{"sf1_id":643563,"sf2_id":"Rno4g2D1","title":"derpy's depression","author":"mugman","words":4614,"posted_at":"2014-01-05T14:04:00.000Z","tags":["Depression","F/solo","Fim","MLP","Mlp fim","Sad","Self Harm","derpy"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/643563-derpy-s-depression","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/s/Rno4g2D1","image_url":"https://cdn.sofurryfiles.com/submissions/thumbnails/24/bd/24bd61c3-1099-4793-9fe1-0c3ca077c096","description":"what if after everything that is said about derpy that she decieds to get into self harm?","content":"After a long day working in the post pony office derpy sighed landing on the ground lightly.\n\nShe had been nagged at for the millionth time about forgetting her mail sack, or not devilling mail to the right address and taking a muffin break mid shift or when ever she felt like it.\n\nDerpy sighed and walked to the cakes home barkers house.\n\nDerpy looked and saw the wonderful muffins; she was glad it was the end of her shift; she could buy some muffins and forget about the day and the ear hurt she had from her boss.\n\nThe queue in the cakes shop was long as it was mid day which is lunch time for most ponies.\n\nDerpy waited in the queue, she then looked down the row after a while of waiting, and saw the muffin pile on the plate going down.\n\nWhen derpy next looked there was only 1 muffin left but she almost at the front.\n\nDerpy smiled and knew that that last one was hers, as she got to the front of the desk she smiled.\n\n\"One muffin please!\"\n\nShe said happily putting 2 bits on the counter,\n\n\"Oh I'm sorry derpy there all gone\",\n\nSaid miss's cake as pound cake giggled on her back nomming the last muffin which he had cheekily taken,\n\n\"Don't you have any more?\"\n\nDerpy said looking at her muffin being drooled on by the foal then dropped on the floor,\n\n\"Sorry derpy, only the weight watcher ones are left\"\n\nMiss cake said holding out a plate full of them, each one labelled what vegetable was in them and the price a bit more then normal muffins,\n\n\"I'll take one then I guess\"\n\nShe said sighing as the only ones left where spinach ones no carrot or even lettuce.\n\nMiss's cake bagged up the muffin and gave it to derpy.\n\nDerpy walked out and sighed, no nice muffin just a weight watchers one which where awful.\n\nAs she got home she sighed, putting her mail bag with the other mail bags she had gathered from getting a new one each day from forgetting to take it each morning and just being given a new one.\n\nDerpy took the muffin from the bag and took a bite she then said Yuk throwing it in the bin.\n\nDerpy remembered her other secret muffin but as she opened the cupboard and looked she saw that her other muffin was gone eaten some time ago.\n\nDerpy sighed sitting on the cough looking at the TV turning it on but afternoon telly there was nothing on.\n\nThere where however loads of muffin adverts or shows on muffins which derpy said where mocking her.\n\nDerpy tried to smile but couldn't she was depressed not having a muffin and being yelled at again by her boss.\n\nDerpy then saw a letter on the floor by her door; she must have missed it coming in.\n\nDerpy picked it up and opened it then read what it had to say.\n\n\"Dear Miss Derpy,\n\n\"This is the post office; we need to have a talk about your condition and other items that your boss has told me about,\n\n\"Please come to the post office as soon as you get this letter so we can talk things over,\n\n\"Yours CEO of the post office\"\n\nDerpy put the letter in her saddle bag and flew to the post office HQ.\n\nDerpy walked though the doors walking to the front desk where a mare was typing out letters.\n\nDerpy showed the pony behind the desk the paper she read it and pressed a button on her desk then the doors to the boss's office opened.\n\nDerpy went though them they then closed behind her, she jumped and looked.\n\nThere behind a bigger desk then the one in normal officers was the CEO of the post office.\n\nAlso there was her boss from her post office both where talking and looking at papers.\n\n\"Ah Miss Derpy, glad you could make it, now then I'm very sorry to tell you this, but your boss has told me how much your costing the post office,\n\n\"Leaving your mail bags at your home each day, and then not putting mail in the right ponies address, this miss do, isn't good for the post office,\n\n\"So that is why I'm here to tell you that you're fired from the post office, you last pay check will be paid today,\n\n\"Sorry to tell you, but its better then in letters\"\n\nHe went back to signing bits of paper and talking to derpy's now ex boss who then gave derpy a red peace of paper.\n\nDerpy was now very sad; she cried walking out with her P-45 form and a big bag of bits that was her last pay check.\n\nDerpy was now feeling not good enough for anything the mail was her job and it was gone.\n\nDerpy flew home and saw that her door was open, some ponies had been round her home and had taken everything mail related from her.