{"sf1_id":621418,"sf2_id":null,"title":"Fierce 6. In Pursuit of Life","author":"Jenson Fox","words":6688,"posted_at":"2013-12-04T00:35:00.000Z","tags":["Action","Fox","Violence","friends","furry"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/621418-fierce-6-in-pursuit-of-life","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/view/621418","image_url":"https://www.sofurryfiles.com/std/thumb?page=621418\u0026ext=.jpg","description":"Very intense episode this time... worth the extra time it took to write it","content":"\nIn Pursuit of Life\n \n She walked\nup to my standing figure like she had done many times in the past few weeks,\nand my reaction to her was no different. My heart doubled its speed, I breathed\nmuch faster, and my mind raced. Luckily, I had been practicing my resolve\nrecently around her, and I'm sure she would not mind if I had still been as\nshaky and nervous as when she first spoke to me. \"Hey there!\" I even sounded\nslightly friendly, rather than horrified.\n \"Hi Markus!\nHave you been sick? You were absent for a few days, and I started to worry.\"\nShe smiled, almost too subtlely for me to pick up. I kicked the dirt under my\nfeet and smirked.\n \"I tend to\ntake a few days off when I feel like it.\" I aimed my face to the ground but\nconcentrated my eyes on hers.\n \"Ah. I\nguess you're one of those people who's too far ahead in class to even care!\"\nShe responded sarcastically. She knew that I lived on my own, so she didn't try\nto remind me by asking how I was allowed to do such a thing. \n \"Pretty\nmuch. I could take the harder courses, but then why would I ask for more work?\"\nI chuckled lightly.\n \"That's\ntrue. But harder classes let you into a better college, and if you like the\nsubject, then they present a welcome opportunity to plumb the depths!\" I let my\njaw slack open.\n \"Wow. How\nlong did it take for you to come up with that sentence?\" She beamed and laughed\na little.\n \"Why don't\nyou transfer into English Honors with me? It's a great resource for speaking\nand writing skills!\" \n \"And I'm\nthe one confidently cutting class! What about you?\"\n \"Oh, my\nparents would disown me!\" We laughed, hers with just a hint of insecurity. I\ntoo, recognized when to back off of a subject.\n \"So how\nlong have you-\" I don't know why, but she anxiously cut me off.\n \"I should\ngo home, or I may get in trouble.\" She held a polite countenance and waited for\nmy confirmation.\n\"Wait, do you want to go to the\npark today and uh... hang out?\" Uneasiness leaked through.\n \"I might be\nallowed. I'll see you there in about two hours, okay?\"\n \"Okay! See\nyou then.\" She walked briskly home, as I stood just watching her go for a few\nminutes. \n It was\naround this time that I no longer simply lusted for changing into a fox, but I\nhad begun to itch for it. I didn't fit into my human skin, it was too\nrestricting. I felt something inside me that was not possible to express in\nthis form. I needed to be a fox to some degree to feel like myself. I needed to\nbe myself to be confident. And yet, I had to be human to keep contact with the\nworld. No, I certainly couldn't be either one, nor could I give up either one.\nI have to live both lives. \n I met Alice\nthere two hours after school, and we talked for a very long time, even as the\nnight began to fall from the sky. We were lying in a secluded knoll with thick,\nfresh forest on all sides of us. We were sitting against one another. I was\nunsure whether she saw it as a friendly position or otherwise.\n \"You know,\"\nAlice said, \"my parents are little tough on me, but I don't think they would\nabsolutely murder me if I stayed for a little longer.\" She mentioned,\nnonchalantly. \n \"I can stay\nout her just as long as you can.\" I patted her shoulder in a bit of an awkward\nway, but she did not react negatively to it. She simply smiled and allowed me\nto take my hand back. I did so.\n \"I think\nthe stars are starting to come out.\" Her voice lowered, indicating that she was\nrelaxed and comfortable in this environment. I leaned backwards until I was on\nthe ground, my head comforted by smooth blades of cool grass. Her head fell\nstraight to my stomach.\n \"Oof!\" The\nsudden pressure was surprising but not painful. \n \"Sorry!\"\nshe turned her head left to me. \n \"No, it's\ntotally fine.\" I leaned my head back down and gazed to the newly uncovered\nstars. She laid her head on my stomach and did the same. \"It is a clear night,\nalright.\" \n \"What?