{"sf1_id":746123,"sf2_id":null,"title":"Unnatural Tendencies - Chapter 3","author":"TyFox","words":4973,"posted_at":"2014-08-19T00:12:00.000Z","tags":["Drama","Gay Relationships","Highschool","Male","Otter","Romance","Sex","Vore (soft)"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/746123-unnatural-tendencies-chapter-3","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/view/746123","image_url":"https://www.sofurryfiles.com/std/thumb?page=746123\u0026ext=.jpg","description":"#5 of Unnatural Tendencies (WIP)\n\nThird chapter of \"Unnatural Tendencies\"","content":"\"Unnatural Tendencies\" - Chapter 3\n\nBy: Ty the Fox\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n_Bzzzzt!_\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp;The shrill buzzer signaling the end of classes for the day suddenly yanked me out of my anxiety-fueled self-reflecting and sent a jolting chill down my spine.\u0026nbsp; I knew all too well what it signified: the end of my stay of execution.\u0026nbsp; The sweat-soaked note clenched in my right paw simply stated, \"Library, after school - Darryl,\" eliminating any chance that my indiscretion yesterday would go unaddressed.\u0026nbsp; I was terrified.\u0026nbsp; Even after all my ruminating and thought-scouring I still couldn't weave a cogent explanation together to give him.\u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp;To be honest, it was probably best to get this over and done with sooner rather than later; my mind had been fruitlessly twisting and turning over this from the moment I woke up this morning and I doubted I could let it go without resolution.\u0026nbsp; That knowledge alone, though, wasn't enough to calm my shaking hands or slow the frantic pounding of my heart.\u0026nbsp; In my gut I felt this was going to go very badly.\u0026nbsp; As the last of my classmates left and the members of the student assembly funneled in for their weekly meeting, I mechanically collected my things and slunk out the classroom door, starting to slowly make my way to the other end of the building.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; It had been an altogether shitty day even before Darryl had clandestinely slipped that piece of paper into my paw as we left math class.\u0026nbsp; I'd fallen asleep at around 8:00 last night without doing a shred of schoolwork, leaving me completely unprepared for the History pop quiz and the Chemistry test I had to take.\u0026nbsp; One night's preparation wouldn't normally have made much of a difference - I tried to study a little bit day by day to remain on top of things - but the knowledge that had been so carefully collected and archived away was just out of reach, as if I'd locked it up in a chest and lost the key.\u0026nbsp; Frustratingly, though, each time I'd try to 'pry it open,' hoping to get even a small sliver of information, anything to give me a glimpse of insight, my scrambled brain would find ways to distract me, ensuring that those facts and figures would remain elusive.\u0026nbsp; As I was searching for the procedure for balancing a chemical reaction, I suddenly felt the warmth of Darryl's slight body against mine and was reminded of what I knew I'd never have again.\u0026nbsp; The provisions of the 14th\u0026nbsp;Amendment had something to do with civil rights and the end of slavery, but I found myself unable to put those thoughts to pen, too distracted by the thought of being forever enslaved by my impulses and wanton desires.\u0026nbsp; I don't think I ended up answering more than half of the questions on either of them, and even those that I didn't leave blank were almost certainly answered incorrectly.\u0026nbsp; I'd never done so poorly on an exam before, yet the inevitability of getting two failing grades wasn't bothering me.\u0026nbsp; I was still obsessing over yesterday afternoon and the complete mess I'd made of things.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; As I neared the entrance to the library, feeling as though my whole body was trembling, I saw Darryl lingering near the circulation desk, checking out a small stack of books.\u0026nbsp; God, he was so damn cute, even with his silly outfit and too-big glasses.\u0026nbsp; With a slight bit of work, I could definitely keep him from standing out like he did - hell, he'd probably be one of the more attractive students in our class.\u0026nbsp; Especially if I could somehow find some way to replace those goofy glasses with ones more stylish, or even contacts, it would really accentuate his amazing blue eyes.\u0026nbsp; I, like every other otter I've ever met, have light brown irises, so Darryl's coloration was particularly unique and striking.\u0026nbsp; It also provided a nice contrast to his unusually pale coat, which was more blonde than brown (again, chocolate-colored fur was the norm), further separating him in looks from the rest of our species.