\n\nThe mail bags, the mail that she had kept because she didn't know where it went.\n\nDerpy sat down on the couch and cried the peace of paper being torn up and thrown to the floor.\n\nDerpy was now feeling very depressed and feeling like crap and wondering how to get another job.\n\nDerpy then looked at her computer and smiled knowing that her friends would cheer her up.\n\nThe internet could take away her problems no matter what had happened she knew that her friends would be there with her.\n\nThis was until she went onto her chat room to talk to her friends.\n\nShe logged in and looked at the chat she hadn't joined the chat but saw what people where saying.\n\n\"OMG, derpy is so stupid; she needs to get her eyes checked,\n\nRainbowdash said\n\n\"I know, she's like cost the post office about 100 bits each day she goes there\n\nWonderbolts said,\n\n\"I heard she's lost her job\n\nSomepony45 said\n\nThe chat laughed showing pictures of her in the local newspaper being saved from a something so simple but she found difficult.\n\nDerpy cried and turned the chat off not wanting to join it after seeing that.\n\nDerpy decide to look up some nice stuff to at least try to cheer herself up, she then found a strange website.\n\nDerpy clicked on the link as it said cutting she thought how to cut up muffins to make them last but she was very wrong.\n\nDerpy looked at the site and saw pictures of ponies with cuts on there legs and other places.\n\nDerpy looked and gasped reading the comments below the pictures.\n\n\"I cut myself today as my CV got tossed away to another pony\n\n\"Nicely done, I cut myself because of the stress of my job, it feels good to cut yourself as if you're emptying your stress letting it flow out,\n\n\"So true, I'm running out of space though, and count\".\n\nDerpy looked at the pictures and the comments then wondered.\n\nDerpy then went to the kitchen and got out a knife the first one she could find.\n\nLooking at the pictures on the website she put it to her left hoof and lightly put the blade on her skin.\n\nDerpy then very carefully moved the knife feeling it cut her skin.\n\nDerpy gasped and she saw the blood come from the cut she had made lifting the knife up from the cut the blood dripped from the blade.\n\nDerpy gasped and shuddered but for some reason she felt better, like she devised to be cut and the ponies on the site where right, she felt her stress going down.\n\nDerpy then thought of all the things she had done wrong putting the on another bit of her leg.\n\nLosing her job another cut to her leg letting it bleed.\n\nTaking the mailbags but not returning them to the post office that was 5 cuts one for each day of the week.\n\nNot getting to eat a muffin and instead of walking away buying a crap muffin that was one more cut.\n\nDerpy then looked at her left leg, her left leg was bleeding the blood dripping from the deep cuts the knife dripping as well, she smiled and stopped knowing that that was enough.\n\nDerpy looked and took a picture of the damage once the bleeding had eased a bit posting it on this new site writing under the picture.\n\n\"I'm new to this cutting thing but this is what I've done, each cut is for every derp I've done\",\n\nDerpy waited then comments started flooding in mostly from the main two who ran the site her cuts still bleeding but not as much as they had.\n\n\"Wow, you must be a real klutz, but it feels good doesn't it?\"\n\nOne of the ponies said\n\n\"Yes, the first cut made me feel better like I needed to be cut to say your bad the rest were for the fact that I lost my job, never took mailbags back to the post office,\n\n\"Great picture not bad for a newbie too, most only do one cut you've done seven, welcome to the cutters, derpy5\",\n\nDerpy smiled as she enjoyed getting this attention, she talked well into the night with these new ponies that called themselves the cutters.\n\nAs derpy got into bed she thought, should I cut myself once more for everyday I've been late to work? Derpy then remembered that she no longer had work.\n\nShe went to sleep and smiled knowing she had met some new friends.\n\nIn the morning derpy awoke and looked at the blood stained sheets not too noticeable but still easy to see where they where.\n\nDerpy didn't care as she knew that this would happen from being told so by her new friends but they said that the blood washes out in the wash.\n\nDerpy got out of bed and had a shower feeling much better about herself, this cutting made her feel much better.\n\nDerpy then looked at the time but didn't have to worry as she no longer had a job.\n\nDerpy smiled she got her saddle bag and walked to town knowing that she could buy a whole load of muffins.\n\nAs derpy walked into town she was happy, her cuts hurt a little from the cold wind but her new pony friends said that she get used to that as well as others looking at her and talking behind her back or under there breath.