{"sf1_id":80280,"sf2_id":"AnK5M0oe","title":"Hoping for Something, A prologue","author":"Lucrowse","words":1570,"posted_at":"2009-03-13T05:51:00.000Z","tags":["Character Development","Coming Out","Highschool","No-Yiff","Series"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/80280-hoping-for-something-a-prologue","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/s/AnK5M0oe","image_url":"https://cdn.sofurryfiles.com/submissions/thumbnails/ff/fe/fffe94c8-af99-41bf-9cf8-a31ca19aae77","description":"#1 of Fate's Minion","content":"When I first looked over this page, I thought to myself... damn I really am pathetic aren't I? But then  \nthe fact remains... it's the real story of me, and though it seems to prove that not all tales end well, I  \nwanted the beginning to be what I've come from...  \n  \n-Fen  \n  \nAll stories of course have to begin somewhere. Mine begins not where I stay and type this, and due to  \nmy obsessive hate of grammar rules without a half-inch indention at the beginning of the paragraph...  \nNope, my story starts in Alabama.  \n  \nI'm not really an Alabamian, but Fate would send me there and so that's how it works. I moved away  \nfrom there at the end of my 10th grade year what is it now 3, 4 years back? The only way that I can  \nreally think of it to be similar to something other people could relate to would be the phrase \"Crushing  \nBlow\" which players of the MMORPG WoW probably understand... As anti-social as I ended up being,  \nin large part because I covered myself with the idea that my old friends would still be waiting for me if I  \never wanted them, or the thought deep inside that I'd never really belong here in Florida. Anyway, my  \n11th grade year saw me in Jacksonville, Florida (a few miles north of St. Augustine, and host of a Super  \nBowl game, and in years past Megaplex).  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp; And as I thought of it... damn I really didn't fit in did I? First day of class I had my ass grabbed by the  \njocks, crushed by the wrestling team down the halls and tripped down a flight of stairs... Well that  \nbeing the worst of it all, I would eventually make friends with other nerdy people similar to myself (not  \nnecessarily gay/bi or whatever, but there was Kyros, that one kid who looked better than his gf in a  \ndress...). And of these people who weren't technically outcasts, but rather different, the term otaku  \ncomes to mind, but I don't think it fits; there was one fur I ended up falling for... Zanji, a certain coyote  \nwho would randomly RP with me online and what not... And now that I think of it besides the dirty  \nblonde hair and charming smile, there really isn't much about him that I actually like anymore...  \n  \nZanji just happened to live in my neighborhood and it would happen that we rode the same bus to and  \nfrom school that junior year in school, and yet what of it? Simply by association we ended up as friends,  \nnothing more really at the time. And then I realized what I really felt and another friend of mine finally  \ngot me to admit the fact that I liked guys. Well it's not like I was hiding it, simply put: no one asked, so I  \ndidn't have a reason to tell.  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp; Aryos the invasively naughty wolf that he was (another one of those dorky people who was part of  \nthe group that I ended up becoming one with), wormed the truth out of me in the end and though I  \nwish it had been someone else, it at least built on my courage to talk to other people and would  \nsubsequently lead to me talking to Zanji that summer and admitting that I liked him...  \n  \nAnd of course, Fate would have it... he was straight... But as most of us who've had the courage,  \ntenacity, other big cool sounding synonyms would end up saying, there really aren't that many guys  \nout there that are snatchable, though a bunch of them are easy prey.  \n  \nOur friendship didn't end though, nope, rather I think this would be the peak of it. Through the  \nresulting senior year of my high school life, I would think of myself as someone more of a friend than  \njust a friend, though I'm not sure if I resolved myself to believe that there was no future. And like was  \nexpected of the smart people, I ended up doing his homework, editing his papers and other terms  \nthat might as well have labeled me his bitch. Though of course I didn't mind any of this. In my fallacy of  \nbeing, I was simply happy to be near someone I had a crush on... Ok more than a crush...  \nOf course being the same horny mess that I labeled Aryos, I ended up wanting more... Not just saying  \na simple \"Hi\" in the morning... maybe a hug? And I wouldn't even dare think of a kiss... No... But I'd like  \none, at least from him.  