{"sf1_id":677550,"sf2_id":null,"title":"Expectations","author":"DarkSoulsSauron","words":1349,"posted_at":"2014-03-09T04:01:00.000Z","tags":["Gay Relationships","M/M","ninetales"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/677550-expectations","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/view/677550","image_url":"https://www.sofurryfiles.com/std/thumb?page=677550\u0026ext=.jpg","description":"","content":"Soren\nhopped down from the tree, three of the five kite strings in his\nhands. Eli was right behind him. The five kids crowded around them,\neager to resume playing now that the park's trees were done tangling\ntheir toys. The\npair turned and left, smiling as they heard the shouts and laughs of\nthe children behind them. They returned to their favorite bench, back\nto the shade of cherry blossoms that ringed the entrance to the\nJapanese tea garden. Soren laughed as he sat down, holding Eli's\nhand. \"Don't make me do that again.\" \"I'm\nsorry,\" said Eli, resting his head on Soren's shoulder. \"I know\nyou don't like high places,but I did need your help. I just couldn't\nget the highest ones. Thanks for being such a good sport.\" \"I\nknew you wouldn't be able to stand the guilt,\" teased Soren. \"I'd\nhate to see you crushed by the disappointed pouts of five kids we met\nten minutes ago.\"Eli\nsmiled. There was a little pause, and Eli straightened his head and\nlooked Soren straight in the eye. \"Would you ever\nwant kids, Soren?\" Soren\nclosed his eyes and sighed. He waited for a minute or two, holding\nEli's left hand, rubbing his silver thumb across the two rings: the\nwhite gold band with the iridescent, uncut fire opal and the sterling\nsilver folded over two tiny, brilliant sapphires. Soren took a deep,\nslow breath, and looked into Eli's emerald eyes. \"I knew you'd ask\nme that soon. I have an answer for you, but I'm afraid I'm going to\ndisappoint you.\" \"What's\nup, dear,\" asked Eli, concern in his voice. \"This isn't about\nmeeting expectations, sweetie. What's on your mind? Just tell me.\"\"I\ndon't feel ready, Eli,\" said Soren, placing his other hand on Eli's\nshoulder. \"I... I don't get kids like you do. It's like they're a\ncompletely different species, like aliens or something. But you...\nyou can just sort of get on their wavelength. You understand them so\nmuch better... I always feel so clueless around little kids. You'd\nmake a great dad. But not me.\" Eli\nsmiled and kissed Soren on his cheek. \"Sweetheart, your scientist\nis showing. You can't raise kids with a textbook. It's a feeling\nthing.\" Soren\nsmiled back, but with sadness in his eyes\n. \"But that's what I'm bad at. The feeling things. Stuff like that\nis so hard for me.\" Eli\nheld his left hand up in front of Soren's face. \"You can't be that\nbad at it. You married me, didn't you?\" \"I\nknow,\" said Soren, lightly brushing his lips against Eli's hand.\n\"The best part of my morning is waking up next with you.\" Soren\npaused briefly as he wrapped his arms around Eli. \"The best part of\nmy day is to see the rings on our hands. The best part of my night is\nto lay down next to my husband\nand tell him I love him.\" Eli\nsighed as Soren held him.\"But what's holding you up, sweetie?\"\"Eli...\nI love you, and being married to you has made me so happy, but...\ngetting there. It was so hard for me. I was so afraid I'd hurt you,\nthat I'd screw up. And I came so close to screwing things up. And-\"\nEli\nput a hand on Soren's muzzle. Cupping Soren's face in his hands, he\nsighed. \"No. Stop it now. Stop acting like you need to be perfect.\nCouples argue. We argue some days. It's not wrong that we had a fight\nor two. We got over them. We talked it out. At the end of the day, we\nstill love each other. That's not screwing things up, that's called\nbeing normal.\"\"You're\ntoo nice to me, Eli,\" whispered Soren, stroking Eli's hair.\"No,\"\nsaid Eli, quietly, but firmness in his voice. \"You're too hard on\nyourself. But there's more on your mind than this.