\" Her\nvoice was soft to me as well. \"Here-\" She adjusted herself and carefully laid\nher head on my chest instead. \"What did you say?\" I froze, this recent action\nof hers surprised me quite a bit. My eyebrows were raised as high as they would\ngo, and my lips were open. \"Markus?\" Something started to feel a little\ndifferent inside me. \"Are you alright?\" Her voice was further away to me. She\nsat up and drew her hand to my cheek. I directed my stare to her face. A pain\nshot through my whole body, near paralyzing me. \n God no.\nNot now. My hand screamed as it shifted bone structure. I tried to regulate\nmy voice as much as possible through the intense pain. \"You- need to go. Right\nnow.\" \n \"I'm not\njust leaving you like this! You're obviously in pain!\" I gritted my teeth\nagainst the crunching bones. A pain similar to a knife wound surprised me in my\nlower back. \n \"GO! RIGHT\nNOW!\" I shoved her away, with a portion of the new strength that comes from a\ntransformation. I heard a resonant thud in a tree several yards from me, and\nsoon after her troubled cough. I writhed on the ground and turned over onto my\nhands and knees. The sound of distant leaves crunching, I felt no hand on my\nback. Only a few words passed my lips, barely reaching my own ears. \"I'm...\nsorry.\" The last thing I can remember seeing before fainting was a couple of\nfoxes, silently watching me. They turned around after I stared back at them and\nleft. \n \n ******\n When my\neyes opened again, I noticed the moon had risen only a few degrees from the\nhorizon. I must have only passed out for a few minutes. The cool air greeted me\nnot with chills, but with a feeling of relaxation and reassurance. I checked my\narm. Yup. Furry form. Why the fuck did I have to change then? I rose to\nmy feet, with practically no effort. I was still centered in the grove Alice\nand I were together in, so I sat back down in the middle of it. I sighed,\nwrapped my arms around my knees and just thought for a few minutes. So we\nlayed down, very friendly, and started talking. Then she moved up and rested\nher head on my chest- oh shit. I had remembered how excited I was when she\nso intimately lay on me. I guess that's one more trigger. That's really just\nperfect. Considering the circumstances, I think I reacted fairly calmly.\n\"FUCK!\" My fist flew threw a tree five times wider than I was, smashed into the\nground. \"I really need to clear my head.\" It was time to take out life's little\nfrustrations on some people who actually deserved it.\n \n ******\n With my heavy coat and regular shorts shielding the\noutside world from my \"unusual\" form, I was within the city in record time.\nBright and copious city lights overwhelm the senses of any man, let alone one\nwith such vastly improved senses. It was unusually quiet tonight, however. I\ndid not think such a corrupt place could ever be so peaceful. I scurried up my\nusual building with only a few leaps, my hind paws pounded upon the concrete\nroof. I felt a little sorry for the owner of the apartments, whoever it was,\nfor the value of the place must have fallen every time I left paw prints on it.\nMy coat flapped in the high winds as I took a seat upon the ledge. Just high\nenough to be out of sight, but just low enough to see much of the city. No, the\ncity did not appear to be in need of me tonight. I started to relax and let the\nwind blow through the fur on my face. All these weeks with this amazing gift,\nand I had never slowed down enough to really savor the experience. My fur was\nthe sea on a brisk, windless day. It felt as though waveless water caressed\nhuman skin. I shut my eyes and leaned back on locked elbows. What the hell\nam I going to do about this \"excitement\" issue... I really could not believe\nsomething I had wanted so badly for so long would stand so defiantly in the way\nof much of my happiness. I certainly can't let myself turn into this when\nI'm together with her, and I can't be human when I am with her. I sighed\nand watched the steam from my lungs dissipate into the light-polluted sky. I\nknow it's going to be hard, no matter what I do, but I'm sure some solution\nwill- *BLAM!* A gunshot due east, maybe an eighth of a mile away... I leapt\nto my feet and looked in its direction. \"Robbery.\" A convenience store\nwith a wide radius of bystanders running away. I hopped rooftops for only a few\nseconds before I was adjacent to it. I stepped off the ledge and plummeted four\nstories. When I landed, my paws produced an extremely loud boom, and left huge\ncracks in the street. I drew my hood to conceal as much of my face as possible.