{"sf1_id":907139,"sf2_id":null,"title":"Entropy - Chapter 1, Part 1","author":"Wayne","words":1590,"posted_at":"2015-09-06T04:53:00.000Z","tags":["Cougar","Drama","Male"],"url":"https://fse.anthro.fr/stories/907139-entropy-chapter-1-part-1","original_url":"https://sofurry.com/view/907139","image_url":"https://www.sofurryfiles.com/std/thumb?page=907139\u0026ext=.jpg","description":"","content":"CHAPTER 1, PART 1\n\n\"When's Mom\ngetting here, Dad?\"\n\nI massaged my\nforehead with my index finger and thumb, squeezing the skin between\nthe pads of my two fingers. Anticipating meeting my soon-to-be\nex-wife, Joan, at Bingo's for dinner. Dreading it. Waiting in my\ntruck with my son Chris. It's his 9th birthday today. He\nwanted one of those fancy video game consoles with the pixel graphics\non the TV. He wasn't spoiled, he just didn't want to deal with his\nbullies from school at the arcade. He's a good kid. Patient. More\npatience than his parents could ever show towards one another. Kind\nof kid that'd give good lessons in humility to his own parents, if\nthey weren't so goddamn stubborn.\n\nFucking hell. Great\nfucking going as a dad, Wayne.\n\nI grimaced at that\nwhole fact. Arguing and arguing and arguing. I promised him I'd never\nbeat my son, like my own dad did. But was it really any better for\nthe kid to come home from school to see his parents fighting over the\ndumbest shit? Trash doesn't get taken out for a day, she flips out. I\ntry to cool her down, she flips out. Then I flip out. Only took a\nweek to go from sleeping on the couch to sleeping in my truck. Just a\nyear back out of military service and my wife went from missing me\nbeing away to missing me because I wasn't away. Because she was busy\nfucking every other man in town and needed me out of the house, have\nher intimate time with the neighbor. Wouldn't be surprised if the kid\nended up having issues of his own, just by seeing and hearing it all.\n\nI am a fucking\ncuckold.\n\nMy eyelids were\ndrooping like grey bags, sunk from weeks of insomnia and frustration.\nIt's like I knew how they looked merely by how they felt. Having a\nfew shots of whiskey each night wasn't helping either. Just made me\nangrier at my family, which in turn made them scared of me, and thus\na vicious cycle was born. Yeah... no wonder why things fell apart. It\nwas the damn drink. That's why dad was a raging maniac. Fuck... I\nknew I was already turning into my dad. Like father, like son, as the\nold saying goes. Stupefyingly painful in hindsight.\n\nI adjusted the\nrearview mirror to look at myself. Hard to believe I was only 27.\nThose frown marks were already turning into wrinkles. Or maybe the\nlack of sleep was just making me see things. Maybe I should go to the\npharmacy, get a refill of my Thorazine. Either way, reflections are\nreflections. They make you see what you look like, for better or for\nworse. But sometimes you question if what you're seeing is what\nyou're really seeing.\n\nI sighed as I rested\nmy arm and forehead on the steering wheel Looking down at the tip of\nmy tail below me. Watch that fucker dance from one side to the other,\nback and forth. Hard to notice... I always did that with my tail when\nI wasn't happy. When I was losing my patience. Sick of waiting. I\nnoticed he was still wearing my work boots. The leather was getting\nworn out and it was still slathered in mud from working in the\nconstruction site in the middle of a rainshower. The entire bottom\narea in front of the driver's seat, the pedals, the mat. All covered\nin mud. More shit for Joan to go on another fit of hysteria about.\n\nI could hear her\nalready. \"Clean your goddamn shoes, Wayne! I wish my man wasn't\nsuch a slob and looked after himself!\" Likely after she left a\nbunch of trash on the table. Or her tampons when she's on the rag.\n\"You're the man of the house, Wayne! Clean it up!\"\n\nI cringed at how she\nsounded just like my mom. Screaming at me with her fits of hysteria\nwhile sitting around doing nothing. Expecting me to do everything for\nher like she was some sort of goddamn queen. And this was someone who\nwas so bubbly, fun to be around with as a teenage girl when we first\nmet in high school. Wanting to be with her \"bad boy\" she saw in\nme. What the hell was with certain women and their attraction to\nteenage delinquents? What the hell's so attractive about stealing\nshit, getting into fights, smoking meth and drinking in the back\nalleys once school was over? She was just setting herself up for\ndisappointment, and that's what she got with her romanticization of\nthe so-called bad boys in the movies. She got me, and she got her big\nfantasy crushed.