# Fierce 6. In Pursuit of Life

Author: Jenson Fox
Tags: Action, Fox, Violence, friends, furry

Very intense episode this time... worth the extra time it took to write it


In Pursuit of Life
 
 She walked
up to my standing figure like she had done many times in the past few weeks,
and my reaction to her was no different. My heart doubled its speed, I breathed
much faster, and my mind raced. Luckily, I had been practicing my resolve
recently around her, and I'm sure she would not mind if I had still been as
shaky and nervous as when she first spoke to me. "Hey there!" I even sounded
slightly friendly, rather than horrified.
 "Hi Markus!
Have you been sick? You were absent for a few days, and I started to worry."
She smiled, almost too subtlely for me to pick up. I kicked the dirt under my
feet and smirked.
 "I tend to
take a few days off when I feel like it." I aimed my face to the ground but
concentrated my eyes on hers.
 "Ah. I
guess you're one of those people who's too far ahead in class to even care!"
She responded sarcastically. She knew that I lived on my own, so she didn't try
to remind me by asking how I was allowed to do such a thing. 
 "Pretty
much. I could take the harder courses, but then why would I ask for more work?"
I chuckled lightly.
 "That's
true. But harder classes let you into a better college, and if you like the
subject, then they present a welcome opportunity to plumb the depths!" I let my
jaw slack open.
 "Wow. How
long did it take for you to come up with that sentence?" She beamed and laughed
a little.
 "Why don't
you transfer into English Honors with me? It's a great resource for speaking
and writing skills!" 
 "And I'm
the one confidently cutting class! What about you?"
 "Oh, my
parents would disown me!" We laughed, hers with just a hint of insecurity. I
too, recognized when to back off of a subject.
 "So how
long have you-" I don't know why, but she anxiously cut me off.
 "I should
go home, or I may get in trouble." She held a polite countenance and waited for
my confirmation.
"Wait, do you want to go to the
park today and uh... hang out?" Uneasiness leaked through.
 "I might be
allowed. I'll see you there in about two hours, okay?"
 "Okay! See
you then." She walked briskly home, as I stood just watching her go for a few
minutes. 
 It was
around this time that I no longer simply lusted for changing into a fox, but I
had begun to itch for it. I didn't fit into my human skin, it was too
restricting. I felt something inside me that was not possible to express in
this form. I needed to be a fox to some degree to feel like myself. I needed to
be myself to be confident. And yet, I had to be human to keep contact with the
world. No, I certainly couldn't be either one, nor could I give up either one.
I have to live both lives. 
 I met Alice
there two hours after school, and we talked for a very long time, even as the
night began to fall from the sky. We were lying in a secluded knoll with thick,
fresh forest on all sides of us. We were sitting against one another. I was
unsure whether she saw it as a friendly position or otherwise.
 "You know,"
Alice said, "my parents are little tough on me, but I don't think they would
absolutely murder me if I stayed for a little longer." She mentioned,
nonchalantly. 
 "I can stay
out her just as long as you can." I patted her shoulder in a bit of an awkward
way, but she did not react negatively to it. She simply smiled and allowed me
to take my hand back. I did so.
 "I think
the stars are starting to come out." Her voice lowered, indicating that she was
relaxed and comfortable in this environment. I leaned backwards until I was on
the ground, my head comforted by smooth blades of cool grass. Her head fell
straight to my stomach.
 "Oof!" The
sudden pressure was surprising but not painful. 
 "Sorry!"
she turned her head left to me. 
 "No, it's
totally fine." I leaned my head back down and gazed to the newly uncovered
stars. She laid her head on my stomach and did the same. "It is a clear night,
alright." 
 "What?" Her
voice was soft to me as well. "Here-" She adjusted herself and carefully laid
her head on my chest instead. "What did you say?" I froze, this recent action
of hers surprised me quite a bit. My eyebrows were raised as high as they would
go, and my lips were open. "Markus?" Something started to feel a little
different inside me. "Are you alright?" Her voice was further away to me. She
sat up and drew her hand to my cheek. I directed my stare to her face. A pain
shot through my whole body, near paralyzing me. 