\" Soren\npaused. \"I... I'm so... afraid.\" \"Of\nwhat, Soren?\" Eli gripped one of Soren's hands. Soren\ntook a minute to compose himself. \"What if... I become my parents?\nWhat if I make the same mistakes as my parents did?\" The\nlook of desperate concern on Soren's face was the only thing that\nstopped Eli from laughing. \"Soren, darling, why would you ever be\nlike them? What makes you think you, of all people, would treat\nsomeone badly for being gay?\" \"It's\nnot about homophobia, Eli,\" said Soren, his voice barely audible.\n\"It's about being stubborn. Would I follow my parents' path if a\nchild of ours chose to be a... oh I don't know... a Scientologist?\nWould I be able to support my own kid's decision without letting my\nown biases getting in the way?\" \"You\nwouldn't be alone, sweetie,\" said Eli, holding Soren. \"I'd be\nwith you every step of the way. There's give and take, and we'd be\nthere to check and balance each other. \" Soren\nsighed, growling a bit as he felt Eli's arms snake around his back.\nPressing Eli into his chest, Soren continued, \"I know that, dear.\nBut you'd be doing everything. You just get kids.\nYou're so in tune with whether they need help or want something. I\njust don't understand them like you do. I'd just get in the way.\"\"Parenting\nis more than providing needs. Think of all the things you're good at,\nsweetheart.\" Soren made a half-cough of dissent, but Eli raised his\nvoice. \"Oh, stop it. What if our son needed help with his math\nhomework? What if our daughter wanted to know more about chemistry?\nWhat if our kids wanted to learn a new game? I couldn't help them\nwith that nearly as well as you could. You could foster a lifelong\nlove of music or food or games or science. Hell, we would be eating\nfrozen food every day without your cooking prowess. Think of all the\nthings you could teach any kids we'd raise together.\" Soren\nsighed again. \"You're so sweet, Eli. I... you're right. You're\nalways are. But... I... not right now, ok? I don't feel ready right\nnow. I know you'd make\na great dad. I'm just not so sure about me. I'm sorry, sweetie.\" Eli\nkissed Soren. He didn't break away for a long time. \"You don't need\nto be sorry, sweetheart. It's such a big decision. I'd never coerce\nyou into it. I promise you we will never do anything before we both\nknow we are ready. But I think you would would make a better daddy\nthan me.\" \"You\nreally think so,\" asked Soren. \"You think I'd be\na better dad than you?\" Eli\ntousled Soren's meticulously cropped blue hair. \"You're such a\nwonderful teacher. I think the world is missing out on a world class\nprofessor, but I know how much you love your lab job. And I know you\nmake a difference working there. But have you ever thought of what\nkids could learn from you? And you're so nice and sweet and caring\nand selfless and loving.\" Eli kissed Soren, smiling widely. \"I\nfeel so selfish, hogging all the love you give to me every day. Any\nkid would be lucky to have you as a dad.\" \"Do\nyou really mean that,\" asked Soren, visibly overwhelmed. \"Every\nword, sweetie,\" said Eli. \"You'd be the world's best dad. But\nonly when you're ready.\"Soren\nburied his face in Eli's soft shoulders. \"And only if you were with\nme every step of the way. I love you so much, sweetheart.\" Eli\nkissed Soren's neck as he held his husband. \"I love you too. Are\nyou getting hungry? You wanna grab something tasty at the garden?\" Soren\nunwrapped himself from Eli but still kept hold of his slender hand,\nstill running his thumb over the smooth, warm fire opal ring. \"I\nwanted to stop at the farmer's market. See if I can find some\ningredients that will inspire me.\" \"Let's\ngo then,\" said Eli, hopping off their bench. \"There's not much\ntime before they start packing up.' The two foxes hustled out of the\npark, anticipating whatever culinary creation Soren was planning in\nhis head. "}