{"sf1_id":858577,"sf2_id":null,"title":"Clyde vs. Rambo","author":"Tigercougar","words":1987,"posted_at":"2015-05-09T04:05:00.000Z","tags":["2015","Clyde","Clydesdale","Gateway furmeet","Ram","Rambo","conbook","story"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/858577-clyde-vs-rambo","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/view/858577","image_url":"https://www.sofurryfiles.com/std/thumb?page=858577\u0026ext=.jpg","description":"This is a story I wrote that was published in the Gateway Fur Meet 2015 conbook.\nArt by CinnamonBone of FA and Weasyl","content":"\nSt. Louis wasn't big enough for the both of them.\nClyde, the world's first and only anthropomorphic Clydesdale\n(engineered by Anheuser-Busch during the final years of the Busch\nfamily's control of the company), had been generally secure in his\nposition as the unofficial ambassador for St. Louis. Kids came up to\nhim for hugs, people loved to take pictures with him, and he was\nfrequently called on to give commemorations at civic events and\ngraduations. Being a Clydesdale morph, he had the seventy-five year\nhistory of Clydesdale horses representing St. Louis to be proud of.\n\nHe enjoyed his de-facto position as the city's cultural ambassador.\nBut there was that OTHER morph to contend with....\nAs AB had created Clyde, the NFL had engineered Rambo. The bighorn\nsheep morph paraded himself in front of the halftime crowds at every\nRams game (always to cheers), and - according to rumor - courted\nhuman women as if he were the star quarterback himself. Older people\nand children paid more attention to Clyde, but young adults,\nparticularly financially lucrative young men, considered Rambo to be\nthe top representative of their city. Clyde preferred to showcase the\nmuseums, the Arch, Forest Park - he was all about cultivating an\nappreciation for the finer venues in the city. But Rambo was a party\nanimal and a VIP at practically every club in the metro area. He'd\nget drunk, get into fights, headbutt guys who tried to talk smack to\nhim. Though the attention he was drawing to St. Louis was, strictly\nspeaking, negative, it was still attention that was leading more\npeople to visit and move to the area. The mayor was considering\ngiving him an official title of \"St. Louis Ambassador,\" if he\nwould agree to tone down the worst of his shenanigans.\n\nThe more stories that came out in the Post Dispatch about Rambo's\nstunts, the angrier Clyde got. \"This morph thinks he's everything\nand a bale of hay,\" Clyde snorted as he reclined in his chair in\nhis home built especially for him on the grounds of Grant's Farm.\n\"Look at him making a fool of himself, and making a fool of St.\nLouis in the process! I cannot have this city be represented by this\nhoodlum!\" He reached a hoofed hand for the small basket of apples\non the table next to his chair, grabbed one, and munched away as he\nthought of how to disgrace the sheep.\nSimply writing about his displeasure at Rambo's antics to local\neditorials wouldn't be enough. He could be ignored, or mocked as\nbeing 'stuck-up.' A television interview where he candidly gave St.\nLouis his opinion of the ram? Only KETC would give him the time to\nmake his case thoroughly, and so many people didn't bother with\npublic television. Clyde wondered, \"What can I do. . . .\"\nThat was something he found out quickly.\nHis cell phone went off and jolted him to reality. He looked at the\nscreen to see an unfamiliar number. Curious, he picked it up. \"Hello,\nthis is Clyde S. Dale?\"\n\"Having fun watching your 'stories,' old man?\"\nClyde immediately sneered. He'd heard that voice on television. He\ncould practically hear Rambo's smug grin. \"You know, I was only\nengineered two years before you were. And we both have the physiques\nof fit young men.\"\n\"Ain't the point. You act like an old man, you think like an old\nman, you ARE an old man.\" The only thing worse about how offended\nClyde was getting, he thought to himself, was how aware Rambo must've\nbeen of that fact.\n\n\"What do you want?\" asked Clyde tersely.\nRambo's tone of voice became more serious. \"I wanna find out once\nand for all which of us should represent this city.\"\n\"I will not get physical with you, Rambo.\" Much as he secretly\nwanted to throw Rambo down by those horns of his, Clyde felt that a\nfighting match would be unbecoming of him.\nRambo laughed. \"I'm not talking a fight! We both know I'd knock\nyou out in five seconds.\" Clyde scowled as Rambo continued, \"I\nwanna have a dance-off.\"\n\". . . What?\" Clyde balked.\n\"Look, dude,\" said Rambo, \"everybody loves a good dancer. It's\nhalf of what gets put on Youtube nowadays. I'll have my people market\nit and I'll have every eye from Union to Belleville tuning in to see\nme strut.\"\nClyde was flabbergasted. A \"dance-off\" would certainly garner\nlots of attention but...he preferred to show what he felt was a more\ndignified demeanor to the public. \"You don't think that would be\nthe slightest bit ridiculous?\"\n\"I'll take that as a 'yes.' We're doing it in a month. Better get\nsome practice in, you're gonna need it!\"\nClyde couldn't get so much as a word in before he was hung up on.\n\n\nCould a silly dance battle really inspire the masses to watch? The\nonly person who would be surprised at that answer would've been\nClyde. Out of all the one-off events advertised throughout the St.\nLouis area, one that starred the local talking animals aroused\nparticular interest. Kids looked forward to seeing funny animals\ndoing cool stuff, Rambo's groupies showed solidarity, fans of Clyde\nwere curious as to why he would answer Rambo's challenge. 'Furries'\nworldwide were enraptured at the thought of seeing the creatures that\nwere their childhood fantasies gaining press.\n\nThere was so much interest that the dance-off was postponed for\nseveral months in order to make it an official event. The money was\npaid jointly by Clyde and Rambo's \"people\" to set it up as an\nevent in Forest Park, complete with a temporary stage built on the\nbottom of the park's Art Hill. Five judges, the best hip-hop dancers\nin the city, were recruited to make a definitive call on the winner.