 God no.
Not now. My hand screamed as it shifted bone structure. I tried to regulate
my voice as much as possible through the intense pain. "You- need to go. Right
now." 
 "I'm not
just leaving you like this! You're obviously in pain!" I gritted my teeth
against the crunching bones. A pain similar to a knife wound surprised me in my
lower back. 
 "GO! RIGHT
NOW!" I shoved her away, with a portion of the new strength that comes from a
transformation. I heard a resonant thud in a tree several yards from me, and
soon after her troubled cough. I writhed on the ground and turned over onto my
hands and knees. The sound of distant leaves crunching, I felt no hand on my
back. Only a few words passed my lips, barely reaching my own ears. "I'm...
sorry." The last thing I can remember seeing before fainting was a couple of
foxes, silently watching me. They turned around after I stared back at them and
left. 
 
 ******
 When my
eyes opened again, I noticed the moon had risen only a few degrees from the
horizon. I must have only passed out for a few minutes. The cool air greeted me
not with chills, but with a feeling of relaxation and reassurance. I checked my
arm. Yup. Furry form. Why the fuck did I have to change then? I rose to
my feet, with practically no effort. I was still centered in the grove Alice
and I were together in, so I sat back down in the middle of it. I sighed,
wrapped my arms around my knees and just thought for a few minutes. So we
layed down, very friendly, and started talking. Then she moved up and rested
her head on my chest- oh shit. I had remembered how excited I was when she
so intimately lay on me. I guess that's one more trigger. That's really just
perfect. Considering the circumstances, I think I reacted fairly calmly.
"FUCK!" My fist flew threw a tree five times wider than I was, smashed into the
ground. "I really need to clear my head." It was time to take out life's little
frustrations on some people who actually deserved it.
 
 ******
 With my heavy coat and regular shorts shielding the
outside world from my "unusual" form, I was within the city in record time.
Bright and copious city lights overwhelm the senses of any man, let alone one
with such vastly improved senses. It was unusually quiet tonight, however. I
did not think such a corrupt place could ever be so peaceful. I scurried up my
usual building with only a few leaps, my hind paws pounded upon the concrete
roof. I felt a little sorry for the owner of the apartments, whoever it was,
for the value of the place must have fallen every time I left paw prints on it.
My coat flapped in the high winds as I took a seat upon the ledge. Just high
enough to be out of sight, but just low enough to see much of the city. No, the
city did not appear to be in need of me tonight. I started to relax and let the
wind blow through the fur on my face. All these weeks with this amazing gift,
and I had never slowed down enough to really savor the experience. My fur was
the sea on a brisk, windless day. It felt as though waveless water caressed
human skin. I shut my eyes and leaned back on locked elbows. What the hell
am I going to do about this "excitement" issue... I really could not believe
something I had wanted so badly for so long would stand so defiantly in the way
of much of my happiness. I certainly can't let myself turn into this when
I'm together with her, and I can't be human when I am with her. I sighed
and watched the steam from my lungs dissipate into the light-polluted sky. I
know it's going to be hard, no matter what I do, but I'm sure some solution
will- *BLAM!* A gunshot due east, maybe an eighth of a mile away... I leapt
to my feet and looked in its direction. "Robbery." A convenience store
with a wide radius of bystanders running away. I hopped rooftops for only a few
seconds before I was adjacent to it. I stepped off the ledge and plummeted four
stories. When I landed, my paws produced an extremely loud boom, and left huge
cracks in the street. I drew my hood to conceal as much of my face as possible.
A few of the thieves were staring at me. I started swaggering over to them. 
 "The fuck?" He was wearing a ridiculous ski mask, but I
could still see his very confused expression. Only five seconds passed before
he made a seemingly arbitrary motion to someone outside. What was that? I
moved my eyes but not my head to see who he was communicating to. No one's
here... but I can't stop moving, they would see a weakness. I have to keep going...