\nA few of the thieves were staring at me. I started swaggering over to them. \n \"The fuck?\" He was wearing a ridiculous ski mask, but I\ncould still see his very confused expression. Only five seconds passed before\nhe made a seemingly arbitrary motion to someone outside. What was that? I\nmoved my eyes but not my head to see who he was communicating to. No one's\nhere... but I can't stop moving, they would see a weakness. I have to keep going...\nI crossed the median of the very wide city street. The crook returned his\nfocus to the robbery. I was nearly there. Suddenly, headlights speeding to my\nfeet. My right fist involuntarily smashed into the hood, forcing the metal to\ncrumple into itself as the back end of the car rose several feet off the\nground. I only directed my glare at the driver when his car met the ground\nagain. Unconscious, mouth gaping open. I'm sure he was okay, his airbag did\ndeploy in time. I readjusted my sleeves and opened the convenience store door.\nThe little bell jingled to alert them to my entrance.\n \"I think your ride is out.\" Damn, I still love\nthat deep tone this form has. \n \"Look asshole, I don't know who you think you are, but\nyou don't want what I've got in this barrel.\" The clerk did not cease his\nintent stare on the wall he was facing. Unsurprisingly, the criminals were all\nbark and no bite. They were only tough with their words, behind a gun. It's too\nbad even that weapon can't help them. I continued walking slowly to them. He\nfired. My arm, again involuntarily, grabbed a thick metal pole from a shelf and\ndrew it quicker than the eye can see in front of my face. An ear-piercing ding\nemanated from the pole. \"Fuck me.\" He slowly lowered the gun, one of the other\ncrooks dropped the duffel bag full of money. I threw the pole with an\ninsignificant level of my potential strength at the gunman. His head dented by\nthe flying piece of steel, he fell immediately to the floor, and his gun slid\nto my feet. I picked it up and gripped it in one paw, showing it to the rest of\nthe conscious ones. I closed my hand, the metal oozing between my fingers like\nclay. One fainted. The last remaining one fell to his knees and tried his best\nto form words with his lips. I gently lifted the bag of cash and held it in\nfront of the clerk. He hesitated, but grasped it with both hands. Not scared,\nbut curious. He must not have been used to getting the money back. All's\ndone here, just gotta go before- A different kind of siren became apparent\nto my ears. \n \"Shit.\" Cops were lining up in front of the doors.\nThe door flew open, almost cracking the glass.\n \"ON THE FLOOR! RIGHT NOW!\" Another gun pointed straight\nat my head. Great. I don't think I should hurt these guys... I slowly\ndropped to my knees, but kept my eyes on the cop. I knew he couldn't see my\nface, but I think my furry coat was apparent to him because my knees were\nexposed. Another one gasped.\n \"Plan 48!\" Two cops appeared from behind the crowd,\nrushed over to me. I did not move, assured that this situation would not be\ndifficult to handle. They grabbed my wrists and pulled me to my feet. I felt\nthe clutch of tight handcuffs. Several pairs. I let them close each one, and\ndid not stop them from yanking my hood off. \n \"Jesus...\" \n \"What the fuck, man?\" I heard a few reactions to my form.\nOne of them holding my arm behind my back whispered in my ear, \"We got you now,\nyou furry bastard.\" \n \"You don't even know who I am.\" I said to all of\nthem. They started pushing me out the door, I walked voluntarily with them with\nmy head entirely exposed. We were behind an armored car, one was opening the\ndoor. I pretended to struggle. The policeman with the gun aimed at me shoved it\nbetween my shoulder blades. \"Too close.\" No holds barred now. I ripped\nthrough every pair of handcuffs, creating an indescribably sound of crunching\nmetal. My two arms forced outwards, and the two holding my arms back flew\nthrough the air. Before the trigger was pulled, I snapped my right hand behind\nme and closed my hand around the gun, unknowingly involving the cop's hand as\nwell. \n \"AUGGHHH!\" He fell to his knees, clutching his mangled\nhand. The others were too slow to the draw. I drew all my energy to my legs to\nmake the hugest jump I had ever made. I was touching the ground with one hand,\nclenching the other into a fist, and released the energy. I careened four stories\nstraight up and onto the ledge. I landed softly over the ledge, as I had barely\nmanaged to reach such a height in the first place. I kept running and hopping\nrooftops until the blaring sirens could not be heard over the sound of my own\nheartbeat. *THUMP THUMP. THUMP THUMP.