\n\nAs she walked to town other ponies started whispering and gasping at her legs derpy just smiled she knew what they where talking of but she didn't care.\n\nDerpy didn't care what other ponies thought but she did feel kinda strange as others where talking about her behind her back but this time about her cuts ad not just about her being a klutz.\n\nDerpy knew to let them as if they did talk to her then that would mean a cut as like her friends had said if someone talks to you about your cuts let then but it's a cut as you let others see them.\n\nDerpy went to the cakes along the way she saw rainbowdash pushing some clouds derpy didn't talk to her after what she had said in the chat so just walk onwards to the cakes.\n\nRainbowdash spotted derpy and waited for her to fly to her and say what are you doing? Can I help? Oops, but derpy didn't.\n\nRainbowdash was curios as to why derpy hadn't bothered her she flew to her.\n\n\"Hay derpy, why no talking to me or even a hello?\n\n\"I'm not talking to you, your a bad pony, I saw you on the chat,\n\n\"Oh you saw that, sorry I couldn't help it but I can,\n\n\"Yeah well I don't care say what you want it'll just mean more cuts,\n\n\"What! Derpy you're not cutting yourself are you?\n\n\"Yes I am RD, and it feels good I feel like every time I do it its making me less stressed and un-happy\n\n\"You can't do that, your acting like a,\n\n\"Go away RD I can do what I like, I'm now jobless oh and thanks for telling me I can't cut myself meaning that I'm a klutz that's a cut\"\n\nDerpy walked into the cakes store as RD flew off to see if she could get help or ask about cutting and how to stop it.\n\nThe shop was empty and derpy could smell the freshly baked muffins it filled her nose and she then saw heaven.\n\nMiss's cake brought out two plates of muffins usually derpy only saw the one but two wow!\n\nMiss cake smiled as she put them in the glass counter, derpy got a whole plate load putting them in a bag then paying with her last pay of bits.\n\nDerpy smiled taking them feeling very happy but then at the door bumped into pinkiepie, derpy dropped the bag making the muffins go everywhere.\n\n\"Oops, sorry derpy, don't worry I'll make you a new batch muffins are easy to make,\n\n\"no its my fault for not looking where I was going, still I didn't want a muffin anyways, I'll go home and make sure to cut myself 6 times, once for bumping into you, which made you late for your work, and 5 for the muffins in the bag,\n\n\"Whoa there, you don't need to cut yourself over that, though it looks like you already have, you need to talk to someone derpy?\n\n\"I did this because it makes me feel good, I don't care I'm up to eight cuts today two more for talking to RD now leave me alone!\"\n\nDerpy said and flew off back to her home.\n\nWhen she got inside she grabbed the knife still covered in her blood from last night and changed hoofs she started to cut her right leg as her left had taken seven already.\n\nEight cuts all in a line derpy did in one go, one after the other.\n\nDerpy bleed, the blood dripping onto the floor from her right leg and the knife, she then posted a picture on that website the blood still pooling out.\n\n\"Whoa, you must have really been derping today to do eight cuts\n\n\"I dropped my bag of muffins and saw my friend who said it was my fault I lost my job\n\n\"Good one, my friends say things like don't cut yourself but I just cut myself in front of them or do it when there not looking\n\n\"Hay, do you wanna meet up somewhere and like do cuttings?\n\n\"Sure where?\"\n\nThey talked about where to meet up; derpy smiled and grabbed her saddle bag putting the knife in it, then flying to the park to where they said to meet.\n\nShe then saw two other ponies sitting where they had said to meet; she landed blood coming from her right hoof as it hadn't healed.\n\n\"Hay, glad you could come, oh wait that was positive, ugh I need to cut myself for saying that\",\n\nThe mare did so on one of her many scars\n\n\"You dumb mare, no positive comments, I now need to cut myself for saying that hurtful thing to you and you're my friend\",\n\nThe mare did so enjoying the pain smiling\n\n\"I need to cut myself, I came here but I shouldn't have, that was being positive, I should have come later instead of now, that was my word\"\n\nDerpy got out the kitchen knife and cut herself on her left right leg.\n\n\"Cool, classic kitchen knife, I much rather like my switch blade, because I can cut just by holding it wrong\n\n\"Nah, my Swiss army knifes much better; if the blade goes blunt I got a saw on here to cut myself,\n\n\"Hay lets see whose knife is better\"\n\nDerpy said\n\n\"Good idea, we'll let that one slide, but we'll cut ourselves and see which knife is better\".\n\nThey each traded there knifes, derpy got the Swiss knife, she cut it and felt how deep it went making a lot of blood come out.\n\nThe other mares both cut themselves they liked the kitchen knife as it was a classic and it was easy to use, unlike the switch knife or Swiss knife.