I crossed the median of the very wide city street. The crook returned his
focus to the robbery. I was nearly there. Suddenly, headlights speeding to my
feet. My right fist involuntarily smashed into the hood, forcing the metal to
crumple into itself as the back end of the car rose several feet off the
ground. I only directed my glare at the driver when his car met the ground
again. Unconscious, mouth gaping open. I'm sure he was okay, his airbag did
deploy in time. I readjusted my sleeves and opened the convenience store door.
The little bell jingled to alert them to my entrance.
 "I think your ride is out." Damn, I still love
that deep tone this form has. 
 "Look asshole, I don't know who you think you are, but
you don't want what I've got in this barrel." The clerk did not cease his
intent stare on the wall he was facing. Unsurprisingly, the criminals were all
bark and no bite. They were only tough with their words, behind a gun. It's too
bad even that weapon can't help them. I continued walking slowly to them. He
fired. My arm, again involuntarily, grabbed a thick metal pole from a shelf and
drew it quicker than the eye can see in front of my face. An ear-piercing ding
emanated from the pole. "Fuck me." He slowly lowered the gun, one of the other
crooks dropped the duffel bag full of money. I threw the pole with an
insignificant level of my potential strength at the gunman. His head dented by
the flying piece of steel, he fell immediately to the floor, and his gun slid
to my feet. I picked it up and gripped it in one paw, showing it to the rest of
the conscious ones. I closed my hand, the metal oozing between my fingers like
clay. One fainted. The last remaining one fell to his knees and tried his best
to form words with his lips. I gently lifted the bag of cash and held it in
front of the clerk. He hesitated, but grasped it with both hands. Not scared,
but curious. He must not have been used to getting the money back. All's
done here, just gotta go before- A different kind of siren became apparent
to my ears. 
 "Shit." Cops were lining up in front of the doors.
The door flew open, almost cracking the glass.
 "ON THE FLOOR! RIGHT NOW!" Another gun pointed straight
at my head. Great. I don't think I should hurt these guys... I slowly
dropped to my knees, but kept my eyes on the cop. I knew he couldn't see my
face, but I think my furry coat was apparent to him because my knees were
exposed. Another one gasped.
 "Plan 48!" Two cops appeared from behind the crowd,
rushed over to me. I did not move, assured that this situation would not be
difficult to handle. They grabbed my wrists and pulled me to my feet. I felt
the clutch of tight handcuffs. Several pairs. I let them close each one, and
did not stop them from yanking my hood off. 
 "Jesus..." 
 "What the fuck, man?" I heard a few reactions to my form.
One of them holding my arm behind my back whispered in my ear, "We got you now,
you furry bastard." 
 "You don't even know who I am." I said to all of
them. They started pushing me out the door, I walked voluntarily with them with
my head entirely exposed. We were behind an armored car, one was opening the
door. I pretended to struggle. The policeman with the gun aimed at me shoved it
between my shoulder blades. "Too close." No holds barred now. I ripped
through every pair of handcuffs, creating an indescribably sound of crunching
metal. My two arms forced outwards, and the two holding my arms back flew
through the air. Before the trigger was pulled, I snapped my right hand behind
me and closed my hand around the gun, unknowingly involving the cop's hand as
well. 
 "AUGGHHH!" He fell to his knees, clutching his mangled
hand. The others were too slow to the draw. I drew all my energy to my legs to
make the hugest jump I had ever made. I was touching the ground with one hand,
clenching the other into a fist, and released the energy. I careened four stories
straight up and onto the ledge. I landed softly over the ledge, as I had barely
managed to reach such a height in the first place. I kept running and hopping
rooftops until the blaring sirens could not be heard over the sound of my own
heartbeat. *THUMP THUMP. THUMP THUMP.* Huh. I guess I can wear myself out in
this form. Too bad. Breathing pretty hard, too. Yes, my breath was far
quicker than normal. I took a seat on the edge of one of the buildings. "No
thank you, just a dozen pairs of handcuffs. Beautiful." I relaxed for only
a few seconds before- "AIIIEEEE!!!!!" There was no way I wouldn't hear that in
even my human form. It was right at- Wabash and Kendall Alley. Huh. I guess
that place really saw a lot of action. I feel weak, maybe I shouldn't do this.
