made their way down me.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;I cried as EMS came with a stretcher and carried me to an ambulance.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;I cried when the doctors told me that I would never walk again, and that I would forever be confined to a wheelchair.\u0026nbsp;And still I cry, as I share my story with you.\u0026nbsp;Don't make my mistake. \u0026nbsp;\n\n  \n  \n\n"}