# Cats and Dogs

Author: FakeMan
Tags: Ambiguous Gender, Barbs, Canine, Cat, Dog, Feline, Knot, Male, One-upmanship, Rhyme, Suitors, choice

#4 of Verse and Other Nonsense!

Like cats and dogs, the saying goes,
They do not get along.
And their methods of seduction
Are the topic of this song.
As you scour through this piece
And its oddly foppish voice,
All I ask is at the end
That you tell me of your choice.

Disclaimer - T.E.V. Warning  (Contains Troubadourially Erotic Verse) 

Cats and Dogs

 

Vying for your heart's affection

(And some other organs too)

A dashing dog, a clever cat

Both stand in front of you.

 

Their fur's on end, the tension's high

It's hard to misconstrue,

There is a thing that they both want

Which in this case is you.

 

"_Please don't bother even listening,_"

The lynxish cat begins.

"_To that foul cur's tasteless whining_

_as he drones on without end._"

 

" **Now wait right there, you foul feline;**

**You speak but senseless lies.**

**Just ignore his foolish empty words,**"

The noble hound decries.

 

"_Well, you must choose one of us,_

_And let's be honest here,_

_I'm the only real option,_

_So your choice is very clear ._"

 

" **Stuff and nonsense,**" booms the hound.

" **Please**  **don't bother with this cat.**

**He just wants you as a trophy.**

**I am doubly sure of that.**

**If you'll have me as your lover**

**Then I'll be your loyal hound.**

**You'll be happy wrapped canine arms,**

**True love finally found."**

"_Of course he does leave out the fact_

_That you'll be bored to death,_

_Stuck in his clutching grasp_

_Choking on his fetid breath._

_If you come with me instead_

_I offer things you've never seen._

_We felines are quite flexible_

_If you're getting what I mean."_

They both stare daggers, pacing now.

You silently consider.

The hound is strong, the cat is quick,

But neither one seems fitter.

 

" **Once the bedroom talk is done**

**You'll love what's coming last**

**As I gently slip inside of you,**

**Swelling tight and fast.**

**I can make you moan for hours**

**As we writhe in ecstasy,**

**My knot pleasing from the inside**

**As you soon shall see."**

"_You'll be groaning on for hours_

_If you go with him, that's true._

_You'll want to get away from him,_

_Which he won't let you do._

_Now if you go with me_

_You will yowling out in bliss._

_My spines will tickle your insides_

_While we passionately kiss."_

" **Yowling is for certain**

**If you join in with this one.**

**A second in, the claws come out**

**Two seconds in, he's done!**

**I know you'd rather have a night**

**With lapping ministrations.**

**A canine tongue can offer you**

**A world of new sensations."**

"_Of course, when it comes to pleasuring_

_A cat's tongue is the best_

_For scraping licks to drive you wild_

_And just the right roughness._

_Then as we sleep together,_

_Your skin against my fur,_

_Your mind will be at comfort_

_As you listen to my purr."_

" **Don't expect much rest with him**

**Until it's done and later.**

**Sleeping with a cat's akin**

**To with a carburetor."**

"_A dog is just a oafish lout_

_Who's got more brawn than wit._

_Not suitable for one like you,_

_So fine and delicate."_

" **Lies and slander!**" "_Poisoned Words!_"

They seem about to fight.

And that would be a travesty,

And so you think you might

 

Have a solution in your mind

To set this whole thing right . . .

Now which of them will be the man

That you take home tonight?   

Source: https://sofurry.com/s/qmyJovKn
Part of the series Verse and Other Nonsense!
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