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp; Spring came, and with it TA-ness (Teacher Assistant), luck would have it that I joined his Anatomy and  \nPhysiology course and yep more than enough opportunities to if nothing else feel like I was doing  \nsomething with him... Ok well luck really didn't have much hand in this particular situation as I ended  \nup using a few left over cards in my hand to make the guidance counselors feel bad and give me free  \nreign over my classes. In class we acted cordially, not necessarily like best friends, but still it was  \nobvious later on as people would end up telling me, that I liked him... Damn I'm blind to my own  \nactions aren't I?  \n  \nThe months would roll by with fun occasion, triops getting killed by aerosol sprays, dissections of  \ndisturbing dead things and a random fire in the dumpsters to name a few. And then graduation was  \nupon us. I obviously didn't roll a character with enough points in luck or intelligence for that matter as  \nmy GPA was significantly (.5 I believe it was) lower than his... (We ended up getting seated based on  \nour GPAs) Well as horrid as it would seem that was really the last night I knew him...  \nI still remember that whole day. I wore a buttoned up orange shirt and had a retarded blue cap that  \ndidn't fit properly. I can still see the flash of lights as way more people than I had expected raised their  \nvoices in congratulating me for overcoming 12 years of hell. And of course among them was Zanji. I  \nlooked straight at him wondering what was next. He drove me home that evening.  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp; I turned 18 not long after, and not even in the States... Nope rather I was overseas in China or was it  \nJapan, visiting family and friends of the family. And though I wasn't able to tell him Happy Birthday in  \nperson... as it would turn out, a certain social networking site that offered me some space would be  \nthe same intermediary by which we became \"good\" friends and at the same time... the same one that  \nwould likewise end it...  \n  \nAt first I thought my Birthday message to him simply was left unanswered for whatever reason... And  \nthen when I asked him if he got it, he ended up flipping out on me telling me to something along the  \nlines of \"Shut the fuck up you damn fag, I don't want anything to do with you\". Later he would  \napologize and claim to have been drunk... but as I would later hope to find in all people that I meet... I  \nwanted to see their true nature showed up. And through all of the verbal mess of affairs, I still at least  \nwanted to be his friend... The end of July saw me back in the states with my first 70 in WoW and my  \nmind crushed by the upcoming move to college.  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp; Our last face to face conversation really didn't go that well either. The day browsing the mall (one of  \nthe \"hangs\" that our group had invented) ended up in him ditching me for some of his other friends  \nthat had conveniently popped up. Even then I was stupid enough to hope that it had just been an  \ninconvenient event that he was tied to.  \n  \nAnd as it would be, I actually did get a few more emails from him. Well more along the lines of two or  \nthree private messages. The last message I would get from him simply stated that he had tolerated as  \nmuch as he could deal with and he never wanted to see me again... Tolerated... so that was how I was.  \nAnd yet I still couldn't get over him... I am now in college still looking back on the days gone by and  \nwondering... exactly what happened.  \n  \nLife can be cruel sometimes... It can also be very drastic. And if nothing else it leaves for a good story.  \nWhether it was simply a life lesson or an aggregate factor in some equation (no clue what that's  \nsupposed to mean but it came to mind), this is my story and if nothing else moves me from then to  \nnow.  \n  \n\n\u0026nbsp; I'm stronger in mind and meaning. No longer bound by ideas or hopeful wishes from the past, I finally  \nbroke free of him recently... And though at times I'll get sensitive and a tear will flow down my cheek  \nas I reminisce of that bastard and the time and effort he took from my past, I realize that if nothing  \nelse, the experience has made me more. I'm still the same wolf with the notch in his left ear, naïve  \nand dorky. At least it can't get any worse.  \n  \n  \n\n","series":{"name":"Fate's Minion","next":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/83664-of-rejection-and-mid-day-service.json"}}