\u0026nbsp; I thought it was rather neat, the way -\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Ahem.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; I whirled around and found Darryl standing behind me, giving me close-up of those sky-blue eyes.\u0026nbsp; I wasn't sure how long he'd been standing there or when I'd spaced out, but being surprised like this did me no favors.\u0026nbsp; At first I was choked for words, my mouth hanging open as I tried to find my voice, probably looking like a complete idiot in the interim.\u0026nbsp; Finally I unfurled the otter's crumpled note and held it out, then managed to cough out a short question.\u0026nbsp; \"Y-you wanted to see me?\" I immediately felt the urge to smack my forehead; of course he wanted to see me!\u0026nbsp; What kind of a question was that?\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Darryl blinked a few times and nodded, then quietly asked, \"Do you know of any places here where we can talk without being disturbed?\" His calmness was maddening; how could he be so composed when I felt like a complete wreck?\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Uh...umm...\" I had to think on that for a moment.\u0026nbsp; There were plenty of places to talk without the fear of being overheard, but to find a spot where we wouldn't be seen was trickier.\u0026nbsp; We couldn't just loiter in the hallways; hall monitors continually patrolled around the school to shoo away any potential miscreants.\u0026nbsp; Most of the classroom doors were locked, too, and those that weren't were in use for club meetings, after-school help, or detention.\u0026nbsp;\n\nSuddenly, an idea came to me.\u0026nbsp; The auditorium.\u0026nbsp; It was large enough to seat over 250 people and the miserly school admins kept it dimly lit unless there was some kind of show or concert.\u0026nbsp; Admittedly, a few students regularly took up residence there after school, not unlike Darryl underneath the oak tree in the courtyard (no, get that image out of your head), but I expected we could find some quiet corner where we could talk without being disturbed.\u0026nbsp; The other students were also using the large space to be alone; if we didn't bother them, they'd have no inclination to bother us.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Mmm...I think the auditorium should give us some privacy.\u0026nbsp; That's about all I can come up with though.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; He paused for a moment, thinking, then nodded again.\u0026nbsp; \"It's probably the best option.\u0026nbsp; I doubt the Inquisition will hunt us down and force us to leave if we're quiet.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Darryl turned and started off in the direction of the school's west wing, which terminated in a large, round bud housing the auditorium.\u0026nbsp; My anxiety was just too great to wait even those few short minutes it would take to get there, though; while I still had the chance, I put my hand on his shoulder and gently but insistently held him in place.\u0026nbsp; He didn't shake it off, but there was impatient expression on his face as he turned to face me.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Pleadingly, I said \"Darryl, I...I'm just so sorry. I fucked up so bad.\u0026nbsp; All I want is -\" Before I could finish my sentence, he raised his paw and cut me off.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Robbie, stop.\u0026nbsp; I want to talk, but not here.\" He lowered his paw and let out a deep sigh; I couldn't tell whether that was a good sign or not.\u0026nbsp; \"Let's go.\"\u0026nbsp; Once again the otter headed in the direction of the auditorium, and, resignedly, I followed behind him, staring dejectedly at the linoleum tiling at my feet.\u0026nbsp; I guess that it was supposed to resemble the soft, grainy peach of fine alabaster, but the scuffed, black-speckled pink flooring instead looked unnatural and was a little off-putting.\u0026nbsp; Even so, I found myself idly tracing shapes and images between the dots, anything to distract myself and keep my nerves under control.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; In a short while we reached the circular lobby of the auditorium. Darryl took a precautionary peek into the dark interior through one door's inset window, then carefully opened it and gestured for me to follow.\u0026nbsp; \"It doesn't look like anyone's rehearsing, just a few people in the back either doing work or sleeping.\"\u0026nbsp; We silently crept around the back of the large hall and found an empty spot in the far corner.\u0026nbsp; I stopped following him for a short moment, closing my eyes and taking a few deep breaths to try to calm myself - it didn't help.\u0026nbsp; Nothing could change the fact that this was it.