I reached the building parallel to the scene. Well, it's only one man
with a knife. This will only take a minute. I yanked my hood back over my
head, and stepped off the ledge landing directly behind the crook. He started
turning his head. "I've been having a real bad day, fella. So why don't you
just lie down against the wall for a minute while she gets the po-" He
interrupted me. 
 "NOW!!!" Before I could understand what he was talking
about, he dropped down to the ground and a large white van screeched beside the
alley. I could not believe my eyes when the side door fell off. A machine gun. Are
they insane? I sprinted to the potential victim behind me and swiftly threw
her to safety on a fire escape. Before I could even turn around, the
earth-shattering bullets began to fly at me. One penetrated my left thigh. I
fell instantly to the ground, kneeling in front of my fate. Another bullet
passed through my right shoulder. I was forced against the brick wall behind
me. I only now started to be aware of the impossible pain surging through my
leg and shoulder. I opened my mouth to scream, but not before a third bullet
pierced my chest. The firing stopped, luckily most of the bullets had missed me
in the first place. It took all my might not to fall over, and I was too
overwhelmed with the incredible pain and shock of gaping holes in my body. I
was quaking uncontrollably, my eyes began to close. I fell onto my front with
my head aimed to one side. I saw nothing more than blood quickly pooling on the
cold ground, and heard only footsteps coming closer. God... Please... I knew
this was it. I would not live past this alleyway. My eyes finally drew shut. 
 "Is it dead?" 
 "It's not going to be moving for a long time."
 "Come on, let's take it to him, he wanted it alive."
Rough hands pulled me up by my arms, I felt my feet dragging across the
pavement. I couldn't move at all. From then on, it was all a blur. I drifted
off someplace more peaceful and warmer than here. I couldn't describe it if I
tried. 
 
 ******
 "You're sure that's him?" 
 "He's a big furry fox. What the fuck do you think?" Very
gravelly low voice this guy had.
 "Sorry, sir." Sir? That can't be good. Nobody calls
anyone sir in this city. I tried moving my arms- no good. Some kind of metal
was holding them to the back of this chair. Suddenly, very loudly in front of
my face-
 "Wake up in there, asshole!" A heavy blow to the side of
my face accompanied with a loud metallic clang, and I couldn't help but open my
eyes. 
 "Ngggya..." The world rolled around in my head. I was dizzy
even before the strike, and still only half-conscious. 
 "Don't sound so fuckin' tough now, do ya?" A third, far
more weasely voice. He's right, why is my voice so much higher? I looked
at my legs, the fur was running thin. And one of them was almost entirely red. 
 "We took a few samples, hope you don't mind." The one
called "boss" started circling around me as he spoke. "Our boys at the lab
can't place your DNA, so basically we have no idea why you can do this." He sat
on his haunches and grabbed my face, staring straight at me. "So you would," he
paused, sounding dangerously sincere, "Really, really help us out if you told
us." His face was old, sagging in several places, mostly under his eyes. He had
very bushy gray eyebrows, and almost no hair on his head. 
 "I-" his face perched inches from mine. "I don't know."
He slowly pushed his fist against my chest wound.
 "Bullshit." The pain was horrible, coupled with the
terror of such helplessness. After a few more seconds of pressure, he relented
and stood up. "We shot you to pieces. According to any sane doctor, you should
have been dead from a lack of blood minutes after we shot you." He started
pacing again, holding his hands behind his back. "It appears that your special
ability comes with some rapid regenerative quality. Which is just fine for us,
because it looks like you ran out of juice before it finished the job." I
looked at my chest. God, that dent must have been an inch deep. It hurt just to
look at it. "We would really like for you to tell us how you did all this so we
wouldn't have to... undo all that hard work." I tried moving my legs... no, they
were tied down hard at the ankles. 
