# The Breaking of the Mask

Author: Zidenz
Tags: Depression, German Shepherd, Lessons, No-Yiff, Suicide, loneliness, sadness

This story is one that I have been working on, on and off, for some time. Perhaps one day I'll rework it to be something lighthearted and fun, but today is not that day. Today is a day for a lesson in life. I hope that you are able to take as much meaning from this as I was. Thanks for reading-Zidenz

&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp;At any school you look at, there are cliques and groups that divide the students.&nbsp;Some may be more difficult to distinguish than others, but they are always there.&nbsp;&nbsp;This system of groups allows for people with similar likes and abilities to come together into a companionship.&nbsp;&nbsp;Kyle, on the other hand, never quite fit into any one of these cliques.&nbsp;&nbsp;He is a decently muscled german shepherd with a decently fluffy tail and decently soft fur.&nbsp;&nbsp;He is decent at swimming for the school swim team and decent at running on the cross country and track teams.&nbsp;&nbsp;He is a decent student in class with decent grades.&nbsp;&nbsp;There is little to nothing that sets him apart from anyone else other than perhaps just how&nbsp;_decent_&nbsp;he is at everything.&nbsp;Jokingly, he calls himself a Renaissance fur.&nbsp;The downside to this extreme rounding of his personality is that it caused him to never quite fit into any of the groups he was a part of.&nbsp;

&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;On the swim team, he could hold a conversation with the major swimmers.&nbsp;&nbsp;Then, they would make a reference to something that he had missed because he had been participating in one of his other many hobbies and instantly, he was cut off.&nbsp;&nbsp;The same thing happened on the cross country team and the track team.&nbsp;&nbsp;He even hung out with the other average kids, but they all had that one thing that set them apart from everyone else.&nbsp;Throughout my years, he's seriously debated cutting something out but he never could.&nbsp;&nbsp;He just couldn't end that part of his life to fully pursue another.&nbsp;&nbsp;Thus, he lived in a more or less constant state of solitude.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;

&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Unable to create lasting relationships with anyone in his immediate vicinity, he eventually started to turn to the internet.&nbsp;&nbsp;He figured that there had to be at least someone who could care enough to think about him.&nbsp;This worked at staving off depression for a bit, but it was only a temporary fix.&nbsp;&nbsp;By now, nearly three years after this search started, the effects are all but gone.&nbsp;

&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;It's now the start of his junior year of high school and he's more depressed than ever.&nbsp;&nbsp;He's learned something though in the last few years.&nbsp;&nbsp;You can't look depressed or else you get called out on it.&nbsp;&nbsp;This ends up with awkward conversations and empty promises that all lead to more pain on his part.&nbsp;&nbsp;He had learned to create a mask of content disinterest that covered the true loneliness that he felt every day.&nbsp;&nbsp;Anyway though, it is now the first day on his junior year.&nbsp;&nbsp;The day is the same that it has been for the last two years, a syllabus in every class and boredom as each teacher reads over it in a droning monotone.&nbsp;&nbsp;It passes quickly though as he zones out through the repetitive lectures.&nbsp;&nbsp;Lunch passes in the same haze that it usually does, with him finding and sitting with the largest group of "friends" that he can find.&nbsp;&nbsp;Finally though, the school day winds to a close and it is time to go to cross country practice.&nbsp;&nbsp;He almost smirks on his way out the door.&nbsp;&nbsp;Almost.&nbsp;

&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;All summer, he had thought that this might be a new year.&nbsp;&nbsp;New friends.&nbsp;&nbsp;New life.&nbsp;That was not so.&nbsp;&nbsp;Again, he had been forced to the shadows.&nbsp;&nbsp;Again, he would never be able to connect.&nbsp;&nbsp;Again, he would be nothing more than a side-note. All summer he had planned.&nbsp;If things don't look better, then it would finally be time to make a name for himself.&nbsp;&nbsp;Of course it wouldn't seem deliberate, a mere accident that had left the poor child maimed...or gone.&nbsp;You see, the park where he ran had a particular trail, one that was bordered on one side by a steep fall over sharp shale into a jagged creek-bed below. The path was rugged, and the guard-rail had rotted away years ago.&nbsp;&nbsp;It wouldn't be hard for someone's foot to just catch on a rock and for them to go on tumbling on over the edge.&nbsp;&nbsp;Sure there would be witnesses there, to claim to his accidental "fall".&nbsp;&nbsp;But none of them would know.&nbsp;&nbsp;Down he would slide, slicing up his back on the jagged rock before being tossed to a freefall down into the chilling water below.&nbsp;&nbsp;Down I slid, slicing my own flesh on the jagged rocks before being tossed into the chilling water.&nbsp;&nbsp;I had misjudged the depth.

&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;The chill was startling, but even more so was the chilling loss of connection.&nbsp;&nbsp;I knew that my legs had fallen into the water, but I couldn't feel them.&nbsp;&nbsp;I could feel the cold water rushing past my submerged hands, but from my feet: nothing.&nbsp;&nbsp;The sensation of the freezing water soaking into my fur was numbing, until halfway down my back, just above my tail.&nbsp;From there down, there was nothing.&nbsp;&nbsp;I was able to crane my neck ever so slightly down, to observe my handiwork.&nbsp;&nbsp;A horrible decision.&nbsp;My legs both lay twisted, barely submerged in the water that couldn't be more than 4 inches deep.&nbsp;&nbsp;I couldn't understand the loss of connection though, until I looked further down.&nbsp;&nbsp;My back had come down on a large submerged rock, and while part of it had stopped, the rest had continued just a bit further.&nbsp;&nbsp;As it dawned on me what had happened, my eyes were opened.&nbsp;&nbsp;My solitude, my decision, my life.&nbsp;&nbsp;I had been given a gift, and I had squandered it.&nbsp;&nbsp;For the first time in so many years, I cried.

&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;I cried there as my teammates yelled for help and made their way down me.&nbsp;&nbsp;I cried as EMS came with a stretcher and carried me to an ambulance.&nbsp;&nbsp;I cried when the doctors told me that I would never walk again, and that I would forever be confined to a wheelchair.&nbsp;And still I cry, as I share my story with you.&nbsp;Don't make my mistake. &nbsp;

Source: https://sofurry.com/s/dmWD3YQn