\u0026nbsp; We would resolve things now, for better or for worse.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; The only lights switched on were above the stage, so it was difficult to see his face beyond the slight glint of his wire-framed glasses.\u0026nbsp; For a long moment we just sat there, as though neither of us could quite figure out how to start this off.\u0026nbsp; The situation I'd created was just so bizarre that it was difficult for me to do anything aside from prostrate myself by gushing with apologies.\u0026nbsp; I resisted that urge, though, and with bated breath waited for Darryl to initiate the conversation.\u0026nbsp; After a few moments of shuffling in our seats and aimlessly glancing around the auditorium, he broke the barrier of silence between us with a whisper, \"Why did you do it?\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; I'd been asking myself that same question for the past 24 hours and I still didn't have a satisfactory response.\u0026nbsp; I highly valued my careful, methodical nature and actively worked to maintain calm and collected in all situations.\u0026nbsp; I didn't know how that dam had been breached.\u0026nbsp; All I did know that I'd been swept into a turbulent wave of emotions I'd never felt before, all of which centered about\u0026nbsp;_him_.\u0026nbsp; The righteous anger that drove me to break Charlie's jaw had quickly morphed into a powerful need to care and protect, but somewhere along the line that emotion gave way to something even more powerful and pervasive. I thought I had fallen in love.\u0026nbsp; Was I in love?\u0026nbsp; At what point did my empathy change to desire, my indifference to attraction?\u0026nbsp; There was no answer.\u0026nbsp;\n\nAfter a long pause, I let out a sad sigh and replied, \"I don't know, Darryl...\" I started to trail off, but I couldn't let myself end with that; it wasn't just some random impulse.\u0026nbsp; The tension and angst that had led to yesterday afternoon had been building for many weeks beforehand and I'd simply reached my breaking point.\u0026nbsp; Before he had a chance to interject, I continued, \"What I said yesterday was completely true, though.\u0026nbsp; I haven't been able to stop thinking about you.\u0026nbsp; I've been longing to talk to you and be your friend ever since I left the hospital that day.\u0026nbsp; I don't know how that changed into something more.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; I heard him take a deep breath; was he just angry and impatient or was he also feeling insecure?\u0026nbsp; \"Robbie...I'm not sure how to even address that.\u0026nbsp; It doesn't make any sense.\u0026nbsp; Do you just see me as a perpetual victim, someone who needs protecting?\"\u0026nbsp; He took a moment to breathe before he continued, tersely, \"I don't want that.\u0026nbsp; I don't need that.\u0026nbsp; Having people pitying me is just as bad as having people beating me up.\u0026nbsp; Either way...\" I thought he was going to finish his thought, but when I glanced up he was simply staring out into space.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"It's not pity.\u0026nbsp; It's more than tha-\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Is it really?\" Again his voice grew colder.\u0026nbsp; \"You stopped those assholes and carried me to an ambulance.\u0026nbsp; That's all you did.\u0026nbsp; What did I do to deserve these 'deep feelings' you keep saying you have?\"\u0026nbsp; Though it was too dark to see his face clearly, I could feel his eyes boring holes through me now.\u0026nbsp; This was not going well...\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Already feeling defeated, I pleaded, \"I don't know Darryl.\u0026nbsp; I really don't know.\u0026nbsp; The whole event somehow changed me on a core level.\u0026nbsp; It made me realize how self-absorbed I've been...and made me feel the need for companionship for the first time.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"What are you talking about?\u0026nbsp; You're popular.\u0026nbsp; People\u0026nbsp;_like_\u0026nbsp;you,\" he replied. \"You hang out with dozens of people all the time.\"\u0026nbsp; Despite the harsh scorn he'd been giving me this whole time, some of the bite had left his tone of voice; now he seemed genuinely curious.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Again, I let out a sigh.\u0026nbsp; It was weird, being open and honest like this.\u0026nbsp; I'd spent so much time\u0026nbsp;_not_\u0026nbsp;being myself that I'd forgotten\u0026nbsp;_how_\u0026nbsp;to be myself.\u0026nbsp; Still, this was important, and I had to tear down those protective walls I'd been building up for so long.\u0026nbsp; \"They're not my friends, Darryl.\u0026nbsp; To be honest, a part of me actually hates them.\u0026nbsp; A lot of them are petty.