\n\nAfter a while all three where very bloody the area where they where had blood around them.\n\nThen one of derpy friends came over RD she had been watching them.\n\n\"Derpy there you are, what you doing with these losers?\n\n\"That was hurtful you blue pony, that is a cut for hurting my feelings\"\n\nThe mare said cutting herself\n\n\"Derpy what are you doing with these emo's?\n\n\"Another insult, two cuts for all of us as we don't like the word emo\"\n\nThey all cut themselves,\n\n\"Go away RD, unless you wanna join, I'm sure the classic here will let you use him\"\n\nDerpy said holding up the knife covered in her blood and the others.\n\n\"Get that away from me, derpy you've gone crazy you need to stop this please,\n\n\"No RD, you need to find a new friend, I've got these two, ugh friendship comment, dose that count or not?\"\n\nThe two mares cut themselves then derpy did it right in front of RD, she flew off.\n\nThe three talked about how they started cutting and what other items where good for cutting yourself if you didn't have your knife.\n\nAs the sun set they each got up and left, that's when derpy saw nurse red heart running over with some bandages looking up she saw RD.\n\nAll three pushed her away saying that those are just like words they heal but don't make the problem go away.\n\nShe walked away looking up to RD who just shrugged.\n\nWhen derpy got home she smiled taking another picture of her cuts from the park and putting them on the website.\n\n\"If I run out of space on my front legs is it okay to cut other places?\n\n\"Sure, and if you want some thrills cutting your cutiemark or plot gives you a quick sex rush,\n\n\"Yeah shame you can't cut your marehood, otherwise for each stallion that has mounted you that turned into a jerk you could cut for\"\n\nAs derpy went to bed she smiled and had added a few more cuts to her body, mostly on her back legs from think about other times she'd been a klutz.\n\nWhen morning came derpy smiled she went to the area where her friends had been yesterday and relaxed licking her knife clean from the dried blood a few ponies looking and adverting there gaze.\n\nNever wash as water makes the blade rust but your own tongue won't that's what her friends had said.\n\nWhen ponies walked by they gasped and muttered pointing and telling nurse red heart.\n\nDerpy just cut herself again then a bully came into the park going to where derpy was.\n\n\"Hay flying pony your in my way, get your emo plot out of my spot\n\n\"No, this is my spot, and I'm staying\"\n\nThe bully grabbed derpy and chucked her into a trash can laughing.\n\nHe then poured her saddle bag contents into the pound and threw her knife into a tree making sure to really burry it in the tree.\n\nDerpy cried, this was the most terrible thing that had happened to her.\n\nGetting out of the bin after she had a think, she picked up her saddle bag all wet and soggy the muffins inside all wet and soggy as well which the ducks ate quacking happy.\n\nDerpy then went to the tree and pulled her knife out of the tree falling over as she did so from how much it had been forced in, as she fell she opened one of her old cuts.\n\nShe then went home crying even though other ponies where trying to help her she just pushed them away.\n\nDerpy took a picture of the open cut with dirt in and her new friends where un-sure what to say.\n\n\"Well you should have just gotten out of his way, today we don't go to the park we should have told you\",\n\nBoth mares cut themselves as they hadn't told her about the bully\n\n\"No it was my fault, I should cut myself for standing up to him, I've always been bullied, dose that count as cutting?\n\n\"Yes, I started cutting because of that each cut for each time I got bullied\",\n\nAs derpy typed a reply a knock at the door came, it was rainbowdash, with a basket of muffins.\n\n\"I'm sorry derpy, I saw what happened and I couldn't help, I went to the police and told them there telling him off now,\n\n\"Telling the person off doesn't heal the pain, leave me alone, I don't want to know you anymore\"\n\nShe closed the door and then walked to her bedroom crying.\n\nBefore she did this she posted on the website, I'm cutting myself until I either pass out or die, to which her friends said,\n\n\"Record for cuts and not passing out is 30, death is 70\",\n\nDerpy got out her knife and cut herself re-opening old wounds all though out her life she had been bullied.\n\nNow it was the prefect time to cut herself and really show those bullies.\n\nShe cut and cut and cut the blood running down her legs and onto the bed pooling.\n\nDerpy then looked at her back legs and cut more sobbing as she felt her body start to shake.\n\n\"Loss of my job, loss of my muffins, no money to buy muffins\",\n\nShe said as she cut deep into her legs, feeling a bit faint she shook her head not waiting to pass out just yet.\n\nShe then cut her body, feeling the pain but soon ignoring it.