{"sf1_id":778073,"sf2_id":null,"title":"No Laughing Matter","author":"StGeorgesHorse","words":3265,"posted_at":"2014-11-04T17:01:00.000Z","tags":["African","Anatomically Correct","Bestiality","Human","Hyena","M/F","Pseudopenis","Vaginal","Zoo","danger","pseudo-penis"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/778073-no-laughing-matter","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/view/778073","image_url":"https://www.sofurryfiles.com/std/thumb?page=778073\u0026ext=.jpg","description":"#14 of A Real Animal Lover","content":"                Ok. So\nthe weirdest animal I think I lay claim to was also one of the more dangerous\nones, but I suppose that goes without saying. I would never have had the\nopportunity to do it if it weren't for our habit of hosting other zoo's\nexhibits. In this case, we were temporary wards over a single solitary beast,\none out of six. The animals in question were going to be part of an African exhibit\nat a big city zoo, but due to faulty construction, their habitat had to be\nreworked before they could be put into it. Since no one had room for all of the\nanimals together, they were doled out to whoever had space.\n                She was\ncute in an ugly, ungainly sort of way. She was just into full adulthood, and while\nI'd go so far as to say she was handsome, she was still an eyeful. Her spotted\ncoat was pretty cool, but her body seemed misshapen and deformed. I knew it was\ngenetics and that on the plains the shape worked just fine, but there were so\nmany odd things about this girl that I soon became fascinated with her.\n                I am\nreferring to a hyena of course, perhaps one of the oddest carnivores on the\nplanet. Up to this point I knew precisely jack-shit about them. Literally no\none kept them in zoos, and everything I knew about them came from the pages of\nNational Geographic magazine.\n                I\nforced management to buy me a few books on African mammals, since there was a\ndearth of information on hyenas at this point. There were a few technical\neditions, including one that covered reproduction over a wide spectrum of\nspecies. It wasn't much, but it was something.\n                Of\ncourse, most of the staff assumed we had gotten a male hyena. To be honest with\nyou, I didn't go out of my way to disabuse that notion. I don't think they\nwould have believed me in the long run. And since she was technically off\nexhibit, we had no displays made up for her either. She was sort of our little\nsecret. \n                As I'm\nsure you're well aware, a female hyena has a rather curious reproductive track.\nShe has what is referred to in literature as a pseudo-penis. Her labia and\nclitoris have evolved into a long tube-like structure that is often longer than\na male's true penis, plus a fatty pouch that looks like a scrotum. It's the\nstructures they have sex with, it's how they urinate and it's where the cubs\nare born. That alone makes a hyena a badass in my book!\n                When\nshe arrived, I was rather expecting a snarling, snapping monstrosity. Hey, I\nhad watched more than my share of Wild Kingdom and National Geographic films. These\nguys took on lions! So I had all sorts of equipment ready in case things got\nout of hand. Imagine my chagrin when her handler brought her out of the crate\non a leash. Ok, so it was a heavy duty leash, and her collar was massive, but\nshe walked out like she was a damn dog! It was a mild letdown.\n                The\nplan was for us to keep her for no more than six weeks. The new enclosure had\ncracked due to faulty concrete, and the contractor had to tear it down and\nstart from scratch. I knew how these things went and wasn't going to hold my\nbreath.\n                At first,\nshe didn't fit in well, and I think that was because she had been separated\nfrom the others. Hyenas were as social as a lot of other animals, even if they\nspent a great amount of time squabbling. She ate well, but she was constantly\npacing the walls and fence of the pen in her tireless effort to find a way out.\n                I spent\na good hour or two each day observing her and talking at her. I didn't say to her, for that would imply that she\nunderstood me. I was just trying to sooth her present discomfort with noise. It\nwas at these times that I carefully scrutinized her genitalia. It was an\namazing sight, maybe about as long as my cock or longer! Heck, if I ever did\nmanage to nail it, I would be fucking her without once ever entering her\nabdominal cavity. I had a few things to learn about this species, that was\nsure.\n                For a\nfew weeks she completely ignored me unless I had food. So I made sure I always\ncame bearing gifts. Funny how that worked. After three weeks she began to look\nfor me. By the forth week she was rubbing her head against the bars wanting to\nbe scratched. Trust me; I was very careful how far my hands went into the cage.\nThese guys had some very powerful jaws. I had seen her demolish bones like\npretzels.\n                But one\nday, deciding to throw caution to the wind, I crouched down and was giving her\nears a good rub when I reached out with my other hand and grasped her pseudo-penis.\nI was waiting for her to jump away, but she held very still. Since I hadn't\nsuffered any real noticeable injuries up to this point (from any animal, not\njust her) I figured what did I have to lose besides a finger or two?\n                It was\nthe weirdest thing. When I first grasped it, it was fairly pliant, but after a\nfew seconds of playing with it, it got a little harder. The damn thing was just\nlike a cock! I stroked it and she let off a little chuckle, that goofy cry that\ngives these guys their colloquial \"laughing\" status. Apparently she was in the\nmood for some male company. She jerked the muscles that controlled it a few\ntimes, making it dance in my hand.