 "You-" It was difficult to form full sentences in this
state. "Would never let me go- even if I told you." He started laughing, and
turned around to face the rest of his bodyguards at the walls. 
 "Looks like we got a smart som'bitch, guys!" He sauntered
over to a table and picked up a sledgehammer. Walked slowly back over to me. I
watched as he leaned it against the gouge in my chest. It hurt already. 
 "Aaaaaaughhhhh...." I had so little energy left, I was
surprised any sound came out at all. He added more pressure to it as he leaned
in closely to my face. He whispered just loudly enough for me to hear, very,
very slowly.
 "Let there be no misconception. You will die here. But if
you're unwise, it will be much. More. Painful." He pushed hard on the hammer. I
felt a rib give way very slightly. 
 "NGGGYYAAAAAA!!!" Unbearable pain sprinted up and down my
entire body. My eyes streamed tears, further obstructing my vision. 
 "We don't understand everything about your... condition.
But we understand that your body is tired. So, very, very tired. Whatever the
fuck you're doing is worse than what I'm doing right now. So who's the real bad
guy here?" He relented and stood in front of me. It didn't even stop hurting
yet, and I was still shaking rapidly. "It looks like you're turning human
again." He squinted and raised one eyebrow. "Clemens. I want ID on this guy right
now." 
 "Yes sir." One bodyguard took a picture of me and started
typing frantically on a nearby keyboard. It took only a few seconds. God knows
what kinds of files they have access to in this place. "Markus Swift, sir." The
boss stopped pacing instantly. He quickly strode to the monitor for
confirmation. 
 "Make sure doesn't die yet. I'm not done." He pushed a
set of doors open and started jogging somewhere else. I hadn't even noticed
before, I was in some kind of medical establishment. Was this an operating
room? It fit with the equipment. I looked at my thighs again to gauge how badly
I was doing. Fuck... I'm entirely human. That's why it all hurts so much. I
turned my head to one side- at least there were no other guards behind me, just
these two. But there was no way I could take anyone on in the shape I was in. I
can't die here. It's too early, I still have so much left to do with my life. There
were no other visible options to me. I began to feel sorry for myself. It's
all over. Nothing left to do but wait and hope for the mercy of
unconsciousness. I dropped my head and allowed my breathing to slow down.
Suddenly, the double doors burst open, with the boss striding through them. 
 "Get out, both of you. Right now." They didn't ask
questions, just left the room. He walked briskly up to me, and grabbed my face
by the cheeks. "I know everything about you, Markus. So I've decided on a plan
that will help both of us out. Do the names Irene, Herman, and Donald mean
anything to you?" I tugged hard at the metal binding my arms. Nothing moved
more than an inch. He laughed, unfazed by my futile attempts.
 "Bastard." I couldn't make more than a faint squeak out
of my voice.
 "In 15 minutes, I can have my men surrounding all three
of them. In 30, we can do it without a trace. By the time an hour has passed,
we can bring you the remains so there is no confusion." He released my jaw.
"But I'm going to be real nice to you today. You have one hour before I send
the order. He simply turned around and left through the double doors. I was all
alone. Jesus fucking Christ. 
 "HHNGGGGGGYYYYYAA!!!" I used every ounce of my strength
at the metal restraints, but to no avail. Not a budge. That's it. I'm dead.
My friends are dead, all because of this stupid FUCKING transformation. I
didn't even have enough energy to scream again. I just let my head fall, and
eventually, fell to sleep. 