\u0026nbsp; Some are even cruel.\u0026nbsp; The rest...well, kind of bore me, really,\" I said, shrugging.\u0026nbsp; \"I guess I hang out with them partially because I like the attention, but it's really just something for me to do.\u0026nbsp; It's what's expected.\u0026nbsp; And I'd rather be accepted by them than ostracized.\"\u0026nbsp; I leaned in a little and looked into his eyes, what I could see of them anyway, trying to impress this well-guarded facet of myself upon him.\u0026nbsp; \"But I'm not like them.\u0026nbsp; And they are nothing to me.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; For a while, neither of us said anything; our silence accentuated the sound of the occasional cough or the rustling of paper from other parts of the room.\u0026nbsp; He was staring blankly at the empty stage, giving me no clues as to what he was thinking.\u0026nbsp; And yet, despite how critical it was for him to understand, I felt lighter, as though some great weight had been lifted from my shoulders.\u0026nbsp; The tension was gone.\u0026nbsp; I'd never been this frank with anyone before, not even my own parents.\u0026nbsp; There was something strangely cathartic about actually\u0026nbsp;_talking_\u0026nbsp;to someone as opposed to simply babbling pointlessly back and forth.\u0026nbsp; I honestly didn't know what Darryl was thinking, but for some reason I now felt like nothing he could say could hurt me.\u0026nbsp; Finally, I was\u0026nbsp;_me_.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; After what seemed like an eternity, he turned to look at me, meeting my eyes as I had met his.\u0026nbsp; \"Okay,\" he said.\u0026nbsp; There was a long pause; at first I thought that was all he was going to say, but he eventually continued, \"It makes sense.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; I wasn't entirely sure what he meant by that, but he didn't say anything more.\u0026nbsp; Calmly, I asked, \"What does?\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"You.\u0026nbsp; I...I always felt there was something different about you.\u0026nbsp; I don't know why; you just didn't quite fit in with the others.\" Lowering his voice, he said, \"I don't fit in either.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; At first I thought he was simply referring to the popular kids, but something made me question whether it was more than that.\u0026nbsp; \"You don't fit in, with us?\u0026nbsp; Me and the others?\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"No,\" he said bitterly. \"I don't fit in anywhere.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; That statement struck a peculiar chord with me, giving me a small taste of the heartache he must have been bottling up.\u0026nbsp; Maybe it was because I only floated within the 'upper caste' that I didn't appreciate how small a fraction of the student body it really was.\u0026nbsp; Of course, I knew who most of the other students were by name and which clique they belonged to.\u0026nbsp; There were the band geeks, the theater kids, the smart, nerdy types, the goths, the skater punks, and the more general mass of 'normies' who self-organized into their own small pods.\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; It was undoubtedly more complex than that, but to a rough approximation we had everyone pegged into a certain category.\u0026nbsp; Now that I thought about it, the possibility of being completely alone seemed extremely unlikely; surely Darryl must have found\u0026nbsp;_someone_\u0026nbsp;in a crowd of almost a thousand people who he could connect with?\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Gently, I probed further. \"Really?\u0026nbsp; I was almost sure you were on the math team at some point.\u0026nbsp; And weren't you involved with the chess club or something?\"\u0026nbsp; It was pitiful that I knew so little about him, but I thought I'd heard his name come up in conversations about those two student groups.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Not anymore,\" he replied, looking down at the floor and folding his ears back.\u0026nbsp; \"Chess and math competitions got really tiring after a while.\u0026nbsp; I was okay at both but the other kids frustrated me too much. I don't know...\" He glanced up at me again with a wistful expression on his face and reiterated, \"I just don't fit.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Why not?\u0026nbsp; I mean, all of you are there because you have something in common, right?\u0026nbsp; Doesn't that matter?\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; He gave me a bit of a glare and snapped back, \"It does for\u0026nbsp;_them_.\u0026nbsp; Not for me.\u0026nbsp; There's\u0026nbsp;_nothing_\u0026nbsp;to talk about with them.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Well...