* Huh. I guess I can wear myself out in\nthis form. Too bad. Breathing pretty hard, too. Yes, my breath was far\nquicker than normal. I took a seat on the edge of one of the buildings. \"No\nthank you, just a dozen pairs of handcuffs. Beautiful.\" I relaxed for only\na few seconds before- \"AIIIEEEE!!!!!\" There was no way I wouldn't hear that in\neven my human form. It was right at- Wabash and Kendall Alley. Huh. I guess\nthat place really saw a lot of action. I feel weak, maybe I shouldn't do this.\nI reached the building parallel to the scene. Well, it's only one man\nwith a knife. This will only take a minute. I yanked my hood back over my\nhead, and stepped off the ledge landing directly behind the crook. He started\nturning his head. \"I've been having a real bad day, fella. So why don't you\njust lie down against the wall for a minute while she gets the po-\" He\ninterrupted me. \n \"NOW!!!\" Before I could understand what he was talking\nabout, he dropped down to the ground and a large white van screeched beside the\nalley. I could not believe my eyes when the side door fell off. A machine gun. Are\nthey insane? I sprinted to the potential victim behind me and swiftly threw\nher to safety on a fire escape. Before I could even turn around, the\nearth-shattering bullets began to fly at me. One penetrated my left thigh. I\nfell instantly to the ground, kneeling in front of my fate. Another bullet\npassed through my right shoulder. I was forced against the brick wall behind\nme. I only now started to be aware of the impossible pain surging through my\nleg and shoulder. I opened my mouth to scream, but not before a third bullet\npierced my chest. The firing stopped, luckily most of the bullets had missed me\nin the first place. It took all my might not to fall over, and I was too\noverwhelmed with the incredible pain and shock of gaping holes in my body. I\nwas quaking uncontrollably, my eyes began to close. I fell onto my front with\nmy head aimed to one side. I saw nothing more than blood quickly pooling on the\ncold ground, and heard only footsteps coming closer. God... Please... I knew\nthis was it. I would not live past this alleyway. My eyes finally drew shut. \n \"Is it dead?\" \n \"It's not going to be moving for a long time.\"\n \"Come on, let's take it to him, he wanted it alive.\"\nRough hands pulled me up by my arms, I felt my feet dragging across the\npavement. I couldn't move at all. From then on, it was all a blur. I drifted\noff someplace more peaceful and warmer than here. I couldn't describe it if I\ntried. \n \n ******\n \"You're sure that's him?\" \n \"He's a big furry fox. What the fuck do you think?\" Very\ngravelly low voice this guy had.\n \"Sorry, sir.\" Sir? That can't be good. Nobody calls\nanyone sir in this city. I tried moving my arms- no good. Some kind of metal\nwas holding them to the back of this chair. Suddenly, very loudly in front of\nmy face-\n \"Wake up in there, asshole!\" A heavy blow to the side of\nmy face accompanied with a loud metallic clang, and I couldn't help but open my\neyes. \n \"Ngggya...\" The world rolled around in my head. I was dizzy\neven before the strike, and still only half-conscious. \n \"Don't sound so fuckin' tough now, do ya?\" A third, far\nmore weasely voice. He's right, why is my voice so much higher? I looked\nat my legs, the fur was running thin. And one of them was almost entirely red. \n \"We took a few samples, hope you don't mind.\" The one\ncalled \"boss\" started circling around me as he spoke. \"Our boys at the lab\ncan't place your DNA, so basically we have no idea why you can do this.\" He sat\non his haunches and grabbed my face, staring straight at me. \"So you would,\" he\npaused, sounding dangerously sincere, \"Really, really help us out if you told\nus.\" His face was old, sagging in several places, mostly under his eyes. He had\nvery bushy gray eyebrows, and almost no hair on his head. \n \"I-\" his face perched inches from mine. \"I don't know.\"\nHe slowly pushed his fist against my chest wound.\n \"Bullshit.\" The pain was horrible, coupled with the\nterror of such helplessness. After a few more seconds of pressure, he relented\nand stood up. \"We shot you to pieces. According to any sane doctor, you should\nhave been dead from a lack of blood minutes after we shot you.