 
 ******
 "Wake up!" Whispers from someone right in front of me. It
couldn't have been the boss though, his voice was far too menacing. "You have to
wake up! Now or never, Markus!" Their hand grabbed my hair and pulled my head
up to face theirs. I opened my eyes. A guard? "You can move your arms and legs,
there's an open window just behind you. Leave now!" He was wearing a mask. I
guess all the guards were? I hadn't noticed. I opened my mouth to speak, but he
quickly covered it with his hand, pointing at the door with the other one. I
pulled one arm in front of me, the other one too injured by a bullet wound to
move. He yanked me up to my feet, and put my arm around his shoulder. I had to
put all of my weight on him. I gave him a look that said, "I can't move on my
own." He knew what it meant. "You either escape right now, or you are dead.
Period." He removed my arm from his shoulders and sprinted back out the doors.
I used my good arm and my good leg to balance by leaning on the chair. God,
there was blood all over it. I put one leg in front of the other, and tried
putting weight on it. The gouge in my thigh reminded me of its presence. I
tried screaming in pain, but my voice was again too taxing for my body at this
point. No choice but to keep going. I gritted my teeth through the pain and
continued walking. I heard very distant voices. Shit! It was a little
easier now, I was hobbling more quickly to the window. Only a few more feet to
go. The voices grew louder. Footsteps could be heard now. I limped more quickly
now, leaving bloody footprints and
dragging everything else with each extra foot. Almost there... Yes! My
body collapsed onto the window frame, on my belly. I could not possibly bring
my legs over it, as it was a small hole so I had to keep going headfirst. My
upper body was now hanging out of the window, and I could finally breathe fresh
air. I was going to make it. 
 "No, sir. We don't have any files on..." I could understand
their words. They were getting too close. Shit,
that's a long way down. I was
greeted with a forest as far as the eye could see, all 30 feet below me. My
legs were no good, so I pulled at the ridges in the building with all my
strength. I felt my weight shift. A
little more now... Now only my upper
thighs were hanging on. I moaned passively at the pain my weight wrought upon
my horrid wound. My weight shifted again. I made one more large yank- success!
I tumbled endlessly through the sky for what felt like hours... I was not even
scared at the concept of pain when I reached the ground, for I knew that I had
a chance at survival now. I opened up my arms and legs to embrace the quickly
oncoming trees in hope of a merciful landing. My eyes opened when I knew I was
facing down. Oh fuck. I would not be so lucky. The ground careened
towards me at an alarming rate, I would become good friends with it. I closed
my eyes again. The sound was unimaginable- from both sides of my ears I
heard a disturbing explosion of undecipherable noise, coupled with a numbness
in every crevice of my body except for the three wounds I gained earlier that
scared what was left of my common sense. My inner ear I think was still
functioning, that's why it felt like I had bounced back up before lying on the
ground completely motionless. I could feel each heartbeat, each one seeming
more expensive and significant. *THUMP. THUMP.* "Markus." The mindless
buzzing in my head started to fade away. *THUMP. THUMP.* "There's no need
for you to hurt yourself any more." I quieted my mind as much as I could to
hear the voice better. It was crystal clear now. "This dirt is very
comfortable, you know. I think both of us could enjoy sleeping here for a
while." *THUMP.* I called out to it.
 "Fox?" My voice as well as my body were weightless. 
 "The one and only, baby." A red fox constituted in
front of my eyes. It was unsettlingly pure and unblemished. 
 "I thought you'd abandoned me." My wounds were all gone.
I watched myself stand up. He just laughed like there wasn't anything to be
afraid of. I refused to believe he was so brave or even reckless. 
 "Don't you have someplace to be?" Dread filled me.
 "Yes, but I can't remember where."
 "No you don't. You have something other than yourself
to be worried about." I felt as though Fox had direct access to my every
emotion. But I just had to keep talking to him. He had something I wanted.
 "Why don't you tell me what that is?" 
 "You really don't get it yet, do you?" My stomach
churned violently. I could tell already that I really didn't want to hear what
he was going to say.
 "Get what?" And yet, my voice came out clear and
seemingly confidently. Although not to me.