\n                I ran\nmy fingers to the tip and found the opening. It made me wonder how I was going\nto manage fitting into that tubular structure. It was then I first realized\nthat damn; cubs came out of that hole! I played with her for a while, leaving\noff on the head scratches and concentrating on a two handed stroking of her\nunique female apparatus. Her hind quarters were quivering by the time I let up.\nI don't think I ever saw a more disappointed face in my life.\n                I\nreached through and gave her head a scratch again. \"Sorry girl, but this going\nto take some work. I'm not even sure how your own boys do it with you, much\nless how I'm going to manage it.\"\n                I went\nback to the clinic and thought things over. The most logical way to attempt\nthis union was going to be with me on one side of the bars while she was on the\nother. The only problem was, her entry way was pointing forward, and while it\nmight be pulled backwards, I didn't think that it would stay that way for long.\nOnce it stiffened up, it was going to want to point forward again.\n                That\nmeant only one other thing. I had to get in the cage with her. That unnerved\nme, more so than any other carnivore I had yet mastered.  I was going to be in a precarious location,\nfor the only position I could think of that was going to work was one that\nwould put me in a dangerous spot. \n                I drank\na few beers and sorted it out in my head. I would try it tonight and be damned\nthe consequences. If I waited too long I'd lose my chance and I doubted I'd ever\nhave another one. Then I remembered I was still on the clock and drank some\nwater and ate some breath mints. I was getting distracted on company time!\n                That night,\narmed with my usual tool; the tube of lubricant, I made my way back to her\ncage. I brought a treat as usual, and she downed it in two gulps. I started\nfrom outside the cage, rubbing her head and scratching her ears, testing the\nwaters to see if she was still in the mood. As far as the upper portion of her\nbody indicated, she was still dead on. I crouched down and found her organ and\npicked up where I left off in playing with it. This time I took some of the\nlube and poked my finger inside it. It was a weird experience, for I felt like\nI was sticking my digit into a very open penis, not a tight vagina.\n                Getting\nmy cock inside it was going to be a trip. I knew for certain that if this was\ngoing to happen, I was going to need to be in there with her. It was a\ndangerously stupid plan but the only one I had (outside of drugging her) that\nwas going to make this work.\n                I said\na little prayer and got undressed. I opened the door and stepped inside. She\nturned and sniffed me, emitting a few little yips and cries. I cautiously\nstarted rubbing the spot above her tail, and her already low haunches dropped a\nlittle more. That was good; for my plan was going to require her to be a little\nlower than her normal standing stance. The funny thing was, it would have been\neasier nailing her butt-hole than the other one. I just wasn't sure how she'd\ntake that. The opposite end had teeth remember, and this girl was pumped with\ntestosterone.\n                I got\ndown on the floor on my knees, leaning back against my heels. I then very\ncarefully pulled her backwards until she was over my crotch. Her tail was\nflicking against my chest as she turned her head and voiced her apparent dislike\nfor that sort of familiarity. \n                She\nkept looking back at me, as if to ask, what\nare you up to?  I took the tube,\nuncapped it, and squeezed a bunch of it right up her pseudo-vagina. I applied a\nhuge amount to myself, and dropping it to the floor, grasped her organ and\nlined it up with my cock. It felt like an impossible task.\n                I\nimmediately thought I knew why her organ stiffed like mine did. A flaccid tube\nlike that would have been totally unworkable. It's one thing to penetrate a\nhole in a solid body, but to get into one that was flopping around would have\nbeen awkward to the point of near impossibility. Even as it was, I found this\narrangement to be hardly a biological advantage. I could find no conceivable\nreason that hyenas evolved in this fashion\n                Since\nshe was holding still, I said another prayer and tried to bring us together. I\npulled her organ back until our tips met, a bit at a ninety degree angle. I\nthen had to press them together rather firmly, drawing them both backwards at\nthe same time. If not for the lubrication, I would have made no headway. A male's\npenis must have had a narrow tip on it. Mine obviously did not.\n                But the\nlonger I maintained the pressure, the more of my cock that was pushed in. She\nwas getting a little antsy, but I hoped she would hold still long enough for me\nto get inside. It was a painstaking process, but once the head was in, I\nfigured the rest would be easier.\n                I\ncouldn't see what I was doing, but I could feel it. I had a solid grip on her\norgan like it was a cow's teat. And I was slowly forcing my way inside. It was\nalmost a chore and it took me nearly ten minutes before I gained entry. All at\nonce the tip slipped past the opening and she jumped just a little, thankfully\nnot enough to dislodge me after all of that work.\n                From\nthere it was a matter of feeding my cock along her length. By the time I was\ndone, her tip was at my base. It was the damnedest thing in the world, let me\ntell you. I could squeeze the outside of her shaft and feel it on my own,\ndeeper inside. My brain couldn't comprehend that this was anything like normal\nsex. There was a very good reason for that. It wasn't.\n                I guess\npart me had figured on getting in deep enough to be all the way inside her, but\nmy tip just made it to her abdomen. It was apparently good enough for her,\nbecause she was making her little laughing cries as I stroked the now thicker\norgan with both of my hands. I soon went from a light stroke to pulling her organ\nup and down mine. I shifted my body in time to my hand movements and it seemed\nto work fairly well. I was ramming her organ, making it bulge out with each\npass.