\" He started\npacing again, holding his hands behind his back. \"It appears that your special\nability comes with some rapid regenerative quality. Which is just fine for us,\nbecause it looks like you ran out of juice before it finished the job.\" I\nlooked at my chest. God, that dent must have been an inch deep. It hurt just to\nlook at it. \"We would really like for you to tell us how you did all this so we\nwouldn't have to... undo all that hard work.\" I tried moving my legs... no, they\nwere tied down hard at the ankles. \n \"You-\" It was difficult to form full sentences in this\nstate. \"Would never let me go- even if I told you.\" He started laughing, and\nturned around to face the rest of his bodyguards at the walls. \n \"Looks like we got a smart som'bitch, guys!\" He sauntered\nover to a table and picked up a sledgehammer. Walked slowly back over to me. I\nwatched as he leaned it against the gouge in my chest. It hurt already. \n \"Aaaaaaughhhhh....\" I had so little energy left, I was\nsurprised any sound came out at all. He added more pressure to it as he leaned\nin closely to my face. He whispered just loudly enough for me to hear, very,\nvery slowly.\n \"Let there be no misconception. You will die here. But if\nyou're unwise, it will be much. More. Painful.\" He pushed hard on the hammer. I\nfelt a rib give way very slightly. \n \"NGGGYYAAAAAA!!!\" Unbearable pain sprinted up and down my\nentire body. My eyes streamed tears, further obstructing my vision. \n \"We don't understand everything about your... condition.\nBut we understand that your body is tired. So, very, very tired. Whatever the\nfuck you're doing is worse than what I'm doing right now. So who's the real bad\nguy here?\" He relented and stood in front of me. It didn't even stop hurting\nyet, and I was still shaking rapidly. \"It looks like you're turning human\nagain.\" He squinted and raised one eyebrow. \"Clemens. I want ID on this guy right\nnow.\" \n \"Yes sir.\" One bodyguard took a picture of me and started\ntyping frantically on a nearby keyboard. It took only a few seconds. God knows\nwhat kinds of files they have access to in this place. \"Markus Swift, sir.\" The\nboss stopped pacing instantly. He quickly strode to the monitor for\nconfirmation. \n \"Make sure doesn't die yet. I'm not done.\" He pushed a\nset of doors open and started jogging somewhere else. I hadn't even noticed\nbefore, I was in some kind of medical establishment. Was this an operating\nroom? It fit with the equipment. I looked at my thighs again to gauge how badly\nI was doing. Fuck... I'm entirely human. That's why it all hurts so much. I\nturned my head to one side- at least there were no other guards behind me, just\nthese two. But there was no way I could take anyone on in the shape I was in. I\ncan't die here. It's too early, I still have so much left to do with my life. There\nwere no other visible options to me. I began to feel sorry for myself. It's\nall over. Nothing left to do but wait and hope for the mercy of\nunconsciousness. I dropped my head and allowed my breathing to slow down.\nSuddenly, the double doors burst open, with the boss striding through them. \n \"Get out, both of you. Right now.\" They didn't ask\nquestions, just left the room. He walked briskly up to me, and grabbed my face\nby the cheeks. \"I know everything about you, Markus. So I've decided on a plan\nthat will help both of us out. Do the names Irene, Herman, and Donald mean\nanything to you?\" I tugged hard at the metal binding my arms. Nothing moved\nmore than an inch. He laughed, unfazed by my futile attempts.\n \"Bastard.\" I couldn't make more than a faint squeak out\nof my voice.\n \"In 15 minutes, I can have my men surrounding all three\nof them. In 30, we can do it without a trace. By the time an hour has passed,\nwe can bring you the remains so there is no confusion.\" He released my jaw.\n\"But I'm going to be real nice to you today. You have one hour before I send\nthe order. He simply turned around and left through the double doors. I was all\nalone. Jesus fucking Christ. \n \"HHNGGGGGGYYYYYAA!!!\" I used every ounce of my strength\nat the metal restraints, but to no avail. Not a budge. That's it. I'm dead.\nMy friends are dead, all because of this stupid FUCKING transformation. I\ndidn't even have enough energy to scream again. I just let my head fall, and\neventually, fell to sleep. \n \n ******\n \"Wake up!\" Whispers from someone right in front of me. It\ncouldn't have been the boss though, his voice was far too menacing. \"You have to\nwake up! Now or never, Markus!\" Their hand grabbed my hair and pulled my head\nup to face theirs. I opened my eyes. A guard? \"You can move your arms and legs,\nthere's an open window just behind you. Leave now!