 "I'm very disappointed." It felt like he sat up
taller. My upper body halted. "I am you. Your subconscious created me as a
place to dump all of its unused and locked potential that you were
uncomfortable using." I re-experienced the pain in my chest. "You have
no second identity, no 'furry' persona, no alternate consciousness inside you.
You only have what you brought with you, and I'm what you can't accept the
responsibility for." I could feel his voice deepen and become more
menacing. I opened my mouth to push words out, but none came to mind or to
existence. 
"It's time to wake up. Do
the right thing. Take responsibility." *THUMP*
 "HYUUUUUUUNGHHH-" My lungs stung horribly from inhaling
so much dust. I pulled my eyes open, to see the forest floor. I sat up with no
small amount of effort, and looked around. Shit. I'm still here.
Wherever here was. A dark, gothic tower loomed behind me, with one window ledge
staring me down. Surely, soon there would be people looking for me there. "The
right thing... I have to get out of here." I moved my right leg underneath me
somewhat easily, but could not budge the other one. My bullet wound still
horribly disfigured my thigh. I didn't care. "Right now, or I never get to feel
anything ever again." I grabbed my left thigh with both hands and jerked
upwards. At least both of my legs were underneath me now. I pushed with my
right leg, then through the searing pain, my left. Standing now, I leaned
mostly on my right side. One step at a time. I gripped my thigh with
both hands and pulled forward, then put weight on it. I limped momentarily and
instantly caught myself on my right leg. I limped again on my bad leg, a little
quicker. I was hobbling at a walking pace. That's not fast enough yet. I
turned to look behind me as I pushed forward. Still no one in the window. I
hobbled faster. Surely soon, they would begin to look for me here. The wound in
my chest began to wield a new kind of pain. I ignored it for as long as I
could, but it was simply too intense. Every neuron in my brain, every muscle in
my body pushed against gravity to move me. I feel as though my conscious mind
disappeared from the rest of my brain as I simply did not tell myself to stop.
 
 ******
 I can't remember for the life of me how I got back, or
even how long it had taken. The first thing I can remember is the view of
thousands of leaves a little ways above my head. For all I know, I had walked
around the earth and back, and by the way my body felt, and what I remember of
the place I last remembered being, I could easily believe it. Absolutely unable
to move any of my limbs, I rolled my head around to get a better view. This
is the park... I was in a safe place. I could start healing. I just need
to turn back into a fox. I know I can heal then. I lay in the cool grass
and concentrated as hard as I could on it while the indescribable pains of
changing and an injured heart consumed me. 
 
 ******
 It was nearly a week sedentarily lying on the grass bed
until I was strong enough to go back to school and continue a semi-normal life.
I didn't need the education or the normalcy even, but I really needed the
atmosphere and the friends. Just so I could feel like part of me was still
human. Only looking back do I realize how oddly delirious I was from a lack of
nourishment and so many changes back and forth. It was a relaxing, yet unsettling
feeling. Leaving the forest for the first time in a week, I headed for my
school in some clothes I grabbed off a clothesline. I don't really need my
backpack... I rarely actually use anything in it anyway. The campus peeked
over the near horizon, with people watching their feet reluctantly carry them
to the place where they'd be bored out of their skulls for the next half of the
day. I smiled out of nostalgia. I joined the group of bus passengers. Funny, I
couldn't hear the bus driver screaming profanities. I chuckled anyway at the
thought of it. A few of the students looked over at me, smiled, and looked back
at the ground. That was weird. I looked behind me too- more awkward
smiles. What the hell? Maybe today would not be so normal. Maybe
Irene or Herman know what this is all about. I walked past the doors of the
school. I noticed Wally walking across from me making deliberate eye-contact
far too late for me to be comfortable with. He swerved into my path and grabbed
my shoulders. 
 "Markus, if you need anything, I'm right here for you,
buddy." I tried to clear my head by massaging my temples, but to no avail. 
 "What? Why are you being nice to me?" He let go of my
shoulders.