\n\nAnother few cuts and she was at 30, her belly and chest covered in cuts and leaking blood, she looked like something from a horror film but she didn't care.\n\nShe was now feeling weak and sick, but she kept going thinking of all the bad things she'd done.\n\n\"Always losing my mailbag and losing my money to cons and scams\"\n\nCutting her back she gasped feeling the cold blade on her back.\n\nCutting more she heard the door knocking ignoring it, derpy just went crazy cutting any part of her body she had hit her cutiemark but she was in so much of a distress she didn't notice.\n\nDerpy cut every part of body, until she hit 69.\n\nDerpy then saw one last area on her body she hadn't cut her neck.\n\nDerpy's bed was now covered in blood, derpy herself looking like a horror film victim when she hit 70 cutting her neck.\n\nDerpy's body went limp as the knife blade sliced though her neck the blood seeping out as she closed her eyes going to sleep and to never wake up again.\n\nThe door was bashed down nurses and doctors ran up to her bedroom and saw derpy.\n\nIn the bed was derpy, knife in her hoof the blood dripping to the floor now from the amount she'd cut herself.\n\nThe nurses put some bandages on her but they just turned red from the amount of blood.\n\nRunning to the hospital derpy was alive but not moving, her body now looking like a mummy.\n\nAs they got to the hospital they started to sow the deeper cuts up where she had just cut randomly, then they put some blood into her as well as an IV.\n\nOutside looking on was her only friend rainbowdash, that's when her other friends came by to vist her, derpy had left her internet on and they heard the whole thing.\n\n\"Hay its that blue pony, she must be here to see her friend cut herself more,\n\n\"NO I'M NOT I'M HERE TO MAKE SURE SHE OKAY! You two made her cut herself to the point she's almost dead in there,\n\n\"Wow, so she alive? Impressive, I've not seen someone cut themselves so much there still alive,\n\n\"WHAT IN THE HAY IS WRONG WITH YOU?! You two need to leave here now, never talk to her again or ever see her again,\n\n\"Okay, blue, c'mon lets go see if there's something outside worth cutting ourselves over,\n\nThe doctors and nurses worked throughout the night to stop the bleeding, and to keep this one pony alive.\n\nThey had patched her up and made sure all sharp things in the room where gone so that she couldn't do more harm.\n\nThey then left her to wake up she was in a coma only rainbowdash was there waiting.\n\nAbout a week pasted before derpy woke up, she looked up not seeing her bedroom ceiling but seeing the hospital ceiling.\n\nDerpy knew what it looked like having been in there so often from being a klutz.\n\nShe then looked and saw a sleeping pony next to her, she opened her eyes more and saw it was rainbowdash not her other friends.\n\nDerpy groaned which woke rainbowdash up.\n\n\"Oh its you, suppose you've come to say goodbye to me,\n\n\"No, I've been here for a week; you cut yourself so much you went into a coma,\n\n\"Good, at least then my friends would be happy to see I was alive, which would mean another cut,\n\n\"Oh yeah then why aren't they here? I told them to beat it,\n\n\"Derpy what, or where you doing with them? Finding a job having a laugh, no just cutting yourself,\n\n\"Those emo ponies are bad, besides I'm still your friend\",\n\nRainbowdash said holding derpy's hoof\n\n\"Then why where you talking crap about me on the chat?\n\n\"Every pony talk about there friends, They talk crap about every pony, just that day you was in the firing line, I didn't think you'd be on or see it\",\n\nDerpy sighed and looked at herself, all the bandages on her, she then cried.\n\n\"I'm sorry rainbowdash; I thought I was doing the right thing,\n\n\"It's alright derpy; you didn't know I'm sorry, here,\n\n\"What's this?\n\n\"it's a pony that can help you, she helped me I used to cut myself as well, but with her help I was able to stop, it took a while but I soon stopped\",\n\nShe lifted some fur from her left leg and showed a pink area that was rigged from so much cutting.\n\nDerpy smiled and hugged rainbow, she then got some sleep, she now knew she had a friend a good friend and she would now just have to fight the demons that had made her do this.\n\nWhen she was much better she went the place that RD had given her, she was a nice DR, she made her feel much better.\n\nEvery so often someone would talk smack about her but she knew to ring the DR, and she would talk her out of cutting herself.\n\nShe also helped derpy get another job; she became a talker about self harm.\n\nDerpy enjoyed it, as she could talk to others about her problem, and she has a message to you,\n\nIf you are ever bullied by ponies or people, and you want to self harm, just think about whom it'll hurt, your family, your friends and more, its hard not to cut but if you have true friends they'll talk you out of it and even talk about it.\n\nNever cut yourself over something so stupid, instead cut muffins, for sharing.\n\n‾The end‾\n\n  \n  \n\n"}