\" He was wearing a mask. I\nguess all the guards were? I hadn't noticed. I opened my mouth to speak, but he\nquickly covered it with his hand, pointing at the door with the other one. I\npulled one arm in front of me, the other one too injured by a bullet wound to\nmove. He yanked me up to my feet, and put my arm around his shoulder. I had to\nput all of my weight on him. I gave him a look that said, \"I can't move on my\nown.\" He knew what it meant. \"You either escape right now, or you are dead.\nPeriod.\" He removed my arm from his shoulders and sprinted back out the doors.\nI used my good arm and my good leg to balance by leaning on the chair. God,\nthere was blood all over it. I put one leg in front of the other, and tried\nputting weight on it. The gouge in my thigh reminded me of its presence. I\ntried screaming in pain, but my voice was again too taxing for my body at this\npoint. No choice but to keep going. I gritted my teeth through the pain and\ncontinued walking. I heard very distant voices. Shit! It was a little\neasier now, I was hobbling more quickly to the window. Only a few more feet to\ngo. The voices grew louder. Footsteps could be heard now. I limped more quickly\nnow, leaving bloody footprints and\ndragging everything else with each extra foot. Almost there... Yes! My\nbody collapsed onto the window frame, on my belly. I could not possibly bring\nmy legs over it, as it was a small hole so I had to keep going headfirst. My\nupper body was now hanging out of the window, and I could finally breathe fresh\nair. I was going to make it. \n \"No, sir. We don't have any files on...\" I could understand\ntheir words. They were getting too close. Shit,\nthat's a long way down. I was\ngreeted with a forest as far as the eye could see, all 30 feet below me. My\nlegs were no good, so I pulled at the ridges in the building with all my\nstrength. I felt my weight shift. A\nlittle more now... Now only my upper\nthighs were hanging on. I moaned passively at the pain my weight wrought upon\nmy horrid wound. My weight shifted again. I made one more large yank- success!\nI tumbled endlessly through the sky for what felt like hours... I was not even\nscared at the concept of pain when I reached the ground, for I knew that I had\na chance at survival now. I opened up my arms and legs to embrace the quickly\noncoming trees in hope of a merciful landing. My eyes opened when I knew I was\nfacing down. Oh fuck. I would not be so lucky. The ground careened\ntowards me at an alarming rate, I would become good friends with it. I closed\nmy eyes again. The sound was unimaginable- from both sides of my ears I\nheard a disturbing explosion of undecipherable noise, coupled with a numbness\nin every crevice of my body except for the three wounds I gained earlier that\nscared what was left of my common sense. My inner ear I think was still\nfunctioning, that's why it felt like I had bounced back up before lying on the\nground completely motionless. I could feel each heartbeat, each one seeming\nmore expensive and significant. *THUMP. THUMP.* \"Markus.\" The mindless\nbuzzing in my head started to fade away. *THUMP. THUMP.* \"There's no need\nfor you to hurt yourself any more.\" I quieted my mind as much as I could to\nhear the voice better. It was crystal clear now. \"This dirt is very\ncomfortable, you know. I think both of us could enjoy sleeping here for a\nwhile.\" *THUMP.* I called out to it.\n \"Fox?\" My voice as well as my body were weightless. \n \"The one and only, baby.\" A red fox constituted in\nfront of my eyes. It was unsettlingly pure and unblemished. \n \"I thought you'd abandoned me.\" My wounds were all gone.\nI watched myself stand up. He just laughed like there wasn't anything to be\nafraid of. I refused to believe he was so brave or even reckless. \n \"Don't you have someplace to be?\" Dread filled me.\n \"Yes, but I can't remember where.\"\n \"No you don't. You have something other than yourself\nto be worried about.\" I felt as though Fox had direct access to my every\nemotion. But I just had to keep talking to him. He had something I wanted.\n \"Why don't you tell me what that is?\" \n \"You really don't get it yet, do you?\" My stomach\nchurned violently. I could tell already that I really didn't want to hear what\nhe was going to say.\n \"Get what?\" And yet, my voice came out clear and\nseemingly confidently. Although not to me.\n \"I'm very disappointed.