{"sf1_id":612101,"sf2_id":null,"title":"Slipping Away","author":"Andre Valias","words":863,"posted_at":"2013-11-10T05:01:00.000Z","tags":["Emotional","Ghost","Identity","Poem","Worthlessness","away","running","sadness","slipping","suicidal"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/612101-slipping-away","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/view/612101","image_url":"https://www.sofurryfiles.com/std/thumb?page=612101\u0026ext=.jpg","description":"","content":"Footsteps in the dark...\n\nA grey sky, a sunless horizon,\n\nI am now running, sprinting,\n\nThe white and warm lights\n\nPassing me by like moments of life.\n\nOnly cold winds...\n\nI am treading a path I know,\n\nBut I'm still a lost little child,\n\nSo unloved within that\n\nThere is a stranger inside.\n\nA road I cross...\n\nFlashing lights, I panic, I jump,\n\nThe devil's horns blaring as\n\nWhat I thought was my destination\n\nPassed me by barely through a glint of silver.\n\nThe streetlights fade...\n\nI lose myself in civil wilderness,\n\nThis park of green and grey,\n\nOf grass and pavement,\n\nFar from your eyes and into the darkness.\n\nA walk across a bridge...\n\nI still see your ghost, your apparition,\n\nMy memories, my recollection...\n\nOnly sweet reverie could be\n\nSuch venomous poison.\n\nStop it... Leave me alone!\n\nMy shout stirs the water,\n\nThe gentle ducks that shiver,\n\nWhispering trees that quiver...\n\nYour image disappears in the ripples...\n\nThere I am again...\n\nIn this playground so silent,\n\nSo deserted, that only rain\n\nIs my companion so gentle,\n\nAnd still... It hurts...\n\nHere they fall...\n\nTear drops of heaven,\n\nTear drops of mine,\n\nBoth awash and dripping away,\n\nLike precious moments, lost forever...\n\nIn that moment...\n\nThat subtle and quiet moment,\n\nAll silence and what I am\n\nIs broken and shattered\n\nIn painful screams of misery...\n\nMelancholy sings...\n\nWhile I howl into darkening night...\n\nA prelude to suicide brings\n\nOnly heartbreak, only sorrow,\n\nWhy do we sing?\n\nAll the memories...\n\nAll the moments...\n\nAll the malice....\n\nIt all came flooding\n\nBack to me...\n\nA feminine heart tied between two walls\n\nThat will break either way it is cut loose...\n\nWhat do I say? What do I do?\n\nOnly agony whichever I choose...\n\nI can't decide...\n\nI just want to slip away!\n\nA friend so caring, so gentle and loving,\n\nJoyous red and green within soft eyes...\n\nHe who is so worried, only selfishness\n\nResponds, all I said and did was useless...\n\nJust like me...\n\nI just want to slip away!\n\nA family so familiarly empty,\n\nDriven by cycle, filled with disconnection...\n\nA couple once bonded by love, but now always\n\nEntwined in eternal argument, shouting aplenty...\n\nIt's still the same...\n\nI just want to slip away!\n\nA little brother told that life isn't fair,\n\nThat he has to go where others dictate is best...\n\nHis tears in my shoulder, all I could do was cry,\n\nAnd lie, and say, \"It will be alright\"...\n\nNo, it won't...\n\nI just want to slip away!\n\n\"What do you want to be when you grow up?\"\n\n\"Do you have a plan?\" They ask, they wonder...\n\n\"Do you see yourself anywhere in 10 years' time?\"\n\nDo I see myself at all in 10 days' time?\n\nNo, I don't...\n\nI just want to slip away!\n\nThe bell rings, the class starts, the teacher begins\n\nTheir lecture, their scolding so suddenly harsh...\n\nThe bell rings, the class ends, the teacher leaves,\n\nAnd all I can do is break down in tears afterwards...\n\nI can't take it...\n\nI just want to slip away!\n\nA step out the door, a sleeve to wipe away the despair,\n\nA sunny sky and cheerful smile, a different person...\n\nThey can't see beyond the laughs, the jokes,\n\nThe wise-cracks that serve to hide it all...\n\nI can't show it...\n\nI just want to slip away!\n\nAnd then he left, he departed,\n\nUpon metallic wings, to an island home...\n\nA night was spent alone, not lonely,\n\nWhispering a prayer, \"I miss you already\"...\n\nI can't let go of it...\n\nI just want to slip away!\n\nOn the morrow, under a clear sky, through glass\n\nI see a pool of clear water shimmering bright...\n\nYour spectre and my phantasms return,\n\nOf moments that remind me of what I've lost...\n\nStop reminding me...\n\nI just want to slip away!\n\nThen I see her, fur of chestnut and cloudy white,\n\nChasing her tail, as happy as canine can be...\n\nI am filled with even more regret,\n\nI face the feeling again, the loss of cherished time...\n\nPlease stop...\n\nI just want to slip away!\n\nMy worth is falsified, my use is demeaned,\n\nTo watching bright visuals move, clicking galore...\n\nThe consumer of time, of life, a glorious distraction\n\nThat only ends with wish lists of self-betterment...\n\nI can't do it...\n\nI just want to slip away!\n\nI know that there were times of good, of joy,\n\nWhen we laughed, we smiled, we loved...\n\nBut it's easier to remember everything\n\nThat ever went wrong in this life...\n\nIt's not fair...\n\nI just want to slip away!\n\nA life of memories remembered,\n\nIn half the time of an hour passed...\n\nStill my guts and lungs convulse,\n\nBut I have stopped...\n\nI have had enough...\n\nI just want to slip away!\n\nAnd now I'm running... Running away...\n\nThrough wind and rain, fiercest frost,\n\nA fork in the road, take a right, I am still lost...\n\nI don't know where I am going, I am still running...\n\nRunning away... From you...\n\nThrough shades of green and darkness,\n\nGlimmering drops upon dainty leaves,\n\nA slip, a fall... I've lost it all...\n\nI have slipped away...\n\n  \n  \n\n"}