\n\nShe failed to\nrealize just how her \"bad boy\" needed to serve some time in the\nmilitary instead of behind bars.\n\nNow she's been\nfucking every man in town because of her abandonment complex around\nme. Won't forgive me for being in the military. For being away. What\nwas she expecting, the two of us to ride off into the sunset, escape\nsociety and leave happily ever after? The naive bitch.\n\nIt's amazing how\nsomeone who came off as truly caring for me ended up becoming such a\ncrazy bitch.\n\nShe was a crazy,\nnaive bitch. But I was a crazy, naive asshole. Should have just gone\nmy own way. Be a bachelor. Live the single life. But then I knocked\nher up and she had Chris. Right as Mom died and Dad killed himself.\nRight as my sister Diane moved out with her own boyfriend. Just as I\nlet my brother Kenny starve to death because I was just so fucking\nsick of everything and couldn't even take care of myself, I just\nfucking hated it all. Then again, maybe it was the better option.\nThere was no way Kenny would have been able to handle adult life. He\nwas mentally handicapped. He would have just been put in an\ninstitution to live like a caged animal until he died. Was probably\nbetter he died when he did, but did he really have to starve to\ndeath? The way I let him go out... could still see how skinny he got,\nhis ribs showing from under his skin. How I let him starve. That shit\nwill be haunting me till the day I die.\n\nShould I really\nblame myself for seeing an escape in Joan? Maybe I believed the same\nas her, only to get disappointed myself. Maybe I'm just projecting my\nown insecurities onto her. We both are.\n\n\"Dad?\"\n\nChris... he's only\n9. He just turned 9. Why did he have to be born into this? Why isn't\nhe fucked up like his parents? Why's he still going about things like\nit's usual business? Why's he still such a cheery kid? Why's he so\nresilient?\n\nWhy wasn't I so\nresilient as him when I was a kid? Fuck, I'm projecting again.\n\n\"DAD!\" shouted\nChris.\n\nI jumped in my seat,\nstartled by my son's shouting.\n\n\"Are you okay?\"\nhe asked.\n\n\"Yeah yeah yeah...\nperfectly fine,\" I responded, stammering with my answer.\n\n\"When's mom\ngetting here, Dad?\" asked Chris.\n\n\"When she's...\"\n\nI paused. Makes me\nso angry thinking about her.\n\n\"When she's here,\"\nI responded.\n\nOkay, good enough\nanswer.\n\n\"No, Dad. I mean,\nas in minutes? Hours?\"\n\n\"I DON'T FUCKING\nKNOW, CHRIS!!!\" I swore at him, shouting.\n\nChris recoiled in\nterror. I could see it in his face. I never did this before. I never\nshouted at him like this. Oh my fucking god. Why did I do that?\n\n\"I-I-I'm... I'm\nreally...\"\n\nStammering in my\napologizing cost me my apology to Chris, as someone then started\nknocking on the window of my truck. It was Joan. Jesus fucking\nChrist, her makeup. She looked even worse than when I last saw her.\nHer growing gut was starting to droop down from her waistless\nneon-green tank top. She wore those ugly hula-hoop earrings. The way\nshe drew her eyebrows like arches and the neon colors she used for\nher eye shadow and lipstick made her look like some sort of\npostmodern circus clown. Her blonde hair was wild and unkempt like\nsome sort of mad scientist, but instead was a 20-something year old\nmother having a crisis in life. She looked like she could barely walk\non those platform heels.\n\nShe looked like one\nof those teen pop idols that started doing smack and banging every\nproducer in the music industry as soon as they hit their 20s.\n\nShe looked like a\nwalking petri dish, as if I could get an STD just by looking at her.\n\nJust a week ago when\nI last saw her, I thought she couldn't dip any lower, and she did.\nShe's obviously started smoking some bad shit. Amazing what\ndifference a week can make. Just a single fucking week is all it took\nfor my wife to jump lightspeed into looking like some sort of\ncave-dwelling ogre like she acted.\n\nThis fucking\ncreature is not my wife. This is not the happy teenage girl that I\nfell in love with in high school, that helped me through the worst\npart of my life thus far. I will never sleep with that trashy fucking\ncow ever again.\n\nJust gotta stay\ncalm... have a burger and fries at Bingo's with Chris. It's his\nbirthday. He's 9 now. This is for his own sake.\n\nWhat did he do to\ndeserve this?\n\nWhat the fuck did I\ndo to deserve this?"}