\" It felt like he sat up\ntaller. My upper body halted. \"I am you. Your subconscious created me as a\nplace to dump all of its unused and locked potential that you were\nuncomfortable using.\" I re-experienced the pain in my chest. \"You have\nno second identity, no 'furry' persona, no alternate consciousness inside you.\nYou only have what you brought with you, and I'm what you can't accept the\nresponsibility for.\" I could feel his voice deepen and become more\nmenacing. I opened my mouth to push words out, but none came to mind or to\nexistence. \n\"It's time to wake up. Do\nthe right thing. Take responsibility.\" *THUMP*\n \"HYUUUUUUUNGHHH-\" My lungs stung horribly from inhaling\nso much dust. I pulled my eyes open, to see the forest floor. I sat up with no\nsmall amount of effort, and looked around. Shit. I'm still here.\nWherever here was. A dark, gothic tower loomed behind me, with one window ledge\nstaring me down. Surely, soon there would be people looking for me there. \"The\nright thing... I have to get out of here.\" I moved my right leg underneath me\nsomewhat easily, but could not budge the other one. My bullet wound still\nhorribly disfigured my thigh. I didn't care. \"Right now, or I never get to feel\nanything ever again.\" I grabbed my left thigh with both hands and jerked\nupwards. At least both of my legs were underneath me now. I pushed with my\nright leg, then through the searing pain, my left. Standing now, I leaned\nmostly on my right side. One step at a time. I gripped my thigh with\nboth hands and pulled forward, then put weight on it. I limped momentarily and\ninstantly caught myself on my right leg. I limped again on my bad leg, a little\nquicker. I was hobbling at a walking pace. That's not fast enough yet. I\nturned to look behind me as I pushed forward. Still no one in the window. I\nhobbled faster. Surely soon, they would begin to look for me here. The wound in\nmy chest began to wield a new kind of pain. I ignored it for as long as I\ncould, but it was simply too intense. Every neuron in my brain, every muscle in\nmy body pushed against gravity to move me. I feel as though my conscious mind\ndisappeared from the rest of my brain as I simply did not tell myself to stop.\n \n ******\n I can't remember for the life of me how I got back, or\neven how long it had taken. The first thing I can remember is the view of\nthousands of leaves a little ways above my head. For all I know, I had walked\naround the earth and back, and by the way my body felt, and what I remember of\nthe place I last remembered being, I could easily believe it. Absolutely unable\nto move any of my limbs, I rolled my head around to get a better view. This\nis the park... I was in a safe place. I could start healing. I just need\nto turn back into a fox. I know I can heal then. I lay in the cool grass\nand concentrated as hard as I could on it while the indescribable pains of\nchanging and an injured heart consumed me. \n \n ******\n It was nearly a week sedentarily lying on the grass bed\nuntil I was strong enough to go back to school and continue a semi-normal life.\nI didn't need the education or the normalcy even, but I really needed the\natmosphere and the friends. Just so I could feel like part of me was still\nhuman. Only looking back do I realize how oddly delirious I was from a lack of\nnourishment and so many changes back and forth. It was a relaxing, yet unsettling\nfeeling. Leaving the forest for the first time in a week, I headed for my\nschool in some clothes I grabbed off a clothesline. I don't really need my\nbackpack... I rarely actually use anything in it anyway. The campus peeked\nover the near horizon, with people watching their feet reluctantly carry them\nto the place where they'd be bored out of their skulls for the next half of the\nday. I smiled out of nostalgia. I joined the group of bus passengers. Funny, I\ncouldn't hear the bus driver screaming profanities. I chuckled anyway at the\nthought of it. A few of the students looked over at me, smiled, and looked back\nat the ground. That was weird. I looked behind me too- more awkward\nsmiles. What the hell? Maybe today would not be so normal. Maybe\nIrene or Herman know what this is all about. I walked past the doors of the\nschool. I noticed Wally walking across from me making deliberate eye-contact\nfar too late for me to be comfortable with. He swerved into my path and grabbed\nmy shoulders. \n \"Markus, if you need anything, I'm right here for you,\nbuddy.\" I tried to clear my head by massaging my temples, but to no avail. \n \"What? Why are you being nice to me?\" He let go of my\nshoulders.