# The bloke in the engine room

Author: Robert Baird
Tags: Poetry, Sci-Fi, Space

#4 of Tales of the Dark Horse

With apologies to Rudyard Kipling. Just some doggerel, guys.

So then, why not have us some doggerel to go along with the various escapades of the Star Patrol? I enjoy doggerel, because it's about all I can manage. I had this idea, though, that in the future poetic ballads will come back. Robert Heinlein had that idea, too, come to think of it. Anyway, with apologies to Rudyard Kipling, here's:

"The bloke in the engine room"

Ye can 'ave ye yer gods an' yer 'eroes  
King Arthur 'r 'Erakles  
Give 'em tribute an' carve to 'em statues  
An' whatever so else ye please  
Rave all ye want to a spaceman  
But 'e'll swear to 'is very doom:  
_The mightiest god in that universe broad  
Is the bloke in the engine room!_    
  
I were shipped on me very first cruiser,  
As a young machinist's mate.  
An' the ship were a hundred an' seven years old  
An' the chief were a hundred an' eight.  
Came a call from the bridge from the captain  
(A brash and excitable gent):  
_I have the conn and the journey's on --  
Reactor to fifty percent._    
  
Now I know we'd left RAH Station  
With Leonis in our sight  
But their ain't so much margin for error  
When yer travelin' faster'n light.  
Came a call from the bridge to the captain  
(Not as wise as ye'd 'ope from 'is rank)  
_Our track's not far from a neutron star --  
Engines, all ahead flank!_

 The chief engineer were a grizzly  
'Alf a ton if 'e weighed a pound  
But 'e leapt like a hare to 'is station  
An' he swung the levers 'round.  
Together we opened 'er up to full --  
The reactor was all aglow --  
_Then we'll meet our lord with the throttle floored:  
Captain, I've made it so!_    
  
It wasn't enough by Tsiolkovsky  
It wasn't enough by a prayer  
We was 'eaded for 'ell in a hurry  
An' I 'eard the ol' grizzly swear:  
_We need thirty percent over rated  
But by love of Montgomery Scott  
One twenty-four an' there's nothing more --  
I've given 'er all she's got!_    
  
Then 'e looked to the fuel restrictor  
An' its five-ton safety lock  
I knew what 'e wanted and who could say 'no'  
When it's death at the end of the clock?  
So we pulled like a steam locomotive  
'Til the safety gave way with a snap  
_Can't live by regs when they chain yer legs --  
'Ere's a hundred and forty, cap'!_    
When the cruiser was clear outta danger  
The captain came down to see  
Like 'e thought we'd be dead at the throttle  
That invincible grizzly an' me.  
Chief were 'oldin' a bottle of whiskey  
An' 'e raised it right up with a grin:  
_Well you son of a gun, that were awful fun --  
When should we do it again?_    
  

 So 'ere's to yer 'eroes of legend  
Enkidu and Gilgamesh  
They don't 'em now like they used ta, nay,  
But I saw one in the flesh.  
An' I'll say from the day that I met 'im   
To the day that I'm laid in my tomb:  
Ain't a one o' yer tales what could tip the scales  
From that bloke in the engine room --  
_Aye: the mightiest god in the universe broad  
Is the bloke in the engine room!_

Source: https://sofurry.com/s/qmywO71B
Part of the series Tales of the Dark Horse, Season 1
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