\" I hesitated, not exactly sure how to respond.\u0026nbsp; Then again, did\u0026nbsp;_I_\u0026nbsp;get any satisfaction hanging out with the popular crowd?\u0026nbsp; I couldn't say it wasn't enjoyable at times, but as I'd admitted to Darryl, on the whole there wasn't much in it for me.\u0026nbsp; I was more content lifting weights, or practicing guitar, or playing the occasional video game.\u0026nbsp; It was quietly satisfying to be alone; there were no forced conversations, no melodrama, no stupid drinking parties to attend.\u0026nbsp; Because I could always find a way to escape, though, none of that crap ever bothered me too much.\u0026nbsp; Maybe it was different for Darryl.\u0026nbsp; \"...I guess I get that.\u0026nbsp; I don't see why it makes you so upset, though.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Averting his eyes, he muttered, \"You're lucky...\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Again, I didn't know what he meant by that, but the last thing I wanted to do was make him more upset.\u0026nbsp; Eager to change the subject, I asked, \"Well, aside from those things, what do you like to do?\"\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\n\nThe scowl on his face slowly gave way to a small grin, and I suddenly felt a strong wave of affection as he began to radiate that sweet innocence I'd grown so attached to.\u0026nbsp; It was the first time I'd ever seen him smile. \"I love reading.\u0026nbsp; It's pretty much all I do outside of school...\" He trailed off for a moment before continuing, \"I know it's kind of weird...most people don't seem to get much out of it nowadays.\u0026nbsp; For me, though, it's a way to escape to another place, another time, another...\"\u0026nbsp; Smile disappearing from his face, he left his statement open-ended and looked away.\u0026nbsp; He was obviously holding something back, but I wasn't going to press him further, not now.\u0026nbsp; I of all people should know the value of privacy.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; There was another momentary lull in conversation.\u0026nbsp; I couldn't think of anything else to ask without risking him getting riled up, and apparently he too had run out of things to say.\u0026nbsp; Even so, sitting with him in the dark silence like this was comforting, in a way.\u0026nbsp; We didn't\u0026nbsp;_need_\u0026nbsp;to say anything more.\u0026nbsp; We'd just taken a large step towards reconciliation. Now all I had to focus on was resisting the urge to wrap my arm around his shoulder and pull him in close.\u0026nbsp; I felt like we'd found a certain kinship between us, and it seemed natural to me to express it in a physical way.\u0026nbsp; He probably didn't feel the same, though.\u0026nbsp; Too risky.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; After a few minutes, an unrelated question popped into my head and I couldn't help but smirk; it was hard to believe we hadn't talked about it already.\u0026nbsp; That more than anything else gave me my answer, but still I had to ask. With a grin, I gave him a light nudge and said, \"So...you are, erm, gay?\u0026nbsp; I mean, yesterday just sort of happened...I realized last night that I didn't even know if you were, you know,\u0026nbsp;_into_\u0026nbsp;me.\"\u0026nbsp; The moment the words left my lips, I felt like punching myself.\u0026nbsp; I\u0026nbsp;_still_\u0026nbsp;didn't know, obviously.The fact that I'd gone ahead and kissed him in spite of that was bad enough, but I didn't have to blurt it out so callously.My smile quickly faded and I bowed my head, not just a little ashamed of myself.\u0026nbsp; \"All the way around it was a horrible thing for me to do, and again I'm really sorry.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; To my surprise, otter laughed softly.\u0026nbsp; \"Oh, Robbie.\u0026nbsp; That's one thing you don't have to worry about.\u0026nbsp; I know you've caught me ogling you in the weight room.\" He quickly looked away, trying futilely to hide his sheepish blushing and smirking.\u0026nbsp; \"I think it was pretty obvious to both of us...and everyone else,\" he said wistfully, before looking up at me again with a sober expression on his face.\u0026nbsp; \"I came to terms with my identity a while ago, even though I'm still paying for it now.\u0026nbsp; You get used to it, you know?\" He made an attempt to smile, but that couldn't hide the sadness in his eyes.\u0026nbsp; I opened my mouth to respond but he cut me off before I could say anything, shaking his head.\u0026nbsp; \"It's all right, honestly.\u0026nbsp; I'll get through it.\u0026nbsp; The\u0026nbsp;_real_\u0026nbsp;surprise is that you are, too.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; I took a deep breath and sighed.\u0026nbsp; This was something else I knew he'd ask about and I'd been fumbling around to come up with an answer earlier in the day.