\n                I\ncouldn't image a cub passing through this thing, not at all. But as a vagina, it\nwas definitely a learning experience. She was pressing down with her back end\nas I was playing with her.  Her\nvocalizations grew in volume as I massage our combined connection.  I had my arms in front of her back legs and\nstroking her for all I was worth. I don't know how things worked with a hyena\nmale, but I seemed to be scratching the right itches.\n                She got\nto the point where she was dropping her own weight on top of me, gliding her\nsemi-rigid organ over mine. I took my hands away, giving her more room to work.\n I propped myself up with my hands behind\nmy back, leaning back and out of her way. She seemed to know what she wanted\nand how to get it.\n                Her\nhips were moving with very purposeful movements, and once or twice when she\nseemed close to disconnecting our conjugation, I leaned back in and with one\nhand stabilized our attachment. I let her go for a while, enjoying the fact\nthat she was as into it as much as I was.  Each descent of her back end was a thrill for\nme.\n                Then I\nnoticed that I was feeling something different. Her back end descended more and\nmore until she was right on top of me! I had gone from being in a tube to being\ninside her! I had no idea she could retract that thing! Had I know that, I'm\nnot sure I wouldn't have tried so hard to get inside her. But it made a certain\namount of sense really. I couldn't imagine a poor male hyena trying to hit the\nopening of a wildly flailing pseudo-penis. Retracting it into a normal opening made\ngood for an easier copulation.\n                Rather\nthan have her sitting in a cramped position, I moved to an upright position on\nmy knees. Hell, now I could go at her a little more normally, which was almost\na disappointment. I had found myself enjoying the intriguing sensation, not\nthat what we were doing now was bad. She had a solid tunnel, and in this\nposition sex was a lot easier. \n                I was\nstill marveling at what an extraordinary body she had. Where else could you\nfind a vagina that hung below a female's body that could be retracted whenever she\nwanted to? Had I known she was capable of it, I might have done things\ndifferently.\n                As it\nwas she was getting a little irritable. I had a feeling that mating in the wild\nfor them might be a quick thing. It often was. You could spare only so much\ntime risking your life trying to create progeny. There was always something out\nto get you.\n                The problem\nwas, I was just really getting into it. She had a strong solid back end and she\nwas stock still as I started to grind away on her nether region. That didn't keep\nher from voicing her opinion and after a few minutes of this the air was filled\nwith her cries. I had no idea what they meant so I just kept going. If nothing\nelse, I was presently as far away from those potentially deadly jaws as I possibly\ncould be and still be doing what I was doing. \n                I'll\njust say that I screwed her until I think she was ready to bite my head off. It\ncouldn't be helped. It seemed that the longer I went the tighter she was\ngetting. I think that the sensation was getting to be too much for her. She\nstarted to yelp and pull away, and going full stupid I grabbed her hips and\nforced her to stay still. I look back on that as the stupidest thing I've ever\ntried, right after even attempted sex with her in the first place.\n                She turned\nand snapped at me, but I dug in harder and slammed away. I was so close there\nwas no stopping now, not even under such a threat as she could deliver. I\nfigured if I hung on for dear life she wouldn't be able to turn and sink her\nteeth into anything vital. My hips because a blur as I slammed into her roughly,\ndriving my cock into her insides with only one desired outcome.\n                By the\ntime I blew a load inside her, she was making one hell of a fuss.  As the last of my cum flowed into her, I\npulled out and pushed her forward. She whipped around and growled at me. I\nfigured I was in for it, but she lifted a rear leg and began licking herself. I\nwas pretty sure she was going to be smarting for a little while, but any animal\nthat could pass a cub though that tunnel could deal with the little discomfort I\nmight have cause her.\n                I\nhightailed it out of her enclosure and slammed the gate shut before she could\nreconsider her motives. She spared me a glance before resuming her licking.\nThat strange organ of hers unfolded out of her body and hung back down again,\nlooking none the worse for wear except for the slow drip of my fluids leaking\nback out.\n                She\nleft a few weeks later, and trust me, I never tried to get close after that.\nShe returned to being moderately friendly, but I kept our relationship\nplatonic, with snacks and scratches, but I never ever tried anything more again.\nI figured I had gotten away with it once. There was no point in tempting the\nfates any more than was necessary.\n                I did manage\nto keep track of the group after she left, and I found she became the dominant female.\nI think that made me feel better. If she was the one with the strongest will,\nthen what we had done was not a matter of coercion, but one of respect. I've\nread how they treat their males, and I guess I was no different. I did what I\ncame to do and left before my welcome was completely gone. I guess that made me\nan honorary hyena. I wondered though if she had viewed me as a mate or an\nequal. Probably just a mate. That was fine with me. I wasn't up for competing\nwith the likes of her."}