 "Are you okay? The principal just said it a second ago on
the PA." He was visibly concerned. 
 "What the hell are you talking about? Tell me!" 
 "I- Your friends- I'm sorry, I thought you knew." He
walked away. 
 "Wait!" I half turned around to call to him. He held his
arms close to him and walked briskly away. I had no choice but to keep walking.
More smiles complements and apologies bombarded me until I reached the
principal's office. I didn't mind much for preserving the door, so I just
ripped it open. "What the hell is going on?" The principal rose politely from
his large desk and raised his eyebrows at me.
 "You don't know about your friends?"
 "No! What about my friends?"
 "Markus, please take a seat." I grabbed a chair hurriedly
and slumped into it. 
 "About five days ago, your friends were-" He paused and
bit his fist. He was already tearing up, at the thought of whatever the hell it
was.
 "Five days ago, Herman, Irene, and Donald were found
dead. They were all thought to be the victims of a hate crime, since all three
were open... uh-"
 "Furries." My voice squeaked the word out. 
 "In fact, the police have been looking for you for a
while, trying to protect you from whoever did this. You may not be safe out in
the open." The world stopped turning at that moment. I stared at a spot on the
ceiling, as good as any. My stomach fell through the floor, in a feeling I can
hardly even call guilt. I walked out of the office. "Markus, wait!" I didn't
listen. My walk sped up through the halls of smiling faces. Another former
bully tried to console me. 
 "Hey, I'm really sorry about your friends-"
 "STOP! I don't need fake help from fake people!" I kept
striding. No one else got in my path this time. I stumbled from side to side, I
guess everyone was too intimidated to help me walk either. I burst through the
doors and almost lost my balance. My stomach reached the tipping point.
Something had to come out now. I gagged violently in the grass, but nothing
came out. I hadn't eaten in too long. I was on my knees in front of the school
now, clutching my head between my hands. Tears flowed copiously from my eyes as
everyone else remained at a safe distance, unsure how dangerous I was to them. Good,
I don't deserve to be comforted. I sobbed loudly for several minutes before
I felt someone rest their arms delicately on my back. 
 "Markus?" It was Alice. Of course.
 "Get away from me." I brushed my hand at her arm, but she
put it right back on.
 "No. You need help right now, and I don't think anyone
else understands you enough to give it to you."
 "You barely even know me!" I looked at her feet to talk
to her.
 "You know that isn't true, Markus. I care about you a
lot, and I'm only here to help.
 "You're all smiles and nice words like everyone else.
You're only here to make yourself feel better. You don't give a fuck about me!
LEAVE!" It must have been true. I believed it so wholeheartedly. I heard her
begin to cry. She ran off. "This was no fucking hate crime..."
 ******
 I now understand fox's words. I was just too fucking
stupid to do the right thing. Fuck this godforsaken curse wrought upon me. I
never even wanted it in the first place. Why did it have to happen to me? Why
me! I can't believe any of this. Donald, he was a good man. He didn't appear to
be doing anything with his life, but who knows what he could have accomplished
after he realized his potential? He didn't deserve this. And Herman, he was so
thrilled with life all the time. He was so loyal and kind to even those who
called him names. He didn't deserve a slap on the wrist, let alone anything
worse for whatever he did wrong in his life. I loved that man. And Irene. She
had a good heart, but it won't beat like it used to. She was friends with us,
so she became a furry just so she didn't have to abandon us. She made the
sacrifice of severing her other friendships for her best. It's not often that
anyone has the privilege of meeting someone with their priorities set so
straight, morals so righteous. Any one of them deserved to survive more than I
did. God, why me? Why in all hell did this happen to me? I know I wasn't the
one behind the gun, but I pulled the trigger anyway. Obviously I do not deserve
the ultimate gift from whoever's in charge up there. I now know what has to
happen to me. But not before I dismantle the gun.
 
END
OF CHAPTER 6

Source: https://sofurry.com/view/621418

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