\u0026nbsp; His eyes were gleaming brightly, expectantly;\u0026nbsp;_he\u0026nbsp;_clearly wanted to talk about my sexuality.\u0026nbsp; I definitely didn't.\u0026nbsp; Still, it was only fair that I be truthful with him, even if I was going to try to sidestep the issue as best as I could.\u0026nbsp; There was no way I was going to tell him everything.\u0026nbsp; After a moment's hesitation, I replied, \"I don't know, Darryl.\u0026nbsp; This is all pretty new for me, to tell you the truth.\u0026nbsp; I didn't know I was, well, into\u0026nbsp;_guys_\u0026nbsp;until very recently.\" Now it was my turn to blush, and by the cheeky grin on his face I knew he saw it too.\u0026nbsp; \"It just sort of\u0026nbsp;_happened_.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"So you're bi then?\" He continued to give me that irritating, yet incredibly adorable smile.\u0026nbsp; Clearly he had me beat in this arena; he was comfortable with his sexual identity and I was not.\u0026nbsp; He didn't know, though, how different we really were.\u0026nbsp; As bad as it might be to be homosexual in this social climate, I envied Darryl's position.\u0026nbsp; I had no idea how to come to terms with\u0026nbsp;_my_\u0026nbsp;'preferences' and I'd long since abandoned the notion that there was anyone out there who could relate to me.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Treading these murky waters with the utmost caution, I answered, \"I guess so.\u0026nbsp; I'm still sort of figuring it out myself.\" That, at least, was true.\u0026nbsp; \"But,\" I continued, starting to feel warm blood rushing to my cheeks again, \"it did feel really good, though...when I kissed you yesterday.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Y-yeah...\" Darryl looked down at the floor and shifted in his seat.\u0026nbsp; \"Well, as sudden and unexpected as it was, I can't say that I didn't enjoy it, too.\u0026nbsp; I...well, I\u0026nbsp;_believed_\u0026nbsp;you.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"...and now?\" I asked expectantly.\u0026nbsp; I was hoping he'd look up and reassure me with a smile, but he merely continued to stare at the ground with an impassive expression on his face.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Now...I'm not sure, Robbie.\u0026nbsp; I think I understand a little better, but where does that leave us?\" He glanced up at me with an intent gleam in his eyes. \"What did\u0026nbsp;_you_\u0026nbsp;think would happen now?\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; This was the final question I'd been puzzling over for nearly a day now, and again I couldn't come up with a solid, well-formed answer.\u0026nbsp; So much of my thinking lately had been tainted by lofty, romantic ideas, the usual clarity with which I approached the world distorted as a funhouse mirror distorts one's reflection.\u0026nbsp; All I could see were the idyllic heights and fathomless depths a relationship between us might bring, entirely missing the grounded perspective lying somewhere in the middle.\u0026nbsp; It was so frustrating to have to battle uphill like this when normally I had no trouble separating the objective from the subjective, reality from emotion.\u0026nbsp; In the meantime, the question remained just as unapproachable and inscrutable as before, silently mocking my futile attempts to reason rationally merely by its continued presence.\u0026nbsp; The longer I waited, though, the more insecure and unsettled I would appear to Darryl; even if it wasn't well thought out, he deserved a prompt response.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Taking a deep breath to calm myself, I slowly began to unravel the tangled mess of thoughts running through my head.\u0026nbsp; \"Darryl, I can say what I hoped might come of it, but it's not as though I planned this and had a clear idea of what it would really mean.\u0026nbsp; I haven't lied to you; these..._feelings_\" - I spat out the word without hiding my disdain - \"are so new to me that I don't know how to handle them.\u0026nbsp; The only thought running through my head yesterday was that I desperately needed to convince you that you've become very important to me, regardless of how that came to be.\" I let out an audible sigh as the angst-induced tension in my body was gradually released, allowing me to begin to relax in the well-worn cushion backing my seat.\u0026nbsp; \"I don't know what happens next.\u0026nbsp; All that matters to me at this point is that we come to an agreement satisfactory to both of us.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Darryl raised an eyebrow skeptically and curtly countered, \"Is that really all? Everything you've said seems to suggest you want to have a romantic relationship with me.\u0026nbsp; I'm glad at least that you're trying to rise above that, because that can't happen right now.