\n \"Are you okay? The principal just said it a second ago on\nthe PA.\" He was visibly concerned. \n \"What the hell are you talking about? Tell me!\" \n \"I- Your friends- I'm sorry, I thought you knew.\" He\nwalked away. \n \"Wait!\" I half turned around to call to him. He held his\narms close to him and walked briskly away. I had no choice but to keep walking.\nMore smiles complements and apologies bombarded me until I reached the\nprincipal's office. I didn't mind much for preserving the door, so I just\nripped it open. \"What the hell is going on?\" The principal rose politely from\nhis large desk and raised his eyebrows at me.\n \"You don't know about your friends?\"\n \"No! What about my friends?\"\n \"Markus, please take a seat.\" I grabbed a chair hurriedly\nand slumped into it. \n \"About five days ago, your friends were-\" He paused and\nbit his fist. He was already tearing up, at the thought of whatever the hell it\nwas.\n \"Five days ago, Herman, Irene, and Donald were found\ndead. They were all thought to be the victims of a hate crime, since all three\nwere open... uh-\"\n \"Furries.\" My voice squeaked the word out. \n \"In fact, the police have been looking for you for a\nwhile, trying to protect you from whoever did this. You may not be safe out in\nthe open.\" The world stopped turning at that moment. I stared at a spot on the\nceiling, as good as any. My stomach fell through the floor, in a feeling I can\nhardly even call guilt. I walked out of the office. \"Markus, wait!\" I didn't\nlisten. My walk sped up through the halls of smiling faces. Another former\nbully tried to console me. \n \"Hey, I'm really sorry about your friends-\"\n \"STOP! I don't need fake help from fake people!\" I kept\nstriding. No one else got in my path this time. I stumbled from side to side, I\nguess everyone was too intimidated to help me walk either. I burst through the\ndoors and almost lost my balance. My stomach reached the tipping point.\nSomething had to come out now. I gagged violently in the grass, but nothing\ncame out. I hadn't eaten in too long. I was on my knees in front of the school\nnow, clutching my head between my hands. Tears flowed copiously from my eyes as\neveryone else remained at a safe distance, unsure how dangerous I was to them. Good,\nI don't deserve to be comforted. I sobbed loudly for several minutes before\nI felt someone rest their arms delicately on my back. \n \"Markus?\" It was Alice. Of course.\n \"Get away from me.\" I brushed my hand at her arm, but she\nput it right back on.\n \"No. You need help right now, and I don't think anyone\nelse understands you enough to give it to you.\"\n \"You barely even know me!\" I looked at her feet to talk\nto her.\n \"You know that isn't true, Markus. I care about you a\nlot, and I'm only here to help.\n \"You're all smiles and nice words like everyone else.\nYou're only here to make yourself feel better. You don't give a fuck about me!\nLEAVE!\" It must have been true. I believed it so wholeheartedly. I heard her\nbegin to cry. She ran off. \"This was no fucking hate crime...\"\n ******\n I now understand fox's words. I was just too fucking\nstupid to do the right thing. Fuck this godforsaken curse wrought upon me. I\nnever even wanted it in the first place. Why did it have to happen to me? Why\nme! I can't believe any of this. Donald, he was a good man. He didn't appear to\nbe doing anything with his life, but who knows what he could have accomplished\nafter he realized his potential? He didn't deserve this. And Herman, he was so\nthrilled with life all the time. He was so loyal and kind to even those who\ncalled him names. He didn't deserve a slap on the wrist, let alone anything\nworse for whatever he did wrong in his life. I loved that man. And Irene. She\nhad a good heart, but it won't beat like it used to. She was friends with us,\nso she became a furry just so she didn't have to abandon us. She made the\nsacrifice of severing her other friendships for her best. It's not often that\nanyone has the privilege of meeting someone with their priorities set so\nstraight, morals so righteous. Any one of them deserved to survive more than I\ndid. God, why me? Why in all hell did this happen to me? I know I wasn't the\none behind the gun, but I pulled the trigger anyway. Obviously I do not deserve\nthe ultimate gift from whoever's in charge up there. I now know what has to\nhappen to me. But not before I dismantle the gun.\n \nEND\nOF CHAPTER 6\n","previous":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/594974-fierce-5-looking-up.json"}