\nOn the night of the event thousands of people surrounded the stage\nand local and national news cameras rolled. There was a live Youtube\nfeed that had hundreds of thousands of viewers even before the stage\nlights came on. After the preshow the emcee came on stage and stated\nthe order the contestants would go out: first Rambo, then Clyde. Each\ncontestant would dance to the time of a single complete song.\n\nWhen the emcee left the stage, the lights dimmed for several\nminutes. The crowd, with people sitting on blankets, lawn chairs or\nstanding close to the front of the stage, murmured fiercely. There\nwas a general consensus that what was going on was very silly indeed\n- and yet for these special creatures, the spectators felt as if\nthey just had to watch their antics. If Mickey Mouse suddenly became\nreal and strolled down the street, who would be able to resist\nturning their heads to stare?\nSuddenly, a 'doooon!' was heard from the blacked out stage. A few\nmore seconds, and another 'doooon!' Colored lights flashed on to\nreveal a topless Rambo strutting his way to the center of the stage.\nA drumming hip-hop tune came on as he received raucous cheers from\nthe audience. He made it to center stage and started bouncing\nenergetically to the beat of the music. Suddenly Rambo adopted a\nsplayed stance and stayed still as the music came to a momentary\nlull. When it thundered back on full blast, he began alternating his\narms up and down in a staggered fashion while simultaneously\nperforming a motion with his hooves that approximated a Moonwalk at a\nstandstill. He sidestepped and jutted out his right hand while\nstaggering his left leg forward. This fighting stance suddenly\nmorphed into reaching forward with both arms while slowly bringing\nhimself to his knees. Then another musical lull came along. During\nthis Rambo turned back to the audience (who was cheering and flailing\naround in excitement) and gyrated his hips while waving his arms\npointed away from his body. He continued to mesmerize the crowd with\nhis cool moves and his muscular form, and when the song ended,\nstrolled off the stage with confidence.\n\nRambo walked off the stage and purposefully shoved his shoulder into\na waiting Clyde. Clyde glared; Rambo only gave him a sneer and a\nconfident smirk in response.\nSeveral minutes later: \"Alright, people, now it's time to see\nClyde bust some moves! Can he beat the bad boy Rambo? You're about to\nfind out!\"\nQuiet, and then a tune the crowd quickly recognized to be...country?\nThe audience snickered at the banjos duking it out on the speakers.\nWhisperings of Clyde's routine being \"lame\" broke out.\nThen lights. And Clyde center stage. And the banjos suddenly being\ncombined with a bass drop. Clyde got into the dubstep music in a way\nno one thought the normally reserved horse morph could. He performed\nwhat in decades past was called \"The Robot,\" fluidly stopping and\nstarting in a staggered pose, with his arms alternating, or reaching\naway from him, or trying to \"grab\" at the audience. He delicately\nbalanced on his hooves - an impressive feat without toes to keep\nhis body connected to the floor. As he moved the colored lights\ninterplayed with the strands of hair on his mane and tail to make him\npractically shimmer on the stage. He moved in sync with the waves of\nthe beat, becoming an embodiment of the music itself. When his time\nwas up, Clyde ended his routine with a \"spacewalk\" to the stage\nexit, to the clapping and cheers of the crowd.\n\nNow the judges convened to decide. Debates raged within the crowd as\nto who had the better routine, who deserved to win, even tangential\ndebates on the level of sentience Clyde and Rambo possessed. After a\nshort while, white lights flooded the stage and the contestants were\nsummoned. Clyde and Rambo stood next to each other, Clyde looking\nserious, Rambo looking cocky.\n\nThe emcee walked over to the area set aside for the judges' table.\nHe conferred with them for a moment, and then sprung back onto the\nstage.\n\"Alright! The two of you both had awesome routines. Let's show St.\nLouis' morphs some love!\" The crowed whopped in adoration, a\nmelding of the words \"Rambo!\" and \"Clyde!\" mixing in the air.\nBoth morphs had a surge of pride well up within them.\n\n\"You wanna know who the winner is?\" The crowd enthusiastically\nanswered the emcee. Rambo grinned, sure his name would be imminently\ncalled. Clyde had a blank expression, his attempt at coolness\nbetraying his inner worry.\n\"Well guess who won, guys? Both of them did!\"\n\"What?!\" exclaimed the both of them. From the crowd came a mix\nof confusion, shouts of approval, and a smattering of insults from\nthose fans who were firmly in one camp.\nAt the judges' table one judge grabbed a mic and explained, \"Guys,\nyou don't need to go around trying to prove which one of you is the\nbest. Do you realize what you are? You're freakin' talking animals!\nWe like rams...we like Clydesdales...we want both of you around just\nthe same! Isn't that right, everybody?\" Even the 'haters' came to\nagreement. The cheering made a clamor that left no doubt that both\nRambo and Clyde belonged to this city.\n\nRambo and Clyde stared incredulously at the audience, then at each\nother.\n\"Well,\" said Clyde at length, \"...maybe they're right. Maybe\nthis town IS big enough for the two of us.\" He gave Rambo a\ntentative smile.\nRambo eyed Clyde with a raised eyebrow. But if there was one thing\nhe enjoyed, it was positive attention from the masses. Despite the\nfact that half of the adulation of the audience was going towards his\n\"enemy\" he had to acknowledge that purely by nature of what he\nwas, no matter what he did, he would still be one of the most beloved\ncreatures in the city. In the nation. On Earth.His suspicion changed into cheekiness. \"It's still my world, but\nI'll let you live in it.\""}