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; I wanted to follow up with 'Why not?' but it was all too clear why it wouldn't work; he was completely right.\u0026nbsp; Taking an exam without studying and expecting a good grade was similarly delusional, and I'd had the misfortune of experiencing that firsthand.\u0026nbsp; Even so, he'd only eliminated one option within a large space of possible paths to follow.\u0026nbsp; After taking a couple minutes to gather my thoughts, I said, \"Okay.\u0026nbsp; That's not going to happen now.\u0026nbsp; But...\" - my ears tilted to the side as I bowed my head sorrowfully- \"does that mean we have to part ways for good?\u0026nbsp; I'd like to get to know you better.\u0026nbsp; I think we have more in common than either of us expected.\u0026nbsp; Don't you think so?\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"Yes...\" Darryl replied hesitantly, perhaps because he was especially cautious of what a poorly-stated response might effect.\u0026nbsp; \"I do.\u0026nbsp; I can't see how it would work, but...I'm willing to try.\" I was so relieved that I wanted to jump out of my seat and holler triumphantly for everyone to hear, but as quickly as my exultation had arisen it was quelled by the otter's intense gaze.\u0026nbsp; \"Robbie, I have to be honest with you, though.\u0026nbsp; No matter what you do or how hard you try, I don't think I can be 'rescued,' if that's your intent.\u0026nbsp; For your own good, regardless of my feelings about all of this, you should just walk away without looking back.\" I saw the glimmer of a tear forming in his eye, but he was quick to wipe it away.\u0026nbsp; \"I think you have a good heart, with much to offer than anyone else I've met here.\u0026nbsp; You may feel insecure now, but I think you'll be able to reconcile your inner conflicts and come out on the other side better for it.\u0026nbsp; You have a real chance.\"\u0026nbsp; His tears started to flow freely, leaving glistening trails along his cheeks.\u0026nbsp; \"Please, don't sacrifice that for me.\u0026nbsp; I...I'm not worth it.\u0026nbsp; You can't save me.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; Without hesitation, I placed his small paw in mine and clasped around it firmly.\u0026nbsp; \"You're wrong.\u0026nbsp; I know you're wrong.\u0026nbsp; And, I now know that there's a huge hole inside of me I can't fill on my own.\u0026nbsp; I need you.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \"No you don't!\" Darryl suddenly raised his voice, almost to the point that someone nearby might overhear him.\u0026nbsp; \"You may need someone, but it's not me.\u0026nbsp; Please...whatever you see in me is only a mask to cover up how fragile and worthless I really am.\u0026nbsp; Leave; pick someone who can stand firmly on their own.\u0026nbsp; I'll only drag you down.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; I shook my head vehemently and tightened my grip around his soft paw.\u0026nbsp; \"I don't believe you.\u0026nbsp; Even if we only remain friends, we can help each other, right?\u0026nbsp; You supporting me while I support you?\u0026nbsp; You're so brilliant.\u0026nbsp; If anyone has potential, it's you.\u0026nbsp; I want to help.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; He slumped forward and hung his head.\u0026nbsp; \"Robbie, I'm not strong enough to shut you out if you keep pressing me like this.\u0026nbsp; I lied when I said that I don't want or need a knight in shining armor.\u0026nbsp; You couldn't possibly know how much I truly want and need one, as poorly as that selfish desire reflects on me.\u0026nbsp; I've done nothing to deserve it; not from you, not from anyone.\u0026nbsp; I'm despicable enough for tugging you along by entertaining whatever fantasies are driving you towards me. Please...\" - his voice dropped down to a whisper but remained just as insistent - \"just leave me alone.\"\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; I'd been trying so hard this whole time to keep myself from making physical advances towards him, but I finally gave in. \u0026nbsp;Leaning in close, I pressed my cheek to his and nuzzled him reassuringly; he responded in kind with an impassioned nuzzle of his own, the last of his defenses crumbling as his tears streamed down both his face and mine.\u0026nbsp; No matter what he said, this was right.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\n\nOnly in hindsight can I truly appreciate how different things would be now had I listened to him then.\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp;\n\n\u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp; \u0026nbsp;\u0026nbsp;\n\n  \n  \n\n","previous":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/746112-unnatural-tendencies-chapter-2.json"}